


Love Alone Is Worth The Fight

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Action & Romance, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo is a Mess, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Dorks in Love, Drama & Romance, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fate & Destiny, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Gray Force User(s), Gray Jedi, Gray Jedi Kylo Ren, Gray Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Kylo Ren Redemption, Loss of Virginity, Overprotective, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Red String of Fate, Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption, Rey Needs A Hug, Rey Palpatine, Rey Solo, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Screw Destiny, Soft Ben Solo, Soul Bond, Soulmates, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:00:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 112,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21998602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ben Solo had already accepted his fate as he held Rey's lifeless body in his arms after Palpatine's defeat on Exegol. He decided to bring back the one he loved by giving her his own life; he would die so that she could live. But what happens when destiny decides to switch gears?Perhaps the will of the force has other plans for Ben Solo and his redemption.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 177
Kudos: 469
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics, The Rise of Skywalker: Fix-It Fic Edition





	1. Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo lives and Rey is weary from battle. Both find comfort in each other as they physically heal.

Finn glanced above him; staring through the canopy of trees while making his way towards the base camp. There were a lot of ships still coming in, and he wasn't sure which one Rey would even be on...if she even was on any of them. No; he wasn't about to think of the worst-case scenario right now. 

It wasn't until he reached the base camp that he felt a tug in his chest. 

It was Rey. It had to be, but something was off. She wasn’t alone.

Finn moved swiftly through the crowd of victorious rebels and their allies, scanning every area for Rey. He picked up the pace and shifted into a run without really taking notice of his surroundings. Rey was here; he could feel it. For a brief moment, he could tell where she was. Upon shifting direction, he nearly smacked directly into Poe himself.

“Whoa, watch out there!” Poe placed his hands firmly on Finn’s shoulders and flashed a look of concern. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

“Sorry. It’s just been hectic since we got back.”

“Where are you going? You look worried as hell.”

“It’s Rey. She’s back.”

“When?”

“Now! Just now.” Finn was peering anxiously over Poe’s shoulder.

Poe turned and scanned the crowd and sarcastically glanced back at Finn. “What are you talking about? I don’t see her anywhere.”

“No, I mean I feel her.”

“What?”

“It’s just a feeling okay?”

“A _feeling_?”

“Ugh, never mind. We need to find her. She’s not alone…” Finn promptly pushed past Poe.

“Not alone?” Poe threw his arms to the wind, feeling out of the loop yet again. Regardless, he followed Finn closely behind. They made their way through the crowded camp, searching in every spot a rebel ship had landed while scanning the multitudes. Poe decided to follow Finn’s lead when it came to direction, even though he did not fully understand what was happening with him.

Finally, Finn spotted her slowly drifting through the horde of people. She looked like she was struggling, and just as Finn had guessed, she was not alone.

“There she is!” Finn pointed onward. “Come on, Poe! I think she needs help!”

“Right!” Poe nodded and the two swiftly cut through the crowd.

As Finn moved closer, he had gotten a better look at Rey. Her clothes were dirty and torn, and her face was smudged with dirt and blood. She was in complete disarray, but that wasn’t what shocked him. They did just come back from a battle after all. No, what really surprised him was who she had brought with.

A man nearly twice her size with dark hair, wearing all black, struggled to walk beside her. He was hunched over and limping, with Rey trying to carry most of his weight. And something felt off about him. It was not so much a bad feeling; it was more of a mixed familiar type of feeling.

“Rey!” Finn called to her as he raced to her side. Rey glanced up and met his eyes as he hurried over to her.

“Finn!” Her face lit up as she felt relief wash over her. He was alright; thank the stars. It was such a relief to see a familiar face; especially his. She grunted as she remembered that she was attempting to hold up another person as best as she could, and her relieved smile was replaced with worry once more. Finn and Poe had made it to Rey’s side, and Poe’s gazed immediately fell on the strange outsider.

“Rey, are you alright? What happened…?” Poe trailed off as the man Rey was with slightly raised his head, revealing his face. Poe urgently turned to Finn, who was staring solidly back at the man and his all too familiar face.

Kylo Ren.

“Is that…?” Poe continued to look at Finn, and then back at Kylo Ren, with a look of panic spreading across his face. He waited for a response from Finn but didn’t get one as quickly as anticipated.

Finn did not respond right away; quite frankly due to not knowing how to respond. Was this for real?

Finn glanced at Rey, still unsure of what to say, or even ask. The strangest thing about the whole situation wasn’t even that Kylo Ren was standing there, barely being held up by Rey.

No; Finn didn’t sense Kylo Ren at all when he approached the two. He still didn’t, even though it was clearly Kylo Ren standing in front of him. The man that caused so much trouble and pain to him, Rey, and the whole cause in general. The man who killed Han Solo right in front of them.

So then why, and how for that matter, was Finn feeling something completely different from him now?

“Okay, if nobody else is going to address the big ass bantha in the room, I will.” Poe turned to Rey. “Why is he here?” he unhappily pointed to Rey’s surprise guest.

“Rey…what’s going on?” Finn asked carefully.

“I can explain,” Rey responded, still struggling to hold both her and Ben steady.

“Oh, I really hope so!” Poe had his hand on his blaster handle, ready to use it if needed.

Rey gave him a stern, but desperate look. “Could you please not make a scene right now? This isn’t exactly a good time for that!”

“Yeah, well, it isn’t exactly a good time to bring a well-known enemy of ours onto our base camp either!” Poe snapped back.

"Not many people have seen his actual face, Poe. Stop making a scene...!" Rey whispered harshly.

Finn gently rested his hand on Poe’s shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze. “She's got a point, Poe. Just calm down.”

Poe only stared back at Finn, his mouth agape in disbelief. “Do you not _see_ who’s in front of us?”

“How about you just trust me?” Rey spat back before looking desperately at Finn for some backup. “I need help.” She bit her bottom lip and Finn could clearly see she was trying to hold back tears. She was trying to keep herself together again, despite hurting.

“Please…” Her voice was shaking. “He’s barely conscious.”

“Okay, okay…” Finn sighed and Poe slowly took his hand off the blaster. “Try to calm down.”

Finn didn’t exactly understand what was happening, but he wanted to help Rey in any way that he could. He did trust her; now and always. Finn went to Ben’s opposite side and draped Ben’s free arm over his shoulders, making it easier to hold him up. Finn glanced at Poe and made a motion for him to go over to Rey’s side.

“Poe, you take his other side. Rey isn’t at her strongest right now. She needs a break.”

Poe exhaled through his nose, aggravated and confused, but reluctantly walked over to Rey and relieved her. He draped Ben’s other arm over his shoulders.

“Okay so now we’re helping Kylo Ren. This makes a lot of sense.” He muttered sarcastically.

“Please just trust me.” Rey sighed.

A small grunt came from Ben, prompting the trio to turn all attention to him.

Rey’s chest heaved with both worry and relief as she went to him. She crouched down and gently put her hands to his jaw and lifted his face to hers. He looked back at her with tired and listless eyes. His skin was pale and clammy, and his life force felt very weak.

He was there, but barely.

“Everything is going to be alright…I promise.” Rey spoke gently as she pressed her forehead against Ben’s.

“Alright…” he whispered softly back.

"I'm here...okay?"

"I know..."

"You stay with me, okay?" 

"Rey I'm so--"

"Stop that now..." Rey softly hushed him. "Stop talking...save your energy..."

Poe and Finn only glanced over at one another, confused as ever.

 _“What the FUCK is going on?”_ Poe mouthed to Finn.

 _“I have no idea...?_ " Finn mouthed back.

Ben raised his head slightly, his eyes darting up at Poe.

“And it’s Ben Solo, fucking flyboy.”

“Ben!” Rey reprimanded him. It was the wrong time and place for this, but he always seemed like he had to get the last word in.

Finn raised his eyebrows at Poe and almost wanted to laugh at that small remark alone. Poe only shot a dirty look back at Finn before securing Ben’s arm around his shoulders rather forcefully. This caused Ben to grunt aloud in pain.

“Ahhhgg!!”

And the same was true for Poe.

“Poe!” Rey shot him a look as well. What was it with men?

Poe only rolled his eyes. “Alright _Ben Solo_ , let’s get to the med bay. And that’s General Dameron, to you.”

Finn and Poe assisted Ben to the medical bay as Rey followed closely behind. Finn glanced down at the man who was once called Kylo Ren. He really didn’t feel the same or even looked the same, if that even made sense. Everything seemed different this time; even Rey seemed different.

As they reached the medical bay, Ben’s legs gave out and he stumbled. It took Poe and Finn holding him tightly to prevent him from falling to the ground.

“Ben!” Rey hurried to Ben’s side, crouched down again, and lifted his head up. She lightly tapped his cheeks, trying to keep him from passing out again. “Ben? Come on, Ben!”

“Rey, stop!” Poe urged. “He’s going in and out of consciousness. It can’t be helped.”

Rey stood up saw a medical droid standing outside of the med bay. Poe put his fingers to his lips and whistled loudly, catching the attention of the droid. “Hey, droid! This man needs medical attention right now! He’s unconscious and his breathing is slowing by the minute!”

Poe and Finn helped Ben into the med bay as a couple of medical droids swiftly brought a stretcher over. Poe scanned the medical bay. It was busy, as he expected. So many were injured during the recent battle. Everyone was too busy worrying about the injured and had not noticed a strange man, a known enemy, was in their midst…and hopefully, nobody _would_ notice. He turned back to see the droids taking him away, most likely to the intensive care wing. Rey followed swiftly behind, determined not to leave the boy’s side. Before she could go any further, Finn swiftly grabbed her hand and stopped her, pulling her back to him.

“Finn, stop! Let go!”

“Rey, you need to let the med droids work.”

“I need to be with him!” she frantically looked back at Ben being carried away into another wing. “Finn!”

“Rey, you have got to try to calm down. You really don’t look so good yourself. You need medical attention too, you know!”

“I’m fine…!”

“You don’t look fine to me.”

“Well, I am. I could be a lot worse right now… You have no idea…!” her voice cracked a bit as she left her last thought incomplete. Finn only looked at her, and then right back in the direction that the droids had taken Ben Solo. He hated seeing her like this, and he didn’t know what to do to make things any better. He wasn’t even completely sure what was going on with her anymore.

“Rey…do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

A brief silence fell among the two, despite the chaos around them.

“I do. I really do. It’s just…such a long story.” Rey sighed and her expression softened towards Finn. “I can’t explain it all now; all I can tell you is that he saved my life. He helped save many lives actually…”

“Saved your…?” Finn trailed off and tried to focus on the task at hand.

Alright…” he sighed, trying to take it all in. More than anything, he wanted to understand, but he knew it wasn’t the best time to ask for full explanations.

“Okay, well in order for Ben to get better, you need to get better first. Do you understand?”

“Finn…”

“Rey, please. Don’t argue with me about this. Please see a medic first.”

Rey paused for a moment, ready to continue arguing, but quickly realized it just wasn’t worth it. “Alright.” Rey sighed reluctantly. “They can take a look, but I’m telling you that I’m fine!”

“I just need to know for sure, okay? Do this for me?”

Rey pursed her lips and nodded. “Yes. Alright.”

“Thank you.”

Rey stepped forward and locked her arms around the boy’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. He returned the hug, and they lingered in it for a moment. When they separated, Finn caught Rey wiping a stray tear from her eye with the back of her hand.

“I do want to tell you everything. And I will…in time. I just need time.” She spoke softly. “Deal?”

“…Deal.”

* * *

Rey followed a medical droid to the sickbay to be examined, along with others who seemingly had more minor injuries. People with worse injuries would be going into the wing that Ben had been carried off to. Finn and Poe had left to attend to other matters on the base. The medical droid did a thorough examination of Rey, but there was nothing seriously wrong with her; only a few scrapes and bruises externally. Rey could only thank Ben for that, who had saved her from death by giving her an immense amount of his life force.

All of it, she had thought. 

As she sat on the cold table while the droids prodded at her and bandaged her up, she couldn’t help but think of Ben, and how she only wanted to be at his side. She still felt his presence, which was good, but he still needed her. He was still extremely weak.

After her time with the med droid was complete, she quickly hurried to the intensive care wing where Ben was being kept. She was stopped by some more medical droids and was told that she couldn’t enter the area yet due to the patient being medically unstable.

Dirty and exhausted, she begrudgingly sat outside of the intensive care wing. All she could really do at the time was wait; so, wait she would. At least things weren’t as bad as when they first got to the base. Rey wasn’t sure if Ben was even going to make it the whole trip back to the rebel base. Ben had brought her back and they had shared that intense kiss, but Ben had collapsed shortly after. She remembered it all very clearly. Rey had feared the worst for some seconds before realizing that Ben was still with her, he just felt extremely weak and barely hanging on. It took a moment with all of the chaos they had just endured to find her bearings. She remembered looking up as the battle raged on above them, with the rebel fleet driving what was left of the so-called Final Order into complete stardust. They had finally won...

* * *

_As the ruins of the sith temple began to crumble around her, she desperately glanced back down at Ben Solo. She leaned over him, shaking him by the shoulders as hard as she could._

_“Ben? Ben, talk to me…!”_

_A faint murmur escaped the boy’s lips as he weakly opened his eyes halfway._

_“Rey…”_

_He sounded so faint._

_“Stay with me…” she gently put a hand to his cheek._

_“What are you still doing here...!" Ben hissed aloud in pain. "...You have to go...now...!”_

_“Not without you.”_

_“Get going now, stupid girl...!” Ben managed to muster up some authority behind his voice, but it was short-lived._

_Rey shot him a look of pure worry mixed with agitation. A look that asked why he was even attempting to argue with her at a time like this._

_“I’m not leaving you! Not again!" Rey placed her hands on his chest, trying to channel some force healing, but was still weak to do so. "This is not up for argument!”_

_Ben paused, looking up into her eyes. He couldn’t stop her even if he wanted to. She was stubborn like that; they both were._

_“Okay..."_

_“Can you get up?” Rey grabbed Ben’s arm and bent down, looping it over her shoulders. She helped him sit up, but even that seemed to take a lot out of him. “Come on. I got you…”_

_Rey worked to get Ben to his feet. Even though Ben had healed her she was still recovering from the trauma of it all. She couldn’t even use the force as much as she would have liked to, that much was clear now. She did use what she could to help Ben get to his feet, but the rest was going to have to be physical effort. A muffled groan came from him as he got to his feet, and Rey saw that he was attempting to put all of his weight onto one leg. He glanced down at Rey as she helped hold him up._

_“What’s wrong? Your leg?” she asked._

_“It might be broken. I don’t know.” He panted heavily and winced, clearly trying to hold back that he was in a lot of pain._

_“It’s okay. I got you.” Rey looked at him reassuringly as he nodded back._

_“I know.” He whispered as he smiled softly at her once again._

_Rey’s heart raced as she stared back at Ben Solo. She was not ready to let him go._

_She wanted to keep seeing that smile. She wanted to hold his hand again and be close to him without any chaos around them. She wanted to kiss him again…and again and again. She couldn’t very well do that if they couldn’t find a way out of there, so it was no time to dilly-dally._

_Rey scanned the room, looking for a swift and possibly safe exit when she eyed a spot in the stone wall a few feet away. The wall had an unusually large crack in it. It was probably damaged after the battle with Palpatine, so the wall already looked pretty weakened. She slowly walked over to the wall while trying to keep a weakened and limping Ben on his feet. She held up her hand and took a deep breath before swiftly closing her fist. As she did, the wall in front of her crumbled and fell, providing an opening for the two to escape._

* * *

Rey let out a shaky exhale. She still couldn't believe they both had made it out of there. The trip back had been difficult as well. Ben was constantly going in and out of consciousness, and Rey was afraid that he used too much energy just escaping with her. At one point she barely sensed him at all and had feared the worst; but when she had a chance to turn around and look at him, she saw that he was still breathing.

As Rey sat outside of the intensive care wing, she started to feel his presence getting slightly more vibrant, and it helped her fears lessen just a little bit. Despite that, she wasn't sure what was going to happen. Everything had been a stroke of good luck up until now; at least that's what Rey kept trying to process over and over again in her mind anyway...

An hour passed as Rey continued to wait, and finally, several medical droids exited the room. Rey jumped to her feet immediately.

“So?” Rey swiftly walked up to a medical droid that was entering some things onto a screen outside of the unit. “How is he?”

The droid turned to Rey. “You brought the Solo boy in, correct?”

Rey nodded, eagerly awaiting a diagnosis.

“He was in critical condition when you brought him in. We were certain that he would not make it through the surgery.” The droid scrolled through the notes on the screen. “He had some internal injuries…left leg broken in several places…Hmm…”

“Yes…?”

“You see, at one point his body seemed to gradually begin to, how do I put this, ‘repair’ itself. I am not sure what is causing it or how, as we have not seen anything like this before and it is currently not in our programming. Despite this, with our treatments and this steady regeneration his body is going through, he should be fully recovered within 48 to 72 hours. Again, it is like nothing I have seen before, and I have repaired many lifeforms of various types.”

Rey closed her eyes and smiled, feeling tears well up in her eyes.

He was okay. He was alive. They both were.

“May I ask what ‘rey’ is?”

“What?” Rey looked back up at the medical droid.

“Rey; a word the patient would repeatedly say under his breath during the procedure. Whenever we would respond back, he would only repeat it. Rey.”

“That’s, um…that’s me. I’m Rey.” Rey nervously tucked some hair that fell loose earlier back behind her ear.

“I see.” The medic droid turned back to the screen. “His willpower is very strong. It is very possible that his longing to see you again is helping him stay alive. It is not uncommon for a living thing to use willpower to assist in the recovery of the body. It is a form of the body’s fight or flight response.”

Rey felt her cheeks warm up as she glanced at the doorway going to the IC wing. He wanted to see her...?

“Is everything alright?” the medical droid spoke up, snapping Rey out of her thoughts.

“Oh, yes, I’m fine.”

“Your face is flushed. Are you sure?”

She _was_ blushing. Kriff…

“I…when can I see him?” Rey changed the subject.

“You may go in now. But please do not wake him. His body needs to rest. If you need anything there is a button on the side of the bed. A medical droid will come in if the patient requires further assistance. That is all.”

Rey quickly made her way past the droid and into the wing. She was directed to go to the back of the wing to the last room. She swiftly headed there and made her way to the room where Ben was supposed to be. She paused briefly at the door and took a small breath before stepping inside. Rey peered across the room. It was small, as the whole med bay was makeshift simply for the base and had limited space to begin with; but there he was. Ben was lying in a bed in the corner of the room, softly snoozing away. He had a needle in his arm pumping fluids throughout his body and wires stuck to his chest monitoring his vitals and heart.

Rey walked slowly over to him and began to get a better look. They had to cut his shirt off to get to him. His face was bruised and scraped. His hair was matted from sweat, dirt, and blood.

But he was lying there alive.

Alive and getting better with each breath he took.

Relief washed over Rey as she finally let the tears flow. 

They were both alive and it was finally over.

She stopped near Ben’s bed and put a hand to her mouth as she crouched down, close to the floor. She let out a few silent sobs as tears flowed down her cheeks, gasping every few seconds or so for a good breath of air. After a few silent moments, she was able to get her bearings again. She wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand and let out a shaky exhale. It was time to pull herself together now.

She rose to her feet once more and finished walking over to Ben. She stood at the side of his bed for a few more silent moments, just gazing down at him as his chest gently moved up at down as he drew each gentle breath. His lips were parted as he slept soundly. He looked so peaceful, but what made Rey feel even better was that Ben felt at peace, and for that she was grateful. She leaned over him and gently ran a hand through his hair, and then down the side of his face.

She really didn’t care to be anywhere else at that moment. She could report back at any time. As far as anything else was concerned, the war was over, and she only wanted to be by Ben’s side as he recovered. She quietly slipped out of her shoes and climbed into the bed, right next to Ben Solo. She turned on her side to face him and silently watched him as he slept.

“Ben…” she spoke softly. “Thank you.”

* * *

_“Mom…!”_

Ben opened his eyes and let out a sharp exhale as he shot up.

There was a white ceiling, and something was buzzing…beeping?

He felt so hazy. Where was he? So many images flooded his mind; from First Order ship interiors to his childhood home on Chandrila.

He kept hearing something beeping, and it was getting louder. He turned his head to see that the beeping was coming from a machine, and pretty rapidly.

Heart monitor. He glanced down and put a hand to his wired-up chest as it heaved up and down. There was a needle in his arm. He turned his head to the opposite side and saw her. Rey was lying close to him and sleeping soundly, even snoring a bit. He sighed heavily, relieved to see her, and the beeping on the monitor gradually slowed. The haze was beginning to clear as he continued to wake himself out of his deep slumber. He glanced around the room and realized that he was in a med bay unit. His head hit the pillow and he exhaled again as he stared up at the white ceiling.

He was alive.

He thought for sure he would have died on Exegol after the battle with Palpatine.

And there was Rey…

Ben had already accepted his fate as he clutched Rey’s lifeless body back on the floor of the sith temple. He already made the decision to give her his own life so that she could continue to live. But he didn’t die. He was very much alive and feeling stronger by the minute. He didn’t even remember how he got here. Rey must have somehow gotten him here; he did remember her practically carrying him out of that temple. Everything after that was pretty fuzzy.

He had been dreaming too. He saw his parents. He talked to his mother; she even hugged him. He felt it and everything. She told him so many things, and he wished so much he could remember them all. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw tightly as he felt the sting of some stray tears run down his cheek. He sat in silence for a moment and let the tears flow. After a few minutes, he sniffled, wiped the tears away, and looked back up at the ceiling. His mother was gone; and though he still felt her presence in a different kind of way, it was still hard to accept that she wasn’t physically there anymore. It was such an intense dream...

When he saw her, he cried to her, asking to forgive him for leaving her alone like that. For everything…

Leia Organa. Anyone who knew her back then knew how soft she was towards her boy; her only child. Nothing had changed. Whether Ben was six years old or twenty-nine; it didn’t seem to matter. Leia always saw the good in him and never stopped loving him.

Ben shifted his gaze back to Rey, who still slept softly beside him. He should be dead, but he wasn’t. He was very much alive with Rey right beside him. He kept his eyes on her for a moment, studying her face. She was dirty. She had dried blood flecked on her forehead. She had a few bruises and scrapes also...

He looked closer. Her eyes were red and a little swollen...she had been crying.

Ben wanted to know how this had happened. How did they both manage to survive? As much as he wanted to figure out an explanation, he also knew that sometimes things just happened that couldn’t be explained. As long as Rey was safe and well, he didn’t care either way. 

Rey began to stir in her sleep. Ben said nothing, he only continued to watch her silently. Her eyes eventually fluttered open, and she saw Ben softly staring back at her. They said nothing at first. They only wanted to enjoy one another’s presence and the revered silence shared among them.

Rey had forgotten what a truly peaceful atmosphere had felt like. And this; it was pure relief. It was a moment of rest. And after what seemed like a long time in silence, Rey finally spoke.

“Ben…” her voice cracked as she felt another stray tear run down her face.

She was crying again. Damn it.

She hastily tried to wipe her eyes, but Ben had already put his hand to her cheek, gently sweeping his thumb under her eye and catching her tears. She looked at him with nothing but immense longing.

“Come here.” He whispered.

Rey nodded and inched closer, closing any space that was left between them.

“No more tears.” He leaned in and gently held her face in his hands as he kissed her forehead tenderly. “I don’t like it when you cry.”

Rey did not hesitate this time. She cradled his face in her hands and pulled his lips to hers, kissing him in the same manner as before on Exegol. Ben gave into her and immediately pulled her in closer as he pushed his mouth gently into hers, deepening the kiss.

She felt so warm.

He tasted so sweet.

They lingered on that kiss for some moments before reluctantly separating. Rey looked at Ben, who gave her a look of both love and longing. She felt the same way, but there was no need to say it aloud; not right now anyway. Ben put his forehead to Rey’s as she continued to cradle his face in her hands. Her heart seemed to be racing, and it was much harder to slow it down today. Emotions were high on both ends, but it didn’t even matter now. Ben still had his forehead resting against hers, and she heard a small hitch in his breathing.

“Ben?” she placed one hand gently on his chest.

“Hm?”

“What’s wrong? Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine. I just want to kiss you again.” Ben murmured.

Rey felt her cheeks tingle and warm up once again. Ben, even when he was Kylo Ren, was never afraid of being forward. Rey had done a pretty decent job of avoiding Kylo Ren, even when she saw the parts of Ben Solo shining through, and even considered giving in sometimes. But she stood her ground the best she could. Now she knew that it was always for the best. They needed to be apart. She decided long ago that she was no good to him if she had decided to surrender to him back then. It didn’t feel right. Rey’s hand still rested gently upon Ben Solo’s chest. Her fingertips pressed against his warm skin, bypassing the tangle of wires stuck to his chest. She felt him breathing steadily, whereas it felt ragged before. She felt the warmth of his skin against hers. Maker, she could stay like this forever.

He wanted to kiss her again.

Rey lifted her head and looked at him, getting lost in his gaze again. Even bedbound in a medical bay bed, he had never looked more attractive to her. She closed her eyes and parted her lips slightly.

“Then do it…” she whispered.

Ben did not hesitate; he craned his neck as he cupped her face with his hand. He pressed his mouth to hers once again, parting his lips a little this time. Their mouths moved in unison together, with each kiss releasing more passion than the next. Rey found herself sighing aloud as Ben tilted her head back and kissed her in a way that she had never been kissed before in her life…and she had not kissed many people, either.

It was long and sultry.

Breathy and hot.

Messy…and immensely sensual. 

“Ben…” Rey let his name escape her lips as they continued to kiss. He felt weak at the knees at the sound of it coming from her lips. The way she said his name with such longing…

Riding on another surge of intensity and passion, Rey kissed him again with such force that it was almost as if they were battling each other again. It wasn’t fueled by anger or power, but passion, immense love, and desire. Ben slid his hand down to the small of her back, where he brought her to him, their bodies now entangled. He wanted absolutely no space between them right now, as that was purely unacceptable in his eyes. As Rey continued to enrapture the boy and his wet, hot mouth, she had felt him wince slightly. She had been so caught up in their private session together, got a bit rough, and bit the boy’s lower lip; slightly by accident. He let out a small grunt, and a slightly abashed Rey pulled back to apologize. He didn’t seem to care about any of that; in fact, it was as if it made him even more worked up than before. He stared back at her with a look of pure hunger before he pulled her back into him and kissed her again.

The kissing had clearly gone into another direction, but the two decided to just go with it since neither of them tried to stop the other. They went at it only for another moment or two. Rey began to hear a painful hitch in Ben’s breath between kisses and even began to feel slight pain coming from Ben himself. Not only that, but the monitors that Ben was hooked up to had begun to go a little crazy, and Rey had to rip herself away from her sweet, yet insatiable prince.

“Ben…” she let out a breathy sigh as she pulled away from him. “Ben…we have to stop now.” 

Ben kept holding her close to him as his chest heaved heavily up and down.

“Ben?”

“I don’t want to…” he was breathless, but still tried to move in for another kiss. Rey put her hand to his face, gently stopping him from moving any further.

“You have to. You’re still in a lot of pain and you should be resting.” She started to feel guilty for not stopping their little session earlier. The two had gotten too caught up in a passionate moment.

“I’m not in pain.” Ben’s words were muffled behind Rey’s hand.

“Don’t you lie to me! I can clearly feel the pain coming from you! Do you want to have a stroke or something? Calm down or a medical droid will be coming back in here to poke and prod at you again. Do you want that?”

“I don’t care, honestly…” Ben chuckled at Rey scolding him and smiled at her.

Rey took a deep breath in and exhaled sharply from her nose. Stubborn ass! She looked back at him, his eyes only following hers with every movement she made. Finally, she just shrugged and slowly sat up in bed.

“You know if that does happen that I’ll have to leave you again, right?”

Ben’s demeanor shifted, and his eyes went from looking playful to heavily earnest. “Is that so?” 

“Oh yes.” Rey nodded as she sat at the edge of the bed. “They’ll kick me out.”

Rey heard the heart monitor gradually slowing over the last few moments of conversation she had kept Ben in. She needed him to calm down in order for him to get well. She had not heard another response from him, so she took it a step further and placed her hand on the bed railing, pretending that she was about to get up from the bed. Ben immediately shot his hand forward and grabbed her forearm. He grabbed at her a little forcefully at first but softened his grip significantly after a couple of seconds.

“Alright, alright…” Ben relented. “Just…don't go yet…please?”

“I’m not going anywhere." Rey sighed as she laid back down beside him. "...I was only bluffing.”

“How was I supposed to know? You never bluff…”

“Hush…” Rey pushed some hair out of Ben’s face and fell back into his gaze.

He had pretty eyes. They were dark brown, beautiful, and captivating. They also looked mysterious at times, and she had seen the pain in them too. Right now they were brighter and actually had some life to them. It was something that was so hard to see in him before. Ben pressed his forehead to hers as they both closed their eyes. They laid in silence, trying to find their center; their peace. It was a refreshing feeling for both, and Ben even began to feel a faint, but steady flow of energy inside of him.

“There you go. Just like that.” Rey whispered.

Ben felt his cheeks burn slightly at her choice of words. She really had gotten him worked up moments ago, even lying in a med bay bed and slightly incapacitated. He would have kept on too had it not been for the circumstances.

_Shit…_

Ben continued to steady his breathing and find his calm place whenever he started to feel a little too overly excited. He thought about it more, and the truth was that he had not kissed many girls in his lifetime, despite his age. In fact, he could only really recall one other girl he had kissed in his youth before Rey, and that was because of some dumb spin the whatever game kids play when they start going through ‘the change’. Thinking about that only made Ben reminisce about childhood memories, including puberty being such a bitch and Leia being highly concerned about his rapid growth spurt.

His fonder memories always seemed to bring him back to his mother. He didn’t even get to see her physically before she left. She did reach out to him though, and he did see her. It may have only been a force vision or some crazy near-death experience, but it felt very real to him. He didn’t want to go to that place. He didn’t want to be sad or angry at himself; not right now. He focused his mind again; slowly breathing in and calmly breathing out. He searched to find the calm when everything in his life up until now seemed to be one huge, raging storm. Whenever he could find any form of calmness, his mind brought him back to his parents, and the good times they spent in his childhood home. But now his parents were gone, and his childhood home a distant memory.

It was okay, though. For some reason, the powers that be allowed him to keep living; and now she was here. She was his calm.

“Rey.” He spoke her name softly and opened his eyes, feeling stronger with every passing moment. It was as if he was getting a good steady flow of vitality throughout his body. He felt it spread across his skin, through his veins, in his chest…

Ben glanced down at Rey. She still had her hand to his chest, her eyes still peacefully shut. Ben shifted his hand to hers, causing her eyes to quickly flutter open.

“Ben?”

“No. That’s enough of that…” Ben pulled her hand off his chest. Rey was still giving Ben a steady flow of her life force. It wasn’t much, but still. “I didn’t just go through all of that back on Exegol just for you to give it all back to me, now did I?” he spoke with a slight firmness to his voice.

“It was only a very small amount…” she muttered.

“Even so, I need you to take care of yourself, too.”

“I’m alright…”

Ben only sighed softly and put his hand to her cheek. He rubbed her skin gently with his thumb. “You don’t have to be that way around me.”

Rey didn’t respond. She let Ben continued to gently stroke her cheek.

“You try to swoop in and be the hero all the time...the lifeline is what I mean, and that’s really noble and a great quality to have, but it consumes you sometimes…doesn’t it?”

Rey only closed her eyes in response, not really wanting to think about any more painful things at the moment. 

“...Rey, it’s okay to think about yourself too. It’s okay to be selfish.”

“Why would I want to do that?” Rey’s voice trembled as she stared back at Ben. “Why would I want to keep on… if the ones most important to me were not here? The ones I couldn’t protect?” she locked onto his gaze. “Surely you could understand what I mean…”

It didn’t take much for Ben to see himself back on Exegol holding a lifeless Rey in his arms. He would never forget that feeling; how could he? His parents were gone. Rey was gone. What was the point? He would rather have her live, as he felt she deserved it much more than he did. And she had already saved his life over and over in so many ways, so why wouldn’t he give her his own?

“I know…” Ben responded softly. He was feeling slightly emotional now but tried not to let it overtake him. He never wanted to see Rey like that again. “I do…”

Rey laid her head down beside him and moved in close again. The two laid side by side in silence, as close as their bodies would allow them to be. Rey had taken Ben’s hand and held it for what seemed like an eternity. He gently laced his fingers between hers. He wished they could stay in this moment; this calm, intimate, and sweet moment. He felt so much warmth radiating from her, and he only wanted to continue basking in it.

Ben had not expected things to turn out the way they did. He was ready to make things right. He was ready to die, as long as it meant that she would live. But here he was, alive, and she was beside him.

She had saved him once again, and her words constantly echoed in his head: _“I won’t leave you again!”_

Everything he had endured for years up until now, including all of the pain, the loneliness, emptiness, and loss; none of it seemed to matter at that moment. Not as long as she was beside him. They were bound to one another through the force, and their destinies were always meant to intertwine. It was as if she was his other half…his soulmate even. He only ever felt complete when he was with her. Like he was meant for more than what his life had already given him.

He gave Rey’s hand a gentle squeeze. She opened her eyes again and looked at him, always drawn to his dark and alluring eyes. Ben Solo was so different compared to Kylo Ren; in posture, speech, and even appearance. It was almost crazy to think about.

“Thank you,” Ben spoke up, nearly startling Rey.

“No…I…” Rey struggled to speak. They had sat in silence for so long and she had let her mind wander a bit too far. “ _You’re_ the one _I_ should be thanking...”

“But you don’t need to.” 

“I don’t _need_ to?” Rey gave him a look. “…You saved my life, Ben Solo.”

“…And you didn’t save mine?”

“I…”

“Rey, I…” he glanced down at their hands, still intertwined. Ben leaned his head back and chuckled, putting a hand to his forehead in defeat.

“What in the galaxy could possibly be so funny right now?” Rey raised an eyebrow.

“I just…fuck!" Ben cursed and threw his head back.

He began to laugh, truly laugh, and a warm smile spread across his cheeks. He just sat there and laughed for a good minute, but Rey didn’t stop him. The whole incident only made Rey smile too. She watched him as he laughed, cheeks flushed. Ben Solo was a completely hopeless, dirty, smiling mess. That was okay. Smiling just looked so good on him, and he truly deserved to smile.

“I’m sorry…” he looked back down at her, his eyes bright and alive. “I just…there’s so much I want to say to you, but I don’t know how to say it. Maybe one day I can tell you all about it because I really want to so badly.”

“Just tell me, then.”

“I don’t know how to without sounding like a kriffing dork…”

“What? THAT’S what you’re afraid of?”

“That’s a legitimate fear, I’ll have you know.”

“You’re afraid of looking uncool in front of me?”

“Okay, I shouldn’t have said anything at all.”

“I’m sorry, but this is so amusing to me!”

“Again, legitimate concern. Can I still save myself?”

“Oh, that ship has long sailed, Ben.” Rey laughed.

“Well fuck…” Ben muttered in defeat, only causing Rey to laugh even more.

He let her laugh for a moment, noting how beautiful it truly made her look. She smiled at him the same way she smiled at him back on Exegol when he brought her back... before they first kissed. She said his name in a way that carried so much gentleness and love. Her smile and laugh were a true blessing to anyone she would show it too, and that was a fact. When she smiled at him like that, nothing else in the galaxy seemed to matter. After Rey’s laughing fit had died down, they had decided to lay in silence again for a while. The silence was so comforting and soothing as they continued to hold hands and heal one another. After a while, Ben gave Rey’s hand another gentle squeeze.

“What are you thinking about?” Rey asked softly. Her eyes were closed as she kept enjoying the peacefulness that surrounded them.

“I…” Ben paused for a moment. “…I really wasn’t expecting to come out of this alive.”

“Honestly, I didn’t know what would happen either...” Rey opened her eyes and looked at him again.

She remembered the cold taste of death in her mouth. She remembered Ben putting his life into her, the joy at seeing his face again, and the longing leading up to their kiss. The fear and ache of her heart when she saw him collapse, not yet knowing his fate.

“…as long as I could feel you, I knew I needed to try.” She squeezed his hand back. “I wasn’t about to leave you. Not if there was even the smallest chance that you could live.”

“...I know you wouldn’t have.” Ben reached his other hand out and pushed a few strands of stray hairs behind Rey’s ear before tenderly stroking her cheek again. “I guess what I’m thinking…wondering is…what now?”

“I don’t know.” Rey gently put her hand over his and closed her eyes, basking in the warmth emitting from him. “Anything I suppose.”

“It really is over, then?”

“Yes. It’s over.” Rey scooted closer to him and put her head in his chest as he hugged her close, resting his chin atop her head.

“Wow…” he sighed heavily with relief in his voice.

“My thoughts exactly…” Rey murmured into his chest. She had gotten a strange feeling in passing from Ben. He wasn't just talking about the war...

Ben buried his face in her hair and planted a soft kiss on her head. “Whatever happens...I don’t want to be apart again, Rey.”

“Ben…”

“I don’t want to be without you. Never again.” He closed his eyes, holding Rey tight. He knew he was taking a risk by saying such things, but he figured that now was as good a time as ever. He actually had a chance to tell her. 

“I…I hate it when we’re apart.”

Rey didn't say anything at first, but she did move in closer, resting gently against Ben's chest. Ben felt his face flush and his heart race as she did. The crazy things this girl made him feel... 

“I hate it too…” she whispered.

Ben felt a slight hitch in his chest, and he felt a warmth spread throughout his entire being.

“I promise you, Ben Solo, we will never be apart again.”

“…Really?” Ben swallowed hard.

She truly did want to be with him.

“I promise…” Rey began to trail off.

It had been a long day for the both of them, and despite all of the chaos that had surrounded them earlier, lying beside each other in a med-bay bed came with a kind of peace they had felt in a long while. Rey felt herself begin to drift off as she continued to bask in Ben's warmth.

They were alive.

Ben held Rey as she slept, feeling her back rise and fall with each blessed breath she took. He ran slowly ran his hand up and down her back, tenderly kissing her head every so often. 

“…You’ve saved me so many times…” he murmured into her skin. “You helped me remember who I was. You have done so much...and I..." he sighed softly. "There is so much I want to say to you... One day I’ll tell you everything, but right now I just…”

He trailed off. He found that he sometimes couldn’t find the right words to say, especially in a situation like this one. He craned his neck and put his lips to her ear, whispering softly…

“I love you, Rey. I’ve always loved you.”

Rey let out a soft moan in response, followed by a bit of light snoring against Ben’s chest. He wasn’t sure if she’d heard any of it, but it was okay; he had to get some of that off of his chest. He smiled at Rey kissed her face once more before closing his eyes and finally letting sleep overtake him again. For a future that looked completely blurry and unsure to him, there was now one constant in his world.

Her name was Rey, the scavenger from Jakku who single-handedly managed to overwhelm his entire being. For as long as his life would allow, he never wanted to leave her side. 

Never again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've written anything Star Wars. I saw The Rise of Skywalker, and I had the highest hopes ever. Needless to say, I was very, very disappointed. It sucks, and it left me with this weird, sort of empty type of feeling afterward if that even makes any sense? I totally hated it, because Star Wars is something I've always loved ever since childhood, and TFA actually made me fall back into Star Wars full force. I loved the new characters, and I've been a Ben stan and Reylo ever since the very beginning. I had some high hopes for my boy and my ship, and honestly, it all just seems really confusing. Like my dream for them was kind of shattered lol. Thanks, JJ! 
> 
> Mourning and complaining aside, it did inspire me to write an alternate type of ending plus a new type of adventure. And obviously a lot of fluff and my faves making out bc they deserve it and need to heal bc they've been through so much unnecessary suffering. I hope you all enjoy this new story I've dreamt up. Thank you so much for reading. <3 
> 
> ~Blue


	2. Show Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey cares for Ben as he continues to recover from his injuries. Ben opens up to Rey about his past, including his childhood and fall to the dark.

_Tender is the night, lying by your side._

_Tender is the touch, of someone that you love too much._

_Tender is the day; the demons go away._

_Lord I need to find,_

_Someone who can heal my mind…_

* * *

Ben opened his eyes. He felt hazy again, almost like he was in a dream. He kept hearing music echoing in his head; he even heard singing. The words were faint, but he could hear them clearly. They echoed off of the walls of his mind, and as his body continued to wake up, the tune eventually faded into silence. As the dreamy haze began to clear, he realized that he was looking up at the medical bay ceiling again; only this time it was dark. He glanced down at the needle still in his arm and followed the tubing up to the bag that held the fluid drip.

“Ah, so they came and pumped the good stuff into me…” Ben mumbled to himself. No wonder he felt hazy. The drugs must have knocked him out at some point during the evening. It did help with the pain though; despite the strange and vague dreams he was having. He gave his other arm a firm pinch, followed a flinch.

Still not dead.

That was a good sign, right?

He turned over to find the space beside him empty. Rey was gone.

His first reaction was less than graceful, as he tried to swiftly jump out of the bed to find her, but yanked everything he was hooked up to in the process.

“Mmf! FUCK.” Ben sighed aloud, frustrated.

He hated this. He hated being hooked up to all of these machines like some droid. He hated that he hadn’t had an actual shower in days. He hated that he couldn’t kiss Rey without nearly killing himself. He sighed again. Rey probably hadn’t gone far, and he needed to pull himself together. He fell back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling again. It was something to do. Sometimes he needed to completely zone out. He had to remind himself that this whole hospital scene was only temporary. Things could be a lot worse, and he knew that. It didn’t change the fact that it was still mildly frustrating. He took a deep breath inward, closed his eyes, and held it for a moment. He then slowly exhaled, trying to clear his mind, but no luck. He opened his eyes, staring back up at that fucking ceiling. On top of everything else that was frustrating him, he really had to pee.

He lifted his head every so often, peering at the doorway. He sighed again and rolled over onto his stomach, sprawling himself over the bed. Didn’t she _just_ say they’d never be apart again? So, what was all this fucking bantha fodder then??

Ben rolled back onto his back. Ceiling.

It occurred to him that perhaps he was acting a bit childish over the situation.

“Let’s not be that guy, Ben…” he muttered to himself as he slowly sat back up.

He really just wanted to get up. Aside from the haziness the drugs caused, he was feeling much better than before. He pulled back the blanket that covered his lower body and glanced down at the leg he had injured. It looked much better than yesterday. They didn’t cast it, only set the bones and put him in a leg splint with a wrap. He looked at the needle in his arm and back up at the bag providing the fluid. It looked like it had just emptied not too long ago, but there were no medical droids in sight. Ben imagined the med bay was still busy with all of the casualties from battle. It was fine; he knew how to take care of himself.

He unwrapped the bandage from his arm and very carefully removed the needle. He held a piece of gauze to his arm, in case he bled upon removing the needle. After that, he looked down at his leg again and decided to slowly unravel the wrap. He was wrapped twice over the splint, and twice underneath. He tossed the bandages from the first layer aside and began removing the splint. Ben slowly laid back and took a deep breath, focusing all of his energy on trying to move his leg. It was tough at first, for it had been a number of hours since he moved that leg, and all of the blood was beginning to rush through it, making it tingle uncomfortably. He bypassed the discomfort and continued to focus. After several moments he was able to slowly lift his leg about a foot off of the bed. He did this several times before he attempted to bend his knee.

“Fuck…!” he hissed in pain.

That one did hurt, but even still, he had healed faster in just a day than he would have ever imagined he would. He had Rey to thank for that. Speaking of…

Ben lifted his head towards the door.

Still no Rey.

He groaned as his head hit the pillow again. He just wanted to get out of that damn bed; mostly because he still had to pee. After a moment of internal pouting, Ben decided to sit up and bring his legs over to the edge of the bed. He spent enough time laying there being useless. He carefully brought his legs over the side. He flinched as his feet hit the cold floor. He took another breath and attempted to stand, which was, once again, less than graceful. He stumbled at first, nearly flailing into the wall. He once again didn’t think about the monitor he was still hooked up to and had dragged into the side of the bed in the process. The machine crashed loudly to the floor.

“Holy fucking Maker…” he groaned aloud before ripping each and every sticky wire from his chest and onto the floor. This made the heart monitor go off yet again because it had been improperly disconnected, but Ben blatantly ignored all of it. He partially hopped his way over to the bedside table and opened the drawers as the alarm continued to wail.

“Thank you, medical droid, for hiding the piss bottle from me…” he muttered, no longer mild frustrated, but extremely frustrated.

Finally, he found one of those plastic urinals and set it on the table, but noted that it was unusually small and knew he’d fill it up quickly.

Fuck.

He glanced around the room, not certain on what to do. These make-shift medical bays didn’t have many toilets, and there most certainly wasn’t one in the room that Ben was staying in. He glanced back at the urinal on the bedside table, and then at a vase sitting behind it, filled with some nice-looking flowers. He glanced down at his lower half, surprised the droids even kept his pants on him and just conveniently cut off one pant leg to get to his injuries. He truly did look ridiculous at the moment.

He was faced with two options: Piss in the vase, or attempt to hobble down the hall and find a toilet while looking like a half-naked crazy person and possibly running into Rey in the process.

Decisions.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rey had gotten up about an hour prior. She and Ben had slept straight through the night, as they both were extremely exhausted. She checked on Ben and made sure he was alright. He was still sleeping soundly and actually looked quite peaceful. She wanted to let him rest as much as possible, so she figured it was a good time to get up, stretch, and maybe find something to eat and drink. Her body was still pretty acclimated to rising at a certain hour anyway. She pulled her shoes back on and stood up, turning back to Ben. She leaned over the railing and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” she whispered.

It was still dark out; about an hour or so until sunrise. She decided to head to the Millennium Falcon first to get a change of clothes, and hopefully a shower as well. She was quiet upon entering the ship; the lights were still dimmed, and it seemed as though everyone was still asleep. She headed down the main corridor to the guest area where the game table sat. She opened up a storage closet across the way and pulled a small trunk from the closet. It held pretty much all of her clothes, considering she didn’t have much to begin with. She rummaged through the trunk and found a pair of black leggings and a long-sleeved gray shirt. She had a leather double-strap belt that she could hang her wallet and whatever weapons on…not that she needed a weapon at the moment. She pulled out some additional toiletries before sliding the trunk back into the closet quietly. There were male and female showers sat that beside one another on the base, but they stayed divided by separate tents. There weren’t many people using them at this time, so she took advantage of some much-needed alone time.

She entered the tent and sat her belongings down onto a bench and started to peel off her dirty clothing. It was maybe about 5:30 in the morning, and normally most people would be getting up to start their day in about thirty minutes or so, but so much had happened yesterday. The rebellion had a huge victory, and people were still recovering physically and mentally…even emotionally. That being said, it wouldn’t surprise Rey if many decided to take it easy or even sleep in a little later today. It was probably only a matter of time before most people would leave this base anyway, leaving only a few tasked with working from it. As far as anyone knew, the Final Order was defeated, and there was no real threat out there anymore. Maybe the galaxy really could finally enter a period of peace.

Rey sighed as she stepped out of her pants. She still admitted to herself that she didn’t know much about the war they had just fought. She knew the cause was good, but all of the politics and other things were still new to her. She grew up on Jakku, which was a place that was pretty isolated. Sure, she heard the stories and learned what she could. Even still, it was so much to take it upon leaving Jakku. Especially after she had been thrown into the midst of it all with the whole Jedi business.

She held her dirty trousers up. They looked awful and smelled even worse. White was never something she liked wearing often, especially when galivanting through deserts, the woods, and treacherous places like Exegol. She wasn’t even sure why sure chose it the outfit. Maybe she was trying to reflect off of Leia in some way…or was it to measure up to some Jedi standard? Was there even a right way to do things anymore?

She sighed and set the pants down onto the bench. She didn’t want to think about all of that right now. She was still reeling from the last battle and didn’t feel like reliving it at the moment. She grabbed her toiletries and headed to the showers.

“Kriff!” she gasped aloud as the brisk stream pour down her body upon pulling the chain, now fully waking her. The water did gradually warm up, but rarely did it ever get hot. It was just how things were on the base camp. She didn’t mind it much anyway. Back on Jakku she was very much used to going days without bathing, and whenever she was lucky enough to get a shower, it was always cold. But when you’re living on a desert planet cold showers really weren’t so bad.

After drying off she pulled on her clothes and shoes and began to towel dry her hair in front of an old full body mirror that someone had placed in the tent. It sat leaning in front of one of the shower stalls that didn’t work anymore and had a large crack in it, but it still did its job. Rey toweled her hair for a few minutes and flipped it back. It had gotten a little long, and she debated on possibly cutting it soon.

She wrapped the double strap belt around her waist and over the shirt but didn’t really like how it looked on her. She tucked her shirt into her pants and fastened the belt back around her waist after and took another glance in the mirror. It did look better than before, although she did notice the cut of her shirt collar was a little lower than what she was used to. It was one of those scoop neck shirts that showed her collar bones. She attempted to pull it up a little, but it just kept falling back down into its place. She sighed and looked back at the mirror. There was a reason that top sat in the bottom of her trunk. She turned her back to the mirror and glanced over her shoulder, looking at her backside.

She was starting to feel silly. Since when did she care about how her butt looked in leggings? Or appearance at all for that matter? The whole outfit in general just looked way different than what she was used to wearing. This one seemed to hug her a little more and showed a little more skin up top. It wasn’t like it was some revealing outfit, but she personally felt self-conscious about her body at times, so she chose to wear things that didn’t draw attention to it. It was just one of the things she’s always done since she started developing at a young age.

“Fuck it.” She muttered and grabbed her belongings. She’d just throw a cowl on over it anyway.

As she headed back to the Falcon, she saw a few others getting ready for the day, but most seemed to still be resting as she predicted. She quietly slipped back onto the Falcon and headed to the supply closet. She discarded her dirty clothes and towel into a burlap sack for washing and put her toiletries away. She pulled out a comb and sat at the gaming table, where she began to comb through some tangles. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hair; maybe she’d put it in a single bun today to save some time.

She wondered how Ben was doing, and if he had woken up yet. She still had to get something to eat for the two of them before she headed back. She also wondered about what to do for Ben when it came to clothing. He needed something new and fresh to wear, but he was so big and tall that she wasn’t sure who she could borrow from.

“Rey?”

Rey jolted, startled by the voice that suddenly cut through the silence. She quickly looked up to see Rose standing in front of her. From the look on her face, she was surprised to see Rey as well.

“Oh…Rose!” Rey sighed. “I’m sorry; did I wake you?”

“No, I was already getting up. Finn, Zorii, and Jannah are still asleep. I think Chewie headed out a while ago to get something to eat.”

“Where’s Poe?”

“Already up too.”

“Oh…”

A brief silence fell between the two. Rey began to feel a little bit of tension, and finally Rose spoke up.

“So, Finn told me you had a very specific guest with you?”

“Oh…did he?”

“Yeah…”

Rey sighed. “Look, I…I just haven’t had a proper chance to explain yet.”

“Yeah, Finn mentioned that.”

“I’m sorry, but are you angry with me?” Rey furrowed her brow as she anxiously tugged on the ends of her hair.

“I don’t know.” Rose sighed. “I just…Rey, I hope there’s a good reason that you brought that son of a bitch back here after all of the trouble he caused.”

Rey winced. That was harsh, but she understood her anger and distrust. Finn did say that Rose had lost her sister Paige during the war with the First Order, and hearing that Kylo Ren was here at the base camp was definitely a cause to be uneasy. Sometimes Rey wished that people would realize that she understood the anger; as she had been angry with Ben for so long before…but it didn’t matter now.

“He’s not like that. Not anymore.” Rey fiddled with her comb. “He actually helped me take down Palpatine and the Final Order. He helped save the galaxy and many lives…including my own.”

Rose cocked her head to the side, trying to mentally picture what Rey was saying.

“Are you serious…?” she asked, debating whether or not to believe any of those claims.

“Yes. There’s more to the story, but as I told Finn, it’s too long to get into right now.” Rey looked back up at Rose. “You have every right to feel the way that you do. All of you do. I was so angry with him before…”

Rey closed her eyes, thinking about the time she and Ben had first met, and the force connections that inevitably followed after. They had come so far since then, and it was just too unbelievable to try to explain in only a few minutes.

“Kylo Ren is dead. The man I brought back is Ben Solo. He saved my life and many others. I just need you to trust me and know that I would never put any of you into harm’s way.”

Rose pursed her lips and looked at Rey, mulling things over in her head.

“Alright.” She sighed. “If what you’re saying is true, then I’ll trust you. You’ve never been one to go back on your word or be dishonest anyway.”

“Thank you.” Rey closed her eyes, feeling somewhat relieved.

“You’re welcome.” Rose smiled gently. “Now, I said I trust you. That doesn’t mean I trust him.”

“I can understand that…” Rey glanced at the holographic clock on the game table. “Oh, kriff! I need to get back…” Rey returned the comb to her trunk and packed it away. She pushed her hair to the side, letting it fall over her shoulder. She made her way towards the main corridor, but stopped and turned back to Rose. “I hate to ask you so suddenly, but I need a favor.”

“Which is…?”

“Can you find something for him to wear? Ben? He really doesn’t have anything else.”

“I could try. He’s really tall and broad.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you so much, Rose! If you find anything just bring it by the med bay, please? Thanks!” Rey swiftly rushed down the corridor.

“Will do!” Rose called out and waved. “What is going on these days…” Rose muttered to herself and turned, nearly smacking directly into Zorii.

“Whoa, watch it!” Zorii put her hands up in defense, leaving her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth.

“Where you here the whole time?” Rose asked, a little startled.

“No, just for that last part.” Zorii continued to brush her teeth, now garbling her words. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop; sorry!”

“It’s okay…” Rose sat down at the game table and sighed. She was still getting used to having a character like Zorii around. She was not discreet about anything and always seemed to speak her mind. In other words, no filter.

“She’s got it bad,” Zorii spoke up again.

“Who? Rey?” Rose raised an eyebrow.

“The Jedi girl, yeah.”

“You really think _that’s_ what’s going on?”

“I know it’s a good chunk of what’s going on.” Zorii spit into a cup. Rose grimaced as Zorii continued. “I mean, did you see what she was wearing?”

“What about it?”

“It’s more figure-hugging.”

“…Huh.” Rose thought about it. It was true that it wasn’t a typical go-to outfit for Rey.

“And miss triple buns suddenly lets her hair down today? It’s so obvious.”

All of that was true. She looked more feminine in a way, but Rose didn’t like to judge someone by clothing or even appearance. Still…

“When a woman is in love, she’ll fight tooth and nail.” Zorii continued. “And she already seems like the type that’ll put up a fight regardless.”

Rose sighed. “That does sound like Rey.”

“Hey.” Zorii put a hand on Rose’s shoulder. “I would trust your friend. She did play a huge part in winning this war from what I’ve heard. I still don’t understand it all, but she seems pretty legit, and I barely know the girl.”

“She is…”

“So, just be patient. You’ll find out what you need to know in time.” Zorii grinned and headed back to the crew quarters, leaving Rose at the table to think for a while.

Rey and Kylo Ren…Ben Solo?

No way.

* * *

Rey had managed to find a few food items from the mess hall, as well as a couple of bottled drinks. They had brought back some pretty good spoils from enemy ships, so there was more to go around today, and better-quality items to choose from.

When she entered the medical bay, there was already some sort of commotion happening. She saw medical droids rushing towards the IC wing, and worry immediately swept over her. She rushed over to the wing, following several medical droids. They were heading towards Ben’s room, and she could hear the heart monitor loudly going off. She pushed her way past most of the droids and practically fought the last one to get through the doorway. Both she and the droid stumbled into the room, only to find it in complete disarray. The monitor was knocked over onto the floor, and the saline drip had also fallen and busted open. The bed looked like it was yanked over to the side a little, and there were flowers scattered all over the floor.

And there was Ben Solo, standing up, hunched over the actual flower vase. It didn’t take long for Rey to figure out what he was using it for. Ben quickly looked over his shoulder, his cheeks red as an oi-oi berry upon seeing Rey. Rey quickly put her up and turned, walking swiftly back out into the corridor. 

Ben saw several droids topple in after, of which he got more annoyed than embarrassed.

“OUT!”

* * *

Rey sat outside the wing again, waiting for the cleaning droids to finish up. She heard them complaining and scolding Ben the entire time, and it took everything in her not to laugh aloud. Finally, she was given the okay to head back in. She knocked on the door before slowly peering in, just to be safe.

“Ben?”

“Come in.”

Rey stepped into the room. Ben was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking back at her.

“Is everything okay?” Rey gave him a look.

“Yes. Why?”

Rey crossed her arms over her chest.

“What?”

“Stop causing trouble. You’ll draw attention to yourself.” Rey placed the satchel of food down on the bed next to Ben, as well as the bottled drinks.

He rolled his eyes at her comment, but willingly let it slide. Ben watched her as she untied her cowl. He was so happy to see her again, but he didn’t want to look pathetic, so he just tried to keep it cool.

“What’s in the bag?” he glanced at the satchel.

“I brought some food for us.” Rey removed her cloak and folded it up, placing it gingerly on the nightstand. “Are you hungry?”

Rey turned back to Ben. His gaze locked on her yet again. She had changed her clothes, but he wasn’t sure what the big deal was. She looked incredible. Maybe it was the outfit choice? She also let her hair down, and it was still a little damp from her shower.

“Hello?” Rey waved a hand in front of Ben’s face. “Are you in there?”

“Huh? I’m sorry; what now?” Ben blinked.

“I asked if you were hungry!” Rey laughed and took a seat next to him.

Maker, she was so beautiful today.

“I…yes.” Ben brought his attention back to the food question. “Yes. I haven’t eaten since…it’s been a while.”

“Okay good; because I brought us a few things.” Rey began to pull some items out of her bag. There was some bread and cheese, and she was even able to get her hands on a couple of thin slices of meat. It was mystery meat, but still meat nonetheless. She piled the cheese and meat onto a piece of bread and handed it to Ben.

“Looks good. Thank you.”

“I brought drinks too.” Rey held up two plastic bottles filled with different colored liquids. “Do you want red or blue?”

“Hm…you pick first.”

“Okay…I want red.”

“Then I’ll take blue.” Ben gave her a subtle wink as he took the blue bottle from her. “Thank you.”

Rey felt her face get warm yet again. “You’re welcome…”

The two sat in silence for several minutes as they ate. Ben seemed to inhale his breakfast, as it was gone when Rey had only gotten a few bites into hers.

“You’re done already??”

“I was hungry.” Ben took a long swig of his drink as Rey continued to eat.

“Go in my bag. I brought us something else.” she motioned towards the satchel.

Ben rummaged through the bag and eventually pulled out a small burlap sack. He peered inside the sack and looked back up at Rey.

“Is this dried Jogan fruit?”

“Mmhm.” Rey nodded as she chewed her food.

“Very good find…” Ben opened the sack and pulled a couple of pieces out.

Rey swallowed her food looked at the peculiar looking fruit. “I had only just tried it once a couple of months ago.”

“Really? You hadn’t had it before?” Ben ate another piece of fruit.

“Well, there’s not much produce growing on Jakku. Not much of anything really.” Rey looked down at her lap, thinking about her homeworld. “I really would just eat what I could get.” She laughed.

Ben watched as Rey finished up her breakfast. She really had gone without for such a long time. Ben did remember when they first met, and she was such a skinny little thing. He couldn’t even imagine having to scavenge for food like that. He grew up in a pretty well-off environment and could pretty much have access to whatever he wanted when he wanted. Rey on the other hand; she had to scrounge and scavenge for everything, including food…all alone.

Ben pulled another piece of dried fruit out of the sack.

“Open.” He placed it in front of Rey, close to her face.

“What…?” she chuckled, looking slightly confused.

“Your mouth. Open your mouth.”

“Okay?” Rey opened her mouth slightly, now feeling more flustered than confused, and Ben placed a piece of fruit right on her tongue.

“Eat.” He spoke softly as the two stared back at one another. “It’s really good.”

Rey only nodded and closed her mouth.

The fruit was so sweet and tasted so good.

She was so flustered in that particular moment. Ben Solo literally sat there, shirtless and messy-haired, gingerly placing fruit on her tongue and partially commanding her to eat. Nobody, especially an attractive man, had ever fed her fruit before. She could feel her cheeks start to heat up again. She was convinced for a moment that this was some weird fever dream or a scene out of a cheesy romance novel, but it wasn’t.

Ben set the small bag of goodies into her hand. “I’ve eaten enough. You have as much as you want.”

“…Thank you, Ben…” Rey was a little taken aback by his act of kindness but accepted it nonetheless.

Ben took another drink of his blue juice as he watched her eat. He made a vow to himself that he would never let her go hungry or without again.

After the two finished off their food and drink, Rey had Ben sit up in the bed with his legs propped up. She wanted to take a look at his injured leg.

“So, I see you decided to take matters into your own hands and get up today?” she began to unwrap his leg.

“Sorry…being bedbound was driving me crazy.”

“The cleaning droids weren’t too happy.” Rey's lips slowly curled into a smile as she thought about the incident from that morning. “You really made a mess in here, you know.”

Ben felt his face flush.

Fuck.

“…Did you see anything?”

Rey paused, trying not to let a laugh slip out, “No, I didn’t.”

“Oh…” Ben sat back, partially relieved, partially not convinced. He immediately sat back up. “Are you sure you didn’t see anything?”

“I saw you pissing into a decorative flower pot if that’s what you’re asking.” Rey continued to unravel the bandage on his leg, but he saw her smiling and attempting to hold back a laugh.

“Ah, so you did see something.”

Rey chortled aloud.

“I’m glad you think that me making an ass out of myself is funny.” Ben ran a hand through his hair.

Rey looked up and saw his flushed cheeks. He really was embarrassed.

“So…why the vase?” she asked, still smiling.

“Urinal was too small, and bladder was too full.” Ben shrugged.

Rey snorted aloud yet again.

“Come on!” Ben laid his head back, and put a hand to his face, still flustered.

“Why are you so embarrassed over what a bunch of droids think?” Rey set the unwrapped bandage aside.

Ben lifted his head. “I’m not!”

“Okay, alright…” Rey ran her hand over his leg, examining it. “Oh, it looks so much better today! And you walked on it?”

“Kind of. My knee has seen better days.”

“Okay, well just give it a little more time.”

“Yeah…okay…” Ben sighed and sat up.

He looked at Rey’s hair that ran down over her shoulder.

“Your hair is longer.” He spoke up.

“Oh!” Rey gently tugged at her hair. “Yeah. I was going to cut it, but I don’t know...”

“It’s pretty.” Ben said a little too suddenly, and Rey looked back up at him.

He quickly backtracked. “I…I mean, you know. If you want to cut it, that’ll look good too. It’s whatever you want.”

Rey smiled bashfully as she looked down at her lap. “Yeah, I mean it just gets in the way during everyday life. That’s why I just pull it back into buns most days.”

“Why don’t you braid it?”

Rey looked up at Ben. “Oh, I guess I never thought to do it? Well, I’m also not too great at braiding. I tried it when I was younger and it didn’t look right.”

“It’s really not that hard. Come here.” Ben patted the spot on the bed in front of him. Rey slid out of her boots and climbed back into the bed. She sat crossed legged in front of him as his long legs sprawled out on each side. He reached out to touch her hair but hesitated.

“Do you mind if I…?”

“Oh! No! Go ahead…” Rey firmly placed her hands into her lap as she felt her hair leave her shoulder and run down her back.

Ben gently ran his hands through Rey’s hair, carefully detangling some of it with his fingers. It was kind of a nice feeling, having someone else play with her hair for a change. He ran his fingers through it again, just liking how soft her hair felt against his callused fingertips. He then began to section off different parts, pulling back some pieces and carefully twisting others.

“Are you alright? I’m not pulling too hard, am I?” Ben spoke softly.

“Not at all…” Rey let Ben work for a moment before speaking up again. “So…can I ask you something then?”

“Sure.”

“Where did you learn how to braid hair?”

“Mm…” Ben trailed off, slowing his hands. “Actually, my mother was the one…”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. I’m sure you’ve noticed her many hairstyles.” He smiled softly to himself.

“Of course. Isn’t that an Alderaanian custom?”

“It is.” Ben continued to work. “Different braids were worn depending on the occasion.”

“I didn’t know all of that.”

“She actually used to braid mine when I was young. She would do it so it wouldn’t tangle when I would play rough with the other kids.”

Rey smiled warmly, trying to picture a baby Ben with long, braided hair. “That’s actually really sweet.”

“Yeah…then Dad decided it was getting too long to maintain and made me cut it. I put up a big fight that day.”

Rey chuckled softly. “Did you now?”

“I did. I don’t wear my hair short. Never liked it.”

“Why? You wanted to look cool or something?”

“…Sure, we’ll go with that.”

Rey smiled as he kept working.

“Hold still, almost done.”

“Oh, sorry!”

The two sat in silence for a moment as Ben continued to work.

“You know, Ben…” Rey spoke up. “I know things are different now, but I really don’t want you to be worried about how you look. At least not with me.”

Ben paused for a moment.

“I mean to say that you don’t have to feel embarrassed, okay?”

Rey heard Ben sigh softly as he continued to work on her hair.

“I’ll try my best.” Ben secured Rey’s hair with one final twist. “There.”

Rey turned to him. “So? How does it look?”

“Why don’t you take a look?” Ben motioned over at the small mirror hanging on the wall.

Rey climbed out of bed and walked up to the mirror. Ben had put her hair into a single bun and wrapped a braided section around the bun, and had it fall down her back, sort of like a braided ponytail.

“Ben…wow…” she gently grabbed the braided piece that hung down. It was crazy how much a simple change in hairstyle could alter one’s entire look.

Ben smiled softly as he watched her. “Do you like it though? It’s okay if it’s not your style.”

“…I love it.” Rey turned to Ben and smiled. It was perfect. It kept her hair out of the way but still made her feel feminine. It was also a nice tribute to Leia.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Then it suits you perfectly.” Ben kept his gaze on her, and she felt her face flush again. He realized he was speaking his mind a little too openly again. He needed to be careful with that. 

Rey wanted to respond, but there was a sudden and swift knock on the door, and two medical droids entered. Everything had been happening so fast over a span of just two days, and it was already time for another update on Ben’s injuries. The droids had him lay on his back, and he was back looking up at the white ceiling again. He saw a small glint of orange light come through the small windows that sat high up on the walls. The sun was getting ready to rise.

The first droid had pulled up the medical charts and was scrolling through them as the second droid had placed two small devices hovering over each end of the bed. A large blue hollo-screen opened up and came downward, scanning the boy’s body as the droids thoroughly examined him. It went pretty smoothly and wrapped up quickly. The droid had told Ben that his body was recovering much faster than they had anticipated. They still didn’t quite understand the phenomena, but it wasn’t in their programming anyway, so they just left it alone. The sooner they could open up this room to a new patient, the better.

The first droid had him stand, but his knee was still in pain due to where part of it shattered. The droids said his leg seemed like it was recovering fairly quickly, and that it was possible that he could be discharged later that afternoon since everything else checked out. He just needed to take it easy on his knee, and that they could get him a crutch to use if needed.

The exam ended, and Ben was left alone with Rey once again. Everything else about this situation was mildly irritating, but not her. He would have gone crazy had she not been there with him through most of this. She walked back over to his bedside, and his eyes intently following her every movement. She sat on the side of the bed and placed her hand over his knee.

“How are you feeling? Like, energy-wise?”

“A lot better than yesterday.” Ben shrugged and glanced down at Rey’s hand. “What about you?”

“I’m fine. I slept surprisingly well last night.” She looked up at Ben and they locked eyes.

Both turned away quickly, still a little flustered over what happened between them the night prior. The heavy kissing that nearly led to something else, and the two holding each other until they fell asleep in each other’s arms. It was wonderful, but everything had been happening so fast and they just hadn’t had the time to properly talk about anything. Ben even tried to remember everything he had said to her last night, as they had him on some pretty powerful drugs for a good 24 hours. He was feeling a lot of things in light of all of the events that had transpired. Despite all of that, he hated not fully being in his right mind at the time. Nothing he said would have been a lie, of course, but for some reason, he just didn’t want to look like some fool in front of her.

“Anyway…” Rey spoke up. “Just lie back and relax for me, okay?” Rey kept her hand over Ben’s knee and closed her eyes.

“What are you—”

“Quiet.”

Ben put up both hands in defense. He was learning very quickly to just do what she told him to. She kept her hand on his leg and steadied her breathing, and Ben immediately Rey’s life force flowing through him once again. He kept his eyes on her and watched her as she worked. She was such a natural healer, even if she wasn’t always confident in her abilities. Normally fierce and unhinged when she fought him, she looked so peaceful and content when she used the force in this manner. It didn’t take long before Ben felt the pain go away completely. Everything that was broken had fallen back into place, and he felt physically whole again.

Rey removed her hand and opened her eyes. “Try to move now.”

Ben nodded and adjusted his leg, finding that he was fully able to bend it at the knee, free of pain.

“Does it feel alright?” Rey asked. “Does it still hurt?”

“No, not at all actually.”

“Here,” Rey got to her feet and stood in front of him. “Try to get up.”

She held her hand out to him.

Ben fixated his attention on her outstretched hand for a moment, and then looked back up at her. He slowly took her hand. It was much smaller than his. He got to his feet, stumbling momentarily. Rey had her other hand on the small of his back helping him find his balance. Ben exhaled and stood tall. Rey held his hand in hers and looked up at him.

“Now…come this way.” She took a small step backward and Ben followed.

She took a few more steps, gradually getting into a normal pace as she walked Ben around the room. The orange light from the newly-risen sun had flooded into the room as they walked together hand in hand. Neither spoke, only continued to bask in the silence as they held onto one another. There was some kind of physical and emotional relief that flooded over them when they held each other. That was probably why they spent very little time apart. They were constantly holding hands, or hugging, or holding one another. It was a comfort that neither knew too well or had long forgotten.

They ended back where they started, on the side of the bed. They stood there for a brief moment before Rey looked back up at him.

“You’re walking so well.”

“Thanks to you.”

Ben was staring back at her. The lighting in the room seemed to soften all of his features, and he looked so handsome, despite the circumstances.

“I wish you wouldn’t have done that…” Ben spoke softly as he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Well, you’ve recovered so quickly already. And I figured the sooner we get out of here, the better.”

“We…?” Ben felt strange even saying the word. There was never a we. He was always alone, and constantly felt like he had no place in this galaxy; nowhere he belonged.

“Yes, we.” Rey gave him a serious look, despite her flustered feeling. She had never had anything like this before, whatever this was. She just didn’t want them to be apart again.

“I did promise you, didn’t I? I’m not leaving you alone again…”

“Yes, I…I remember.” Ben stuttered, feeling foolish.

His experience with girls and love, well, it was severely lacking. He also knew he had not felt anything like how he felt towards Rey; not in his entire lifetime. The connection they had that nobody else could possibly understand. He almost lost his chance and missed out on this moment with her, and as great as it was that they were both alive, that thought alone tore him up inside. He knew he didn’t want to be away from her again. No matter what, he wouldn’t let it happen.

“Ben?”

“Yes?”

“We have to talk...”

“I know...”

“So much has happened and I…”

“I know…” Ben stepped forward, breaking into Rey’s personal bubble and closing most of the space between them. He gently put his hand to her cheek and stroked his thumb tenderly over her skin.

“There is…” he paused. “…so much I want to tell you. But I don’t know if I can…” he whispered.

Rey felt a small tug in her chest.

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” Ben immediately reassured after feeling some uncertainty coming from her. He sighed heavily before continuing.

“I’m not…good at _this_. I’ve done a lot of things by myself for so long, and even now I’m still trying to adjust and figure all of this out.” His voice shook slightly, and Rey could see he was having a hard time telling her all of it. “You’ve asked me questions in the past that I’ve never answered.”

Rey thought back to when she questioned him about Han Solo and abandoning his parents. It was true that he seemed to know everything about her, including her origin, but she knew next to nothing about him. She had heard so many stories and rumors about Kylo Ren; even Luke had a story. But even he didn’t tell the full truth.

“You’re afraid…I can sense that you are.” Rey kept her gaze on him.

Ben closed his eyes and let out a shaky exhale.

“But it isn’t that you’re afraid to tell me…it’s something else, isn’t it?”

Ben opened his eyes and she could see he was troubled. “I just…I have my reasons. And, even if I could bring myself to tell you all of it, there’s just so much to tell.”

Rey gently put her other hand over his, cupping his hand between her palms. “Then…how about you show me instead?”

“I don’t know if I…”

“You know everything about me and my past. And you looked without asking, you know.”

Ben felt the guilt twist up from his stomach and into his chest once again. She was right and he knew she was right.

“I know. I wish I could go back and do things differently…I’m sorry.”

“Ben…I won’t force you to say or show me anything, but we can’t move much further unless you do. And in return, I’ll answer anything you ask.”

Ben paused and looked back up at Rey. “If I show you, I’m afraid of what you’ll think of me. You aren’t going to like what you see, Rey.”

“I’ll take my chances.” Rey gently squeezed his hand.

Ben let out a shaky sigh and closed his eyes. He reluctantly nodded silently, and Rey took her hand and gently placed her fingers upon Ben’s forehead.

She let out a sharp gasp as Ben opened his entire mind to her. She was suddenly being flung through time and space as the force surrounded her. She was standing in different places at different times, even on ending up in different worlds. She saw his memories play in front of her, almost like watching a film, but she could feel everything he was feeling in the process.

Ben Solo was a child, smiling and happy, playing with other children. She saw his parents, Han and Leia, laughing with him and being a real family. It was something she had never known but consistently longed for growing up. And then it got dark…

She saw a young Ben seeing off his father as he once again flew off in the Millennium Falcon. She watched him cling to Leia as he waved sadly up at the sky. Leia had shifted into a nanny droid, as his mother was away on government business yet again. She saw him as a young man, a teenager, arguing with his father and spitefully throwing things across the home using his force abilities. She saw him alone in his room, after overhearing his own father telling Leia that the kid was too much to bear and that he didn’t know what to do. He heard a voice echo in his head... a dark voice. 

_He thinks you're a monster. A terrible monster. You are, aren't you, Ben Solo?_

Leia was hugging Ben for the last time. He was wearing traditional padawan robes and had a small sack slung over his shoulder. As Leia held him tightly, she reassured him that his uncle Luke would help him. He held back his tears.

_“Please don’t send me away…please…I’ll do better. Just don’t make me leave.”_

She heard what he was thinking, even then.

She saw him training as a padawan with other young force users under the guidance of Luke Skywalker. He had potential. He was powerful too, but full of so much rage. His Skywalker blood boiled during his training sessions, but it seemed to do him very little good. He sat in his hut, alone. Nobody wanted to be around someone so unhinged. The other students seemed to fear him.

She saw him wake up to Luke’s ignited saber over his bed. There was a dark storm forming over the Jedi temple. Ben brought down the hut and rushed out towards the temple.

His fellow padawans that he had trained side by side with were already dead, and he wasn’t sure what was happening anymore. The surviving students confronted him and made accusations, eventually forcing him to fight.

And then he ran.

Where could he go now? They all would blame him. He could never go home now.

Rey watched as Ben sought out Snoke. She watched as he was subjected to every single form of abuse as he went through his training. The trials would decide if he would be deemed worthy of being a Sith apprentice. He was stripped of his name and became Kylo Ren, throwing away anything that used to be Ben Solo. The voices never left his head. They had been there for as long as he could remember, but only got louder and louder as he got older. He couldn’t sleep. He missed his home. His parents.

He couldn’t go home.

He led raids on innocent villages. He killed Han Solo…his father.

Still empty. Still nothing. He had proven absolutely nothing.

How could he face his mother now? This was it. He was meant to be alone with the monster that he created.

Darkness.

She saw him alone again. A child; crying in the corner of his bedroom in the dark as the voices filled his head.

A teenage boy, gripping his hair, wishing they would just stop.

_Stop._

Ben held his hands to his head with tears welling up in his eyes as the voices got louder and louder.

_STOP!!!_

He screamed aloud, causing his parents to rush to his room. When they entered, they saw his room completely in disarray. Objects that used to be on shelves were now on the floor, and his window was shattered to pieces. Ben stared out of the broken window, his chest heaving heavily and then…

Alone.

_Why is the force connecting us? You and I?”_

_“Murderous snake!!”_

_“Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours…Just you.”_

_“You’re not alone.”_

_“Neither are you.”_

_“Ben.”_

_“Rey…”_

Rey quickly let go, and stepped back, overwhelmed by everything she was feeling. Her chest heaved and her eyes were wide with terror. It was too much for her to bear. It was too painful…

She covered her face with her hands as if that erase what she had seen, but it was no use. She slowly crumbled to the floor. Ben quickly caught her, afraid she had fainted and lowered her gently to the floor.

“Rey!” he touched her arm, and she removed a hand from her face. Her skin had gone pale, and she was trembling. Tears were flowing down her face. He knew he shouldn’t have shown her. This was all his fault yet again.

“Rey I--!”

Before Ben could even speak freely, Rey had thrown herself into him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and sobbing aloud.

“Ben….!” She continued to sob as she held him tightly, not intent on letting him go any time soon.

“Rey…” Ben locked up where he was as Rey continued to cry and embrace him. “…please don’t cry.”

“I’m so, so sorry, Ben…” Rey cried into his shoulder.

“Why are _you_ saying sorry?” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Rey…”

Rey only continued to sob heavily into his shoulder. He had gone through so much, and she hadn’t even bothered to find out about it all until now. How could she be so ignorant?

“Stop that.” Ben could still feel everything she was feeling. “None of this is your fault…”

He felt himself wavering. He was trying so hard to keep himself together for her sake…for once in his damn life, he needed to just keep himself together…

He felt his shoulders begin to shake, a lump in his throat, and the tears that inevitably poured from his eyes. He was on the dirty med bay floor, holding Rey tightly in his arms as they cried together. They sat there for what seemed forever, saying nothing. They only held one another as they cried. It was painful but at the same time almost a relief to cry.

He had held onto all of it for so long.

“Ben I’m sorry…” Rey whispered.

“None of that…” Ben buried his face into her hair, putting his lips to the side of her head. “You never have to apologize to me…”

“Ben that’s…”

“Quiet.”

Rey leaned into him and let him hug her a little longer in silence.

* * *

It had seemed like hours, but it had only been a few minutes that the two had spent on the floor. They decided to pull themselves together and get back into the bed, getting as close as they possibly could. She had her face in his shoulder, and he held her close with his arms wrapped around her torso. They didn’t say much. Rey was beginning to appreciate the revered silence they shared as he continued to hold her close to him. Finally, Ben spoke.

“I think you’re getting too soft towards me…” Ben whispered into her skin.

“Shut up.” Rey smiled softly into his shoulder, and he immediately felt it. “You’re one to talk.”

“I don’t care anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t care about anything right now, honestly.” He put his lips to her skin and kissed her temple softly. He held her a little tighter and pulled her as close to him that was humanly possible.

“Just you.” He whispered.

Rey felt her heart flutter, but it didn’t race out of control this time. She felt comforted. She felt safe and calm.

She felt loved.

She pulled back and looked at him. He already had his gaze on her, his eyes reading every facial feature.

“Your freckles are so fucking cute.”

“Where in the galaxy did that come from?” Rey blushed.

“They remind me of how the stars sprinkle the sky at night.”

“Okay.” Rey laughed softly. “I think you still have a bit of those good drugs in your system.”

“It’s possible. You’ll never know either.”

“I’m going to pinch you...”

Ben chuckled softly as Rey stroked his cheek with her hand, running her fingers through his hair. She gently brushed her fingertips over his ear lobe. He kept his eyes on her, now setting his sights on her lips. He wanted another taste.

And another…

Fuck, he wanted more of her.

“Ben…” Rey closed her eyes as Ben cupped her cheek in his hand and leaned in, ready to kiss her again.

Before anything else could happen, the two heard a brief knock at the door, followed by the sound of it sliding open.

“Rey?” a familiar voice came from the doorway.

The two nearly smacked heads, startled at the sudden interruption, and Rey quickly bolted upright at the sound of the voice. Rose was in the doorway, holding a few articles of clothing that were draped over her arms. She stared at Rey and Ben laying in the bed together. She trailed off as her eyes shifted from a blushing Rey to a shirtless, bed-headed Ben who had one hand on Rey’s cheek and the other on the small of her back.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“ROSE!” Rey yelped a little too loudly as she practically leaped out of the bed. “I mean, hey…!”

“Hey….”

Rey sighed, embarrassed as ever.

Perfect timing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a particularly emotional chapter for me to write. I know many fans related to Ben in regards to his feelings of loneliness and feeling like he would never be accepted, not even by his own family. Feelings of never being good enough, no matter how hard you try. You constantly feel like you're a bad person and that you can never change...anyway, I wanted this to be a time of healing. Not just for Ben, but for Rey too. She can begin to understand him better now, and vice versa. 
> 
> I added the bit with the flower pot for some comedy relief because this chapter got a little heavier than initially planned, haha. 
> 
> Ben obviously still struggles with expressing his feelings in a normal manner, but he's getting there. Rey is also struggling with accepting that she lets her guard down a lot with Ben and does indeed have very strong feelings towards him (obviously lol) I'm sorry but seeing that smile at the end of TROS has fully convinced me that Ben would be the sweetest boyfriend, hence his little compliments to Rey throughout the chapter. He backtracks and wonders if it's totally lame, but Rey is always flattered, unbeknownst to him. There is definitely some intense longing between them as they constantly want to be closer to one another. You could cut that tension with a knife! But seriously I feel like there is a special kind of softness beneath Ben's rough exterior. 
> 
> That scene where Ben braided Rey's hair has to do with a headcanon I've always had, so I snuck it into this chapter. :)
> 
> I hope all are enjoying my story so far! I'm going to try to update every week, every Friday/Saturday. 
> 
> Thank you all again! 
> 
> ~Blue


	3. Just You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has recovered enough to leave the medical bay and is confronted with certain people from his past. Rey and Ben share an intimate moment alone on the Millenium Falcon.

Ben sat up and watched Rey hurry over to Rose, completely frazzled. It was kind of amusing to watch.

“Everything okay?” Rose watched as Rey quickly pulled her shoes back on, attempting to act natural.

“Yes! Just getting ready for the day.” Rey wished her cheeks would stop burning. She knew her face was still red too. How mortifying to get caught like that now of all times.

“Okay…” Rose clearly saw the two being more than chummy in a med bay bed, but she wasn’t going to push the topic. It was slightly annoying, but it wasn’t her business regardless. She handed Rey the items of clothing she had carried in. “I couldn’t find much when it came to pants. Hopefully one of these pairs will fit.”

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll find something. Thank you so much. I really appreciate this.”

“No problem.” Rose glanced over Rey’s shoulders at the boy sitting upright in the bed. He was looking right at her but didn’t say anything. The strangest thing was that he didn’t _seem_ menacing at all. He had a rough exterior, sure, but he seemed to have a softness to his features, and the room felt completely calm.

“Well, I have to get going. I have a lot of packing to do.”

“Packing?” Rey looked a tad bewildered.

“Well, yeah. The fight is over, so I’ll be leaving here soon.”

“Oh, right. Well, let me walk you out at least.” Rey paused for a moment and then set the clothes down at the foot of the bed.

She looked back up at Ben. “I’ll be right back, okay?”

Ben nodded and then looked at Rose. “Thank you.”

Rose only nodded in response before leaving the room with Rey.

“So, that’s him?” Rose glanced back at the room.

“Yes. That’s Ben.”

“Well, I’ll admit he’s not what I pictured.”

“No, he wouldn’t be. He wasn’t what I pictured either.” Rey almost let out a small laugh but stopped herself. Rose was still sensitive about all of this; all of Rey’s friends were.

“I still don’t trust him, but at the same time I’m pretty sure he couldn’t possibly cause any more damage here?” Rose shrugged. “The First Order has fallen, Palpatine was beaten…he chose to come with you without a fight, right?”

“There’s a lot more to it than that…”

“I know.”

“I don’t expect you to adjust to him right away, or at all if that’s the case. But…!”

“Rey, listen; I don’t know what all happened between you two, or how it happened. But what’s happening right now, well, it’s not threatening. So, I’m not as worried as I was before.” She sighed. “I’m also sorry about how I acted earlier. I was just really concerned and kind of scared to be honest. I wasn’t sure what to expect. But I trust your judgment, and I want to hear more about it when you’re ready to explain.”

“Thank you…” Rey sighed caught Rose in a tight embrace. “Thank you so much, Rose…”

Rose hugged Rey tightly for a moment. She really was relieved that she was back safe and sound. So much had been happening, and Rose had lost enough friends and comrades during that accursed war already. It was just nice to know that Rey was alright, regardless of the circumstances.

“Poe seems really upset,” Rey spoke up.

“Well, I guess he has a reason to be. But at the same time, he has to respect your choices.” Rose pulled back and looked at Rey with her hands still placed gently upon her shoulders. “You have done a lot for this cause. He should know that you wouldn’t put these people, any of us, in harm’s way.”

“Thank you for saying that.” Rey began to feel hopeful for the future. Rose was small, but she was tough. She was also more understanding and patient than most, as well as a good voice of reason. Finn was a great friend of course, but it was nice having another woman to talk to about such things. Especially since Leia was no longer with them.

“So, where will you go?” Rey asked.

“Not sure. Obviously not back to Hays Minor.” Rose laughed. “I might take Kaydel up on her offer and go back to Dulathia with her.”

“Lieutenant Connix?”

“Yeah. A lot of us got pretty close working together on the base this past year. I’ve never been to Dulathia either, so hey, maybe I can make a fresh start there. Who knows?”

“That does sound nice.”

“What about you, Rey?”

“Me?”

“Now that all of this is over, what are you going to do?”

“…I haven't thought about it. There’s still so much happening and I’m just trying to process it all properly.”

“I understand. I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through.”

It truly was something that Rey had not fully thought about. In her mind, she hadn’t even had the time to think about much of anything following Exegol. It hadn’t even been a complete two days since the war ended and everybody just seemed to know what they were going to do next. Rey was still trying to wade through everything she had just endured. And it wasn’t like she had a home to go back either; unless she considered Jakku as her home.

She didn’t want to go back to Jakku, and it was a nightmare just thinking about it.

As Rey glanced back at the room Ben was in, Rose could see the look of concern on her face.

“Hey, don’t worry. You’ll figure it out.” Rose smiled and gave Rey another reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I’m sorry I can’t stick around, but we have time to say our goodbyes. I don’t leave until tomorrow, so you better see me before then, got it?”

Rey laughed, “Yes. Of course.”

They two exchanged one last embrace before heading their separate ways. Rey walked back through the doorway, nearly smacking right into Ben. Rey looked up at him; the man was built so sturdy that she felt like she’d bounce right off him had she ran directly into him. He had a couple of clothing items in his arms.

“Careful.”

Ben placed his hand gently under her chin and peered down at her, and Rey felt herself getting drawn back into those dark eyes. 

“What’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing!” Rey felt her cheeks burn as Ben’s rough fingers gently held her chin in place. His soft brown eyes peered down at her, doubting her last response.

“You’re lying.”

“I swear, I’m fine.”

Ben rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t going to pry at her.

“Did you find something that suits you?” Rey glanced at the clothing he was holding.

“More or less.”

“Sorry, it was the best we could do. Really wish they hadn’t butchered your clothes like that.”

“Had to get them off somehow, right?”

“It’s a shame. I liked the sweater on you.”

Ben leaned down, getting dangerously close to her again. “I’m sure I can get another black sweater if you liked it that much.”

Rey felt her cheeks flush yet again. She practically yanked herself away from him; too sheepish to look at him when he spoke in that sort of sultry tone.

“Just get dressed!”

Ben smiled. “Alright. I’ll be back then.”

“Wait, where are you going?”

“Down to the med bay bath area. I’m kind of gross.”

Rey sighed. “Okay, let me walk with you.”

“I’m capable of going on my own, you know.”

“Yes, but I don’t want anyone recognizing and harassing you.”

“ _Harassing_ me?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Alright, alright. After you.” Ben chuckled again and followed Rey out of the room.

The med bay had a small bath area for people who had to stay overnight and/or couldn’t get to the base showers because of illness or injury. It wasn’t too far away from where Ben was staying and luckily not occupied by too many people. It wasn’t fancy, and it mostly consisted of using the water source for quick wash-ups and sponge baths, but to Ben, it was absolutely better than nothing. He’d have to get a real shower at some point, but that could wait. 

Rey waited outside, watching the different droids go by, as well as people coming in and out of the medical bay. After about 20 minutes Ben stepped back out, truly looking much better than before. Despite only doing a quick wash up, he looked much cleaner and brighter than before. He had decided on a black V-neck style t-shirt and a pair of plain black pants. Both were a little snug on him, but he didn’t look ridiculous. He actually looked pretty good, at least by Rey’s standards. He wore the boots that he had on before, and his hair was neatly combed back out of his face, but still had a bit of a messy and rebellious look to it. He had been keeping it that way since Exegol, which was fine. Rey liked that style much better on him anyway. It was something that suited him well.

“Well, hey, I think this is more rather than less. Don’t you think?” Rey looked at Ben’s ensemble once more.

“Well, you haven’t seen the pants.” Ben bent down and pulled back the top of his boot, showing the pants ended at his calf, right where his boot ended. They were too short.

“Oh!” Rey couldn’t help but giggle.

“The boots cover it up so I guess that’s fine, right?”

“I guess so!” Rey glanced down at another item he had under his arm.

“Is that…?”

“Oh yeah…” Ben held up the flower vase from earlier. “The droids said they didn’t want it anymore.”

“Oh Maker.” Rey put a hand to her face. “It’s clean…right?”

“Yeah, but they still made me take it with.”

“Well, can you blame them?” Rey laughed.

“I guess not.” Ben shrugged.

“You’re something else entirely.” Rey rolled her eyes at him.

“I know. I’m a complete mess.”

“That’s okay…” Rey smiled at him, and it made his chest leap a little.

She was really beautiful today.

“So, are you ready?”

“I can’t stay hidden in here forever.”

Rey could sense his slight uneasiness.

“Just follow me, okay?” Rey gave him another reassuring smile and held out her hand. Ben nodded, taking her hand as they walked down the corridor together.

* * *

Maybe it was the stress of people getting packed up and ready to leave. Maybe it was the uncertainty of what was to come. Rey could understand most of those reasons on a personal level, but the base camp seemed heavy with tension as they walked through it.

Ben would occasionally glance around, and he would recognize some faces, but not others. Part of him expected to see his mother walking around, but reality set in quickly. On top of that, he felt absolutely unwelcome there. He looked at Rey, who he had been steadily following behind. They continued to hold hands, but it looked more like Rey was leading him, which made sense because he didn’t know his way around or where she was even taking him. They also thought it best not to look too intimate with each other since people were already going to be uncomfortable to begin with.

Ben felt more eyes heavily turned on them; him, more specifically. He glanced forward at Rey, who stood tall with eyes front as she continued to lead them both.

“I think people are staring,” Ben spoke up.

“It’s alright. We’re almost there.” She squeezed his hand softly. “Just don’t pay attention to them.”

Ben heeded Rey’s words and put his focus on her. He looked at the braids he had made, and how the long one sway and bounced as she walked. He knew Rey was somewhat anxious herself, and he clearly felt it from her. He was discovering that this is how she always did things. She’d put on a brave face and just walk right into the fire, careful not to show weakness, even though it was clear to spot sometimes. Ben could relate, for it was how he had learned to do things too, and it was a hard habit to break. 

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze back, and he knew she appreciated the reassurance. They felt many eyes on them, followed by whispers and murmurs. Just as Ben began to feel the pressure finally set in, he saw where Rey was taking him. The Millennium Falcon sat in a clearing in the distance. It had seen better days, obviously, but Ben still wondered how in the hell that thing was still running. They got to the entrance ramp and Rey continued to make her way up, still holding Ben’s hand. Suddenly she felt his hand leave hers and she stopped, turning back to Ben midway up the ramp. Ben stood at the foot of the ramp, just staring back up at the ship.

“Ben?” Rey walked back down the ramp. She sensed an uneasiness coming from him. His eyes darted back to her as she spoke his name again. “Ben, what’s wrong?”

“I haven’t been on that thing in so long…” he muttered.

“And…?”

“…Just a lot of memories. I’m sorry, I know this is stupid.” He huffed.

“It’s not stupid, but there’s no need to be so nervous. Come on, you might feel better once you get inside.”

Rey cupped Ben’s hand between both of hers. She had been doing this more and more lately. There was a sort of comfort in holding Ben’s hand, or touching him in different ways. She couldn’t explain it, and nobody would really understand it, even if she did try to explain it. It was a little embarrassing to do things like that still; when she would look at him and he would be smiling back; only making her feel sheepish all over again. It would take some getting used to, but she was okay with that. Ben appreciated it far more than Rey did. Her reassuring and comforting touch helped him to move forward with confidence. When he felt her hands over his, he couldn’t help but feel like everything would be okay eventually.

They stepped inside and Ben got a better look at the place as Rey switched the corridor lights on.

It was a weird feeling for Ben.

He had both good and bad memories of it. He loved the Falcon as a child when Han seemed like the cool smuggler dad everyone envied. But the more he grew, the more he began to hate and resent it. He hated seeing that piece of junk constantly flying away from home, taking Han with it, and it being weeks until Ben saw it again. He hated catching his mother weeping to herself after trying to convince Han to just stay put for a while. It was clear that he would rather be off gallivanting in space rather than being a husband and father at home. Ben didn’t want to think about any of those things. It was hard enough trying to keep the visions of his parents constantly good, as it was a way for him to cope with pain and loss. He didn’t want to be angry anymore, but most of all, he didn’t want the sadness.

Rey watched him as he walked around, brushing his fingers against the walls of the hallway that sat winding down into other sections of the ship. She could still feel uneasiness from him, and even a bit of sadness.

Maybe it was a mistake to bring him here.

Rey began to feel somewhat guilty herself. After seeing some of Ben’s memories, she knew Ben’s relationship with his parents was not the best, especially as he got older. Rey felt a little ashamed to admit her naivety about parents due to her lack thereof. Just because they gave birth to you, doesn’t mean they are without fault or are unable to hurt you. She was still trying to process the truth about her own parents, but she honestly did not know what to feel about it anymore. At first, she was angry about their cruel fate, but the more she had thought about it, the more the story didn’t make sense to her. She didn’t want to think about it though.

Not right now.

Rey realized that Ben was no longer in the corridor and that he must have walked off to some other part of the ship. She headed down the long corridor that led into the common area. He had not gone far and had actually taken a seat in the desk chair that sat across from the hologame table. He was hunched over, with his head in his hands. Rey let him have his solitude for a moment before speaking up.

“Ben…?”

Ben quickly looked up, coming out of his trance.

“Are you okay…?”

“Yeah…yeah, I’m fine.”

“Mm…” Rey gave him a look, not fully convinced. “We don’t have to stay. We can go somewhere else if you want.”

“Rey, I’m fine. It’s just weird is all. I’ll get over it.” He leaned back in the chair and let out a heavy sigh. “Plus, I think it’s more comfortable here than out there so…”

“Well, that’s why I brought us here.” Rey walked over to the table and hopped up on it to sit. “We can regroup, you know?”

Ben kept his eyes on her as she used the table as a chair, her legs swinging over the side. She acted almost feral a lot of the time, but she was still very childlike in many ways as well. He had similar quirks. It probably had something to do with how they grew up. It was strange how they could relate to one another so well, despite different upbringings. Strange, but also nice. Ben was appreciating the relationship they had more and more; whatever kind of relationship it was.

“Yeah, it’s probably a good idea to lay low for a minute before they decide my fate,” Ben spoke in a tone that was seemingly half-joking and half-serious.

“Why do you say it like that?”

“Because I’m a war criminal.”

“But you also decided to change your mind and do the right thing.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Ben stood up and stretched. “The resistance won’t make decisions simply based on that.”

“Well, surely they can see what good it all did?”

Ben sighed and headed over to the hologame table, where he stopped right in front of Rey. 

“I didn’t do it to show people that ‘I’m good’ or that my life is worth something…I did it because I needed to do it for myself. So, if others don’t see that, I can’t fault them. I don’t expect them to understand.”

“You don’t know that! They have to at least hear you out!”

“Rey…”

“I’ll…I’ll make them understand!” she huffed.

It took everything in him not laugh aloud at Rey and her nonsense. There she was, about to beat her idea of sense into someone again. The corners of his mouth curled up into a soft smile as he moved in closer to her, so close that her knees were touching his thighs. He had his hands on the table, each one on the opposite side of her, somewhat trapping her in. He leaned in close to her, their faces only inches apart, and Rey felt the blood rush to her cheeks yet again.

“You’ll make them?” he spoke in a low, almost sultry tone. “Is that what I heard?”

Rey felt her insides twist and the pit of her stomach flutter. Maker, this was too close. Still, she kept a solid gaze on him and did not waver.

“You heard me.”

The two kept their gaze on one another for a brief moment. Rey saw that look on Ben’s face again, that look of pure hunger as his chest heaved under that fitted shirt. She remembered that look vividly. He gripped the table as he quickly leaned in closer, colliding his mouth with hers. She didn’t hesitate to kiss him back, as she had been somewhat hoping for a moment like this all day. There was another reason why she brought him here, and that was to be alone with him. Not for anything devious, but just so they can talk without so much interruption. She hadn’t anticipated that they’d be locked in this sort of intense session again, but she didn’t oppose it either. Maybe it was selfish, but she didn’t quite care about that at the moment. She clasped her arms around his neck as he continued to kiss her. Their mouths moved with a fluidity that seemed to come more naturally now that they had done it a few times. It was still rough, messy, and almost desperate; but it seemed to be the way they both liked it, so they kept doing it that way. Kissing wasn’t a science after all, and there were many ways to do it.

She felt the warmth of Ben’s mouth on hers, and it didn’t take long for the boy to make his way past the barrier. He gently tilted her head back and put his mouth on her again, sliding his tongue in.

Maker, they were tongue kissing now...

Rey felt her blood race and her stomach flutter with each passing second of it. She put her hands to his chest and gripped his shirt, pulling him in further. He felt so good inside her mouth, exploring every space. She felt overwhelmed at one point, nearly suffocating on the boy’s tongue, but it was also an incredible feeling and she welcomed even more of it. He slid down the roof of her mouth before he pulled back, giving them a moment to breathe; or so Rey thought. Ben began to move away from her mouth and started kissing the side of her face, slowly moving his lips down her jaw and then down to her neck. He took her chin in his hand, his fingers spreading firmly down her jaw and partially down the side of her neck. The grasp on her was firm, but not enough to hurt her. His hands were so big, and Rey couldn’t help but like this physical hold he had on her. He continued to kiss her neck and placed his other hand on her lower back, gently pushing his fingertips into the small of her back.

Rey let out a soft sigh as he did this. He had a powerful hold over her at that moment, and she surrendered to everything he decided to do during their private session. She felt fairly in control when they first started doing these sorts of things, but she felt it get much harder to resist him when they were alone like this. She used to be afraid of losing control around him, but things weren’t like they used to be. She didn’t have to be hard and closed off with him. She could indulge if she pleased, and she enjoyed every second of it.

Rey had placed her hand on the back of Ben’s neck, sliding it up through his dark locks. Ben’s kissing began to get a little rough, and Rey couldn’t tell what he was doing anymore. Kissing? Sucking? Biting, even? Whatever he was doing, it felt amazing.

Rey found herself gripping a handful of his hair as her body writhed, and she let out another soft whimper as he continued to put his mouth on her skin. She heard Ben let out a sharp exhale in response, pressing his fingertips into her back again. He came back up and locked onto her eyes again, full of passion and longing. His hand trailed down to her hip, and she felt her skin tingle again. It was starting to feel really hot in the room, and Rey felt her stomach twisting and tingling, and the feeling seemed to be spreading below her naval. Her initial reaction was to close her legs, slightly embarrassed at the feeling. It was overwhelming, but it only made her want Ben to keep kissing and touching her as he had been. Ben noticed her movement, as his body had closed off any space between them, and he felt her knees slightly press into his legs. This made him move in to kiss her again, doing the same as they had done earlier, but with more intensity. Rey grabbed the front of his shirt again and pulled him in closer as they continued to indulge in one another.

Rey tasted sweet, as she still had that jogan fruit lingering on her tongue. Ben felt her arms wrap around his neck again, and he ran his hand from her hip down to her thigh. He gave her thigh a soft grope as he continued to kiss her, making Rey clench her thighs again. He decided to keep going, and moved his hand to her inner thigh, where he grabbed a handful of her again. Rey sighed longingly against Ben’s lips as he forcefully pulled her legs open. He put himself between her legs and pulled her to the edge of the table, his hands now gripping both of her thighs. Rey felt her face burn as she practically straddled his body. She felt him pressed against her inner thigh and he began to grind softly against her as they kept kissing. She was pretty sure that he was damn near about to climb onto that table at any moment. Rey felt lost in a complete haze of desire and ecstasy. There was no way to stop it now. She slid her hands up the back of Ben’s shirt, ready to tear it off of him. She heard a soft groan come from him as she did so.

Ben felt Rey’s fingertips climbing up his back underneath his shirt and he gave her thigh another squeeze. He slipped a hand underneath her shirt and began to slide his hand up as Rey squirmed again. Were they really about to do this? As tempting as it was, he didn’t want to just screw her on a dirty table and be done with it. She deserved better than that. He removed his hand from under her shirt and reluctantly pulled his lips away from hers.

“Hey…” he murmured softly as he looked back into her eyes.

“Hey.” Rey was staring back at him, her chest heaving from all of the physical excitement. Her lips were glistening from all of the kissing and looked a little raw too. Ben had mussed her hair a little and saw he went a little hard on her neck, possibly leaving a mark. Her clothes were a little disheveled from all of the grabbing they had been doing. He was sure that he probably looked worse but…Maker, she was beautiful, and he wanted her more than anything at that moment.

He just wasn’t so sure doing it on that dirty ship was the best thing. She did deserve better.

“Ben?” Rey whispered his name as she put her hand gently to his chest. She felt his heart beating quickly. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re beautiful.” Ben spoke with such assurance as he gazed into her eyes, making Rey feel timid once again as her cheeks burned.

Ben seemed so different. He really did leave Kylo Ren behind. It took her a while to realize that any kindness and gentleness that had shown through has Kylo Ren was, in fact, bits and pieces of Ben Solo. It was such a change from before when his moods would drastically change. It was nice, but Rey still had trouble accepting such compliments. She wasn’t used to them.

“Why do you say such things?” she put a hand to her cheek and bashfully turned her gaze away from his.

Ben put his lips to her forehead and murmured into her skin, “Because it’s true.”

Ben took her face in his hands, making Rey lock eyes with him again. “You know this is all I wanted. Just you.”

“Ben…”

Ben smiled at her. It was the most beautiful smile she had seen in her life, and knowing that she made him smile seemed to make her even happier. Rey placed her hands on his shirt and gripped the fabric, gently pulling him in again. She kissed his mouth softly, and he could feel her desire towards him still. Perhaps he was thinking on the subject too much because he really wanted more of her as well. He surrendered to her touch and returned the kiss. It didn’t take long for them to continue where they left off, including groping and messily kissing. Unfortunately, it ended abruptly when the two heard someone else enter the room.

“Well, well!”

Ben and Rey immediately pulled apart, startled by the sudden voice coming from the doorway. The pair quickly looked across the room to see Lando Calrissian and Chewie standing there. Ben immediately pulled away from Rey and stood up as she hopped down from the table.

“Lando! Chewie! Hello…!” Rey felt so frazzled, and she knew she was showing it too.

She felt so embarrassed that they had been caught in such a provocative position. She quickly tried to smooth out her clothes, tucking her shirt back in and fixing her pants. Ben was busy wiping his mouth, due to the messy kissing they had just been engaged in. He was also trying not to think about the hard-on he still had from earlier. It was really an awkward situation.

“Well, I hope we’re not interrupting something important.” Lando playfully raised his eyebrows at the pair, causing them both to bashfully look away from each other. Lando only laughed before glancing over at Ben.

“Ben Solo, as I live and breathe!” Lando took the liberty of striding over to Ben, arms outstretched.

“Lando…?” Ben just stood there while reality began to set in again. He was unsure of what to do or say, as he hadn’t seen Lando in years.

“Ah, so you do remember me.”

“It’s been a long time.”

“That it has. How have ya’ been, kid?”

Was he kidding? Or was he just going senile?

There’s no way Lando didn’t know about him. It was weird having this conversation in general; and to make matters even worse, Ben could feel Chewie eyeing him from the hall. He couldn’t look at him; not after everything that had happened with Han.

“Just taking it day by day I guess…” Ben shrugged, still taken aback by the unexpected reunion.

“Hey, I did that a lot back in my younger years. Hell, I still take it day by day, so nothing wrong with that.” Lando glanced over at Rey. “Did you know this kid used to run around the house stark naked?”

Ben felt his cheeks begin to burn as Rey laughed aloud. Where the hell did that even come from??

“What?” Rey giggled.

“Oh yes. And Leia let him keep his hair all long and unmaintained; kind of more like a mane! He was like a little creature is running around the house.”

Ben was mortified. He was really doing this in front of Rey?? And she was laughing too. Fantastic.

“So, one day I come to visit because it had been a while. The second I walk through that door I see this crazy-haired, naked kid running to me, and he’s all ‘Unca Wando!!!’”

Rey and Lando simultaneously busted out laughing, without any real regard to Ben standing there, completely mortified.

“LANDO.” Ben spoke up, interrupting the laughter, as well as the embarrassing story from his childhood.

Ben sighed. “Rey, I’m assuming you’ve already met Lando.”

“Yes.” Rey smiled.

“Sorry kid; didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of your girl here.”

Ben closed his eyes and sharply exhaled. It was one embarrassing thing after another with this guy, as always. Rey blushed at the last comment.

“Really though,” Lando gave Ben a more serious look. “I know what it’s like to be walked in on. I can come back later.”

Ben threw his hands up in defeat. Why did the bastard have to show up now, of all times?

“I-I have to go check on something in the cockpit!” Rey quickly turned and headed out of the room. “I’ll be right back!” she hurried past everyone and headed down the corridor. She needed to calm down before she died of embarrassment…

Ben was now left alone with Lando and Chewie.

Ben turned back to Lando, furious. “Really??”

“You were really going at it with her. I didn’t know you two were involved. When did that happen?”

“I wasn’t…we’re not…! It’s a long story…”

“You sleeping with the girl already?”

“That’s not really your bus-!”

“Sheesh, I guess you can’t beat that Solo charm, huh?”

Ben let out a loud and exasperated sigh.

“Just remember,” Lando continued. “The key is to be a generous lover; if you know what I mean…”

“Just what do you want??” Ben yelled over Lando, his voice echoing throughout the corridor. A brief silence blanketed the room.

“That temper is still there, that’s for sure. Han was a hothead too.” Lando walked over to the desk chair across from the hologame table and took a seat. “No offense, but I don’t want to sit near that table. Not sure what you two were doing on it.” He laughed.

Ben only let out an irritated groan before plopping down onto the edge of the table’s booth.

“If you came here to lay into me, just do it.” He mumbled with his head down, facing the floor.

“What are you talking about, kid?”

“Why are you being so _chill_ about everything? Why are you always like this?!” Ben raised his head up, glaring at the old man.

Lando didn’t say anything. He was able to get a good look at Ben. He was older; a man now, but still had that childlike body language about him. He even stared back at Lando with wide and childish eyes.

“What have they done to you, kid?”

Ben felt a hitch in his chest. _They?_ He didn’t answer and turned away, not able to look at either of them.

“I know…” Ben pursed his lips tightly and paused for a moment. “I know that you know about dad.”

“Of course. The man was one of my best buddies.”

“But you know, right?”

“I know that he’s passed on.”

“Because _I_ killed him!” Ben stood up, teary-eyed, but still angry. “So why are you here trying to act as if nothing happened? Why don’t you just hate me too?” Ben shifted his gaze sharply at Chewie. “I know _you_ hate me!”

Chewbacca let out a loud wail before angrily storming out of the room.

“Okay, see, that’s not a good way to start off a conversation, kid. Get a handle on yourself.”

Ben put his head into his hands and exhaled slowly, trying to get it together. He paced back and forth as if he could walk off his frustrations. Although it did surprisingly help a little bit.

“By the way, he doesn’t hate you. But he’s still hurt. Can you blame him? Any of us?”

Ben stopped pacing and looked back at Lando, somewhat bewildered by his response.

“You ran away, kid. And then none of us could get to you. Your parents were so…” Lando paused and sighed as he thought back. “But I know now that a lot of it wasn’t your fault. I don’t understand all of it, nor do I know all of the details. I only know what your parents have told me. I can’t imagine what you went through, kid. I’m sorry.”

Ben was speechless. He wasn’t expecting all of this empathy.

Lando sighed and stood up. “I’m going to be real with you because I know that is what Han would have wanted. You’re a man now, Ben. Not a boy. You made a wrong turn and went down a bad path for a while, and some of it was no fault of your own. Some of it was. You made some bad choices, and some of those choices will haunt you for the rest of your life. That just goes with making terrible decisions. Hell, I have a few things that still haunt me too. But as a man, you learn to deal with them properly. And you have already started down a new and better path. You decided to turn around and better yourself, and this time you did it for you and you alone.”

Ben remained silent but kept listening as Lando walked over to him.

“When you were a boy, you cared so much about fitting in and being a certain way. You put so much pressure on yourself to make people proud and accept you, to the point where you were not yourself at all anymore. You thought Ben Solo wasn’t good enough.”

Ben closed his eyes for a moment. He was absolutely right about everything. He thought having both parents dead would spare him of any more lectures, but what Lando was saying was making sense, so he kept listening, even if the memories were painful. He needed to listen.  
  


“But now here you are. Don’t think that I don’t see you, Ben Solo, because I do.” Lando raised his index finger and gave Ben a sharp tap on the forehead. “You have changed, and you’re still changing. And that’s okay because you’ll keep on changing and changing until you get to where you want to be. And you will in time.”

“Lando…I…” Ben couldn’t find the right words. He wasn’t prepared for all of that, but he certainly needed it.

“You don’t have to say anything, kid. Just know that I’m on your side. Always.” Lando began to head back towards the hallway. “And no, I don’t hate you for the record.”

Lando stuck his head out into the corridor and called for Chewie, then turned and looked back at Ben. “I know you love that girl. Don’t think she didn’t tell me what you did.”

Ben felt his face flush again.

“Remember. Be generous.” Lando winked. “See you, kid. And good luck with everything.”

“Lando…!” Ben called out, and Lando turned back to him.

“I’m…afraid. What if none of this works out? What if I get banished and separated from her again? I can’t…!”

“Ben. Stand tall. Everything will work itself out in time. Just keep standing tall, kid.”

And with that, Lando exited the room, leaving Ben to himself.

He repeated it to himself…the same thing Han used to tell him as a child.

_“Stand tall.”_

* * *

Rey sat in the pilot’s seat looking into a small mirror she kept nearby. It wasn’t for cosmetic reasons, usually. It was mostly for maintenance checks; used to check under areas that she couldn’t see. She tried her best to fix herself up a little before heading back out into the camp.

She and Ben had roughed each other up pretty good back there. They really had just thrown all caution to the wind with that intense session. Rey still felt bashful whenever she thought back to it. It was weird. It wasn’t like she was completely naïve to things like love and sex, but at the same time, she only knew so much. And that was in fact…very little after all.

She sighed aloud.

She didn’t even know she was capable of feeling certain things until she’s been having these private moments with Ben. Would they have gone further had Lando and Chewie not walked in? And Ben…he was so enthusiastic about all of it. He seemed to know exactly what he was doing and how to do it right.

Rey never pictured Ben to have been in many romantic relationships, if any at all, because he just didn’t seem like the type. Especially with his past situation and all. But then again, he was older, at least ten years her senior. Why wouldn’t he have had any past girlfriends or even sexual partners? Meanwhile, she was so young and still hadn’t seen much of the galaxy. Her experience in a lot of things was limited, aside from junk trading and surviving on a desert planet. That included her force abilities and piloting. True, she had gotten better at such things with practice, but she still had a lot to learn.

She fiddled with her hair, attempted to fix one of the braids. She thought about her force using abilities and the Jedi way. She wasn’t entirely sure what route she would take anymore. The war was over, and Luke and Leia were gone. Quite frankly she was tired, and maybe it was time for a break.

Rey finished fixing her hair and turned her head to the side as she twirled the braided ponytail back behind her head. Her eyes widened as they fell upon a good-sized mark on her neck. It was a good mix of red and purple in color and almost looked like a bruise. She quickly ran her fingers over it and examined it thoroughly.

“He really left that on me??” Rey felt her cheeks flush again. She stood up, smoothed out her clothing, and headed back to the guest area of the ship. She found Ben sitting at the table, playing some sort of solitaire game on the hologamer.

“There you are.” Ben didn’t look up from his game. “I was about to come find you.”

“I just went to fix myself up.”

“I got worried.”

“I told you where I was.” Rey rolled her eyes and smirked as she watched him play.

“Well, maybe you fell down an old shaft.” Ben looked up and grinned playfully back at her.

“Very funny.” Rey walked towards the table. “So, what did you and Lando talk about?”

“Just caught up.”

“That’s it?”

“More or less.”

“Nothing bad…?”

Ben looked up at Rey and saw she was just slightly concerned. “Everything is fine actually. It’s just been a while, but everything was surprisingly fine.”

“Well, that’s good!”

“Yep.” Ben went back to playing the game.

“…Are you going to tell me about it?”

“Soon. There’s a lot to tell.”

“That’s fair.” Rey watched Ben as he played through the hologame like someone who had played a million times. “You’re pretty good at this.”

“Just seasoned. I was so bored on this ship as a kid. Well, sometimes anyway…”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Shocking, I know.”

Rey smiled at him as he continued to play. She glanced at the table, where they had their little _tete-a-tete_ earlier, and remembered the mark on her neck. Ben glanced up at her and gave her a curious look.

“What? What’s wrong?” Ben exited out of the game and stood up to face her.

“This is what,” Rey pointed to the mark on her neck. “You gave me a love bite!”

“A what?” Ben tried to stifle a laugh at her choice of words.

“You know what I’m talking about!”

“Ah, I see. Sorry about that.” Ben shrugged.

“Have you lost your kriffing mind?”

“What? You didn’t try to stop me. I thought you liked it.”

“Ben!” Rey was blushing like crazy, and it was even worse because he was right. She didn’t know it would leave a mark, though.

“It’s not a matter of me liking it. What if someone sees that? There’s enough tension in this camp as it is regarding us…you!” she stuttered.

Ben leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, gazing right into her eyes. “I honestly just got carried away. It’s not like I planned to mark you on purpose.”

“Interesting choice of words.” Rey stood her ground; she was not amused.

Ben moved in closer, his mouth close to hers again. “I couldn’t help it. Sorry…” he whispered.

Rey let out a sharp exhale before putting a hand to his chest and gently pushing him away. She looked up at him with soft eyes.

“Look…this is all really nice and fun and all but…” she had trouble getting her words out again. Why was this so hard? Ben took her hand and ran his thumb over her skin.

“But…?”

“But…” Rey sighed. “We need to slow down a bit, okay? I know it’s hard, but I think we need to get our priorities right first. Can we do that much first? Everything is just moving so fast and I just want to get through, well, all of _this_ first.”

Ben let out a deep sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. “You’re right.”

The _last_ thing he wanted to do was slow down, but what Rey said made sense. She was a little more practical than he was, and that was probably for the best. He was still recovering, and he couldn’t keep expecting Rey to keep using her life force on him. He also did not want her to feel uncomfortable with him in any way. 

“We’ll slow down.” He gave her hand a comforting squeeze. Rey smiled softly at him and gave his hand a squeeze back.

Before anything else could be said between the two, several footsteps could be heard scurrying down the corridor. Finn, Rose, and Jannah appeared abruptly in the doorway with looks of worry and uncertainty on their faces.

Rey let go of Ben’s hand and turned to them, looking bewildered. “Guys? What’s going on?”

“Rey it’s crazy out there.” Rose glanced back down the corridor towards the entrance hatch.

“What are you talking about?”

“I mean there’s a bunch of people!” Rose was trying to catch her breath, almost as if she had been running. “And they don’t look happy and—!”

“There’s an angry mob outside!” Finn cut in.

“Finn, it’s not an angry mob!” Rose protested.

“There’s a lot of people and they’re mad. It’s not pretty.” Jannah looked at Rey. “So yeah, it actually could turn into an angry mob situation if we’re not careful.”

“Rey, you have to go out there and explain yourself before it gets worse.” Rose urged.

“What…explain myself? What are you talking about?”

Finn sighed. “Word traveled the camp fast, Rey.” He glanced at Ben. “They know about him.”

Ben looked over at Rey and for a brief moment and saw a flash of fear on her face. She sighed and took a moment to think and find her bearings. Fear was soon replaced with determination; she was going into fight mode.

“Well where’s Poe?” she asked.

“I don’t know, I’ve been looking for him and Connix all afternoon.” Finn shook his head.

“Well go try and find them again.” Rey looked at Finn. “It might be easier to get a handle on all of this with some actual leadership around.”

“I’ll go too.” Jannah nodded at Finn.

“What about you?” Finn looked back at Rey.

“I’ll handle it, Finn. I’ll be fine.”

Finn hesitated for a moment before nodding and following after Jannah.

“We’ll be back!” Finn called.

“Rose?” Rey looked over at her. “I know I’ve been asking for your help a lot lately, but can you stay with me when we go out there? You’re a good voice of reason, and you know how to keep people calm.”

Rose hesitated and glanced back at Ben before looking back at Rey. “Yes. I can’t guarantee everyone will listen, but I’ll try my best.”

“Thank you so much, Rose.” Rey turned to Ben and took his hand while she looked up at him. “You stay put. I don’t want you to come out unless—”

“No.” Ben gave her hand a firm squeeze. “I won’t let you go through all of this alone. I’m the reason for all of this discourse. I’m staying with you.”

“Ben…!”

“I’ve already decided. I’m not leaving you.”

Rose watch as the two held hands, looking tenderly at one another. “Well, I’ll be damned…”

The commotion seemed to pick up outside, and the three prepared themselves for the worst.

“Okay, guys. If we’re doing this, then we gotta do it now before things get too out of hand.” Rose looked at Ben. “Can I count on you to not act hostile?”

“Got it.” Ben nodded.

“Or intimidating?”

“I will try my best.”

“Good enough.” Rose turned and began walking towards the corridor, and Rey and Ben followed closely behind. She still thought it strange that this guy was actually Kylo Ren once. She glanced back at the two one last time. “You ready for this, Rey?”

“I’m ready.”

“Alright gang, let’s get this over with.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! First of all, I apologize for not updating last week. I am also working on another Reylo project that has an actual deadline at the end of the month, so I got a little caught up with that. I'm also sorry that I haven't been responding to comments, I promise I'll go through them! 
> 
> I really appreciate all of the positive support this story has been getting, and I have absolutely loved writing it. Despite all of the drama and discourse happening in the fandom lately, it's nice to sit down and write something that is so full of happiness and love. Ben and Rey deserved more than what they got in canon...many of the characters did. So that is why I write. :) 
> 
> I really hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. I went over it editing-wise like six times but if there are still some mistakes I greatly apologize. I have just been so tired lately. 
> 
> Other than that, enjoy!
> 
> ~Blue


	4. Atonement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People are not happy about Ben being in the rebel base camp. Ben is ready to accept the punishment for his crimes as a war criminal. Rey's friends catch her and Ben together in a private moment.

“There they are!” a gruff voice called out as Rey, Ben, and Rose exited the Falcon.

There were three disgruntled looking rebels standing in front of the ramp, surrounding them from all sides, and practically blocking any possible way around them. The man who had spoken to them stood in the middle, arms folded across his chest, and clearly not happy. He was tall with a rough exterior, though not as large as Ben. He and the woman on his right wore flight suits. On his left was a shorter man with tan skin and long hair that was tied back. He had multiple weapons on his person, including two blasters strapped to his belt. Rose saw this and didn’t attempt to try to get around them. She recognized all of them, but even still she thought it best not to rile anyone up at the risk of starting a possible riot. She approached the man in the middle calmly.

“What’s all this about then, Asher?”

“You know very well what this is about.” The scruffy man in the flight suit looked down at her.

“Rose, just get out of the way. This has nothing to do with you.” The woman beside him warned.

Rose looked around and saw more people gathering around the commotion. “Look, I just think tensions are a little high right now and—”

“I wonder _why_ that is?” The man called Asher glanced spitefully over at Ben, and then back at Rey. “How dare you bring the enemy back to this base camp?! The Supreme Leader of the First Order at that!”

“He killed Luke Skywalker!” a random voice called out from the newly formed crowd.

“And his own father, Han Solo; I heard!” someone else shrieked.

Rey quickly glanced over at Ben. She saw that every harsh word directed towards him stung like a whip, but he was also trying his best to keep his mind straight. He was expecting this kind of reaction after all. Rey hastily peered back over and saw that a large and restless crowd had very quickly formed around them, and it was getting wilder by the second. People continued to shout out.

“I’m sure he’s killed thousands of others too! They called him the Jedi killer!”

Rey stepped forward and loudly addressed the crowd. “That is _not_ true! Ben Solo did not kill any Jedi! He did not kill Luke Skywalker either!”

The crowd went silent for a brief moment, and Rey felt every single pair of eyes turn directly onto her. She looked at Rose, who only stared back, not knowing how to save her from that aggressive action. She did it again. Rey had little to no restraint when it came to her emotions. She thought that Jedi training would help, and it had a little bit. But there was still a ferocity in her that was hard to tame. She could never get rid of her raw, feral tendencies. It would always be a part of her.

Before Rey could get a moment to regroup and explain her words in a gentler manner, the crowd erupted again; angry and spewing out accusations and harsh words that were not only directed at Ben but at Rey too.

“The Jedi is defending him!”

“She would, wouldn’t she?”

“First Order sympathizer!”

Rose stepped forward and raised her hands to the crowd, trying to maintain order.

“Hey, hey! Rey is far from being a sympathizer! She saved us all from the First Order! Not only that, but she saved us from the most powerful sith lord and dictator himself!” she glanced at Ben. “And from what I understand, Ben Solo fought beside her and helped bring Palpatine down!”

The crowd began to erupt again, yelling and arguing amongst one another. Some agreed with Rose and thought it okay that Kylo Ren had switched sides if it truly were the case. The war was over so that was all that mattered right? Others, however, argued that people like Kylo Ren don’t change and that him being here was part of some conspiracy plot against the resistance. They could not trust him, and he had to be punished.

Meanwhile, Finn and Jannah had rushed back to the commotion; but this time they had Poe and a little BB-8 at their side. As the three attempted to push through the crowd, BB-8 quickly escaped Poe’s side and began rolling on through towards Rey.

“BB-8! Agh! Damn it…!” Poe muttered. “If he gets trampled it’s his own fault. Maker, guys why didn’t you get me sooner?!” he looked back at Finn and Jannah.

“I tried looking for you earlier!” Finn sighed. “There are so many people on this base right now, can you blame me for not being able to find you on a whim?”

“Okay, okay fine!” Poe hastily made his way to the front. “I need to get this crowd under control before it turns into a kriffing mob!”

Rey stood there as a barrage of skepticism and personal attacks hit her from all angles. She let the people yell but still stood her ground. Rose and Ben stood only a couple of feet behind Rey as if she was trying to mentally shield them from all of the chaos by herself.

“You know _I_ heard that the Jedi girl is actually a _Palpatine_!” another spoke up, and the crowd responded with a mix of mutters and gasps by this news.

“If that’s the case, then we really shouldn’t trust her either! She’s a killer too, most likely.”

“I say we banish them both! Or better yet, lock them up!”

Ben let out a sharp exhale through his nose. He was feeling a sudden rage that began to manifest inside of him, and it took everything in him not to blowback at the crowd as they continued to publicly stone Rey with their sharp words.

Someone had called her a killer.

Someone had said that she deserved the same fate as he did. Already her own people were tearing her down, despite her heroism. It was all because of him. Ben clenched his fist tightly and took a step forward, ready to defend Rey and take down anyone who _dared_ to try and harm her or lock her up.

Rose saw this and quickly grabbed Ben’s arm, stopping him in his tracks. He whipped his head to the side, seeing the girl’s tiny hand gripping his much larger wrist. She had shot him a steely-eyed look, warning him not to take another step forward. 

“Don’t.” she spoke in a low manner, “That won’t help her right now. If anything, it will hinder you both.”

Ben looked back at Rey and watched as she continued to take the verbal abuse. Ben attempted to steady his breathing and still felt Rose’s hand gripping his wrist tightly. She was small, but boy did she pack some strength. Kind of like someone else he knew…

“If you really care about Rey, then you won’t make that kind of a scene…please, Ben.”

Ben then relaxed his muscles and slowly exhaled, finding his center once again. For some reason, it really felt good to be called by his old name; his _real_ name. He knew very well the Tico girl didn’t have to help him, but there she was doing it regardless. 

“You’re right.” He murmured. “You’re right…”

Ben dropped his hands back to his sides as Rose let go of his wrist. Poe is seen pushing through the crowd, trying to calm everyone down. 

“Alright, everyone! Quiet down!” Poe made his way to the front and stood next to Rey. He put his hands up towards the crowd and tried to reclaim order, but made no avail. As he continued to try to calm the crowd, a piece of hollow metal hit him smack in the head out of nowhere. It was a drink can. An empty one, but it still hurt, and it still annoyed the hell out of Poe.

Poe pulled the blaster from his belt and raised it into the air before shouting loudly over the crowd.

“HEY!” He shot at a nearby tree and the loud crack startled everyone, bringing on a silent moment. Poe shoved the blaster back into his belt and looked back up at the crowd, now irritated as ever. “Now what the hell is happening on this base camp?”

“The Jedi girl brought an enemy into out camp, general!” someone called out. “Kylo Ren, no less!”

The crowd began to get loud again, but Poe held up his hand and shouted over the mob once more.

“Quiet!” he turned to Rey. It was conflicting in a way because he had to lead his people, but she was also a comrade of his. A friend. Despite that, he had to do what was best for everyone.

“Rey…explain please.” He glanced at her, and then over at Ben, giving him a look of pure disdain.

Rey swallowed hard as the fear crept in. She thought that she knew what to say. She thought that she could somehow convince all of those resistance fighters to accept Ben and just simply move on. She knew that wasn’t the case, and kicked herself for being so naïve. She was beginning to realize how much she had at stake and wasn’t even sure of what to say anymore. She went to say her piece but stopped herself when she felt a big and gentle hand on her shoulder. She turned and glanced up at Ben. He looked at her earnestly and gently squeezed her shoulder.

“Step back. You’ve done enough.” He whispered softly.

Rey tried to stop him as he walked past her, placing himself in the crossfire before she stopped herself. Ben needed to do this on his own. It wouldn’t help him much if she continued to shield him like that, and she knew it. She watched him as he stood before a crowd of many, with every single face now on him. 

“And what do _you_ have to say?” Poe kept a contemptuous gaze on Ben.

Condescending ass.

Ben never wanted to punch someone so hard in his life, but he continued to maintain his composure. He looked out at the crowd; his nerves completely wracked. Everyone was staring at him…judging him. Some looked disgusted and angry. Some actually looked upon him with sympathy, and some didn’t even want to look at him at all. Despite all of it, he took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

And then he spoke.

“I…” he cleared his throat, which was now unusually dry. “I know I’m in no position to ask for favors, but please…this is my burden to bear. Don’t take your anger out on Rey. I am the one you are all angry with.” He took another deep sigh outward.

“…My name is Ben Solo. I am the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. Nephew of Luke Skywalker and…grandson of Anakin Skywalker. I was once called Kylo Ren, apprentice to Supreme Leader Snoke. I took the position as Supreme Leader of the First Order after I killed my master.” He paused, expecting people to be in an uproar, but still got complete silence, much to his surprise.

He continued, “My life took a turn some years ago and I…well I found myself spiraling into a dark place. I found myself very lost and misguided, so I turned to the dark because I felt like power was the only thing that could fulfill me…make me feel whole…make the emptiness and pain go away. But I was so…so wrong.”

Rey watched as Ben struggled to speak in front of everyone. She wanted to stand by him, hold his hand and give him that reassuring squeeze, and let him know that everything would be okay. She also knew that he needed to do this alone. It was part of reclaiming who he was.

“In my quest for more power, I ended up killing my own father, Han Solo. But…no matter what I did, nothing could heal the loneliness…the emptiness. I kept feeling a pull from the light, which ended up being my from mother, Leia…” He turned back and glanced at Rey briefly.

“And Rey.” He turned back to the congregation, who seemed to be hearing him out. “It turned out that, upon meeting Rey, that we had some sort of special connection between us. I pursued her, but after a failed attempt to take me back over to the light, we separated for a while. She didn’t seek me out, no matter how much I did. Her loyalty was with the resistance of course. It was my fault. I was so full of pride…I refused to come back with her the first time.” Ben clenched his fist tightly at his side, feeling his fingertips dig into his palm. Reliving all of this pain yet again was almost unbearable, but it had to be done.

“I finally made the decision to leave Kylo Ren behind forever. I renounced him, and took back my given name…my father’s name.” he looked out over crowd again, which had grown so large in number that it seemed as if the entire camp was there. “I fought the Knights of Ren on Exegol and killed them. I then fought side by side with Rey to help defeat Palpatine once and for all. Rey is the one who saved us all, I merely aided her when she needed me. It was the least I could do. I owe her so much…” Ben closed his eyes and swallowed hard, thinking back to everything that had happened. His parents, Rey, his sacrifice, and being alive now. It took him so long to take back his life. To reclaim who he was. He didn’t want to look back, and no matter what they decided to do with him, at least he finally achieved that peace of mind. Ben opened his eyes and straightened his back, raised his head, and stood tall against the mass of people watching him. He spoke loudly over the crowd; with confidence he never even knew that he had before.

“My name is Ben Solo, and I should not have survived this war. You may not know this, but Rey died defending the galaxy and the lives of everyone living in it. She gave her life so that the galaxy could live; so that I could live… I held her lifeless body in my fucking arms…and I knew that kind of pain. To lose someone you love to war. It was then that I understood the chaos I help inflict on the innocent, all because I felt lost and alone. And then the one person who made me feel like I wasn’t was suddenly dead in my arms. I thought…I thought it was my penance. My punishment.” He paused, and a reverent silence fell over the people for a moment. It took everything in him to stay strong and not to waiver, even as he relived every single painful moment.

“So…” Ben continued, “I gave mine back to her…my life. I wanted her to live. She deserved life so much more than I ever could. I deserved death; it was written in my destiny. It always has been.”

Rey stood behind him, completely in awe by his speech. She would be lying if she told herself that it wasn’t getting to her. The last few days have been an emotional rollercoaster for both of them and watching him say these things made her want to just hug him for a long time and cry all over again. She could only hope that Ben would be shown mercy. Please, show him mercy…

Rose watched Ben as he spoke and felt a heaviness in her chest. It was as if some powerful sensation had come over everyone as he spoke of his and Rey’s encounters with one another, their complicated relationship, his personal life…all in front of hundreds of people. It was so moving, she felt as if she might cry. She glanced over at Rey and sure enough, there were a few silent tears streaming down her cheeks. Ben spoke in a way that was so raw and real, no matter how ugly some of it was. Rose held Rey’s hand as he continued to speak to the crowd.

“My name is Ben Solo, and I should be dead. But by the grace of the force and Rey’s love and compassion, I’m alive. I also realize that I’ve done a lot of terrible things, and I’m ready to assume responsibility for it all.” Ben turned towards Poe, locking eyes with him. “I’m ready for my sanction. All I ask is that you leave Rey out of it.”

Rey quickly moves to Ben’s side and takes his hand, no longer caring what people thought of the ordeal. Ben looked at her, startled by her sudden action. He wanted to stop her, scold her, tell her no. He gave her a look of uncertainty, but all she did in response was simply glance up at him and smile. There was no worry or fear; at least not anymore. Ben felt a hitch in his chest again.

She was doing this for him.

“We both fought Palpatine,” Rey spoke boldly. “I could not have done it without Ben Solo. He saved my life…and the galaxy! So, if he goes, then so do I.”

Poe only stared back at the duo, looking less than enthusiastic. He glanced over the crowd. There wasn’t as much aggression as before, but there was still a lot of muttering and whispers amongst it. People were uncertain about all of this, and Poe couldn’t very well blame them. Even he wasn’t totally on board, but he was also caught between being a leader and also maintaining his friendship with Rey. He even tried to put a different mindset on it. What would Leia do? Even then, there was no clear-cut answer. Poe knew how much she suffered before death. She constantly missed her son. Would she send him away again? Let the crowd rip him apart? There was no way she would, despite always being the unbiased leader. Poe knew this was a different situation. Would she take his place? Or agree to share the blame and punishment as Rey had just done? It was so hard to know for certain, and he wished more than anything that she was still around to give him guidance. Unfortunately, she wasn’t, and he had to step up and take charge. It was time to make a decision.

“Okay, well then,” Poe spoke up over the crowd. “Does anyone else have anything to say? I suggest you speak up now.”

At that moment a loud wail came from the crowd that could only belong to a Wookiee. Chewbacca himself made his way to the front. He walked past Poe and Rose, even Rey, and stood right in front of Ben.

Ben felt the guilt and anxiety creep in again, and he began to feel sick. He couldn’t bring himself to look up at Chewie without feeling ashamed. A silence fell over the camp, with all of the onlookers peering at the two in anticipation. What was that Wookiee going to do?

Ben finally looked up, and Chewbacca could only see the frightened eyes of a child he once knew. Little Benji, Han’s boy…his pride and joy. But he wasn’t a child anymore. He was a grown man who had gotten a little lost. Chewie thought back to his own family back on Kashyyyk. He knew raising a child was hard, and even if his own family had survived through much worse, he still wished he would have been there more for his son Waroo. Chewie knew that Han would have taken Ben back with open arms, no matter what. He wanted to make up for lost time, for not being there. Chewie knew this. He also knew that Han beat himself up more than he deserved regarding Ben; and after Ben had run away and Han and Leia’s relationship crumbled, the guilt Han felt seemed to intensify. Sometimes Chewie would even find Han weeping to himself in private; all over the son he had lost.

But Ben Solo wasn’t lost. He was right here in front of him, and alive. He had done wrong, but it was as if he was truly Ben again, not that accursed Kylo Ren. He was ready to own up to his actions and atone for what he had done. Chewbacca was not one to question it, as the force works differently regarding each individual. He had learned a long time ago that it was not his place to say who deserved what. Everyone has their demons, but everyone should get a chance to overcome them as well. It's also what Han would have wanted.

“I’m sorry,” Ben spoke softly, still looking at Chewie with regret in his eyes. “I’m so sorry that I took him from you…”

Chewie grunted and put a furry hand atop the boy’s head, giving him a soft pat. Before Ben could respond to the gesture, Chewie bellowed out another cry. The Wookiee decided to wrap his large arms tightly around Ben, giving him a full-on bear hug. Ben grunted, somewhat surprised as Chewie continued to embrace the boy, lifting him off the ground in the process. Ben felt his chest nearly cave in as he tried to breathe properly. His Wookiee uncle held him tight, just like he used to when Ben was a child.

“Okay…OKAY!” Ben choked out. “MERCY! MERCY!!!”

Chewie set a now disheveled Ben Solo back onto the ground. He stepped in between Rey and Ben and took both of their hands, lifting them high in the air. He let out another yell, and the crowd suddenly erupted into applause and cheering as Chewie cried out again. Not everyone could understand Chewbacca when he spoke, but somehow everyone knew what he was saying at that moment.

_“Your heroes!”_

Ben continued to look out at the crowd, completely taken aback by the mostly positive response. He glanced over at Rey who is already looking over at him with hope-filled eyes. She peered back over the crowd and saw that it was not a completely positive response, regardless of the majority. Some people walked away upset and angry, and some people still looked indifferent. She glanced over at Poe and saw the same three that had cornered them earlier were now angrily arguing back and forth with Poe.

Obviously, there was no way that everyone’s mind could be changed, but this was a positive start. Rey looked up at the Wookiee and smiled. “Thank you, Chewie.”

Chewie nodded in response, followed by a brief grunt.

As Poe attempted to disperse the crowd, he looked up and caught Rey’s glance.

“You.” he snapped his fingers and pointed to the ground. “You and Solo. Get over here. NOW.”

Chewie stepped aside and gave Ben a reassuring pat on the back before letting out one final wail for good luck.

“Yeah, I know…thank you.” Ben bowed his head in thanks as Rey hurried over to his side.

Poe sat there with his arms crossed over his chest as the two walked over. He turned his stare over to Ben yet again.

“Okay, that was really touching and all, and I’ll admit that you got a generally positive response from what used to be a much angrier crowd.” Poe walked up to Ben and stared him down. “You do realize that you can’t get off scot-free just because you’ve gained a few fans, right? There is just no way around it.”

“I know that.” Ben closed his eyes and softly exhaled before looking at Poe again. “So just do what you have to do then.” Ben held out his hands.

Poe looked down at Ben’s exposed wrists, and then back up at Ben. He didn’t expect this whole situation to be that easy, but hey, he wasn’t going to try to make it more difficult than it had to be either.

“Alright…good.” Poe took a pair of cuffs out of his satchel and placed them around Ben’s wrists, where they automatically tightened and locked.

Rey wasn’t sure what was going to happen with Ben that day, but for some reason, she wasn’t prepared to see Ben taken away in prisoner’s cuffs. She frantically looked at Ben, and then back at Poe.

“No, you can’t--!” she went to grab the cuffs, looking highly unsettled.

“Rey.”

She looked up at Ben, who only looked upon her with a softness that she still couldn’t quite comprehend. He didn’t even have to say anything aloud; she could hear him in her head, almost as clearly as she would have if he were speaking aloud.

_“It’s going to be okay.”_

Rey let out an exasperated sigh and dropped her hands back to her sides.

“Follow me. Both of you.” Poe turned his back and starting walking, with Ben and Rey following swiftly behind. Rose and Jannah hung back but still followed behind. Finn quickly caught up to Poe and spoke in a low tone as the two walked together.

“Hey, I’m not fond of the guy either, Poe, but maybe you’re being a little too hard over this whole situation?”

“Oh really? Do I have to remind you of who he is? Or was…? Whatever?”

“No. Clearly,” Finn muttered, annoyed.

“Oh, so I guess everyone is on this guy’s side now, huh?”

“You know that’s not what I’m saying! But from what we just saw…I mean come on. He didn’t put up a fight or give you trouble when you cuffed him. And his whole demeanor just seems different.”

“His _demeanor_?”

“Yes!”

“Is this another one of those feeling things that I just can’t understand? More secret code between you and Rey? Now Jannah? Or should I say new best buddy back there??”

“Really Poe? Grow up.”

“No, YOU all need to grow up! You can’t just waltz out of the First Order and decide to ‘be good’ and just be automatically accepted into the pack! This isn’t some cutesy fairytale, Finn!”

Finn was silent for a moment as they kept walking.

“…What about me?” he spoke up.

Poe sighed. “Come on, Finn. Not this again…”

“No. What about _me_? Didn’t I just _waltz out of the First Order_ and decide to be good?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t even know what my real name is. I was raised to serve the First Order. And you’re telling me that walking away from that by choice doesn’t mean anything? What about Jannah back there?”

“Okay, fine! What do you want me to do, Finn?? Please, enlighten me. Because this whole situation is already stressful as shit, and she’s not even here to guide us…!” Poe abruptly stopped talking, realizing that he was raising his voice. He quickly glanced back and saw Ben staring right back at him, giving him a peculiar look. Poe quickly turned back to Finn and lowered his voice again.

“Look. I know he’s Leia’s son. I know he had a hand in saving the galaxy; all of that space wizard, mythical stuff I don’t exactly understand…but I also have people who have been loyal to the cause for a long, long time. Hell, ever since I was a kid, my parents were always fighting the fight. How would it look to our people if I just nonchalantly let him off without any reprimand?” he sighed again. “Tension is still kind of high around here. Yes, the war is won, but bringing the ex-Supreme Leader of the First Order to a Resistance base camp isn’t exactly what I had in mind when Rey returned from Exegol. It was hard enough finding out that Palpatine lived. That’s a scary thought, Finn. I mean, is Darth Vader still out there too??”

“I doubt it…?”

“Well, obviously not. But seeing something like this makes people a little on edge. And the rumors going around about…about Rey? Shit, Finn. How are we supposed to explain any of that?”

“Well…we don’t.”

“What?”

“That’s Rey’s business. And it’s not our place to spread around that information. If people wanna talk, let them. But we can’t sit there and confirm or deny information that we technically can’t even say is 100% truth or not. Again, it’s not even our place.” Finn glanced over his shoulder. “And Rey isn’t some criminal either. She has done nothing but help this cause ever since she stumbled into it. We both have. And I trust her…wholeheartedly.”

Poe closed his eyes and smiled, shaking his head slightly, “…Always have to be right, don’t you? Smug bastard.”

“Hey, somebody has to put your crazy flyboy ass into place sometimes.”

Poe chuckled. “Yeah, I guess. It used to be Leia’s burden.”

“I don’t know, Connix has gotten better at scolding you lately.”

“True.”

Finn looked ahead and saw they were approaching a larger tent. “You know, you and Solo might have more in common than you think.”

“Don’t ever say that shit to me again.” Poe rolled his eyes.

“I’m just saying…!”

“FINN.”

“Look, I know there’s been a lot of pressure on you to lead since the General passed, but you’ve honestly been doing great, Poe. I know whatever decision you and Connix make in there is going to be the right one. Just…quit doubting yourself, man.” Finn placed a reassuring hand on Poe’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Thanks, buddy…” Poe sighed. “Sometimes a guy just needs to hear it.”

Finn and Poe glanced back at Rey and Ben, who were practically joined at the hip a few feet behind them, waiting for further instruction.

Poe leaned in close to Finn again. “Hey, I know they like, joined forces or whatever…but is there...?”

“Is there…what?” Finn raised a brow.

“Is there something going on between them?”

Finn pursed his lips and let out a short exhale. “I keep thinking that? But I feel like…”

“Right??” Poe chimed in. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

“A little…”

“Man…”

“…But we don’t know for sure, though!”

“Yeah, that’s true, that’s true…”

“Hello???” Rey’s voice cut in between their whispering. Finn and Poe turned to see Rey standing there looking irritated as ever with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Why did we stop? Where are you taking him?” she eyed them both, looking suspicious.

“We’re here actually.” Poe cleared his throat and brought his attention back to the task at hand. “Connix and I are going to decide what to do with him.”

“Can I ask for something?” Rey and Poe both turned to Ben who had decided to speak up.

“What…??” Poe stared back at him, bewildered.

“I have a question.”

“Okay, what?”

“If it’s alright, can I have a moment with her…alone?” Ben glanced over at Rey.

Poe sighed and looked back at Rey, and then at Finn, who just shrugged.

“Fine.” Poe waved them on. “You got a couple of minutes so hurry up.”

Poe walked back over to Finn and crossed his arms over his chest as the two just watched them. Rose and Jannah joined had caught up with them.

“Hey what’s going on?” Jannah whispered to Finn.

“Not sure.” Finn glanced over at Poe, who was rubbing his eyes in a stressful manner.

Ben looked down at Rey, who only kept her gaze locked on him. Even after everything that had happened, she still looked so pretty that day.

“Rey I…” Ben paused and shifted uncomfortably, still feeling eyes on him. He glanced over and saw Poe, Finn, Rose, and Jannah just hanging out and watching them; as if eagerly awaiting what his next words were going to be. He cleared his throat.

“Yeah, can I just get a moment with her… in _private_?”

“Oh yeah! Don’t mind us!” Finn grabbed Poe by his shoulders and made him turn his back to the two.

“I can’t just not watch the prisoner!” Poe muttered aloud, trying to look back at them.

“Quit being rude!” Finn scolded.

Rose and Jannah only shook their heads at Finn and Poe’s bickering. It was something that had been going on all day long.

Rey let out an aggravated sigh and rolled her eyes before she gently took Ben’s arm, leading him to the side of the tent. They had a right to not have people constantly watching and listening to them.

“Hey, hey! Don’t go far!” Poe called. “Maker, I feel like a kriffing babysitter! I mean, what is he going to say to her that he can’t say in front of us?”

“Well…yeah.” Finn agreed. “What the kriff?”

“I mean, he’s probably gonna kiss her or something,” Jannah muttered, followed by a laugh. The whole group shifted their serious eyes onto her, causing her to stop laughing altogether.

“Oh…you’re serious.” She glanced off to the side. “I mean, I thought it was obvious!” Jannah shrugged.

“Wait, what??” Poe and Finn abruptly yelled in unison.

“So there _is_ something going on? Like for sure??” Finn asked a little too desperately.

“I don’t know.” Jannah shrugged. “They just seem really close. They’re always holding hands and all that.”

“Well…” Rose spoke up “I _did_ walk in on them laying in a med bay bed together. I’m pretty sure they were making out or something because Rey jumped up pretty quickly. She acted like she was getting caught doing something—”

“Naughty!” Jannah chimed in with a little too much enthusiasm.

“WHAT?” Poe threw his hands up to the sky, nearly falling to his knees.

“Hey, hey! Take that as you will, but I still never exactly saw them kiss!” Rose shrugged. “But they have been inseparable, there’s no denying that.”

“I don’t believe this…” Poe muttered into his hands which were now sprawled across his face.

“Hey, maybeeee we can find out!” Jannah raised her eyebrows mischievously and motioned towards the side of the tent.

“Jannah! We can’t just spy on them like that!” Rose whispered aloud. “Although…” Rose trailed off and followed Jannah regardless.

Finn quickly followed after them.

“Finn! You too??” Poe dropped his hands limply to his side. “Whatever happened about respecting Rey’s business?”

“I mean…it’s all of our business…?”

“It really isn’t!”

“Okay well, I’m just gonna go get Rose and Jannah. Be right back!”

Poe watched Finn hurry off for a moment before begrudgingly following behind him, muttering to himself as he went.

“I’m living in a kriffing daytime drama series. I know it…!”

* * *

Rey and Ben were standing off to the side of the tent with nothing but deep woods on the opposite side. Ben looked down at Rey, locking his eyes with hers. He didn’t say anything; he only continued to keep his gaze on her.

“What…?” Rey finally spoke up. “What is it?”

“Hm?”

“Why do you keep looking at me like that?”

“Why? I can’t look at you?”

“Not like that…not in a way that says your last good-byes...”

Rey shot him a sharp look, but he could tell she was worried.

“I know you don’t like seeing me like this…” Ben spoke softly. “But I told you before that it’s what has to be done.”

He had such a gentle and quiet demeanor about him for the most part. She had really only seen him get loud and rowdy whenever he was very angry or extremely upset…of course, circumstances were different back then. But seeing Ben in his normal state was so comforting. Somehow, he had been the one to keep her calm all day, not the other way around. Even now he was trying to keep her calm.

“I know that…!” Rey stopped herself from raising her voice and tried to calm herself again. She looked back up at him. “How can you stay so calm about this? Anything can happen now…you do realize that?”

“I know.”

“Ben…!”

Before Rey could say anything beyond the boy’s name, she felt his lips collide with hers yet again. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly as she cradled his face in her hands, kissing him back without hesitation. Ben pulled away after a few moments and smiled softly at her.

“You don’t have to endure this with me. You didn’t have to say all of those things back there…”

“Why not? They’re just as true as the things you told them.”

“Rey…”

“Tough shit, Solo.” Rey looked back up at him. “I already made a promise, remember?”

“…Remind me?”

“That we would never be apart again.”

Ben pressed his forehead against Rey’s and closed his eyes. “I remember. I just like hearing you say it.”

Rey felt her face flush as Ben planted a gentle kiss on her forehead.

“I guess I can’t stop you.” He whispered.

“Nope.” Rey glanced up at Ben once more and gave him a mischievous grin.

Ben chuckled and lifted his cuffed hands over his head. “Come here.”

Rey moved in and wrapped her arms around Ben as he lowered his arms. They held each other close for what seemed like an eternity before they heard someone some shuffling off to the side. Ben quickly lifted his head a peered off to the side where he saw Rose and Jannah frantically try to hide behind one of the tent flaps.

“Do you think he saw us?” Jannah looked over at Rose.

“Probably.” She laughed.

“So, what were they talking about??” Finn approached the two.

“We couldn’t exactly hear them very well.” Jannah shrugged. “But yeah. They’re so together.”

“What? How do you know?!” Finn tried to peer over the tent flap.

Jannah and Rose laughed.

“What?”

“Ben Solo is brave, that’s all I’ll say.” Rose grinned.

“Brave? What…?” Finn peered over the tent flap and quickly swung back around as he felt his cheeks flush. He put a hand to his mouth and whispered aloud,

“They’re kissing! Like, full-blown making out!”

“Maker, Finn! They aren’t _making out_!” Jannah nudged him.

“It’s actually really sweet.” Rose smiled sweetly. “The way he’s looking at her and holding her and everything.”

“Right??” Jannah chimed in.

“Okay, you know what? Lovey-dovey time is over!” Poe stormed over to the side of the tent as he muttered aloud, "You all have lost your damn minds..."

“He’s so jealous…” Jannah whispered.

“I don’t think that’s it, Jannah,” Finn muttered, still bewildered.

“Still,” Jannah flashed her brows playfully.

“Maker! I don’t want to think about all that right now…” Finn walked away, not exactly sure how he felt about Rey and Ben kissing and being intimate like that.

Jannah looked back at Rose. “I think he’s jealous.”

“Oh yeah.” Rose immediately nodded in agreement.

Meanwhile, Poe was on a mission to break up the PDA. Ben saw him coming and lifted his cuffed arms up once more while Rey left his warm embrace. She took her place beside Ben as Poe scrutinized them both.

“Times up, kids. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'm sorry for the delay! I think I mentioned that I'm going to start uploading a new chapter every two weeks instead of every week. It's just less stressful that way. I uploaded this on a Tuesday of all days because I had to work all weekend, plus my laptop hinge snapped and we had to get that fixed and...well, it's just been a bitch trying to get this new chapter up. It's a little shorter than usual too. Sorry! 
> 
> I had fun writing this one, especially the back and forth with Poe and Finn and the ReyBen fluff. I'm sorry that I don't have much more to say about it, I'm just so tired from working so much lately. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, and once again thank you so much for all of the positive feedback and support. I'm working on the next chapter and I think you guys will like what's in store for our favorite Solo. <3
> 
> PS: Another apology haha! I went through and edited only twice, so I apologize for any mistakes that are still there. I will go back and fix them if there are any. ^^''


	5. Us and Them

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's punishment is decided on, and tensions are high within Rey's circle of friends. Rey also has a revelation about her and Ben.

Ben stood before General Dameron and Lieutenant Connix as they quietly talked amongst themselves. Every so often they would glance over at Ben before continuing with their whispers. It was strange; somehow Ben felt like he was back in grammar school among the kids with more elite parents… _those_ types of kids. The ones that eyed you down like a piece of bantha meat, judging every aspect of you. Of course, he expected this, but it still felt somewhat awkward.

If someone were to tell him a year ago that he would end up nearly dying (but not exactly), renouncing his former life as Kylo Ren, and ending up in rebel base camp to atone for his sins, he probably would have scoffed at the idea. If someone had told him he would be close to Rey like that; kissing, holding hands…and all of the above… he would have never believed any of it. Especially since she’s nearly killed him more than once. Thinking about it almost made him want to laugh. Things had changed so much and in such a short amount of time.

Ben thought about who he was a year ago after Rey had left, and after he screwed up royally. But he also knew that he wasn’t at a place in his life where he was ready to change or even could see that he was able to. He glanced to the side where Finn, Rose, and Rey were standing. Rey at her usual ready-for-anything stance, with that firm look on her face, but he felt the distress coming from her. The apprehension…

Poe glanced back up at Ben, giving him a not-so-friendly scowl before looking back at Connix. Ben only pursed his lips before sneaking another side glance at Rey. That was surely one thing nobody in that tent could understand; the bond that he and Rey shared. They were connected by the cosmic force, a dyad, bonded together by fate. It was quite amazing, actually. And they had gotten so close over the past couple of days, it was almost as if they were never apart. Ben loved it. He had craved her presence for so long. For a time, Rey wouldn’t even respond to him when he would reach out. She had shut him out completely. When she did decide to slowly open the line of communication through their force bond again, he would still try to coax her over to his side. She would not waver, which was admirable, but still frustrating for Ben. He just wanted her near him, not just through the bond, but physically at his side. He wasn’t certain why this was at first. It was like they barely knew one another, yet at the same time, knew almost everything. When they were together, whether by force bond or in person, Ben always felt like there was a fire raging in his chest, radiating eventually throughout his entire body.

Infatuation, he would think. Or curiosity. Or both? The more time he spent with this seemingly nobody of girl, the more he began to wonder what the feeling actually was. He felt like he might have known, even before Rey came to him in person. Before he killed Snoke. He was definitely more than certain after he and Rey fought side by side in the throne room. After everything they had gone through together, especially recently, his emotions toward her only seemed to get more serious.

Stronger…

Softer, even. 

He was in love with her, and he had fallen so far that there was probably no coming back from it.

He didn’t want to come back from it. Somehow, she had managed to bring out the best in him, after he hadn’t been his best in so long. She helped him learn. She pushed him towards being a better person, even if it meant he would be punished. He was ready to make peace with everything he had done, no matter what his punishment turned out to be. He kept thinking of Rey, and his chest ached at the thought of being separated from her again, but he remembered her promise to him and held onto it tightly. He didn’t remember feeling like this towards anyone his entire life, just her. He remembered when they were laying in the hospital bed that first night, tangled together and holding each tightly. They were covered in blood, sweat, dirt, and tears; but nothing could tear them apart during that moment. She fell asleep in his arms as he whispered his confession tenderly into her ear. He told her that he loved her, and that he always had. He wasn’t sure if she had heard it, and he thought himself a coward for not saying it aloud while she was awake. She asked to take things slow, so maybe it was best to wait to say it again. His heart and body burned hot for her, but he needed to hold back, at least for a little while longer.

Poe had cleared his throat, bringing Ben’s mind back to reality. Poe made a motion with his hand, telling Ben to step forward. Poe crossed his arms over his chest, his eyes still gleaming with disdain as he looked at Ben. Ben wasn’t too phased by it at this point. He was getting used to all of the hateful glances and whispers from everyone around the base.

“Alright,” Poe spoke up. “We’ve decided what your punishment will be. Connix?”

Connix looked up at Ben, not giving him a hateful look, but more of a stern and disciplinary one. It was strange. That look reminded him of his mother so much. She used to give him that look whenever he was in big trouble when he was a child.

“Ben Solo, formally Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order,” Connix spoke. “For the crimes you’ve committed against the resistance and the galaxy, how do you plead?”

“Guilty.”

“So, you do acknowledge your actions, and do realize the seriousness of some of your crimes?”

“I do.”

“Alright Solo, I have your sentence.”

“I’m ready…”

“You have to clean all of the flight suits. All of them; and help repair any damage to them as needed. You are also to assist the mechanics in repairing any damage done to the x-wings and other ships. And lastly, you will be doing any type of labor asked of you on this base. That means assisting with repairs, helping out in the med bay, and just assisting people as they make their way off this base over the next few days. Got it?”

Ben blinked, slightly taken aback by the choice of punishment.

“That’s it…?” Ben asked slowly, glancing over at Poe and then back to Connix.

“Yup.” Poe let out an exasperated sigh as he went to unlock Ben’s cuffs.

“What do you mean, that’s it?” Connix scoffed. “It’s a lot of work, so I’d prepare yourself. I know all about you Ben Solo, and your sheltered life before your turn to the dark. Leia may have babied you, but I certainly won’t. This labor is far from easy, and unlike the First Order, we don’t have servants or tons of droids to do our bidding. We do it all ourselves.”

“You…knew my mother?”

“I worked by her side for years, and I eventually became her right hand. I was even at her side when she passed and became one with the force…so yes, I knew her very well.”

Ben stayed silent as he remembered feeling his mother’s presence leave this world. He still felt pain, and even more so, guilt for not being there…for nearly twelve years of not being there.

“She… she spoke of you very often.” Connix continued. She saw a look of surprise cross Ben’s face when she said this. “She didn’t tell very many people about you. Only the ones she trusted dearly. She spoke of her son who struggled, eventually turned to the dark, changed his name and tried to kill his old self. You had a dark destiny as well, didn’t you? You were supposed to die on Exegol.”

Ben only let out a sharp exhale. Once again, he was reliving the horror of what he and Rey went through during and after that last battle with Palpatine.

“You’re right…” Ben spoke up softly. “I wasn’t. I shouldn’t be here, but by the grace of the force I am.”

“Mm…so it makes a lot of sense now.”

“Excuse me…?”

“You may not know it but I’ve been keeping tabs on you for a while. Learning more about you, all of that. I know every single crime you’ve committed. I also know the good things you have done. Is it correct that you renounced the name of Kylo Ren?”

“I don’t recognize that side of myself any longer…”

“Alright.” Connix’s face softened a bit. “You realize that, even though you left the First Order and renounced Kylo Ren, even though you have helped Rey save the galaxy, you can’t be excused for what you’ve done as Kylo Ren?”

“I know.”

“And we are grateful for what you have done so far, with helping Rey defeat Palpatine; however, you still have a way to go before your so-called redemption can mean anything to the galaxy. Because it’s not over yet.”

“…I know.”

Finn leaned in and whispered to Rey, “Whaaat is she talking about? Any idea?”

“Honestly no…” Rey kept listening, trying to understand Connix’s words. Was there something that she knew about Ben that Rey didn’t?

“Ben, I have a final message for you. It’s from Leia…”

“You…what?” Ben wasn’t sure what to expect when he walked into that tent, but it certainly wasn’t that. “When?”

“When she was on her deathbed. You can come in now!” Connix called out to the front of the tent, near the entrance. In rolled R2-D2, followed by Maz Kanata herself. The droid spun around and faced Ben, making a few beeping noises at him as he did.

“Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you,” Ben replied to the droid.

Maz was beside the droid, nearly the same height. She looked directly up at Ben and squinted as if to get a better look at him.

“Ben Solo…” she spoke slowly as she examined his face. “Well, hasn’t it been over a decade or so since I saw that pretty little face?”

“It’s been a long time, Maz. How are you?”

“Old, but still doing what I do! Look at you!”

It was weird having a casual conversation in front of a bunch of spectators. Ben wasn’t really sure how else to respond back. He was a kid last time he saw Maz.

“Cool.” He casually replied, and he immediately heard Rey in his head making fun of him for it. So much for not looking like a dork.

“You’ve grown!” Maz smacked the boy’s lower back, which was a little too close to his ass for comfort. “And built like a solid Endorian tree at that. You definitely have your father’s genes.”

Ben felt his cheeks flush at the embarrassing comment. He quickly glanced over at Rey. She had her hand over her mouth, and Ben sighed to himself.

_Fuck, she’s trying not to laugh. Thanks a lot, Maz._

“Um, Maz?” Connix made a motion with her head while looking back at R2. “Can we get back to the task at hand, please?”

“Apologies.” Maz joined Connix and R2. “Never could stay out of trouble, could you, Solo?”

Ben only pursed his lips nervously again. “I, uh…I guess not…”

Maz only laughed. “You’re so nervous, Ben Solo. But I suppose you _should_ be.” Maz looked past Ben to the corner of the tent, where Rey, Finn, and Rose were quietly standing.

“Rey.” Maz motioned for her. “Come here. You need to hear this too.”

Rey wasn’t sure what was happening, but she walked up to Maz and Connix regardless. She stood next to Ben, looking up as him as she inched closer. His dark eyes caught hers immediately. She wanted nothing more than to just fall into his arms and cry, or laugh, or maybe both. She was so relieved that his punishment was hard labor. Not banishment. Not death. Just work. She also knew that they weren’t in the clear just yet. She still had no real idea about what was happening, or that Leia had even left a final message for Ben. She began to wonder if Leia knew that all of this would happen, or at least some of it anyway. Maz looked up at the two and continued.

“It’s true, Ben. Your destiny was supposed to take another turn. You were supposed to be redeemed in death after you gave your life to Rey. Leia had known your fate. She had already seen it years ago in a force vision.”

“What does that mean?” Rey spoke up. “That he was destined to…to die?”

“Yes.” Maz nodded.

“But…why?” Rey looked at Maz, somewhat bewildered.

“At first it was thought to end the Skywalker bloodline completely. It is a curse, the Skywalker name.”

Rey glanced up at Ben, who was staring down at the floor. His eyes looked exhausted. Just talking about all of this was a seemingly rough subject for him.

Rey felt lost at first. She heard the name Skywalker so many times growing up. She knew all of the stories. She constantly heard about how Luke Skywalker, the heroic Jedi, who took down the Empire and freed the galaxy from tyranny. She met Leia and saw all of the amazing things she had done and admired her natural ability to lead. But a curse?

“It started with Anakin Skywalker, and it must end with you. You, Ben Solo. The blood of your mother runs through your veins, the blood of a Skywalker. Your destiny has taken a turn. As both of you should know, a force vision is not a vision of the future, yet it is also not just a dream to ignore. It is a vision of what _could_ be. Not what _will_ be, necessarily speaking. Force visions can even serve as warnings for the force user to heed. You are correct that it was by the will of the force that you are still alive, Ben. Even after giving your life force to Rey, you still had just enough to stay alive. It gave Rey enough power to keep you alive. It gave both of you the ability to have life flowing steadily throughout your bodies as you healed.” Maz looked upon the two with serious eyes.

“Do you realize what kind of power you two possess?”

Rey and Ben looked at one another. Rey remembered what Ben had told her; about them being a dyad in the force, but she admitted that she still didn’t fully understand it all.

Maz continued, “You two did not encounter one another by accident. You were meant to find one another. You already know that you are a dyad in the force. Two halves that come together to make one powerful element. You were chosen to live, Ben Solo. To fulfill the rest of your destiny. To restore what was lost during a time long before your birth. To correct the mistakes made by your bloodline.” She turned to Rey. “And you, Rey. Descendent of Palpatine, Darth Sidious, the former ruler of the Empire. You did not choose his path; however, tainted blood also runs through your veins. You know this.”

Rey felt her stomach turn. After defeating Palpatine, she still felt a sickness, an ache every time she thought of her true heritage. She tried her best to block it out after the battle, but it was time to confront it now, no matter how painful it was. Maz took Rey’s hand in hers, and Ben’s hand in the other.

“Both of your ancestors have caused a significant imbalance to the force, and have brought severe damage to the galaxy for nearly a century. It is up to both of you to fix what is broken. Restore what was lost.” Maz placed Rey’s hand gently into Ben’s, causing the two to look at one another as Maz continued to speak.

“A dyad. Two that are one. Balance.”

Rey stared up at Ben, keeping her gaze on his soft brown eyes that looked longingly back at her. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, which seemed to become their own secret way of saying that everything would be okay, without having to say it. It said, _I am here, and it's going to be okay_. Rey closed her eyes for a moment, trying her best to keep her stance and not get too emotional in front of everyone. She gave Ben a gentle squeeze back, and he brushed his thumb affectionately up her index finger before they mutually let go of one another.

“So, in order to that…” Maz spoke up again. “You must learn more about both of your heritages.” She looked up at Ben. “And it’s time that you learned about Anakin Skywalker and who he was. _Really_ learn this time.” Maz looked over at Connix and nodded. Connix then hit a button on R2, and a holo-message appeared, with a small holographic Leia appearing. She looked to be sitting down in front of R2 as she began to record her message.

Ben looked at her, and his chest began to ache once more. It was only a hologram, but it was her nonetheless. She looked so tired…

And then he heard her speak.

_“Ben…my son. My only child. I do hope this message reaches you. I know if it is the will of the force that it will, and I trust that. Listen Ben; what I’m about to tell you is so important. I need you to promise me that you will listen closely, alright?”_

“Yes…” Ben responded, barely speaking above a whisper.

Rey turned and looked up at him. He had tears welling up in his eyes already, and he looked like he was trying really hard to keep it together at that moment. It was a little hard for everyone in the room, as Leia’s passing was still so fresh.

_“I want to first tell you how sorry I am, Ben. I’m sorry that your father and I weren’t there as much when you were a child. I’m sorry I didn’t take the time to try and understand or even help you with your own force sensitive abilities. And most of all, I…I’m sorry for sending you away. I regretted it every day for the rest of my life. The truth is, I never fully understood what it meant to be force sensitive. I never fully tapped into it like your uncle Luke. I attempted the Jedi path once, but felt it wasn’t the right path for myself personally. Regardless, I still could have at least tried to help you gain better control of your force wielding abilities. I regret that as well…and I’m sorry.”_

As Ben continued to listen, he couldn’t help but feel a range of emotions. Anger, sadness, guilt, pain, regret; but even in the middle of all of that was a small glimmer of relief, hope, and possibly even some closure.

_“I also purposefully didn’t tell you about your grandfather, Anakin Skywalker. The truth of the matter was that I was ashamed. I was ashamed to be associated with Darth Vader, and that his blood actually ran through my veins. After Endor, word got out and, of course, it spread quickly. I was once very well respected; a princess and ambassador for Alderaan. And suddenly, I was reduced to being the cursed offspring of Darth Vader, someone who has caused the death of thousands and destroyed worlds just because he could. That was not my father. As far as I was concerned, Bail Organa was my real father. He was the one who raised me to be the woman I am today. It didn’t seem to matter, despite all of that. Because of this discovery, I was ostracized. My work was compromised and overshadowed by a father that I’ve never known, but the whole galaxy knew all too well. Suddenly the respect was gone. People’s trust in me was gone. I couldn’t bear it, and I most certainly didn’t want my son to endure it as well...”_

Leia paused for a moment and sighed softly before continuing,

_“I was planning on telling you about your grandfather and his fall to the dark when you were a little older, but I kept putting it off, and eventually I waited too long. Ben…I truly thought it was the right thing to do at the time, but I know now that it wasn’t. In my mind, I was protecting you by hiding your heritage, but in reality, it was because I was ashamed. I never, ever want you to feel ashamed of who you are, just because of the blood you carry. You are not a monster…you are my son…and regardless of what your destiny may hold, I know you will make things right. In my heart, I truly feel this. I love you, Ben. I’ve made mistakes, and so have you… but that doesn’t change the love I have for you; my boy…my only son.”_

Ben closed his eyes as he listened to his mother’s voice, which would probably be for the last time. Rey watched as a stray tear rolled down his cheek. She saw his lips move, mouthing the words silently.

_“I love you too, mom.”_

Rey looked back at the hologram as Leia continued.

_“Now I don’t have much time, so you need to listen closely. Rey, you listen too. I left R2 with a chip that holds all of the information you need for your journey. Maps, coordinates, and codes to assist you as you find out the secrets of your ancestors’ pasts. There are other things too. Information that goes even farther back than your grandfather. I don’t fully understand a lot of the ancient texts, but I know you will find someone to help you understand them and guide you. Until you confront the mistakes of your ancestors, you cannot bring balance to the force. This is an important step that will take a lot of courage, willpower, and above all, trust. Now, your journey won’t be an easy one; and there will be times where both of you are tested, and possibly even put against one another. The dark powers that be will try everything to tear you apart…to divide you. You cannot let that happen; you have to stand tall and know that you will always have one another, and hold onto that hope that you’ll eventually make it through whatever trial you face together.”_

Leia paused and put a hand to her chest. Her face was looking more exhausted with each passing second. Connix came into view in the hologram, leaning down and putting a hand on Leia’s shoulder, asking quietly if she was alright. Leia nodded and said something quietly to her that couldn’t be heard well over the recording. Connix nodded and stepped back out of view.

_“Ben…Rey…please take care of one another. And Ben, please don’t be afraid to show yourself. Don’t be afraid to love hard. I know you, and you’re afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve. It doesn’t make you weak, son. If anything, there is an immense amount of strength that comes with love. Both of you, no matter how difficult things get, trust in one another. Trust in love.”_

Ben had his gaze on Rey again, and their eyes locked as Leia spoke of love and the bond between the two. Rey felt a small hitch in her chest as Ben warmly stared back at her with soft, brown eyes. It was at that moment that the two both felt a squeeze from the opposite person’s hands They looked down and saw that they had somehow, while listening to Leia’s heartfelt message, locked hands again without really realizing. Rey felt her cheeks flush, and she quickly looked back up at the hologram. Ben only continued to look at her longingly as he held her hand more firmly.

_“I know you both can do this. Find what was lost and make it right. And above all, trust each other. I love you both so much, and I am so proud of you. I have to go now. May the force be with you…Always.”_

And with that, Leia disappeared as the holo-message ended, followed by a series of sad beeps from R2-D2. Ben continued to hold Rey’s hand and gripped it tightly. Rey even felt him trembling a little bit. She pursed her lips as she quickly tried to wipe some stray tears from her face with her sleeve. Both Ben and Rey were trying to keep it together, as was everyone else in the room. Leia was gone, but despite the sorrow that followed her death, her strong feelings of hope remained. It was silent for a moment before Connix spoke again.

“So…do you see now? This is what you’re meant to do. It won’t be easy.”

“There will be some suffering, pain, even some memories that you don’t want to relive…” Maz added. “It’s why you only received hard labor, Solo; because this journey will be considered the rest of your penance. Do you understand?”

Ben paused for a moment before looking back down at Connix and Maz.

“Yes, I understand.”

“Do you accept what was told to you? And will you carry out your mission?” Maz asked.

“…I will.”

“And Rey, do you accept your role in this as well?”

“Yes.” Rey nodded as she squeezed Ben’s hand even tighter.

“Are you both absolutely certain that you are ready and willing to accept this difficult journey?”

“Yes.” Ben and Rey spoke in unison.

Ben was standing tall, doing his best to look strong amongst everyone in the tent, but Rey could also see a look of worry, even uncertainty behind his eyes. It wasn’t too far off from what she was feeling.

The rest of the meeting went by rather quickly after that. Maz said a few more things before handing Ben the chip and explaining how to use it and how to access certain files on it. Ben bowed his head and thanked Maz and Connix, before quickly turning and walking swiftly back out of the tent as he held tightly onto Rey’s hand. She didn’t bother to stop him, as she wanted out of that tent just as badly as he did. It felt like they had been in there forever, and felt even more so as the exited, being greeted by a dimly lit dusk. Ben stopped and stood still for a moment as he stared at the ground. He kept his grip on Rey as he took a deep breath in, and a sharp exhale out. He did this a few times before Rey felt his grip start to loosen and his breathing begin to steady. He looked pale with a worried look in his eyes. Rey squeezed his hand.

“Ben? Are you alright?”

“I…I’m sorry…”

“What…?”

Ben let go of Rey’s hand swiftly and turned towards the busy base camp.

“I have to go somewhere. I’ll be right back okay?”

“Where are you going…?”

“I just…I have to get away for a moment.” Ben muttered and began to swiftly walk away from Rey and into the crowded camp.

“W-wait! I’ll go with you!”

Rey began to swiftly follow behind him but didn’t get far. Before she could even attempt to follow, Rey was bombarded by her comrades who were just coming out of the tent. By the time she looked back out at the busy base camp, he was gone. It looked like he was heading towards the surrounding forest before, but already lost sight of him. She cursed to herself as her friends surrounded her.

“Okay, so like holy shit!” Finn exclaimed as he approached Rey. “That was a lot. I mean really crazy, all of that stuff. Am I right?”

“Yeah, I’ll say.” Poe rolled his eyes.

“Rey…that was a lot of information dropped on you both.” Rose looked at Rey, slightly concerned. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Rey stopped scanning the camp for Ben, a little frustrated that he just took off without barely a word. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about this with her friends because she knew exactly what all of them would say. She loved them all dearly, but they just didn’t understand. The only one who could truly understand was Ben, and he had ran off.

“Yeah,” Finn agreed. “I mean, I get what you’re doing, but at the same time…why?”

“What?” Rey looked at Finn, a little bewildered by his question.

“I mean…” Finn sighed, attempting to explain best he could without offending Rey. “Look, so you’re descended from Palpatine. But it’s like Maz said, you never chose the path he took. Ben, on the other hand, …the guy had several chances to make it right.”

“He is making it right.” Rey shrugged, wondering what was so hard to understand about that. “That’s why he is doing this.”

“Okay, no need to get defensive…” Finn put up his hands in defense. “I’m just saying; didn’t you even try to bring him back to the light by yourself a little over a year ago? And that didn’t go over so well, remember?”

“You did _what_? When was this?” Poe asked, looking as judgmental as ever.

That stung. Rey had told Finn that in confidence, and now felt as if he was throwing her mistakes back in her face in front of everybody. Why was everyone treating her like a naïve little child all of a sudden?

“Finn, what the hell? I only told you that.” Rey muttered aloud.

Finn winced, knowing he had messed up. “I’m sorry, Rey. It’s just…I don’t think you should go. You don’t have to do this. You’ve only ever been good. You’ve only fought for good!”

“Stop.” Rey put a hand up. “Stop…talking like you know what this is all about.”

“Rey I’m just---”

“Quit acting as if you know me so well! There are so many things you don’t even know, so just stop!”

“Okay, Rey. We didn’t mean to make you upset…” Rose tried to lower the tension surrounding the group. “We’re just worried.”

“Well, I’m fine, okay? How many times do I have to say that I’m fine!”

“Well, clearly you aren’t!” Poe spat back.

Rey turned her eyes on Poe and glared. “How about you just say what’s really on your mind, Poe?”

“Gladly!” Poe scoffed.

“Poe, don’t…” Finn groaned.

“Oh, nobody _understands_ you?” Poe mocked. “Who does then, huh? Your tall, dark and brooding criminal of a boyfriend?”

“He’s not…! What are you even saying??”

“Oh please. Quit playing dumb.”

“I don’t know what you’re even implying!”

“Rey…” Rose spoke up. “We did see you and Ben together today.”

“We all saw you both sucking face earlier! Behind the tent!” Poe threw his arms in the air. “Like what the fuck, Rey??”

“You’re just…it’s not what it looked like!” Rey stuttered.

“Okay fine; but don’t act like we can’t see that eyesore of a mark on your neck.”

Rey slapped her hand over her neck. So much had happened that day, and so quickly. She hadn’t even thought to put a scarf or cowl on to cover Ben’s bite mark. She struggled to find her words for a moment as she felt her cheeks burn. Humiliation welled up inside of her and everything began to look blurred.

How could she have been so careless? Off gallivanting with Ben out in the open like that…

She hadn’t been careful at all. Not at the med bay when Rose found the two tangled together in the bed. Or when they nearly had sex on the holo-gaming table in the falcon. Or when she kissed him out in the open behind the tent like that. It was almost as if she lost sight of everything, getting all dizzied up with Ben Solo and seemingly shutting out the rest of the universe. Maybe it was wrong…but who were her friends to judge? She was tired. Tired from war, and tired from people telling her who she needed to be.

“Fine! You want to know about Ben and me? I’ll tell you. It’s kriffing complicated okay?! And you know what? None of you have any idea of what I…what Ben _and_ I had been put through on Exegol! So how dare you sit there are point your grubby, judgmental little fingers at me!” Rey glared at Poe as hot tears began to roll down her cheeks.

She turned her gaze back on Finn. “And you know what else? I am so tired of everyone making me out to be this god damn saint all of the time! Am I not allowed to get angry? Or feel anything else? Are my stupid rock moving abilities more important to everyone than my own self??”

“Rey…I didn’t mean…” Finn reached out a hand, only for Rey to shove it away.

“No!” she turned sharply and ran towards the forest, leaving her friends behind to stare after her. She didn’t even bother to look back.

“Did you see that?” Poe huffed and turned to Finn. “She’s fucking hysterical.”

“She’s not even acting like herself. What the hell is going on?” Finn let out an aggravated sigh.

“Guys, not cool.” Rose shook her head. “Finn, is there maybe even a slight chance that you don’t know Rey as well as you think you do?”

“Rose, are you serious??” Finn shook his head in denial. “She’s kind of my best friend!”

“That doesn’t matter. You still shouldn’t be putting pressure on her like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You could have said something else besides emphasizing her goodness. You were practically putting her on a pedestal and honestly…”

“What?” Finn crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’m just saying it’s not right.” Rose sighed.

“You know what? I’ve had enough of this for today.” Poe threw his hands up walked back towards the tent. “I have more important things to worry about than their fucked-up romance. They can do whatever they want for all I care!”

Rose sighed before turning back to Finn, “Finn, you’re going to have to accept that maybe you don’t know Rey as well as you thought. You might think that you do when really it could just be this version of her you thought up in your head.”

“That’s…that’s really stupid.” Finn struggled to accept the idea as a possibility. “Why would I even do that?”

“It’s not like you meant to do it. Sometimes we idolize certain people so much that we look past their flaws.” Rose looked at Finn as he glanced over her in the direction that Rey stormed off to.

“Finn, you don’t have feelings for Rey…do you?”

“I…what?? That’s…no! I told you she’s my best friend!”

“Are you sure that you don’t? And maybe seeing Rey and Ben together---”

“Don’t even go there, Rose.” Finn sighed.

“Maybe you’re upset that she’s confiding in him and not you, and you’re envious of the kind of relationship that they have.”

“Rose…!” he paused, putting a hand to his forehead as he felt his blood begin to boil just thinking about the idea of Rey and Ben. Was he jealous?

“I really don’t wanna talk about this anymore,” Finn muttered. “I’m going to get something to eat…see you later.”

Finn walked towards the mess hall, leaving Rose by herself. She glanced over at the forest where Rey took off. She didn’t agree with everything that was happening, of course. But the last thing she wanted was for Rey to feel unwelcome or that she couldn’t be herself around her friends and comrades. It was an odd situation, but perhaps they themselves needed to put more trust in their friend, rather than more fear into a former enemy.

* * *

Rey forcibly threw her hand out in front of her, moving any plants, rocks, or other objects that were in her path. She hadn’t remembered the last time she felt so angry, hurt, and betrayed. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she angrily swept small some shrubbery and rocks aside as she stormed through the thick forest. She just wanted to get away from everyone already. Maybe that was why she let herself fade into la-la land whenever she was with Ben. She was so tired of fighting. She was tired of everything. Would it kill her to have one day of calm without having to worry about what was going to happen next? Ben never looked at her with judgment, even when he was Kylo-kriffing-Ren! And that’s pathetic that Kylo Ren had more sympathy for her than her own friends.

Rey let out a frustrated scream as she slammed her fist into a nearby tree. The rough bark cut across her knuckles, causing some bleeding. She stood hunched over at the tree in silence as she breathed heavily in and out, attempting to catch her breath. She was so angry and so fired up at first; but then came the sadness and self-deprecation. The tears stung as they trickled down her reddened cheeks. After a few silent moments, she looked up and wiped her eyes. She looked closer at a thicket a few feet in front of her and could spot a possible clearing beyond it. She stood up and kept walking, trying her best to step over or around the brush instead of using the force to move it. She felt guilty that she had angrily uprooted so many living things on the way.

Sure enough, there was a large, but intimate looking clearing. It was beautiful. The treetops were thick with leaves and greenery, making it hard for any overhead ships to see into it from above, but with big enough gaps in the trees for the right amount of sunlight to shine through. There was a peaceful stream that flowed into a small crystal-clear lake that, upon closer inspection, was swimming with fish. The lake had plenty of greenery and plants surrounding it. There were rocks and boulders of different sizes near the water, making for perfect spots to sit and fish or just layout and enjoy the nature. Rey began to wonder if anyone had even been to this place before.

She took a seat in the grass near the edge of the lake. The sound of the stream was soothing, and the grass was so soft as she sat down in it. It wasn’t scratchy, hot, and grainy like the sands of Jakku. She loved all of the greenery and the peacefulness that came from it.

She could live in it forever.

She pulled her legs close to her chest and dipped her head between her legs as she caught her breath again, but she still couldn’t seem to stop the tears from coming, no matter how hard she tried to stop them. The day had been so stressful, and she couldn’t even turn to her friends for comfort. She sat there for a few moments alone and wept softly into her arms while listening to the sounds of the woods around her.

After another private moment, she looked up once more and realized that it would be getting dark soon.

Where was Ben?

* * *

Ben laid in the tall grass, staring up at the sky as the night was getting ready to set in. He liked the night, and he loved the dark. It was peaceful, uncertain, and beautiful. The daytime sometimes proved too busy and bright. He would much rather bask in the glow of moons and distant stars rather than any suns.

He knew he should probably get back to Rey soon, but he also felt relieved to be away from that base camp. It had been quite an eventful day. On top of his trial that would determine the punishment of his crimes, he was then faced with a whole new journey that he technically did not ask for, and was somehow also part of his punishment. He wasn’t exactly sure what to think about all of it.

Obviously, he wanted to do what he needed to do to make things right with himself and what he had done to others, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was getting dragged into his family’s drama yet again. And they weren’t even alive anymore! It had barely been three days and all of this had been forcibly thrust upon not only himself but Rey as well. That was the very last thing he wanted. Not to mention that holo-message from his mother; that alone took so much out of him for the day. It was too much, and he had held it together as well as he could in front of Rey and the others. But once they were allowed to leave that tent, Ben had decided that he needed some serious space.

He had to breathe.

He laid there on a small clearing floor, surrounded by shrubs and plants as he stared up at the fading orange sky.

_“Where are you?”_

Ben quickly sat up. He could hear her voice just as clearly as he would if she were physically sitting next to him.

_“Rey?”_

_“Ben…?”_

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“Just…where are you?”_

_“…Are you crying? What happened?”_

_“I need you…now, please?”_

Ben swiftly got to his feet and dusted the loose grass from his clothing.

_“Where are you? Show me and I’ll come to you.”_

* * *

It only took a second or two for Ben to see Rey’s surroundings in his head. She was in a different clearing in the woods, and it wasn’t too far from where he was apparently. He bolted through the woods, using the force to move some of the branches from the lower hanging trees that were in his way. It took barely five minutes to reach her location, and he stopped for a brief moment to catch his breath. He then scanned the area until he spotted her hunched over by the edge of a lake. He wasted no time running over to meet her, calling her name as he went.

“Rey...”

Rey raised her head almost immediately as he approached her. She looked a mess. Her eyes hung red and swollen over her tear-stained cheeks. Her clothes were disheveled and her hair was coming loose from the braid he helped her with earlier that day. He quickly knelt beside her and gently took her face in his hands, trying to get a better look at her.

“Who did this? Who made you cry?” Ben growled.

“Ben…”

“Damn it!” Ben mentally kicked himself. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you. Tell me who did this. I’ll fucking teach them to never do it again…!”

“Ben! Please don’t. Things are already difficult enough with us so please just don’t!”

There was a brief stillness that passed over them, and neither spoke for a few solitary moments. Ben continued to caress Rey’s face in his hands regardless.

“I’m sorry…” Ben finally spoke up. His expression softened as he gently swiped his thumb across her damp cheek. He glanced down and saw Rey’s hand, which was reddened and bruised, and even cut in some places around her knuckles. He gently took her injured hand in his and carefully examined it. Rey hissed softly in pain.

“How did this happen?” Ben gently put his hand over her injured one.

“I…” Rey looked away from him, feeling slightly embarrassed as she muttered, “I got angry.”

Ben looked at her for a moment before letting out a soft chuckle.

“Stop laughing…”

“Punched a tree?”

Rey glanced back at him.

“…How did you know?”

“Because I also punch things when I’m angry.”

“Of course you do…” Rey muttered, trying her best not to let a laugh escape. She wasn’t done being angry just yet.

“Well, I thought it was funny…” Ben mumbled to himself as he rested his hand gently atop of Rey’s.

Rey turned her eyes back on Ben and watched as he healed. All of the cuts and bruising were gone; completely healed. She watched as he put his hand back over hers and gently swept over her skin, using the force to lift the excess at blood from her skin in tiny droplets. He slowly moved his hand off to the side and flicked the droplets off to the side in the grass. There wasn’t enough to be harmful to the nature surrounding them.

“There…” Ben raised her hand to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss as his eyes met hers.

“Thank you…” Rey felt a small flutter in her chest as Ben kissed her hand while staring back at her. That was something about Ben. Beneath his rough exterior was a type of softness that wasn’t easy to come by. Rey often wondered if it was his mother who instilled that sort of thing into him growing up.

“So, how did you do that?”

“How did I do what?” Ben raised an eyebrow.

“With the blood?”

“That? That’s easy. You can do it too. It just takes concentration and precision.”

“Maybe you can show me how one of these days?” Rey finally managed to give him a soft smile.

“Of course. Whatever you want…” Ben bashfully replied as he continued to watch Rey. She was wiping her eyes with her sleeve again.

“Ah, I hate that you saw me like this today.” Rey laughed awkwardly into her sleeve.

“Why?” Ben took a proper seat beside her on the grass. “I don’t care about any of that, and it won’t alter my view of you if that’s what you’re worried about…” Ben stretched his legs and stared out at the little lake.

“Cry, scream, and punch the shit out of things as much as you want around me. Or don’t. Though it’s kind of cute when you’re angry.” He gave her a playful poke in the arm.

“I hate this too…!” Rey laughed aloud as she skipped a small rock on the lake.

“Hate what...?”

“That, for some reason, you’re the only person I even care to be around right now! The only person who even gets it! The only one who…who makes me feel _right_ …”

And just like that, the two were caught in the stillness of the forest once more. They stared out at the lake as the connecting stream babbled, creating a far more peaceful atmosphere than the base camp ever could.

Ben sat back on his elbows and fiddled with the soft grass underneath his hands. It was probably the softest grass he had ever felt. The kind of grass that reminded him of home. A home he hadn’t been back to see in so long. He shifted his glance back over at Rey, who was still sitting with her knees hugged to her chest, staring out at the lake. 

“Do I really…” Ben paused for a moment. “Do I really make you feel _right_ …?” he trailed off as Rey slowly turned to look at him.

She sighed and rested her hand over his cheek before gently sliding in upward and through his hair to his ear. Ben felt a few chills run down the back of his neck. He liked how it felt.

“Yes.” She whispered softly.

“…Do you really hate it though?”

“No…I don’t actually.” Rey slumped over to the side and rested her head onto Ben’s shoulder. “It’s just…everything is changing so quickly. I used to confide in people like Finn and my friends for so much, or at least I thought I did. Maybe I kept more secrets than I thought.”

“I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that. Who doesn’t keep secrets?”

“I know but…well, I just feel like even if I did want to say all of it…I just feel like they’d never understand. I hate to say it, but sometimes I feel that they really don’t seem to know me at all.”

“But I do.”

Rey glanced up at him. He still had his eyes softly resting upon her.

“…I know.” Rey inched her hand closer to Ben’s until their fingers were gently touching. “I know that, and I think that’s what’s making it difficult. You and I…we…” Rey struggled to get her words out. “We’re not like everyone else back there…are we?”

“We…” Ben sighed. “…most definitely are not.”

“And I know this, and I keep trying to accept it and accept this new path; but then I start thinking about it and honestly, Ben, maybe sometimes I wish I could just be like them. Sometimes I don’t want to have these abilities. And having to learn more about my _heritage_ , or whatever you want to call it makes me feel sick to my stomach!” she slumped back into his shoulder as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

“I just…why, Ben? Why does it have to be this hard?”

Ben gently slipped his arm around Rey’s waist and pulled her closer to him as she cried softly into his shoulder. He rested his chin atop her head and softly kissed her hair, as she wept.

“I really hate it when you cry…” he whispered.

“I know. I’m the biggest baby lately, aren’t I?” Rey’s words were muffled by Ben’s shirt.

“You’re not a baby. I just don’t like it that you’re hurting so much…”

“A lot has happened, Ben. It’s kind of hard not to cry…”

“I know…” Ben continued to hold her until the sniffling began to die down a bit.

“You know…I think about it all the time, every day.” He spoke up. “I was held to so many expectations and high standards growing up. My family was…I don’t know. All I know was that at times it was all too much. And then I came to a point where I wasn’t even sure what to do anymore. Not even when I left my family behind and followed Snoke into the darkness. I often wished I was back home on Chandrila with my parents, but just living like a normal family. Mom wasn’t spending days in the capital, or traveling to other worlds to advocate. Dad wasn’t off smuggling Maker knows what…I just wanted to be a normal kid with a normal family. Instead, I had a broken family and constant voices in my head…and then Luke…” he paused. “I hated the name Skywalker so much after what happened with my uncle…I just wanted to make it all go away.”

Rey sniffled into his shoulder but didn’t move from her spot. Ben gave her another gentle kiss on top of her head.

“What I’m trying to say is…I understand…I really do, Rey.”

“…I know you do. That’s why I wanted you to stay.”

“Stay?”

“Why did you run off like that earlier?” Rey lifted her head and looked at him with teary eyes. “Why did you leave me behind?”

Ben felt like a knife had gone through his chest and had been twisted over and over again. He looked down at Rey, who only stared back up at him with hazel eyes full of tears, expecting an answer as to why he had brushed her aside so easily without a care in the world. He was one of the reasons that she was crying, and he felt absolutely awful for it. 

“I’m sorry…I was being selfish.”

Ben gently ran a finger down her back until he found the end of her braid. He twirled it around absentmindedly as he stared back out over the lake.

“…After everything that had happened back there…the stress just sort of got to me. Seeing my mom was just…” Ben swallowed hard, trying to hold back tears yet again. “Anyway, I just felt like everyone’s eyes have been on me since the moment I stepped foot here. I get it, I do, but I needed a moment to just be alone and breathe. I was overwhelmed by all of this information too, Rey.”

“…I’m sorry that you felt that way. I probably should have tried to help you more…”

“No, no, no! It’s not like that at all.” Ben shook his head in disagreement. “None of it was because of you…” Ben sighed. “The last thing I wanted was for you to get wrapped up in my shit yet again, but that’s exactly what happened anyway.”

“You only think that…” Rey muttered. “Everything I choose to do with you is exactly that—a choice. You’re not dragging me into anything.”

Ben twirled the tip of Rey’s braid between his fingers. “I know…but I am sorry about today. If anything, I should be sorry for leaving you alone like that. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I guess I just assumed you wanted to talk with your friends.”

Rey scoffed. “You would think…”

“What do you mean?”

“I really just wanted everyone to leave me alone for a while.”

“…Except for me?”

Rey only buried her head further into his shoulder, feeling embarrassed as ever.

“…Yes.” she murmured into his shoulder. “I feel like you understand me more than anyone right now, and if anyone else were to hear me say that they would pitch a fit. That already happened earlier…”

“…I feel the same way, Rey. About you…”

“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Rey quickly looked back up at him with her eyes full of wonder.

“Well, it might have something to do with being a dyad in the force and having this unexplainable force bond that nobody else seems to have…just a hunch.” Ben shrugged as he smirked back at her.

“Maybe, maybe.” Rey playfully agreed. She looked back out over the lake as the sky continued to darken into night. “I’ve just never had something like this with anyone before. It feels special…and I’m glad that I have it and nobody else does…is that bad?

“I don’t think it’s bad, per se.”

“No?”

“Well…maybe a little selfish. But a good kind of selfish.” Ben grinned.

“I can agree with that I guess…how do you feel about it…all of this…?”

“Well…” Ben looked up at the canopy of trees above them. “I’ve never been able to connect with someone like this my entire life. I’ve never truly felt like I could trust anyone, or felt comfortable enough to share some of the things that I’ve shared with you…it’s always just been you…” Ben glanced back at Rey with soft eyes.

She wasn’t sure what it was; whether it was the healing of her hand, his gentle words, or that kiss to her hand. Maybe it was finding comfort in talking to him and having him understand. Maybe it was having a literal shoulder to cry on, and not being judged even though she knew she looked like a complete crying mess. It very well could have been the intense bonding session they just had. Whatever it was, Rey was beginning to feel really good.

Ben had snuck his arm back around her waist. He gave it a gentle squeeze as he pulled her in closer. She took another glance at him. Ben looked really good that night, even though he did nothing special to do so. It wasn’t really in a conventional sense, but in a way that made Rey’s heart begin to race and her stomach stir. His dark hair was kind of wild from when he was running earlier, with slight waves turning at the tips of a few strands due to the humidity in the air. He was just a little sweaty from the run as well, so he had small beads of moisture hanging from the tips of his hair and some had trickled down his forehead earlier, giving him a sort of magical glisten on his skin. Was she honestly thinking that sweating was hot? And then that fitted shirt they had found earlier that barely held him together seemed to make his chest and shoulders look way broader than usual.

Maz was right. He really was built like a solid Endorian tree, and he was suddenly making it very hard to focus on anything else.

She suddenly didn’t feel like talking anymore.

“Hey…” Ben spoke up. “Are you okay? You keep staring at me." he chuckled awkwardly.

Rey had her eyes on Ben’s supple lips, and it was then that she started thinking about the little romp they had back on the Millennium Falcon earlier that day. Before she knew it, she had fervently grabbed Ben’s shirt at the chest and pulled him in close. It was the last thing Ben was expecting to happen at that particular moment, but he immediately fell prey to the sweetness of her mouth, and ultimately gave in to her sensual invitation. He deepened the kiss as she continued to tug on his shirt, wanting more of him, and absolutely no space left between them.

“What happened to slowing down…?” Ben murmured against her lips.

“Don’t care right now…” Rey sighed aloud as Ben pressed his fingertips into the small of her back. “There’s nobody else right now; just us. I just want it to be us, for now, …is that okay?”

“I’m perfectly fine with that…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M BACK.
> 
> HOLY HELL.
> 
> Well, I'm back with yet another apology. I'm sorry about the super late update, guys. So much has happened in my life within the past few weeks. Had a bit of a meltdown which lead me to seek out proper help for my noodle (brain) lol. I'm happy to say that I am on some pretty decent meds now and seeing a therapist, so I'm moving in the right direction. I've been doing really well the past week and I'm hoping the more my meds start to work that I can keep feeling this good. I also took a short leave from work because what I do can really wear you down emotionally after a while, so I decided to take a small break and focus on getting my body adjusted to the new medication. So obviously I have more time on my hands, and that means more time (hell, even motivation) to write! 
> 
> So here's chapter 5! It's got a lot more emotional angst than I originally planned so either sorry about that or enjoy! And yes, I'm still so upset and bitter about Star Wars. Ben Solo is my precious child and he and Rey deserved better...so I'm just going to pretend and keep writing about them making out! Wooooo
> 
> Also a big THANK YOU to all of you! And any newcomers here, well, I'm sorry but sometimes my chapters are later than I expect them to be. I hope you are enjoying my story regardless. :)
> 
> xoxo  
> Blue


	6. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben dissect their relationship and bond, wondering if they are more destructive together than they realize. Ben also expresses his true feelings to Rey.

The sky had turned from a faint orange to deep indigo as night began to fall over the forest. The sounds of the night began to surround the secret clearing, and fireflies gently glowed against the greenery. Ben and Rey were yet again caught in an intimate embrace as they continued to kiss passionately. Through tangled limbs and hot, heavy breaths, Rey continued to take in Ben’s lips as he kissed her. Ben felt his body heat up and his muscles tense. His chest was running rampant.

From the time Ben and Rey had met, up until a certain point, it had been a constant power struggle. It was as if neither of them wanted to be considered the weaker one…the lesser. Both kept up an intricate wall of protection from one another since the beginning. There were reasons for this of course. Ben knew now that he wasn’t the only one afraid to show every feeling, weakness, and fault.

They were the same, even if they didn’t want to say it aloud or even admit it at the time.

Rey felt she had so little control over anything anymore. She was the one who told him to slow down, and yet here she was in the middle of a dark forest, dragging him desperately to the ground with her as they shared one sultry kiss after another. At the base camp, she had an image to uphold; an image she wasn’t fully sure of anymore. But alone with Ben, she felt she could be herself, and they practically clung to one another for as long as they could. They both knew once it was time to go back out among the crowds of people that it was time to get back to reality.

She hated it. So much had happened, and she wanted nothing more than to figure things out and just be away from the remnants of war for a while. She wanted time to mourn. She wanted time to figure herself out. She wanted time to get to know Ben a little more every day, but it seemed damn near impossible in their current situation. It was probably selfish of her, but she spent so much time being selfless, it was starting to get to her mentally and emotionally. Ben had called it again. He just seemed to know her better than anyone, and she both loved and hated that fact.

Ben held her tightly against him; as close as he could possibly get at least, and pressed his hand into the little dip in her back as he kissed her harder. She knew they needed to cool it, but she couldn’t tell him to stop, or rather she didn’t want him to stop. She sighed softly against his mouth as her fingertips pressed between his shoulder blades. Nothing else mattered now. They had this moment alone. A precious moment that nobody else could spoil.

Rey pulled away for a moment, much to Ben’s dismay.

“Hey…” he whispered as Rey removed her mouth from his. “What is it—"

She gave Ben a soft kiss on the temple, followed by another one to his cheek as she wrapped her arms around him and embraced him gently. Ben exhaled softly. It was a lovely feeling to be held like that. He hadn’t remembered a time where he’d felt so much warmth from someone, and that warmth being directed towards him no less. He closed his eyes and gently pulled her closer. He put his face softly between her neck and shoulder, letting her hug him, and holding her tight. He stayed like that for a moment as Rey kept her arms around him. She heard him breathing; it was a heavy, nervous breath. He was once again worked up from all of the passion they both were giving away. She felt something else as well; Ben’s hands held against the middle of her back as he hugged her but…

He was shaking. It was only slightly, but even so.

“Ben…” Rey whispered softly. “Are you alright…?”

“Yes. Why…?” Ben murmured into her shoulder and held her tight.

“…You’re so nervous.” Rey let out a soft laugh.

“It’s…I’m not…!” Ben sighed into her skin, feeling a mix of frustration and embarrassment.

“It’s alright you know…I’m a little anxious about everything too.”

They kept holding each other, basking in each other’s warmth and comfort.

“It’s not just that…” Ben whispered.

“I know…” Rey continued to hold him close.

Ben closed his eyes and stayed within her embrace. He was feeling so many emotions at the current moment and wanted to be sure he expressed them properly. He didn’t want to ruin this…he didn’t want to ruin what he had with Rey. He had spent so long fueling off of pain, hatred, and despair. He had a chance to actually try to be a normal person and fix himself, and he didn’t want to ruin this. Not like how he ruined so many good things in his life.

“Oh, Ben; you worry so much.” Rey held him a little tighter as she felt his pain flowing into her yet again.

“I’m…sorry…”

“You and I…we really are the same. I know it might not seem like it, but I do have many worries and fears…I think you already know.”

“Rey…”

“I promise it will be okay. We will be okay. Even if it takes a long time…I know that we will eventually be okay. I truly believe that…and I need you to believe it too. Alright?”

“…Alright.” Ben sighed into her skin and held her as they stayed locked in an embrace.

They stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity. Ben hadn’t been held like that in so long, he had forgotten how good it felt. How comforting it truly was. The last person to probably have held him like that was his mother when he was a child. That was so long ago now…

Rey had rested her head gently against Ben’s chest as he held her close, burying his face into her hair.

She was like him. Both sides had made up who they were; both their darkness and their light. Formal Jedi training constantly emphasized blocking out any and all things associated with the dark side, including any part of oneself that may hold “darkness”. This included fear, passion, desire, strong attachments to others; real emotions. Padawans were trained to essentially block out those sorts of things to keep their minds clear.

Ben had never been good at keeping his mind “clear”, even now. He began to wonder if Rey even knew about any of those things, considering she had no real formal training. The path of a Jedi was not an easy one. It had been days since he actively thought about this. His destiny took a turn and now he had to confront his family name and line of Jedi once more. He wasn’t even sure what to call himself anymore…

Despite all of that, she was there with him, and he was learning to appreciate it more. Ben thought about his pent-up longing and passion he had for her, right after that fight in the throne room after he had killed Snoke. Ever since Takodana she had gotten to him, wriggling her way into his mind and soul no matter how much he tried to stop it. How foolish of him to think that. He never truly tried to stop it. She had already gotten to his core, and he decided even before standing in front of Snoke that he would kill him. He would kill that monster for both of them, even if he wasn’t fully sure why. After all of that, all of the craziness, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her right there. He wanted her to take his hand. He never wanted her to leave his side. But she did, and he had to suffer without her, knowing she would probably always be out of his reach. Something he could never have.

How different things were now. She was constantly there with him, through everything. She had been there every step of the way with him. Every day when he woke up, she was still there. She very well could have said her thanks and wished him well and they would go their separate ways, but she chose to stay with him. She would lay with him, and let him hold her. They would whisper to one another and talk about their fears. Sometimes they wouldn’t talk at all; just lying in silence with each other was enough. They would hug and hold hands. They would kiss. Over and over. She even stood by him during this crucial time, even choosing to go with him on this new journey to fulfill their destinies together. She even promised that they would never be apart again.

He didn’t deserve it, he felt. Not all of this. But despite that, he basked in the warmth of it all. He took in her sweet kisses and gentle touches. Every positive thing she had to say and poured out his heart, telling her everything, even things he had never dared share with anyone. And now that he had her, he sometimes wasn’t sure what to do. It was much different than he had originally pictured, but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

They both sat in the grass in silence, still holding each other, enjoying nothing but each other’s company and the sounds of the night. And for once, the lack of people.

It was just them.

It had always been just them.

“Ben…?” Rey shifted, and pulled back, looking up at Ben once more.

“Hm?”

“Ben…I’m sorry.”

“For what…?” Ben looked at her within concern crossing his face.

“I’m the one who asked to take things slow and I…” she glanced off to the side, her face flushed and full of embarrassment. “I’m one who keeps initiating all of this.”

“Oh, it’s not just you,” Ben smirked softly as he gave her hand a squeeze.

“I’m starting to think we have no real control here.” Rey sat up straight and faced Ben.

“I don’t know about that…”

“Ben, seriously.”

“I am being serious! We have plenty of control.”

“Are you sure about that?” Rey glanced down at Ben’s other hand that was firmly planted on her thigh.

“Oh…” he reluctantly removed his hand. “I swear that was a reflex…” he muttered.

“Case in point!”

“This is bothering you that much?”

“Yes. Well, no…I’m not sure.” She sighed. “I feel as long as we aren’t flaunting it in front of the others, why does it matter?”

“Flaunting? Were we flaunting?”

“They saw us kissing behind the tent earlier…”

“They? What, your peanut gallery?”

“Ben.”

“Friends. Sorry. So, what happened? What is this really about, Rey?”

Rey sighed. “Well, Rose was a little weirded out earlier too…”

“Wouldn’t you be too if you walked in on her making out with a half-naked man in a hospital bed?”

“…Good point.” Rey grimaced. “Well, what about when Lando walked in?”

“Lando was being a weird pervert as always.” Ben rolled his eyes.

Rey had to stifle a laugh; Ben looked like an annoyed teenager talking about an embarrassing uncle. Just for a moment.

“So, get to the point.” Ben crossed his arms over his chest. “Who is giving you shit?”

“Ben, nobody is giving me—”

“Bullshit. Someone made you cry tonight. I haven’t forgotten.”

Rey sighed. “It was just Finn and Poe. But Poe and I are always getting into it, and Finn…I mean, you have to give him a break. You two don’t exactly have a very good history together.”

“I don’t care who they are. You’ve been under a lot of stress ever since we got here. The least they could do is stop acting like children and go a little easy on you.”

“This is _you_ talking, remember? Remember what I went through with _you_?”

“Alright, I get it…”

“And it wasn’t that long ago!”

“I said I get it!” Ben sighed aloud. “At least I’m trying.”

“I know.” Rey put her hand over Ben’s as they sat together, looking out at the small lake. “I can see why people think it strange. They just don’t understand, and I can’t expect them to right away.”

“I get that but…” Ben sighed and turned to Rey again. “Look, I just want them to keep you out of all of this.”

“What do you mean?”

“This is my burden to bear. I don’t think it’s fair for them to be like this towards you. They can spit venom all they want at me...but when it comes to you…I can’t stand by and let people talk down to you like that for my sake.”

“Ben…”

“And if I see that Dameron asshole giving you shit again I’ll knock him into next week. So that’s just a warning.”

Rey smiled to herself. “Ben, it’s okay. I told you we were in this together. And honestly, this _does_ involve me. As much as I want to try to run away from it, the truth is I am a…” She shook her head. She refused to word it that way. “…I am of the same blood as Palpatine.”

“But you’re nothing like—”

“I know that. But we both need to make up for the tragedies of the past. I know it’s not fair, but maybe we can gain something good out of this.”

“Rey, I don’t even know what’s going to happen, or what I’m even really supposed to do. I’m really just trying to serve my sentence and honor my mother’s final wishes…” he put his head in his hands. “I mean…what am I supposed to do? I…I don’t know what to do.”

Rey placed a gentle hand atop his arm. “I don’t have the answer either…but all I know is that we will find it. You and I. I’ll be there beside you every step…alright?”

Ben raised his head and looked at her. “You will?”

“How many times do I have to say it?”

“I’m sorry…” Ben wrapped his arm around Rey’s waist and pulled her close. “I just like hearing you say it.” he leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on her temple.

“We’ll never be apart again…” she whispered.

“Good…”

“…And for the record, I don’t need you to beat up Poe. I can take him myself.”

“You’re right. What was I thinking?” Ben smirked. “So?”

“So…what?”

“What do you want to do, Rey? If you want me to stop and slow down, I can.”

“Can you?” Rey turned and gave him a look.

Ben felt his face flush as he peered down at her, her face sprinkled with freckles. Her soft brown eyes stared back into his and her lips were perfectly flush and luscious. She had stray strands of hair falling over her face that somehow made her look prettier than ever. Kind of wild. He swallowed hard.

“Not when you look at me like that…” he muttered. “But I can try.”

Rey shook her head and smiled at him before she leaned against him; her head resting on his shoulder. He shifted, placing his arm around her shoulder, making sure to keep her close to him.

“I wasn’t sure what to expect after all of this but…” she glanced up at Ben, who was now staring out over the lake again. “It wasn’t all of this. At least, I thought it would go much slower. But I don’t know much about that sort of thing…”

“What sort of thing?”

“You know…” Rey hesitated, feeling a little awkward discussing the topic with him. “I never really did the boyfriend thing back on Jakku for, well, for many reasons I don’t want to get into right now.”

“Well if it makes you feel better, I didn’t do the whole girlfriend thing in the First Order.”

“Good to know.” Rey playfully rolled her eyes.

Rey felt Ben’s fingers brush over her shoulder softly as they sat together, watching the water and listening to the calming sound of the stream. He turned to her after a moment of brief silence.

“…Am I your boyfriend?” he whispered softly.

Rey felt her cheeks start to burn.

“You…!” Rey struggled to find her words. “You’re so forward…!” she sunk down lower, still resting her head against his shoulder while bashfully looking back out over the lake.

Ben only smiled softly as he continued to look down at her. She was really cute when she got embarrassed.

“You know, I didn’t know what to expect either,” Ben spoke up again. “I didn’t think I’d ever experience something like this.”

“Like what?” Rey peered up at him.

“Where I get to actually have you…and be with you like this…”

Rey felt her stomach stir at his words.

“And you’re really hard to impress.” He smirked.

Rey rolled her eyes.

“Oh really?” she scoffed. 

“I did offer you the galaxy and you declined, remember?”

“You’re so thickheaded sometimes!” Rey nudged him.

“Takes a thickheaded person to know one.” Ben teased.

Rey sighed as she sat up and looked back at Ben. “Well if you weren’t so thickheaded, you would have realized sooner that I never wanted the galaxy, I just wanted you—” Rey paused and glanced back at Ben. He only stared back with gentle eyes with just a bit of color tinging his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. That came out really weird…” She tried to turn away from him, but Ben wouldn’t have it. He grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him. She gently pressed her hands to his chest, trying to keep a small bit of distance between them. It probably wasn’t that. She just wanted an excuse to touch him again.

Ben let out a soft exhale as he felt Rey’s hands against his chest, and another wave of mixed emotions washed over him. He cupped her cheek in his hand, feeling her soft skin against his callused palm. Why was he feeling like this now? All of the things he wanted to say to her and something still held him back. There was a very small fear deep inside of him that kept him from fully saying it to her. He whispered softly to her as she slept; his confession of love as they lay beside one another in the med bay bed, uncertain of the future. For some reason, even though she reassured him that they would never be apart, part of him still feared that possible rejection.

Ben tenderly ran his thumb across her cheek as he continued to caress her face.

He wanted to try harder this time.

He wanted to love her better.

He continued to focus on her face, all of her features, making sure he locked them all into his memory. She stared back at him, with eyes that were the deep color of amber; almost like honey.

“Ben Solo,”

Ben blinked, snapping out of her spell.

“You’re staring.”

“Ah…that’s rude, isn’t it?”

“I’m no expert in manners, but I think so.” Rey laughed softly once more.

“Mm-hm…” Ben gently cupped Rey’s cheek in his hand, not taking his eyes off of hers for even a moment. Rey felt her chest flutter as his palm caressed her skin. His hand was rough and warm, reminding her of the sand back on Jakku. His eyes were almost black in the night, and they seemed to go on forever. Rey felt her body heat up as Ben inched in closer.

“It’s getting dark…” Ben whispered.

“I’m not afraid of the dark. Not anymore…”

“You’re braver than I am.”

“That’s nonsense. You’re plenty brave. Truly.”

“Thank you for that…” Ben smiled softly.

“…I really like it when you smile.” Rey put a hand to his cheek.

Ben felt his face flush yet again. “Do you…really?”

“Yes…it really suits you.”

“Well, …it’s because of you that I can…”

Rey felt a hitch in her chest. He always seemed to know what to say, and some of it she believed to be nonsense. Just sweet nothings. But when he said things like that, she couldn’t help but feel nice; special even. She so easily got sucked into Ben’s soft side but didn’t mind it at all. She appreciated these quiet and tender moments alone together. She felt the warmth of Ben’s hand still caressing her face, just staring back at her for a few silent moments.

“…I’m really bad with words sometimes. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “I’ll try to be better.”

“You don’t have to apologize for that…” Rey trailed off when she saw Ben leaning in close again. He was so close that she could see the true color of his eyes. Not black, but a deep brown, that continuously drew her in time and time again.

“You’re a beautiful person, Rey…” he spoke with such softness, yet that same deep and sultry tone he was known for.

Rey felt her chest skip yet again at Ben’s sweet words.

“So, what’s the answer?” Ben whispered.

“To what?”

“Taking it slow. For real this time…if that’s what you want.”

Rey looked up at him. He really was a beautiful man. She liked the way his hair would curl up in the humidity and hang over his brow. He would absentmindedly push his hair back to keep it out of the way. His eyes were dark like the nighttime, yet seem to shine like gold in the daytime. He kept his hands on her almost constantly; whether it was just holding her hand or caressing her face, or putting them on other parts of her body; it was always a constant. It was nice too. It was also nice being so close that she could feel his body heat against hers. It was nice to kiss him, and even nicer to share their passion with one another. He made her feel things that she hadn’t really felt before; and with such intensity that she felt it hard to comprehend sometimes. It made her start thinking about love, relationships, and even sex; something that she never thought she would ever be able to experience properly. For once it was something that didn’t involve rushing around the galaxy constantly fighting battles.

She really didn’t want to slow down at all.

“No.”

“No…?”

“No.” Rey smiled as she playfully danced her index finger over Ben’s collarbone.

“So…when we were together on the Falcon earlier…?” Ben looked at her.

“I liked all of that…” Rey smiled bashfully up at him.

“Ah…well then…”

“In my defense, you barely kept your hands off of me all day. You brought it all on.”

“I couldn’t help it. You’re the one who kept wriggling your way into my bed at the med bay.” Ben gave her a sly smile, despite feeling a little flustered himself.

“Okay, hold on now…”

“All pressed up against me and kissing me all night long…”

“Ben!” Rey felt her face start tingling yet again. “Do I need to remind you that _you’re_ the one who got so worked up that you made all the machines go off??”

“You kissed me first.”

“So, one time caused it all?” Rey laughed.

“Exegol, remember?”

“…What?”

“When you kissed me on Exegol.” Ben softly slid his hand down Rey’s cheek. “It would’ve really sucked to die and not be able to kiss you again. But I guess I should have been more grateful for the one, now that I look back on it.” He laughed softly.

“Ben…” Rey was beginning to feel slightly flustered over this whole conversation, but couldn’t help but like it too.

“And then…” Ben slowly snaked his arms around her waist, placing them on the small of her back and gently pulled her closer to him. “I ended up here with you. And you…” he inched in closer again. “…You kept giving me one taste after another.”

“Well, when you put it that way…” Rey pursed her lips.

“You felt it too, though. That longing. I knew you had, even before we got here.”

“You felt that.” Rey laughed softly, slightly embarrassed. “Even among all of that chaos, you still managed to sense that.”

“I did.” His eyes found hers and he locked onto them. “And after the throne room battle.”

“Well…” Rey ran her fingers over his collarbone again. “You seem to know everything, don’t you?

“I didn’t say that…”

“So, when we were on the Falcon…did you sense that too?”

Ben couldn’t help but think back to their steamy afternoon. He thought of Rey’s body squirming and writhing as he wrestled her against the table. Her sighs and moans as he groped her thighs. Her knees digging into his legs every time she felt the need to close her legs; it was enough to get him worked up all over again.

“I did. You never tried to stop me there either.”

“I really wasn’t planning on stopping you, to be fairly honest…” Rey looked up him with alluring eyes.

Ben drew in a sharp breath, followed by a shaky exhale, trying not to get overly worked up again. They handled this like teenagers, but it didn’t matter by that point. He stared back her, her eyes not wavering from his. He saw it in her face; the same hunger. Ben gently took her chin and pulled her to his lips. Their mouths collided, moving in a fluidity that they now were all too familiar with. They were lost in each other yet again, their bodies and minds twisting and tangling around one another’s. Neither of them wanted to stop or let go. Rey felt as if her heart would burst through her chest at any moment.

She felt his hands on her waist, his warm and tender mouth to hers, his sweet words lingering from his lips. She never wanted this to end. She wanted to bask in it forever. Nothing but feelings of love and passion surrounded them as night fell over the woods. Ben sighed against her mouth as he felt her fingers press into his chest. The whole conversation had gotten him heated once again. His hard-on was pressed firmly against the inside of his pants, still bugging him to do something about it already.

The two continued to ravage each other’s mouths, and suddenly Ben had his hands halfway up the back of Rey’s shirt. Rey was pulling the back of Ben’s shirt up.

“Take it off…” she whispered.

She didn’t have to tell him twice. He quickly yanked it over his head and went straight back to kissing her. Rey put her hands to his bare chest as they continued kissing. He had a really beautiful body, and she only yearned for more of it. Ben ran his hands up Rey’s back, feeling the warmth and softness of her skin under his palms. She let him remove her shirt and belt, leaving her in her bra and leggings. Rey felt goosebumps climb up her arms as Ben put his lips to her shoulder and kissed it gently. She felt her heart began to race as Ben planted another gentle kiss on her collarbone, and continued to move up towards her neck. Ben’s mouth continued to explore her sweet skin as she released a few shaky breaths.

Ben pulled back and looked at Rey, her face flushed and lips raw from kissing him so much. They both probably looked a mess, but they didn’t care. They didn’t care about anything but having each other’s bodies. Ben bashfully ran his hand through his hair. Should he have asked before doing that? She just looked so flustered…and beautiful…and enticing…

“I’m sorry…I got carried away…” he muttered, still worked up over their little romp on the forest floor.

“…It’s alright.” Rey replied, quickly putting a hand on his arm. Her eyes met his again, gazing upon him with anticipation. “Don’t stop…”

Ben swallowed hard as he felt his face get warmer. Blood began to rush throughout his body as he felt his heart rate accelerate. The feeling was back, and he felt himself wanting more of her again. Had Lando not interrupted them on the Falcon earlier, he wondered how far they would have gone. It was foolish on their part, of course, knowing that anyone could have just walked in at any time. It was different now. Nobody knew where this place was, and it would be really hard to follow their path without force wielding abilities.

Ben knew he should have stopped a long time ago with her, but she was the one to start this whole thing up yet again; and once he tasted her, it was as if he couldn’t satiate himself. Especially when she gave him this much love and attention. She looked at him in such a sensual manner, wanting him to do more to her. Telling him to take his clothes off and not to stop loving on her. It drove him crazy. Her entire being was a walking temptation, an indulgence he had longed to have for so long.

“Rey…” he spoke softly, with a gentleness in his voice that Rey grew to love so much from him.

Was it bad that she had not wanted any of it to stop? Before she could wonder about it any further, she was on her back again, cushioned by the soft grass beneath her as she felt Ben’s lips softly trailing down her neck again. She felt the warmth of his breath on her skin and the tenderness of his mouth. With no hesitation, he latched himself onto her neck. Rey let out a sharp gasp as she felt Ben push his mouth into her neck, kissing her with more ferocity than before. He made sure not to hurt her, but her response was more than enough to make him continue.

Rey had sunk her fingertips firmly into his back as she took in all of his rough kisses. He felt the sharp sting of her nails scraping his back, but it only made his blood boil more. He exhaled sharply against her neck. He felt so good. 

Rey’s chest heaved as he continued to go at her neck. A soft sigh managed to escape her lips as she gripped the boy’s shoulders as if hanging onto him for dear life.

“Ben…!”

Ben paused for a moment but kept his mouth close to her neck. They both were breathing heavily as adrenaline rushed through them both. Rey felt her cheeks burn as embarrassment crept in. She hadn’t _meant_ to moan his name like that, and so loudly for that matter; it just happened. Rey felt her face flush as Ben lifted his head, his eyes immediately locking onto hers, now full of passion and intensity. It was that same look of hunger from before. The way she had called him by his name like that nearly sent him over the edge.

Ben sank back into her neck like a hungry animal as she squirmed beneath him. He then pressed his mouth to hers again, both engaging in hot, sloppy tonguing that would have definitely gotten them in a lot of trouble had anyone saw. Rey felt him push against her, with only a few thin layers of fabric between his hard-on and the inside of her thigh. She trailed her hands softly down his back as they continued to enjoy one another, desperately grabbing at each other’s body and kissing like it was their last day together. Rey let out another soft moan as Ben groped her thigh while softly grinding against her. They were about to try this again.

Ben slipped two fingers inside the waistband of Rey’s leggings, debating on what to do. Part of him was still very nervous and once again thought it wasn’t a suitable place to do such an act. The other part of him was too hungry to think, wanting only to rip the rest of her clothes off and get inside of her already. He was longing to get closer, wanting to know what it felt like to feel his manhood surrounded by her essence. His want for her clearly outweighed anything else. He _needed_ her. She was like a drug, and he was well overdue for a fix.

“B…Ben…” Rey’s chest heaved, her whole head dizzy from Ben’s sickly-sweet touch, his mouth all over her body. She felt his hardness as he continued to grind against her, his fingers softly tugging on her leggings that clung to her hips. She had never felt this sort of way before. Her body and mind couldn’t seem to cooperate with one another. She felt herself squirm beneath her stomach. She writhed as Ben continued to taste parts of her body. He ran his hand up her stomach, causing a shiver to run through her. He had completely taken over and had gone from sweet to almost animalistic in nature. She didn’t care. She was finding that though she loved the sweet and tender nature that was Ben, she also really was beginning to love this primal side, searing through their connection with intense power, just waiting to get out. In this instance, it was extremely attractive and she only craved him even more.

It was a perfect moment, a perfect night. The tension was so thick between them that throwing all caution to the wind seemed like the only option now. To make things better, nobody knew where they were. Nothing could interrupt their moment of intimacy.

However, they never had much luck with being alone thus far, so it was no surprise when they both had snapped out of their haze of carnal desire as a loud sound broke the silence. The sudden sound made the two jolt, causing them to clumsily knock heads with one another.

“Ah!!” Rey hissed as a sharp pain struck her forehead.

“Fuck!!” Ben cursed aloud as he grabbed at his own forehead. He looked back down at Rey, who was now rubbing her head with her hand. “I’m sorry…are you hurt?”

Rey looked at Ben, who still hovered over her, shirtless, beautiful, his hair glistening with sweat from their romp. His face had softened, and he gently put a hand to her cheek. Her body was still heated from just moments ago, so she was still so sensitive to his touch.

“I’m alright, really!” she squeaked.

Ben continued to look at her. She was completely disheveled, and her neck had yet another mark left by him. She laid there, looking up at him with raw and glistening lips, her face still flush, still only in her bra and leggings. They were truly about to have sex on the forest ground.

Ben quickly removed himself from her and helped her up sit up. He looked around quickly, not able to see anyone who could have been responsible for whatever they heard. He quickly found their shirts and handed Rey’s back to her before pulling his own over his head. Dark curls fell in front of his face, and he had to push his somewhat damp locks back in order to see clearly.

Before he could assess what was even happening, another loud sound came from the direction of the lake. It had been fairly serene up until now, and the two had gotten so caught up in the moment that most of the distant night sounds were easily blocked out. He walked towards the lake and looked out. It wasn’t a very large lake by any means, so it wasn’t hard to see if someone was sneaking about.

“I didn’t sense anyone coming…” Rey glanced over the lake as well as she pulled her shirt down over her stomach.

“I didn’t either…”

“Did it sound like water to you? Like a splash?” Rey looked up at Ben.

“It did.” Ben went back to where Rey was sitting and helped her up from the grass. The two walked over to the lake and looked about, but still couldn’t see a thing.

“What the hell?” Rey looked about, still confused.

“Yeah, seriously…” Ben ran a hand through his hair again.

“I guess it was nothing then?” Rey looked back at him.

“I guess…”

The two stood in silence for a moment, feeling the after-effects of their “almost” deed. Rey felt like her face was on fire. They truly almost did _that_ again. What was with her lately? Ben seemed to have this hold on her that was just too hard to try and explain. She knew it was the bond. Every emotion between them was always seemingly magnified by _a lot_. Ben still felt his heart racing; not even from the sudden noise, but the intense moment they had just shared together. He looked back at Rey, who was looking out over the lake, holding one arm in the other, her face flushed.

“Maker…” Ben sighed.

“What?” Rey turned and faced him as he approached her.

“I’m sorry, Rey…”

“Sorry? What for?” she met his eyes.

“I don’t know why I just…” he struggled to find his words. “With you I just…I have a hard time holding back with you…” he glanced off to the side momentarily before looking back at her.

“I…feel the same way with you.” Rey pushed a piece of stray hair behind her ear.

“Really…?” Ben met her eyes again, looking at her with eagerness. “I wasn’t…being too forceful, was I?”

“No.” Rey laughed softly. “I could have taken you down if you were.”

“That _is_ true.” He put a hand to his face, stifling a smile at the thought of Rey kicking his ass yet again.

“And…I just want you to know that I really liked what we were doing.” Rey felt her face flushing again.

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“…All of it?”

“Yes…” Rey smiled at him again, and he felt incredible, inside and out. With the exception of blue balls…

“I’m just making sure…like I said with you I just feel…everything is really---”

“Intense…?” Rey chimed in.

“Yes…. intense.”

“I think…” Rey inched closer to him and took his hand, which was much larger than hers. “…that our relationship, in general, is just intense. We have something that nobody else shares, and I think it can really intensify a lot of our emotions. At least that’s what I think…”

“No, you’re right…I feel that too.” Ben closed his hand around hers.

“You and I also have a history of, well, losing control when we’re with each other. Even before all of this. We can be destructive and…well, we really need to be careful right now and try to dial it back.”

“We’re doing a really bad job at that, aren’t we?” Ben sighed.

“Oh yes.”

“Yeah, we’re not very responsible.”

“Not right now.” Rey shrugged.

“Don’t we get a pass? We just went through a lot like, three days ago.”

“I wish it were that simple.” Rey laced her fingers through Ben’s. “But you’ll work off your punishment here, and then we’ll get started on the real journey. We’ll have our time soon we just…” Rey pursed her lips, thinking about steamy sessions she had with Ben.

It started with the kiss on Exegol, and it only escalated from there. The hunger was real and seemingly insatiable.

“We’ll have our time. We have a lot of it.” Rey smiled softly and squeezed Ben’s hand, something they both have done to reassure and comfort one another.

Ben looked at her tenderly as he squeezed her hand back. “You’re right. Trying to do all that on the Falcon hologame table and in the middle of the woods probably wasn’t the best idea…”

“With all these rebels everywhere.” Rey laughed.

“Also, that table is fucking dirty.”

“It’s dirty out here too.”

“I think this place is cleaner than the Falcon.”

“…You’re right. I think so too.” Rey laughed.

“We could have gotten ticks.” Ben put a hand to his head and shook his head.

“What’s wrong with us?” Rey laughed again as she looked out at the lake.

“A lot, apparently.”

Ben only watched as she laughed at their lack of sense and pent-up tension. The fact that they had no clue what they were doing with anything, including sex. It was okay, though, because she still understood. She was okay with all of it, no matter how clueless they were about their bond, their relationship, his own doubts. She still promised to be there.

They would never be apart again.

And then, out of nowhere, the noise returned, splashing loudly only a few feet from where Rey was standing. The sudden surprise caught her off guard, causing her to leap backward and let out a yelp so loud it seemed to scare off whatever else was nearby. Ben had caught her in his arms from behind before she had a chance to hit the ground. She turned and glanced back up at him.

“Thanks…” she muttered.

“Scared?” Ben smirked.

“Shut-up!” Rey pushed him, not doing much good considering he was built like a god-damned tree. Ben only laughed.

“Let’s find our culprit.” Ben grinned at Rey before standing near the edge of the water.

He slowly lifted both hands and held them outward in front of him. At first, it looked as if he was about to push down some invisible wall, but he circled back, looping his arms under as if he were holding something small.

Rey cocked her head, trying to figure out what the hell he was doing. She then felt a very faint quake beneath her feet. She looked down and saw little rocks, twigs, and other things slowly moving towards the body of water, almost like a magnet attracting metal. She looked up and saw the little lake moving about in small ripples, and eventually small waves. She quickly looked back at Ben, who was raising his arms once more and placing them outward again, with his palms facing ahead.

Rey watched in awe as the entire lake rose up from the ground, keeping its shape and eventually floating in mid-air right before her. The water seemed to float seamlessly. It was crystal clear, with everything living beneath tucked safely inside a huge bubble-like container of water. It was almost like looking into a giant fish tank. She glanced back at Ben, who held up the body of water and everything living within it by way of the force. It was beautiful.

He glanced back at her and motioned for her to come closer. Rey walked up to the water that floated above the damp and muddy space it had originally was nestled in. She got a closer look at the lake life that flowed inside of it. The greenery that sat at the bottom of the lake, and the large, colorful fish that continued to swim freely around the water as Ben held it so perfectly together. She watched frogs kick their legs and swim on by, looking for food. Little tadpoles, fishes of all kinds, and even creatures she had never seen before. All living together in such a small body of water. Rey gasped softly, gazing at the beauty that stood in front of her. It was something she never got to see up close and in person, especially on Jakku.

“Well?” Ben spoke up, causing Rey to look back at him. “Go ahead.”

“What?”

Ben motioned for her to reach out. “Touch it.”

Rey hesitantly reached her hand out, slowly inching towards the water. She felt the chill of the cold water brush against her fingertips. She let out a small surprised laugh, looking back at Ben with a look of excitement and wonder.

“Keep going.” He smiled.

Rey pressed her hand against the water, which felt like a large bubble on the surface. She pushed gently into the surface, eventually plunging her hand fully into the water. She watched as a few curious fish swam by, eventually swimming around her hand. One attempted to nibble on her hand, tickling her skin and causing her to laugh out loud.

Ben watched as she played with the fish. He liked seeing her smile and laugh like this. He continued to gaze back at her as he held the body of water up firmly in place. Rey had turned to him and smiled, still laughing.

“Ben, look!” Rey pointed past Ben. He glanced in front of him where his hands barely met the water. Quite a few fish had gathered around him, trying to get to his hands. Rey quickly headed over to him and watched as Ben gently pushed his hands into the water. The fish quickly swam around him, with some nibbling on his fingers. He felt some of their long, ribbon-like tails tickle his skin as they circled around him.

“Do you think they want to make me part of their fish kingdom?” Ben joked as he looked back at Rey.

“I think they are attracted to your energy.” Rey looked up at him and smiled softly. “You have a very calm and protective presence, and I think they find comfort in that.”

Ben blinked, feeling his face flush as he looked back at the fish in front of him.

“I don’t know about that…” he muttered.

“I do,” Rey whispered as she gave his shirt a gentle tug.

He looked at her, watching as she gazed back at the fish in front of them. He smiled softly back at her. Even now she had something positive to say about him, even if he didn’t fully believe it himself. He looked back at the water in front of them and saw a huge bullfrog swim past them.

“Wow!” Rey looked back at Ben. “He’s huge!”

“I think we found our culprit.” Ben shook his head. “He probably kept coming up to find food.”

“I guess so!”

“Well big guy, you scared the shit out of us, but I guess in the end this is your home, not ours. Sorry we interrupted your dinner with our debauchery!” Ben shrugged.

Rey only watched him, feeling a soft and tender energy coming from him. This was who Ben was. He was soft and kind, and very in tune with everything around him. He was also cocky and sarcastic. He teased her sometimes, but only out of fun. He was passionate and hot-tempered; and thickheaded and dense a lot of the time too.

He was also really tired, broken, and conflicted.

Seeing him the way he was at that moment only warmed Rey’s heart even more. She had seen him during his worst and darkest moments, but right now, though he was still somewhat conflicted and worried about how things would pan out, he was the most at peace he had ever been in a while. Content, even. She was feeling the same way.

“You might want to stand back, or else you’ll get wet.”

Rey blinked and looked at Ben, who was glancing back at her, sneaking a playful wink on his straight face.

“Oh…! Right!” Rey stepped back a few feet and watched.

Ben took a deep breath and slowly brought his arms back down, careful not to disrupt the habitat within the bubble of water. Rey watched as he slowly brought the water back into the original resting place, trying to be as gentle as possible. She couldn’t help but notice that his hands were shaking slightly. It wasn’t enough for most people to notice, but she did. He was using up a lot of energy doing this, and it probably took so much discipline and concentration as well.

Ben finished letting the pond down, slowly fitting it back into its original spot in the earth. He then let go with an exhale, and the pond set back into his place, with water splashing about and its nightlife noises continuing. The giant bullfrog that had disturbed them earlier had once again busted through the surface, this time croaking loudly while looking for food, before splashing back down into the water again. Rey watched as little droplets lingered in the air before falling back into the lake like rain from the sky.

“Ben…how did…?” she looked at him in complete awe.

“I told you.” He grinned. “A lot of practice.”

“Oh, come on! Explain.”

“Okay…fine. The force it…” he paused, thinking far back to his earliest lessons with Luke. It was strange; he hadn’t thought that far back in a long while. “The force is all around us. It flows through every living thing. You know this. The ones who are sensitive, with training, can manipulate and shape it. I was able to manipulate the water, and even the blood from your wound earlier, by connecting with the living organisms within the liquid. And you magnify that and well, you can do what I just did.”

“That’s incredible…who taught you that?” Rey knew Luke was a sensitive topic for him, so she didn’t bring it up.

“Actually, I taught myself.”

“Really?”

“Whenever I was alone, I’d practice. I think I was just wanting to learn something cool to impress those annoying neighbor kids when I went back home next. Or my parents.” Ben laughed, but it was short-lived.

“…You never went home…” Rey looked at him, feeling hurt for him once again.

“No…” he spoke softly. “But…that was a long time ago.”

“Ben…”

“Don’t look so sad, now.” Ben gave her a tender smile. “After I went through all of that trouble to impress you.”

“Really?” Rey gave him another playful nudge. “Well, you succeeded.”

“I can teach you if you really want to learn.”

“I’d like that a lot.” Rey smiled back. “And I’m already pretty good with rocks so…”

“Lifting rocks?” Ben scoffed. “That’s beginner stuff.”

“That may be, but I’m awesome at it, so there.” Rey gave him a smug grin.

“Is that a fact?”

“It is.”

She was so overly confident, much like himself.

“I’ll be asking for a demonstration in the future, then.”

“I’ll be ready!”

Ben shook his head and watched her as she looked out at the lake, putting her hand out and already attempting to try the technique herself.

“You’re not focusing.” Ben teased.

“Didn’t you see that ripple??”

“No.”

“There was a ripple!” Rey laughed.

Ben’s expression softened as he watched her. He focused on her, on this perfect moment, trying his best to store it away in his memory. The day had been crazy in every conceivable way possible, yet Rey’s presence alone was enough to calm him and keep him grounded. She also was able to bring out this intense ferocity that he only felt with her. The risks they took to be together…it was worth it in his eyes. He never wanted to leave her side, regardless of how reckless they could be together.

He kept his gaze on her, and he began to feel the light tremors again. His chest felt like it would burst any second. The things she made him feel were almost too much for him to bear. Regardless, his life was still so much better with her in it.

Rey still felt the mist in the air from the lake as a sudden breeze flew through the woods, rustling the trees and causing ripples in the water. It sprayed her skin, caressing her gently as she felt the breeze whip her hair around. It was getting very dark, almost to where she couldn’t see Ben clearly anymore. Clouds had blocked out the moon. She could still make out his features; the only lighting they had been from the dim light cast by the fireflies around them, but even they started to disperse as another strong breeze came through. She was staring back up at him, her eyes locked onto his. She felt his hand shaking slightly as he tenderly cupped her cheek in his hand. Rey couldn’t find her words. It was as if her brain had stopped working momentarily, she only stared back at him, getting lost in his dark eyes again.

It was getting dark. His lips moved, speaking soft and tender words to her. Words she had never heard someone else utter to her ever in her whole twenty years of life. Her heart was skipping rapidly, her chest felt overloaded and her stomach was stirring. It was so much to process, so she just had to stop for a moment and ask him again.

“What…did you say?”

“I said…I love you, Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so...first off I apologize. Again. I haven't updated in like, 2 months. A lot has been going on with this whole virus thing and my mental health was not so great. I lost interest in writing for a bit. But, now I know that whenever I don't feel like working on this story I'll just watch Rise of Skywalker and get angry all over again, making me want to change canon lol. 
> 
> Now, this particular chapter is a little mature, (It's rated mature but it hasn't gotten too terrible yet lol) and it focuses a lot of Rey and Ben's relationship and how wonderful it is, but also how intense and destructive it can be. I also wanted the tender moments too. Lots of fluff. Ben deserved that long fucking hug. Anyway, please enjoy it! I will try to update more often but I, unfortunately, can't make a commitment on an update schedule right now. I will try my best. Like I said, I'll just watch TROS and get angry about the fate of my two precious beans and start writing again! 
> 
> Lots of love,
> 
> -Blue-


	7. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey comfort each other as they deal with post-war trauma. Rose confronts Ben, questioning his choices from the past.

** CONTENT WARNING:  **

**This chapter contains graphic imagery having to do with death that some may find triggering. This chapter also touches on topics like abuse, trauma, and PTSD. Please keep that in mind when reading this chapter.**

**Thank you~**

* * *

Finn paced back and forth as he peered out of the Falcon door. He walked halfway down the ramp and looked around, but saw nobody in sight. It had been pouring rain for a good ten minutes, and everyone had scattered, hurrying to get indoors as the storm rolled in. He sighed heavily, staring off in the direction of the woods that Rey had run to earlier.

“You need to come inside or you’ll catch a cold.”

Finn glanced over his shoulder and saw Rose standing behind him, leaned against the doorway.

“Or at the very least get out of the rain?” Rose sighed.

Finn reluctantly trudged back up the ramp of the Falcon and stood next to her.

“Where could she be, Rose?” Finn put a hand to his forehead, trying not to stress himself out too much. It was easier said than done.

“I’m sure she’s fine, Finn…”

“You’re not worried?”

“Of course I’m worried! But we can’t do anything right now except wait a little longer for her to come back. I don’t think she’s in any danger…”

“How do you know??”

“Well, I’m pretty certain she can defend herself just fine. Plus, she’s with--”

“Yeah, I know.” Finn coldly cut her off.

Rose sighed, “What’s with you all of the sudden? If anything, you seemed the calmest about this whole situation in the beginning.”

“Yeah, well, that was back when I was still dealing with the aftershock of it all. I didn’t really care about him being here at first as long as Rey was okay. But now…”

“…Yes?”

“I don’t know!” Finn threw his hands up. “It’s like, she suddenly comes back, bringing him along. I mean, the guy was one of our worst enemies. I saw firsthand how ruthless he could be! I was a stormtrooper!”

“That’s true…”

“So, what I don’t understand is…how is Rey…” he let out an exasperated sigh. “ _Why_ is Rey…I’m not even sure what I want to fucking say now. There are too many questions and I doubt she’ll answer them all. She kept avoiding a lot of them so far. Or she tells me that I wouldn’t understand. That’s like a knife in my chest, you know?”

Rose didn’t say anything, she only kept staring out into the darkness as the rain continued to fall. Finn shook his head and sighed again.

“When did they develop this connection? What did Maz even mean by them being a ‘dyad’? Why are they always joined at the hip? Why would she rather be around him and not us? And why…” Finn swallowed hard, not wanting to talk about what the rest of the group suspected of the two.

“Finn…I don’t have any answers for you; I’m sorry.” Rose closed her eyes and sighed. “In fact, I’m waiting on a lot of answers too. But you have to understand that Rey has gone through a lot recently. She hasn’t had any time to stop and just breathe. And maybe that’s why she ran off today. Hell, I don’t like the change either, or not knowing what’s going on; but I know that Rey is my friend. I know that she would never intentionally put the people she cares about in harm’s way. You don’t think she would…do you?”

“…No. She wouldn’t.”

“I know we want answers. And I truly think she’ll give them to us in time. But it has got to be _her_ time. We can’t force things out of her. We are supposed to be her friends, and I think we’ve been doing a bad job of doing just that.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Rey ran off to find Ky—I mean Ben earlier, right?”

“Yeah…and?”

“Meaning she felt more comfortable going to him for comfort than us, her circle of friends.”

“…Shit.”

“Yeah.”

Finn sighed, “Maybe…I’ve been too hard on her.”

“I think we all have.”

“It’s just…!” Finn threw his hands to the air again. “It’s weird and even a little uncomfortable having him here! It’s not fair to expect us to just shift gears and just accept him into our group! I know he had a hand in defeating Palpatine, and Rey says he saved her life, but I just…”

“I know, Finn. I feel the same way. But I don’t think Rey is pressuring us to do anything. In fact, I think she’s trying her best to make this as easy as possible. She wants us to come around on our own. I wish I would have realized that in the beginning. But do you get it, now?”

“I guess I do…a little…”

“And now after these recent turn of events…well, you know Rey and Ben are set to go on this new journey together. All of that force-destiny stuff…I don’t really understand it all, I admit. But it seems like it’s really important to them. It was important to Leia as well.”

“You’re right…”

“So, regardless of how you, or I, or even Poe feels; this is what’s happening now, whether we like it or not. And we can either choose to accept it and be for Rey or reject it and be against her. And I really don’t think you want to be against Rey…do you, Finn?”

“No. Never.”

Rose put a reassuring hand to his back.

“It’s going to be okay. We just have to be patient.”

“Yeah…okay.” He sighed. “You always seem to know what to say. Thanks, Rose.”

“No problem. You know I always have your back.” She smiled.

“Also…I’m sorry for being a total asshole earlier.”

“Apology accepted.”

The two stood there quietly as the rain began to fall harder, clanging against the metal of the ship.

“So…” Finn spoke up once more. “…Do you think they are together?”

“Rey and Ben?”

“Yeah…”

“I…I don’t know. She said it was complicated. I don’t know what that means to her.”

“They were kissing though…I saw that right, didn’t I?”

“Yeah. They were definitely kissing.”

“Maker…!” Finn sighed aloud. “When did that start happening? They’ve only been here for almost three days!”

“I have a feeling that something has been going on between them before that…” Rose kept watching the rainfall.

“What…? How?”

“I don’t know, Finn. I’m trying to put it together. They apparently have this sort of connection that we can’t really understand. It has something to do with the force. I also think that they may be taking some sort of comfort in one another.”

“Comfort?”

“…Or something like that.”

“So, you think this was going on before she brought him here?”

“Doesn’t that seem way more likely? You don’t just fall into that type of relationship in two days.”

“So you think they were talking before all of this?”

“You mentioned that Rey tried to bring him back last year at some point? Is that right?”

Finn grimaced, thinking back to how he carelessly told everyone something that Rey had only confided in him about. He regretted it one again.

“Yeah. Since everyone knows now; that’s what apparently happened.”

“So, they had interacted at some point. That’s all we have to go by right now.”

“I guess. But he was still the enemy…why would she even interact with him? She didn’t tell me much beyond that. If anyone else knew about that, they would probably look at Rey as a…” Finn paused. He didn’t even want to say it. “…A traitor.”

“It seems that way, doesn’t it?”

Finn only groaned aloud. “She defeated Palpatine. _And_ she came back!”

“You’re right. She did. That’s why I wouldn’t be so quick to call her a traitor. Whatever happened in the time between when she went off to find Luke Skywalker and when you reunited with her after Crait; well, we don’t know. It’s one of the things she has yet to tell us, and again, we can’t force it out of her. I believe she has her reasons for doing certain things. She’s also been through a lot. So again, we have to be patient.”

“I don’t know why I even thought she would betray us…”

“It’s okay. We all were wary about all of this. It’s a normal reaction.”

“…They were kissing, Rose. Like, _kissing._ Rey doesn’t even like being touched most days, and she was clinging to him for dear life. She looked like…like…!”

“Starry-eyed? In love? Calm for once?”

“Ugh…yes…”

Rose chuckled, causing Finn to glance back at her.

“What’s so funny about any of that??”

“I’m sorry. It’s just kind of interesting to see her like that. But…she seems to look more at ease with him, for whatever reason. I don’t know what their relationship entails, but all we can do is wait for her to tell us when she’s ready to.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“You’re really bothered by them, aren’t you?”

“Not this again…” Finn sighed.

“Finn, I’m going to ask you again…do you have feelings for her?”

“Rose…”

“Because if you do, maybe you should say something. No matter what she says back, at least you’ll get closure.”

Finn sighed. “Rose, I’m trying to sort a lot of things out myself. I’m just…I’m not doing that right now.”

“Well, that’s your call then.” Rose sighed and looked back out the door. She then let out a sudden gasp and pointed towards the woods. “Finn look!”

Finn quickly whipped his head around and looked in the same direction. It was really hard to make out in the rain and darkness at first, but eventually, a figure came into view.

“It looks like Ben...” Finn squinted. “Where’s Rey?”

“I think he’s carrying her.”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know…”

Finn bolted out the door and down the ramp, nearly slipping on the muddy ground as he hurried towards the two. Ben was running towards the Falcon, carrying Rey on his back as she kept her arms clasped around his neck. Finn had quickly met up with the two, with Finn shouting over the storm.

“What happened?! What’s wrong with Rey!?” Finn yelled.

Lightning lit up the sky, followed by a loud clap of thunder that seemed to shake the earth beneath them. Ben looked at Finn. The two were soaked all the way through, and before he could respond, Rey had lifted her head and looked at Finn. She clung to Ben as he carried her. Her hair was let down and drenched, falling in wet waves over half of her face.

“Rey!” Finn let out a sigh of relief.

“I’m fine! Let’s just get back on the ship!” Rey yelled as more thunder boomed above them.

The three hurried to the ship and were greeted by Rose. She quickly sealed the door closed behind them and Ben let Rey down from his back.

* * *

“That really wasn’t necessary, you know.” Rey kicked her shoes off near the door, and Ben carefully pulled his muddy boots off, placing them neatly next to Rey’s. Rose noted their different tendencies. Rey seemed sloppier and very tomboyish in the way she did things, as they all knew. Ben seemed slightly more refined when he did things, which was kind of interesting, to say the least.

“You’ve been up all day long. Didn’t you get up super early?” Ben sighed as he followed her down the corridor.

“So what? That doesn’t affect my ability to just walk beside you…”

Rose and Finn glanced at each other, a little bewildered as Rey and Ben continued bickering, paying no mind to the two. Finn and Rose quickly followed them down the corridor.

“A lot happened today. You’re exhausted. It starting storming out of nowhere, and it just seemed like the best and quickest way to get back. _And_ you didn’t get muddy. One less pair of shoes to clean.”

“I’m not a child,” Rey muttered as she rummaged through a storage closet looking for towels. “And I don’t care about getting dirty!”

“You didn’t sound like a child at all just now.” Ben crossed his arms over his chest as he looked sarcastically over at her.

“HERE.” Rey threw a towel at Ben’s face, a little too forcefully.

Ben caught the towel, smirking while Rey huffed about.

“You know, a simple thank you would suffice.”

“Yeah, yeah…you’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

Rose and Finn only watched as the two bickered back and forth. Ben seemed to like teasing her, which was something Rey normally wouldn’t stand from others. It was kind of funny to watch as they went back and forth at each other. Funny, but also confusing.

“And you got hurt earlier, so why wouldn’t I carry you back?” Ben shot her another smug look.

Rey rolled her eyes. “You won’t let me forget about that, will you?”

“Wait! Rey, you were hurt? What happened?” Finn spoke up.

Ben and Rey both stopped and looked at Finn, almost as if they had forgotten that they weren’t alone.

“Oh! It was nothing, Finn! I just punched a tree and kind of cut my hand open.” Rey smiled as if it wasn’t that big of a deal. “It’s fine though! Look!” Rey held up her seemingly unharmed hand. “Ben already healed it. Oh! Here!” Rey tossed Finn a towel.

“Where’s your towel?” Ben began to dry his hair.

“Those were the only clean ones left.” Rey searched the closet one last time and shrugged. “It’s fine, I’ll just change.”

“Rey, you should at least try to dry off a little bit first.” Finn held out his towel to her.

“Finn, I’m fine! Really.” She smiled, rejecting his offer. “You use it.”

“You need to dry off.” Ben shook out his hair, almost in the way a shaggy dog would. Rey had to stifle a smile.

“Ben, I said I’m fine.”

“Now.” Ben tossed his towel to Rey.

“Alright, fine…” Rey started to pat her face with the towel.

“Maker…” Ben sighed and took the liberty of grabbing the towel and tossing it over her head.

“Hey!”

“Hair first.” He began to gently towel dry her hair. “You’ll catch a cold, damn it.”

“I…I knew that!”

“You’re a mess…”

Finn and Rose just watched the bizarre, yet somewhat sweet display. So sweet that it was borderline gross. Finn turned to Rose and rolled his eyes, and Rose only shrugged in return. After a minute of Ben drying Rey’s hair and Rey whining about it, Ben removed the towel and handed it back to her. Her hair fell down her back, almost past her shoulder blades. It was still somewhat damp, glistening slightly from the rain. It fell in slight waves due to the moisture, and Ben wanted nothing more than to tell her how beautiful she looked. He couldn’t say it now though, not in front of everyone else. He and Rey both agreed to be more careful about showing their affection too much around others. At least for the time being.

“Alright, go change.”

“Thank you.” Rey gave him a soft smile before heading down the hall to the crew quarters.

Ben only sighed and took a seat at the booth, still pretty drenched. It had truly been an exhausting day. And then he realized that Finn and Rose were still awkwardly standing there in the room with him. Rose had her hand on her hip, just watching him. Finn stared at Ben condescendingly with his arms crossed over his chest.

And the uncomfortable feelings of being unwanted returned.

“Why did you drag her out into those woods?” Finn spoke up, sounding more aggressive than he initially intended to.

Ben only raised his eyebrows, initially not going to say anything. But it was too late. He had reached his limit for the day and his temper was starting to flare up. He shot Finn a sour look in return. He was in no mood for anyone to come at him right now. And he wasn’t about to let anyone tell him about Rey.

“I didn’t _drag_ her anywhere. She’s the one who followed me. Probably because you were being such a dick to her earlier.”

Finn felt his face get hot as Ben spoke to him, noting that his tone was filled with nothing but pure disdain.

“Oh, what?! Hell no…!” 

Rose quickly grabbed Finn’s arm and held him in place. “Okay, you both need to cool it! Especially you.” Rose shot Ben a look of warning. “You need to watch it because you are in no position to start a fight around here.”

“I didn’t start it…” Ben muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Rose sighed heavily and looked at Finn, knowing that Ben was right.

“I think you need to go cool off.”

Finn only let out an irritated grunt and huffed past Ben.

Ben looked down at the table, and Rose saw that he was clearly annoyed.

“Maker…” Rose sighed and took a seat across the table from Ben. “You men are impossible.”

Ben didn’t respond; he only kept looking down at the table.

“I don’t know what your relationship is with Rey exactly…” Rose spoke up again. The phrasing caught Ben’s attention, and he looked back up at her as she continued. “…But we really care about her. We just want to know that she’s safe.”

“I care about her too…” Ben muttered, now looking off to the side with his arms still firmly folded across his chest.

Rose paused, noting the way he treated Rey moments ago. He carried her all the way back to the ship and made sure she dried off first, giving up his towel to her, and even proceeding to dry her hair for her. It was all pretty unnecessary, but very caring nonetheless. The fact that Rey even let him do those things for her was even more of a reason to suggest that he truly did care for her, and she for him.

“Yeah…I think I’m starting to see that.”

Ben looked back at Rose, catching eye contact with her.

“But…you have got to understand that she’s our friend. We want to know that she’s okay. Running off and not telling anyone where you guys are going is just…” she sighed. “Let me put it like this; because I think it’s the only way that I can get you to understand. How would you feel if Rey ran off somewhere without telling you? And you waited around for hours, wondering where she was. And it’s dark and storming and you have no way of reaching her?”

Ben felt his stomach drop at the mere thought. He would be extremely worried, especially if he couldn’t reach her at all, by force connection or otherwise. He didn’t even want to think about it.

“I…suppose I see what you mean…”

“I’m just asking you to be a little more mindful next time, okay?”

“Fair enough.”

“Alright. Glad we’re in agreement.”

They sat in an awkward silence that lasted only a moment but felt like an eternity.

“Is there something else you want to tell me?” Ben spoke up. “I feel like there is.”

“Hm. You’re right. There is, actually.”

“Alright…”

“I still don’t trust you.”

Ben only stared back at her, both of them refusing to break eye contact as if in some sort of standoff. He already knew this. He knew nobody fully trusted him; if any at all. Except for Rey. Even the people who have been more lenient and accepting, like Lando, Chewie, and Maz; he knew that there were still feelings of at least some resentment and everyone used extreme caution when it came to him. He knew this and accepted it, but he didn’t understand why this girl Rose was openly telling him now of all times. And though she spoke sternly, she didn’t yell at him, or look at him in disgust, or curse his existence. She talked to him in a civilized manner. She was treating him like a person, and he found some slight comfort in that, which made him put his stubborn feelings aside; just for a moment.

“I know...”

“I only know the little bit that Rey has told me about you and what happened, but it’s not much to go by. I’m really only doing this because Rey is a dear friend of mine. For reasons she hasn’t really shared yet, she decided that bringing you here and keeping you around was something that she needed to do. You were associated with one of the worst fascist regimes in the galaxy. You did dirty work for some horrible people!”

Ben noticed tears welling up in her eyes.

“My sister was killed during a battle with the First Order. She died with honor, yes. But it was because she was fighting to stop people like…like you!” tears started to roll down her cheeks, and Ben couldn’t help but feel guilty, even sad for her.

He was still fully trying to process the damage he had done, even if indirectly. Being associated with the First Order, working as Snoke’s underling, and even briefly being the Supreme Leader himself. People were killed by his own hand, but people were also killed because of his position by association. Ben sat and watched Rose cry, not saying anything as he waited for her to finish her thought. She never did.

“I’m sorry…” he spoke softly. He felt the pain that radiated from her. It was an awful feeling that he knew all too well.

“…You’re sorry…” Rose scoffed through tears, finding it hard to believe him.

“I know it sounds empty…I realize that. But I truly mean it. I regret a lot of things, and I realize I’ve done a lot of damage…so much that I don’t know if I could ever fully earn redemption.”

Rose looked back up at him. He had his hands on the table now, fiddling nervously with his fingers. He was looking down at his hands, seemingly ashamed to even look back at her. He finally did, his face twisted up in a mix of guilt, pain, and shame.

“I want to make things right. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I fought by Rey’s side…I have to do this. I know nothing I do could possibly make up for your loss, and I truly don’t blame you for being angry and not trusting me.” He sighed. “And if you never accept me or want to forgive me, it would be justified.”

Rose sniffled, not expecting the response that he had given. He spoke up again.

“What…was her name?”

“…Paige.” Rose croaked, before swallowing down the sobs that wanted to keep coming out. “Paige Tico.”

“I’m sorry for your loss…and I’m sorry for having a hand in it. I truly am. She...Paige...seemed like she was very brave.”

“She was…” Rose let herself smile, even if only for a moment, before looking up at him once more. She sighed, and her earnest expression came back. “It’s going to take a lot more than some platitudes to get me to trust you, or even respect you…”

“I know.”

“You have to earn that sort of thing, do you understand?”

“Yes…”

“Good.” Rose got up from the booth and wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. She let out one last sniffle before walking over to the desk across the room. She picked up what looked like a small stack of clothing, neatly folded. 

“Here…” she handed it to him.

Ben looked at the stack and then back at her. Slightly confused, he slowly took it from her hands. He picked up the first thing that was atop the pile; something black. He held it up, unfurling it. He stared at it for a second, before lowering it to look at Rose. It was the shirt he was wearing when he had first arrived there with Rey. The one that he wore underneath his usual uniform back in the First Order. He had stripped down to that shirt and his pants before meeting up with Rey and fighting alongside her. The one Rey had jokingly called a ‘nice sweater’. He thought the medics had cut it off of him.

“I know it’s been hard to find clothes that actually fit you well. The shirt wasn’t completely ruined, so I just…well, there you go.”

Ben glanced at where the hole used to be and saw it was patched up with a little blue patch of fabric. Some length was also taken off the hem, so it looked more like a shirt rather than a tunic, which was perfect. There was another shirt, just a plain white t-shirt. The last item was what looked to be a pair of black joggers. They looked like they would actually accommodate his height and not ride up his legs.

“I…thank you…” He looked at her, not expecting such a kind act after the conversation they had just had.

“Your welcome.” 

Before Ben could say anything else, Rey had walked into the room.

“Hey!”

Ben and Rose looked over at her. She had changed into dry clothes. She had on leggings and a simple short-sleeved shirt, clothes she probably only wore to bed. Her hair was still a little damp but it was now pulled up into a messy bun. She smiled at both of them before realizing that the two looked like they had been sitting there awkwardly for a while. Ben was still pretty wet, and she started to suspect that he never left the room. She hoped that there was no trouble between the two while she was getting changed.

“What’s going on…?” Rey carefully glanced at the two.

“Nothing much.” Rose shrugged. “It sounds like the rain has died down a little. I think I’m going to run to the mess hall and get us some food.”

“Oh, I’ll go with you!” Rey started heading over to the corridor that led to the main door.

“I got it, Rey! You already got all dried off, and it’s pretty muddy out there. I’ll make Finn help me.”

“Are you sure…?”

“Yup. FINN! Come help me grab dinner!!”

“Yeah, I’m coming!” Finn called from some other part of the ship.

“Can I help?” Ben spoke up.

“Yes, actually. Have you even had a proper shower since you’ve been here?” Rose raised an eyebrow.

“No…” Ben glanced at Rey and then back at Rose. “Not really…?”

“Well, I suggest you go use the showers while this rain has died down.”

“The rain didn’t count as a shower?” Ben shrugged.

“Um, no offense but you smell like a wet bantha.” Rose made a face.

Ben quickly looked over at Rey who had her hand over her mouth, trying not to laugh.

“You kind of do.” She agreed. “Sorry.”

“I can take a hint.” Ben stood up.

“And look! You have two clean shirts.” Rose gave him a thumbs up.

“You found him more clothes! You’re a lifesaver, Rose.” Rey walked over to the storage closet and started rummaging through her small trunk when Finn entered the room. He paid no mind to Ben and went over to Rose.

“Dinner then?” he grabbed a jacket that was draped over the desk chair and pulled it on.

“Yeah, I figure we should get going before the rain starts up again. It’s supposed to be bad weather all night.”

“Gotcha.”

“Okay, we’ll be back in a few!” Rose called out as the two walked down the corridor.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to leave them alone together?” Finn glanced back.

“I think it’ll be fine.” Rose opened the door to the Falcon and the two headed for the mess hall.

* * *

“Here.” Rey handed Ben a bar of soap and a little bottle of hair shampoo. “That’s all I have. Sorry.”

“It’ll do just fine.” He took the toiletries from her.

“And the damp towel…”

“As I said, it’ll all do just fine.” Ben put a hand to her chin and gently lifted her head so her eyes would meet his. They looked at one another for a moment as Ben cupped her cheek tenderly in his hand. Rey lifted her hand to his and held it softly in place to her cheek.

“Ben I…” she struggled with her words. She thought back to what Ben had said to her moments before they got caught in the sudden storm.

He told her that he loved her.

It took her a moment to fully process it when he said it. The path she had followed over the past few years resulted in her meeting people that would become her closest friends. She even found somewhat of a mother figure in Leia. She loved them, at least in a way that you would love family, despite her not knowing much about being loved by a family. Regardless of how she felt, nobody had actually spoken those words to her. Indirectly, maybe. She knew her friends cared, even if they didn’t say those particular words. But one thing she especially never experienced was a man telling her that he loved her, especially in a romantic sense. She had never been told by anyone, much less a man. She wasn’t fully sure what to say or how to handle it for that matter.

Should she have said it back?

She felt like things have been so surreal over the last few days, and the two had gotten caught up in their moments together so many times. She cared deeply for him. Their connection made her want to never be apart from him. Was that what love really was? Did Ben even know for sure?

“About what you said back there…”

“It’s alright.” Ben hushed her, followed by a tender smile. “We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

“Ben I…!”

“Really, it’s okay. I promise.”

Rey didn’t say anything, only lingered in his warm touch.

“Your friend is right, though. I should probably do a proper washdown.” He let out a soft laugh.

“Okay…” Rey felt Ben’s hand leave her cheek, much to her dismay. “Hurry back, okay? Before it starts storming again?”

“I will.” Ben grabbed his things and headed down the hall.

Rey watched him until he was out of sight.

The rest of the night seemed to pass by like normal. Ben came back, fresh and clean wearing the joggers and white t-shirt that Rose had given him. He had his hair combed back out of his face, a style that he decided to keep after Exegol. Rey thought it suited him much better. Rose and Finn came back with dinner, and Rey ate with the two at the table while Ben ate by himself elsewhere. He knew her friends still felt a certain way about him, and he didn’t want things to feel any more awkward than they already were. Rey never wanted him to sit alone, but he insisted that it was okay. Rey caught up with Finn and Rose, just making small talk about what was going on around the camp. They even joked around a bit. Finn waited for Rey to start talking about what all had happened before she and Ben got there, but she still hadn’t brought up any of it. Finn didn’t like it of course, but kept Rose’s words at heart. They had to be patient and let Rey talk to them when she was ready, on her own terms.

“So, Poe still isn’t talking to me?” Rey collected the dishes from the table.

“He’s…” Finn sighed. “He’s just been in a mood lately. A lot’s been going on.”

“He’ll come back around, Rey. Don’t worry.” Rose sat up from the table. “Well, it sounds like the rain is back.” She looked up, hearing the rain beat down on the metal. “I think I’m gonna turn in. It’s getting late.”

“Alright. Good night, Rose.” Rey smiled as Rose headed towards the crew quarters.

“Good night!” Finn called back as he took the last bite of his bread. He looked at Rey, who was setting the dishes in a tub to be carried back to the galley.

“Hey, um…Rey?”

“Yes?” Rey turned and looked at him.

“I…” he sighed. “I’m really sorry about what I said today. It was totally out of line. I was being an asshole…”

“You were.” Rey agreed, giving him a look.

“I deserve that…” he shrugged before standing up from the table. “The point is, you’re right. I don’t know everything that goes on with you. I want to think that I do, because we’re good friends and all, but…” he sighed again. “What I’m trying to say is that I care about you…a lot. And sometimes the things you do are dangerous, and I just get worried.”

“Everything we have done for this cause has been dangerous, Finn. Even before I became a part of it, I lived a dangerous life on Jakku in a way…I can take care of myself.”

“See, I know that. But it doesn’t stop me from caring…from worrying.”

“Well I…I’m sorry for worrying you. I know there are things you want answers to also. Things you want to know; and I promise I will tell you and the others in time. I just…I need a moment to breathe. Can you understand that?”

Finn thought about Rey, and how she had spent all of her time so far with Ben Solo. It was as if she only cared to be around him, and sometimes it felt like Finn and their whole group of friends was being replaced, or at the very least put on the back burner. And by someone who was once one of their greatest enemies no less. Even so, he didn’t want to be part of her distress. He wanted to be there for her, even if it meant waiting it out like this.

“Okay. That sounds fair.”

“Thank you, Finn.” Rey gave him a sincere smile before wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a tight embrace. “That really means a lot.”

The two hugged for a moment or two more before Rey pulled away, her hands still planted on his shoulders. Before Finn could say anything else, Ben had come around the corner holding his empty plate.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you two were talking.”

“Oh, Ben…!” Rey’s face lit up as she let go of Finn’s shoulders and headed over to Ben. “It’s fine. We were just finishing up here. I’ll take that…” Rey took his plate and cup and set it inside the tub with the rest of the dishes.

“Thank you…” Ben spoke softly before looking up at Finn.

Finn crossed his arms over his chest and shot Ben another look. Ben only stared back in a condescending way. He was still pissed at Finn for coming at him earlier, and he could tell he was still angry too. It was the end of the day and Ben was just ready to be done with everything. He was tired of everyone’s eyes being on him and even more tired of all of the glaring. He also didn’t like the way Finn was hanging onto Rey like that when he walked in, friend or not.

“Huh? What?” Ben looked down at Rey, snapping out of his jealous thoughts.

Rey only sighed. “Someone’s off in la-la land, huh? I said we have to find a place for you to sleep.” 

“So, I’m going to call it a night also,” Finn spoke up. “I’ll take those to the galley, Rey. I’m going that way anyway.”

“Oh, thanks, Finn.” Rey handed the tub of dirty dishes to him.

“Night.” Finn smiled at Rey and walked past the two, disregarding Ben yet again.

“Night.” Rey smiled and turned back to Ben. “What’s with that look?”

“What look?” Ben shrugged.

“Don’t play dumb. Did something happen between you and Finn?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You’re really not going to tell me?”

“The small girl put us both in check. So, don’t worry about it.” He playfully poked her forehead.

“Rose did, huh?” Rey shook her head and sighed. “Okay well, I’ll put a pin in that for now.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair. If he was going to be around these people for a week, he had to at least try to be civil. He also needed to get a handle on his jealousy and possessive nature. Rey would have his ass if she knew he was trying to assert his dominance. He needed to at least try.

“Okay…so sleeping arrangements--!” Rey was caught off guard as Ben slipped his arms around Rey’s hips and pulled her close to him. He smelled really good after that shower. She felt her cheeks burn as Ben put his face in her hair. He planted a soft kiss on her head.

“I thought they’d never go away…” he murmured into her hair.

“Be careful…someone might see…”

“Nobody is going to see anything.”

Rey felt pure comfort as he held her. He practically radiated comfort. She ended up staying in his embrace and wrapped her arms around him in a hug and put her face in his chest. They stood there for what felt like forever. Ben kissed her forehead. She put a gentle hand to his cheek as he continued to hold her close.

“Remember what we agreed on?” she whispered.

“Yeah, I know...” He leaned in close, whispering in his sultry tone, “I want to kiss you so bad right now though.”

Rey felt all of the blood rush to her face as her stomach did cartwheels. She had to put her hand between them, gently shoving his face away before he could get to her.

“You’re going to get us in trouble, dingus!” she whispered aloud.

Ben only smirked and removed his hands from her waist but kept his eyes on her. He could see that she didn’t like this arrangement any more than he did because she looked somewhat disappointed when she pushed him away.

“Sorry.” He gave her another smug grin.

“Like hell you are…” she muttered.

“So, where do you want me?” Ben raised his arms up and took a stretch.

“Right…well…” Rey thought about it. The crew quarters were small as it was. Finn and Rose had already taken those beds for the night, and Rey usually took the nook above the holo-gaming booth.

“I could just take the floor in the captain’s quarters. Isn’t that where you’re at?”

Rey gave him a confused look. “Captain’s quarters? What captain’s quarters??”

It was Ben’s turn to give her a look.

“The captain’s quarters…?” he spoke slowly. “Where the captain stays? There’s crew quarters and captain’s quarters.”

“I don’t think that’s right.”

“Uh, I would know?” Ben scoffed. “This was my dad’s ship after all.”

“Okay. Show me where it is then?”

“Gladly. Follow me.” Ben took her hand and headed down the corridor, going the opposite way of where the galley/crew quarters were.

They reached the end of the corridor. There were two doors; one to her right and one straight in front of her. She knew the one to her right led to a circuit room, which left the one in front of them. Rey stepped back and raised her brows at Ben.

“This?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s an old storage closet.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

Rey slapped her hand against the pad aside the door, making it open.

“See?” she presented a dark and dusty closet, full of all kinds of clutter.

Ben stepped into the dark closet, noting the clutter and stacks of boxes coated in dust. He wondered how old some of it was. Ben reached around for the lighting pad along the wall as Rey crossed her arms over her chest, wondering what he was trying to do. Ben finally managed to find the light pad and put his hand to it. A light flickered only the sidewalls of the small space, lighting the area.

“Fucking Maker…” he muttered as he ran his hand through his hair, looking at the clutter that was strewn about. “What the hell was he keeping in here? Fucking…” Ben continued to mutter under his breath as he started moving things out of his way. Rey took a step inside as Ben continued to move the boxes out of his way.

“Ben?” she watched as Ben put his back to a stack of large wooden crates that were stacked atop each other.

He pushed back against them, noting that they were heavier than he thought they would be.

“What does he even have in here…?!” he grunted as he put more force into his push. The crates slid back over across the dusty floor, revealing another door that had apparently hidden from anyone’s sight. Ben looked back and her and presented the door, giving her the same sarcastic look that she had given him when she presented the so-called closet to him.

“Wait…what??” Rey quickly stepped inside, careful not to trip over the clutter, and reached Ben.

He put his hand to the door pad, but it did nothing.

“Fucking hell…” he cursed again under his breath and took his fist to the pad, giving it just a slight bit of force. The lights flickered again and the door began to work, quickly opening and leading into another room. Ben headed inside the dark and dingy room first, finding the lights. They turned on with a slight flicker and came on at full power after a few seconds. Ben came back to the door and motioned for Rey to step inside.

She followed him inside and the door shut behind them. She looked around at the room, which was also cluttered with boxes upon boxes of things, but it was still clear to see that the room was pretty large. Dust coated everything, and it was as if nobody had been in the room for years. There was a nook with a much larger bed than the other crew beds, with other amenities as well. There was another door across the room that led to something; she didn't bother to ask where. She assumed it was a closet, but who even knew anymore. She thought that this whole extra room was just a storage closet so…

“He really let this place go. Shit…” Ben looked around at all of the clutter. “I guess he stopped using this room a long time ago…”

“I seriously had no idea that this was here.” Rey shook her head, amazed. “He never mentioned it.”

“Yeah, I can see that…” Ben made a face, noting all of the dirt and smelly old boxes. “Well, found my sleeping quarters.” He turned back to her.

“What? Here? It’s filthy!”

“I really have nowhere else to sleep so…” Ben shrugged.

“I can’t let you sleep in here, especially after you finally got to bathe.” Rey laughed and shook her head.

“It’s just dust, seriously.” He shrugged. “If the linen was stored properly it should be just fine. I’ll just whack the bed a few times.”

“How about you take the nook above the table and I’ll sleep here. I grew up in a desert so I’m used to dirt.” She laughed.

“Hell no. I’m not letting you sleep on some dirty old bed. End of discussion.”

Rey put her hands up, “Whatever you say, boss.”

Ben rolled his eyes and smirked.

“Don’t you forget it.” Ben walked up to her and slipped his arms around her waist again. “You need to go to sleep now.”

Rey rested her head against Ben’s chest, letting out a small groan.

“I know you’re tired…I need you to get some sleep…please?”

Rey looked back up at him as he looked upon her with tender eyes.

“Alright. Don’t spend too much time tidying up in here. You have to rest too…”

“Ah yes, my sentence begins tomorrow.”

“That’s right.”

Ben leaned down and planted a soft kiss on Rey’s forehead. “I’m ready…”

“I know…” she whispered back.

“Here…I’ll walk you back.”

Ben let go of her and gently took her hand, carefully leading her around the clutter and back out into the main hallway. He walked her back to the table, where he helped her climb up into the sleeping nook.

“Are you going to tuck me in?” she teased.

“What did you expect?” He made a face at her as he pulled the blanket over her.

“Thanks, daddy.” She giggled.

“Maker, do _not_ call me that…” he sighed, putting a hand to his face to hide his reddening cheeks. He knew she didn’t mean anything lewd by the comment, but still.

“I was just messing with you…” Rey laid her head back and turned to look at him. “What…?”

“Hm?”

“You’re staring at me again.” she laughed softly.

“I’m not sorry.” He whispered before giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek, causing her heart to skip and her face to flush. He smiled sweetly before quickly hopping down from the booth.

“Good-night, Ben…” Rey pulled her blanket up to her nose, but he could tell that she was smiling at him.

“…Good night, Rey.”

* * *

Ben shot up quickly as thunder shook the ship. The rain was pounding down hard, and the wind had picked up significantly. Ben put a hand to his chest as he panted, trying to catch his breath. He looked down at his hands. The tremors were back again. He tried his best to find his center and steady his breathing, but it was awfully hard to do with all of the chaos going on outside.

Night terrors.

It had been a while since he had one. They used to come more frequently, but he still suffered from time to time. He had been prone to nightmares for as far back as he could remember. He knew now that it probably had something to do with Snoke’s dark presence plaguing his mind at a young age. They also got somewhat worse after the incident with Luke…and after he killed his father. The past few nights have been peaceful, and he figured it was because of Rey and her presence. He felt calm and safe when she laid beside him. He felt less alone.

Another lightning strike was followed by cracks of thunder, shaking the ship slightly yet again. The storm sounded like it was right above them now. Ben put a hand to his head. He felt like he heard something high pitched, almost like a ringing in his ears. It echoed around in his head, seemingly getting louder. It wasn’t a ringing…it was screaming. It was getting louder and louder. It sounded awful, almost blood-curdling, like someone was in terrible pain.

Ben felt a painful hitch in his chest. He threw back the covers and jumped out of bed. He slammed his hand to the door panel and ran out of the room. He held out his hand, using the force to swiftly throw any of the clutter or boxes out of his way as he sprinted out of the room and down the corridor. He heard Rose and Finn; their voices full of worry.

“Rey?? Rey! Wake up!”

“Rey what’s wrong?!”

“She’s not waking up, Finn!”

Ben slid around the corner and into the guest area. His eyes fell upon the holo-gaming booth instantly. Finn and Rose were standing on the booth seats, looking at Rey, who was still lying in the nook above. Rose was trying to shake her awake. Something was wrong. Ben quickly hurried over to the table.

“MOVE!” he yelled a little too loudly, but it was enough to startle Finn and Rose. They moved out of the way and Ben hopped up onto the booth, getting a better look at Rey. Her eyes were halfway opened, and she was gripping the bed beneath her so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. Her chest was heaving up and down, almost violently, and far too quickly. She was whimpering loudly, and it was as if she wanted to speak but wasn’t able to.

“Rey? Rey!” he tapped her cheek with his hand, trying to get her to wake. She remained unresponsive. He frantically turned to Rose.

“What happened??”

“I don’t know! We heard noises, so we came out here and saw her like this. She won’t respond or wake up!” Rose has tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong with her, Ben?”

Ben swallowed hard. He turned back to Rey and slipped his arms under her back, scooping her into his arms.

“Take her.” He commanded, handing her to Finn. Finn quickly took her in his arms as Ben climbed down.

“Give her to me.”

Finn quickly complied and handed her back to Ben, who sat at the edge of the booth holding her in his arms.

“Rey? Talk to me. Please talk to me…” he studied her face and gently opened one of her eyelids.

Her pupils were moving rapidly. He put his fingers to her neck and found her pulse. It was high. Ben quickly put his hand near her head, pressing his fingers gently to her forehead as he closed his eyes. Rose and Finn watched as he concentrated, exhaling slowly as he did a swift motion with his fingers. He pulled back his hand, looking as if pulling some invisible force from out of her.

She screamed.

It was the exact same blood-curdling cry of pain that Ben had heard in his head only moments ago. It lasted for a few seconds, and she stopped suddenly. Her head slumped back, but Ben quickly tucked his hand behind her head and caught her.

After a moment of Rey not reacting, her eyes shot open. She let out a loud gasp, almost as if she had been robbed of air for a few moments beforehand.

“NO!” she began to scream yet again; thrashing about and pushing her hand into Ben’s chest. “Don’t touch me! Get away from me!!!”

“Rey! It’s me!” Ben tried to hold her tighter so she would stop thrashing. “It’s Ben!”

Rey quickly looked up at him with tears seeping from her eyes, full of terror.

“Ben…!” her voice cracked as she threw herself into him. She buried her head in his chest and started sobbing as he held her close.

“It’s okay…you’re safe. It wasn’t real…” Ben cupped the back of her head in his hand, holding her tight as she cried.

Rose and Finn glanced at one another, wondering what he meant by that.

About twenty minutes went by as Ben continued to hold Rey. She gradually began to calm down and was finally able to sit up on her own. Finn brought her some tissues to dry her eyes, and Ben had draped the blanket over her shoulders as she sat at the booth, staring at the table with tired eyes. Rose had come back with a cup of hot tea and placed it in front of her. Rey looked up and Rose and sighed.

“Don’t give me that look.” Rose raised an eyebrow. “I know you don’t like it, but it will help you relax. Please drink it all, okay?”

“Thank you…” Rey muttered and looked back down at the steaming hot cup.

Ben sat across from Rey at the table, keeping his gaze steadily on her. He was finally able to find his center, but that was a terrifying thing that had just happened, and it was hard to come down from.

“Hey, Ben?”

Ben looked up to see Rose was looking at him.

“Can you help Finn and me? There’s a leak in the galley ceiling that we can’t reach.”

“So place a bucket under it.” Ben was irritated that she would even ask him to leave Rey’s side at that moment.

“I really think it could be fixed if we deal with it now. _Please._ ” Rose gave him a look of urgency and silently motioned for him to follow her.

“…Oh.” Ben got the hint and glanced back at Rey. He put a gentle hand over hers and she looked back up at him. “I’ll be right back. Will you be okay…?”

Rey let gave him a soft, but tired smile. “I’ll be fine. Hurry back.”

Ben gently pushed the cup of tea towards her. “Drink.”

Rey sighed and picked up the cup. She took a sip, grimacing as she did.

“All of it.” Ben looked at her one last time as she kept sipping on the tea. She rolled her eyes at him as he got up from the booth and followed Finn and Rose out into the hallway.

“What was that?” Rose looked up at Ben; her eyes were still full of worry. “And is she going to be okay?”

Ben sighed. “She’s going to be fine.”

“But _what_ was that?” Finn asked. “Why wasn’t she waking up?”

“Sleep paralysis…at least that’s what it looked like to me.” Ben leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What’s sleep paralysis?” Finn asked.

“Basically it’s…how do I put this…? When you’re in REM sleep, that’s when your body is most incapacitated. It’s also when you dream. I think she was having a nightmare, and before the REM cycle was over, she fell into a sleep paralysis episode. That’s why she couldn’t move or speak, or ‘wake up’, so to speak. She got caught in the process of her body trying to wake up while she was still dreaming, essentially.”

“Wow…”

“So, what did you do to her back there?” Rose glanced up at Ben.

“I just…went into her mind and pulled her out of the paralysis.” He shrugged.

“That’s why she screamed. She was probably still having a nightmare, wasn’t she?” Rose sighed.

“Exactly.”

“And then she woke up and she probably didn’t realize what was happening.”

“Sleep paralysis is scary…” Ben glanced down the hall. “It’s happened to me a few times as a kid. Your dreams get mixed into your reality. The monsters in your dreams are suddenly standing over your bed, and you can’t scream, or move…or look away…” Ben cleared his throat. “Anyway, that’s probably what Rey was dealing with.”

“That sounds terrifying…” Finn shoved his hands into his pockets, still a little on edge over what had just transpired.

“Well…thank you for bringing her back to us.” Rose put a gentle hand to Ben’s arm. “We appreciate that.”

“Of course…” he nodded as they stood quietly for a moment. “…Regardless of what you guys may think of me, I would do anything to make sure that she’s safe...”

Rose only looked up at him as he stared down the hall towards the guest area. She saw how worried he was. How he immediately took action. How he comforted her in the way that Rey needed. Maybe he wasn’t that terrible of a person…

“I don’t mean to be rude but…” Ben looked back down at Rose. “I really think I should get back to her and make sure that she’s okay... if that’s alright with you?”

“Alright. Go on, then.” Rose waved him off. Ben nodded in thanks and headed back down the hall.

“Well, I’m going back to bed.” Rose yawned.

“That’s it?” Finn looked at her, still slightly concerned. “Shouldn’t we go check on her?”

“I think he has it covered.”

Finn sighed. “Is he already softening you up?”

“Really, Finn?”

“I was joking.”

“Well, I think this is just what she needs right now. If she needs us, she’ll let us know.” Rose turned and headed the opposite way. “I won’t stop you from checking on her, Finn. But you should get some rest soon.”

Finn sighed and stood by himself for a moment. He heard the rain still going strong, though the storm itself was beginning to move away. He made his way down the hall back towards the guest area. He peeked around the corner and saw Rey, still wrapped up in a blanket and curled up in Ben’s arms. She had her eyes closed but seemed to still be awake. Ben had his head in her hair with his arms placed firmly around her, holding her close.

On the table was an empty mug. She actually listened to Ben and drank it all.

Neither of them spotted Finn, so he decided not to say anything. He headed back down the hall to the crew quarters.

* * *

Meanwhile, Rey was nodding off, waking up every time she felt herself drift off. Her head would slump over, bumping into Ben’s chest and waking her up again. Ben kept his arms wrapped around her.

“You need to sleep…” he muttered softly into her hair.

“I can’t…” she sighed.

“You can’t? Or you don’t want to?”

Rey sighed. “I don’t want to…”

“Tell me what it was about…?”

Rey lifted her head and looked at him, catching his gaze.

“Well…it was about a lot of things. I saw myself…my dark self. And I was fighting with her…she killed me. Or, I thought she did. I fell down this dark hole, and I was back on Exegol…” she inched closer to Ben.

He could tell she didn’t like talking about it already. She kept going regardless. “My parents…or whoever they were…they were there. But they were dead. They were dead and hanging like those puppets on the strings? And Palpatine was holding those strings. And then _I_ was the puppet on the strings.” She sighed. “I know this doesn’t make sense…”

“It’s alright. Keep going…”

“…Everything was crashing down around me. I could hear people screaming…my friends were all screaming. You were there…”

“…And?”

“But you…” Rey swallowed hard. “You were lying beside me…you weren’t alive anymore. You just kept staring at me and I couldn’t do anything.” Tears started to roll down her cheeks. “And then…I heard Palpatine laughing. He just kept laughing…and laughing…and then the whole temple collapsed on me. I was crushed, but it was like I was still conscious and could feel my bones breaking, my insides being crushed. Everything was falling around me. The war was still going on above me, and all I could see in front of me were my dead parents…their lifeless eyes just staring back at me…”

Rey pressed her face into Ben’s chest and started crying softly again. He held her tight and let her cry, quietly rubbing her back in a gentle manner. She calmed down again and pulled away, still sniffling. Ben grabbed a tissue and handed it to her.

“Thank you…” she wiped her eyes and nose and looked back up at Ben. “I’m sorry; I think I got your shirt a little wet…”

“I really don’t care about that…”

Rey rested her head against his chest again.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that. But it was just a nightmare. Nothing can hurt you now.”

“I know…I just have never dealt with a nightmare that terrifying before…and the sleep paralysis…” Rey shuddered. “That was just awful.”

“I know…” Ben continued to rub her back softly. “I used to get night terrors a lot. I still get them.”

“Really?” Rey looked up at Ben, her eyes were red and a little swollen from crying.

“Really.” He sighed. “A lot of them were just an aftermath of things that happened in my life…you know, bad things.”

“That makes sense…”

“I’m not a doctor or anything but…you’ve gone through a lot recently. You discovered things that rocked you emotionally; probably mentally too. It makes sense that it would all manifest into nightmares.”

“I guess I haven’t really thought about it all. I haven’t had the time…and to be honest, I haven’t wanted to think about most of it.”

“I understand…why would you?” Ben put a hand to her cheek. He swiped his thumb softly under her eye, catching another stray tear. “You’re probably also dealing with the aftermath of war. I know I’m dealing with it too…”

“You are…?”

“I had a nightmare earlier; before I came and pulled you out of your paralysis. I woke up…sensed something was wrong, and I went to find you.”

“Ben…thank you for everything you’ve done for me today. I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve been such a bother lately…”

“You don’t have to apologize to me, remember? And…” Ben stroked her cheek softly with his thumb. “You are not a bother. I promise you that. If anything I should be apologizing to you.”

“Why?”

“I haven’t…done my best today.” Ben looked off to the side, kicking himself mentally. “I ran off and left you today when you needed me. And I almost started a fight with Finn…”

“You did _what_? Where was I?”

“Changing.”

“I was gone for ten minutes and you already tried to start a fight?” Rey sighed.

“Technically Finn started the fight. I told you Rose had to set us both straight. She sent him to time out.” He smirked.

Rey rolled her eyes and couldn’t help but smile. She needed it.

“And what about _your_ punishment?”

“Oh, she let me have it. I’ll tell you about it later. Or she’ll tell you.” He shrugged.

“Well then…” she leaned her head against his chest again. “I think tonight makes up for it. Thank you for pulling me out of my head. I felt really helpless back there… What was your nightmare about?”

“Ah…you know, war stuff. My parents. Snoke. Guilt inducing shit…” Ben trailed off.

“…How do you deal with them? The night terrors?”

“Well… I can’t help that they happen. But when they do, I’ve figured out a way to bring myself out of it. I’ve trained my mind to recognize when things get too surreal, and it’s easier for me to snap out of it and wake up. It took a long time to learn though, and sometimes it doesn’t even work.” He shrugged.

“Oh…” Rey sighed, looking somewhat defeated.

“But…another thing that helps is finding your center. I’m not an expert in it because I’ve only recently started doing it; but so far it’s helped to bring my mind back after waking up. You take a deep breath in, imagine that it’s all good energy, and breathe out, imagining that it’s all of the bad stuff going out.”

“Oh, I see…kind of like meditation?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

The rain kept falling hard outside, and a crack of thunder could be heard in the distance.

“Sounds like it’s moving away.” Rey lifted her head and looked up at Ben.

“Yeah.” he looked down at her and caught her gaze, her eyes still red. “You’ve cried so much today…”

“I know…” Rey sighed, slightly embarrassed. “So much for a brave war hero, huh?” she laughed softly.

“You letting shit out that was bottled up forever doesn’t make you less of a hero. I don’t want to hear that again.” Ben gave her a serious look.

“I was half-joking…”

“I don’t care. Don’t do it again.”

“You’re so commanding today.” Rey rolled her eyes and smiled playfully at him.

“I am not.”

“You are so!”

“Whatever.” Ben poked her lightly in the forehead. “You need to get some god-damn sleep already. Back in the bunk.”

Rey looked up at the nook where she had been sleeping. She didn’t say anything, nor did she move.

“…What’s wrong?”

“I…I’m not tired.”

“What do you mean, _you’re_ _not tired_?”

“I’m just not!” Rey awkwardly pushed back from Ben a little bit. “I think I’m ready to get up for the day.”

“It’s two in the morning.” Ben crossed his arms and gave her a look.

“That’s okay! I’m an early riser anyway!”

“Hell no. Get in that bunk and go to sleep.”

“Stop acting like a strict parent!”

“What’s the real reason why you won’t go back to sleep?”

“There is no other reason…!”

“…You’re afraid.”

“I’m not…!”

“Bullshit. You’re not even trying to hide it from me, I can feel it from you. So there’s no point in denying it.” Ben’s face softened toward her. “If you were afraid, why didn’t you just say so?”

“You know why…I already feel like I’ve been a huge burden on everyone.”

“You’re not a burden to me…”

Rey rested her head against his chest again. He didn’t say anything. He tenderly placed his hand on the back of her neck as they sat in silence.

“…Can I…sleep with you tonight, then?” Rey looked up at him, her brown eyes meeting his.

“I...uh…” Ben lost his train of thought. She worded her question in a way that somewhat caught him off guard. It wasn’t like they haven’t slept in the same bed before. Of course, he wanted nothing more than to have Rey in his bed with him, but still.

“Are you sure that’s appropriate? What about the others?” Ben spoke cautiously as he glanced over his shoulder.

“I don’t care right now.” Rey sighed.

“You have to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Saying we can’t do certain things and then doing them anyway because you don’t care anymore.” Ben smiled, shaking his head at her.

Rey only rolled her eyes at him. “I just want to sleep. I feel like I’d feel more at ease, well, sleeping next to you…unless you don’t want me to…”

“No, I do--!” Ben’s sudden response nearly startled Rey before he reeled himself back in. “I mean, I don’t mind at all. Why would I?”

The two looked at each other for a brief moment, followed by an awkward silence. They always knew what happened when they slept in the same bed. It was nice, it was peaceful, but it also left the opportunity open for them to start getting a little too close. And it wouldn’t be a med-bay bed either, where people and droids were constantly coming and going. They would actually have privacy for once, and they both weren’t exactly sure if that was a good or bad thing. Regardless, that didn’t stop them from wanting to be near each other. Ben nervously tapped his fingers against the table before looking back down at Rey.

“Do you want to…?”

“Yes…”

“Alright…let’s go then.”

Ben had Rey slide out of the booth first, with her blanket still wrapped around her shoulders. Ben slid out after her and stood up, reaching up towards the ceiling in a big stretch. His shirt lifted a bit, giving Rey a small glimpse at his skin underneath. She started to think back to when she had him shirtless in the woods earlier and had to stop herself from thinking about it too much. It wasn’t the time to be thinking about such things, as hard as it was. Ben took the liberty of scooping Rey up in his arms and began to carry her down the corridor. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head in his shoulder.

“Ah, you’re not complaining this time?” Ben smiled.

“No. It’s nice to be carried sometimes.”

“That’s a little unlike you.”

“Do you mind it that much?” Rey whispered softly. “You’re the one who picked me up.”

“Of course I don’t mind it…” Ben felt his face flush again. “Now, some ground rules.”

“Okay…?”

“We’re going to sleep, and that’s it.” Ben sighed, nervous that he wouldn’t even be able to keep his own word on that. “You got that?”

“Roger.” Rey smiled playfully. “So don’t get any ideas or try to take advantage of me.”

“Har-har.” Ben rolled his eyes as they entered the captain’s quarters, using the force to shut the door behind him.

He carried her over to the bed and gently laid her down. She inched over a bit more, leaving room for Ben to slide in beside her. He pulled the blanket up over them and turned out the lamp that sat near the side of the bed. He turned on his side so that he was facing Rey. She stared back at him and pulled some of the blankets off of her shoulders. The rain continued to pelt the metal ship. It was a little chaotic earlier with the storm, but now the rain sounded nice; almost soothing, in a way.

“This bed is surprisingly comfortable.” Rey enjoyed the softness of the bed, and it was probably the most comfortable thing she had ever laid on.

“It is. Which is kind of hard to believe after all these years.”

“Thank you for letting me lay her with you…” Rey inched a little closer to him.

“You know I don’t mind…” Ben spoke softly as he put a hand to her cheek, cradling her face.

They laid together quietly for a while, with the rain outside being the only sound heard throughout the ship. Neither could fall asleep.

Ben stroked Rey’s cheek softly with his thumb as the two gazed at one another, barely able to make each other out in the dark. They were alone in bed together again, and it was the best thing ever to Ben; even if they were just lying there quietly in the darkness.

“You’ve got to try and go to sleep…” Ben whispered as he caressed her cheek in his hand.

“I can’t…”

“Close your eyes.”

Rey sighed as she laid there with him, attempting to close her eyes and drift off. But no luck. She looked at Ben and could see that he had closed his eyes too. She could tell he was also struggling to sleep. She quietly inched over to him, rustling the sheets. Ben opened his eyes right as Rey pressed her lips to his cheek, catching the corner of his mouth.

“That’s…” Ben blushed, but she couldn’t see it. “That’s not trying to fall asleep now is it?”

“It’s not. Sorry.” She laughed softly.

 _“You’re going to get us in trouble, dingus.”_ Ben mocked what Rey had told him earlier.

“It was just a tiny kiss…” Rey kept laying there, looking at him. “It was a goodnight kiss.”

Ben raised his arm up and hit an overhead switch that was above them. A dim light flickered on, making most of the room glow a warm orange. Ben looked at Rey, who laid inches away from him. She laid facing him, her amber eyes glowing softly in the light as she gazed back at him. She had let her hair down again, her soft waves sprawled over part of her pillow. Her features were softened under the glow of the light, and she looked beautiful, even after crying so much. Ben moved in closer, not taking his eyes off of her.

“Close your eyes…” he whispered

“Not tired…” she whispered back, keeping her gaze locked on his.

She felt his arms wrap around her body again. She was being pulled to him, and suddenly their bodies were pressed against each other once again. It got really warm all of a sudden, but it was a nice feeling.

“Bullshit…” Ben spoke in a low tone before making his move.

Their lips met as Ben held her close in his arms. Ben began kissing her tenderly on the mouth, one kiss after another. She took every one of them in, feeling herself getting dizzy from him yet again. She welcomed the feeling. She liked getting lost in this world where it was just the two of them. This sweet, lovely haze where reality didn’t exist. Just them. Just him. 

They pulled away for a brief moment, but immediately dove back into each other when they mutually decided that it wasn’t enough to satisfy. Ben cradled the back of her head in his hand, holding her as close to him as possible as he deepened their kiss. Every kiss they shared was full of passion and longing. They kept at it, kissing as their bodies tangled together. They were falling in again; falling into this deep sea of longing that was so hard to come up from. They kept kissing, their mouths hot, and breaths heavy... They had to come up for air eventually, or they would drown in their desires yet again. Both of them knew this... but found it so hard to stop.

Rey reluctantly pulled back, much to Ben’s dismay. She gazed back at Ben, catching his eyes as they both let out soft, but heavy breaths.

“I thought we were only going to sleep?” Rey shot him a playful glance as Ben ate his words.

“Fuck what I said…” Ben whispered as he pulled her in again, ready to continue drinking her in.

Rey put a gentle hand to his cheek, stopping him from going any further.

“I know you start working today. I already pulled you away from your sleep…” Rey smiled softly at him. “I’d feel terrible if you didn’t get enough rest.”

“I guess you’re right…” Ben sighed, defeated. “I really want you to try to sleep as well.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck, this is hard.” He smiled, not sure what to do about his emotions at this point.

“Yeah, it’s harder than I thought it would be.” Rey laughed softly.

“Well, we are in bed together…in this supposedly secret room that nobody knows about.”

“Mm…I’m just still trying to grasp all of it…all of the emotions.”

“…I am too.”

“We can stay like this though…” Rey moved in close and snuggled up to him. “…Can’t we?”

“Yes…of course.”

Ben put his arm around her shoulder and the two readjusted their positions. Rey had her head against his chest, and she cuddled against him with her arm resting on his torso, and her hand on his chest. Ben held her close to him with one arm around her shoulder and the other around her waist. He put his lips to her forehead and kissed her again. They stayed close to one another, wrapped in the warmth and comfort of their bodies.

“This is nice…” Ben sighed into her hair. “I like this.”

“Me too…” Rey whispered.

She didn’t say it aloud, but Ben felt it coming from her. It was the need to be held; they both had needed it for so long. Ben hugged her a little tighter. He felt like he was in a dream that he never wanted to wake from. Leaving his old self behind had its trials, but he felt himself slowly gaining back his old identity; who he really was. It was difficult...but worth it. He stole a glance at her as she snuggled against him, feeling her body heat mesh with his.

It was definitely worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> So I've been so inspired lately that I'm uploading another chapter. Yay!! Honestly, your comments have been so supportive and kind, and it's helped me keep my focus and feel inspired again. I also have the wonderful Reylo artists out there to thank for this inspiration, hehe. ;) 
> 
> So this chapter is a little longer than usual, and it's mostly because I didn't want the next chapter to be smaller than usual. It just wouldn't match up with the outline I have planned lol. I put the content warning in the beginning because I felt like I should in regards to Rey describing her nightmare. I know a lot happened in this chapter, but I had to cram it all in so I could move on with the story, making this chapter extra long lol. 
> 
> Ben's temper came out again, but it was only a matter of time, haha. At least he's getting a better handle on it right? Finn, do not try to fight Ben. You will not win! But honestly, I don't feel like Ben would even fight him, maybe just incapacitate him, like put him in a headlock or something lol. I wanted the interaction with Rose and Ben also since I feel she might be the first one who starts warming up to him. Ben really is trying, and I think she sees that. 
> 
> This chapter also extra fluffy. A lot of holding, touching, comfort, kissing, sweet nothings, teasing, bridal carry, etc. All the extra sweet stuff. I've just been really emotional lately, so I just dumped it all in this chapter. Ben has been really protective and soft towards Rey, which honestly, I feel like Ben would be a very sweet and sentimental boyfriend. Very soft. I love him so muchhhhhh ahhhh! 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you so much for the comments and support. I'm also going to drop my social media here if anyone wants to follow. I do follow back! 
> 
> Instagram: @cosmicbluue  
> Twitter: @cosmicbluue  
> Tumblr: @cosmic-bluue (I'm not on this one as much though)  
> Ko-fi: @cosmicblue


	8. Starlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finds an old box of things that once belonged to him. Rey thinks about Ben's confession and how she should respond. Rey and Ben find themselves alone for the night, finding it very easy to fall into enticing temptations.

** CONTENT WARNING:  **

**This chapter contains graphic imagery having to do with depictions of death that some may find triggering. This chapter also touches on topics such as psychological trauma, and PTSD. It also has depictions of anxiety/panic attacks. Please keep that in mind when reading this chapter.**

**Thank you~**

* * *

Rey’s eyes fluttered open slowly. She felt the soft cushioning of the bed against her cheek as she remained curled up in multiple blankets. She let out a soft groan and rolled onto her back, attempting to try and wake up. Rey reached up to switch on the overhead light, and the whole room was engulfed in a soft blue. She hit another button, changing the lighting from blue to purple.

“Well then…” she laughed to herself as she kept switching through different colors. It was interesting, to say the least.

She finally found a regular white tone of lighting and sat up in the bed. She yawned as she stretched her arms out, glancing to the side. The spot beside her was empty, but the covers were pulled back, showing where Ben had slept beside her the night before. They had ended up sleeping together, despite their agreed arrangement. Nothing had happened of course, aside from the beginnings of a make-out session that was stopped right away. Regardless, Rey had gotten the best sleep she had in days. She fell asleep peacefully in Ben’s arms, warm from his body heat and calming energy. There were no more nightmares for the rest of the night. She hadn’t even stirred when Ben had gotten up earlier. Rey hugged the blanket up to her, smiling to herself as she let out a soft sigh.

Sleeping with Ben was nice. And now she wasn’t sure if she wanted to give him or the comfortable bed up. She turned her head and glanced over at the clock that sat on the bedside table, right under another lamp. It didn’t take long for her to nearly leap out of the bed, alarmed by how late in the day it actually was. She nearly tripped over the covers and quickly shoved them back in the bed, heading swiftly towards the door.

Nobody seemed to be on the ship at the time, which made sense because it was very late in the morning; nearly lunchtime. She was normally an early riser, usually up before the sun. Ben must have not bothered to wake her, for whatever reason. Regardless, she was somewhat glad that she had gotten a good rest for once. Rey quickly went to the closet and found her trunk, rummaging for something to wear. She only had so many articles of clothing, but she made due. She quickly got herself ready, washing up and combing out her hair, which was still pretty wavy from the weather the night before. She pulled it up into a bun and pulled her clothes and boots on, ready to head out. As she headed towards the door, she nearly ran into Rose coming around the corner.

“Hey, Rey! Sorry, my head is off somewhere else.” Rose smiled, noting her clumsiness.

“It’s perfectly alright.” Rey smiled back.

“Where have you been? I haven’t seen you at all yet today! Is everything okay?”

Rey was about to say something but stopped herself. Rose didn’t know that she had slept in, much less slept in the same bed with Ben last night.

“Just been busy!” Rey lied. She didn’t like lying, but she also wanted things to go more smoothly today. She didn’t want to mention the other room just yet.

“Yeah, this whole camp is insane today. There’s a lot of people leaving, and a lot of work needs to be done so everyone can pack up and head out by the end of the week.”

“You are set to leave soon, aren’t you?” Rey had just remembered what Rose had told her before.

“Well, Kaydel-- er, Lieutenant Connix changed plans. She decided to stay and help Poe and the other higher-ups make sure that everything is all up to par before leaving. Also, there’s Ben Solo’s sentence too, so they sort of have to wait.” Rose shrugged, followed by a smile. “It’s alright though; I figured I can help out a little more also.”

“I never had a chance to really thank you.” Rey bowed her head. “You know, for finding Ben more clothes, and also being so patient and helpful during all of this.” She looked back up at Rose. “Ben told me he and Finn had gotten into it and…”

“Oh, that?” Rose laughed. “That wasn’t a big deal. Both of them were acting like stupid guys. Everything is fine, Rey.”

“Well, thank you anyway. I just…I really appreciate you being here during all of this, even though I know you aren’t fully comfortable with it all.”

“Hey…” Rose put a reassuring hand to her shoulder and looked at her. “It’s okay. Really. Friends are supposed to do that.” she smiled. “Oh, one more thing, Rey?”

“Yes?”

“How are you feeling? I mean, since last night?”

“Oh I…I’m much better today. I slept pretty well.”

“Good! So, do you think you should see someone? Like a medic or something?”

“About the nightmares?”

“That, and the sleep paralysis thing.”

“I’m not sure a medic can do much for those things…”

“You never know. Maybe you should ask?”

“Mm…” Rey shifted, suddenly feeling uncomfortable talking about the subject. “I think I’ll be alright.”

“Sorry if I’m prying. It was just scary to see you like that last night.”

“I know…I’m sorry. I’m just really weird about medics and physicians...” Rey smiled awkwardly. “But I’m fine, really!”

“Okay.” Rose sighed. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but, well…it was a good thing that Ben was there.”

“Yeah…it was really was.” Rey smiled to herself, thinking of their night they spent together, doing nothing but holding each other and sleeping soundly with a few kisses here and there.

Rose noticed Rey’s shift in mood, smiling when Rose mentioned Ben’s name. She thought she was being subtle, but it was obvious.

“I’m sorry that I have to cut this short, but I really have to find what I’m looking for and then head back out.” Rose made her way past Rey. “Sorry!”

“Oh! No, that’s okay!” Rey smiled. “I have to head out anyway. See you later!”

“Later!”

* * *

Rey had made her way around the camp, doing odd jobs, and helping out where she was needed. She stopped at the mess hall, grabbing a couple of items for her and Ben and slipping them into her satchel. She hadn’t run into him yet, but she knew she was probably bound to soon enough. She walked past a hanger where the damaged x-wings were getting repaired. She spotted Chewie working on one of the starfighter parts and decided to stop by and see if he needed her help. Chewie showed her different parts that need to be repaired and also left it up to Rey whether certain parts should be saved or junked. Rey pulled a pair of goggles out of her bag, ready to get to work. The two worked consistently for about thirty minutes. Rey had junked a few items for scrap, but most parts so far were pretty much able to be salvaged. Rey pushed her goggles atop her head, examining the minor repair she had just made.

“Looks good…” she muttered to herself before standing back up and taking a stretch.

As she did, she spotted Ben. He was walking past her, following behind two others that were carrying heavy parts and armloads of scraps. He was pretty dirty, his white shirt streaked with black. His face was glistening with sweat with some dirt smeared on his skin. He looked like he had really been working hard all morning. He was so focused that he didn’t seem to notice her at first, but eventually caught the corner of his eye.

Rey smiled softly while giving him a subtle little wave. He had been working extremely hard all morning. In fact, it had been a long while since he did this kind of work. It lifted his spirits drastically seeing her standing there, giving him a cute little wave. He smiled back and was about to say something, but was interrupted by his superior telling him to stop dawdling. Ben glanced back at Rey and shrugged, shooting her a playful grin before getting back to work. Rey turned back to her work station, still smiling. Chewie was looking at her with his brows raised before saying something that Rey couldn’t fully understand.

“I didn’t catch that?”

Chewie glanced at Ben and then back at Rey, letting out another short growl. Rey felt her cheeks heat up as her face started to flush red.

“Oh just…!” Rey forcefully pulled her goggles back over her face and went back to work. “Shut it.”

Chewie noticed her bashfulness and just shrugged as he got back to work. Human women sure did act funny when they were in love. And honestly, the men did too.

The hanger was hard at work as freedom fighters and their allies alike worked together to repair what was damaged during the war. Rey worked alongside Chewie, while occasionally glancing up at Ben to make sure he was doing okay. Ben kept slipping glances at her too, whenever he had a free moment, as he continued to help around the hanger. He mostly assisted the mechanics by carrying heavy parts and scraps to the designated containers. He walked past a young-looking mechanic, probably around Rey’s age, working on an older x-wing. Ben walked past him but glanced back when he heard the boy curse aloud.

A tall and scruffy man approached the mechanic. His name was Asher, or Ashe, which is what most people in the shop seemed to call him. Ben recognized him earlier when he was assigned to work in the hanger, because he was the same guy that called him out yesterday, nearly inciting a mob. It was funny how today he was essentially Ben’s boss. He walked over to the struggling mechanic and looked over his shoulder at his work.

“What’s wrong, Em?”

“I still can’t fix this hyperdrive. We might just have to scrap it.”

“No hyperdrive means a useless starfighter.” Ashe sighed. “I don’t wanna scrap another one but we just can’t afford to keep starfighters with too much damage. Damn it!”

“Did you check the motivator?” Ben muttered, causing the other two men to turn his way.

At first, neither of them said a word to him. The mechanic was surprised that Ben was even talking to them at all, and Ashe only stared Ben down while shooting him a condescending look. 

“I don’t think I asked for your input, grunt.”

Ben only pursed his lips, trying very hard not to say something snippy back. He really had to hold his tongue a lot around here in order to stay in good graces.

“Just trying to help out.” He shrugged before picking up the part he had been carrying prior. He began to walk back to his designated area when he heard the two men bickering behind him.

“Just let him look?? He’s here to work anyway!” the young mechanic argued.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass! How about you do your job and he’ll do his.”

“You know I’m still apprenticing, especially when working on these older models…”

“For fuck’s sake, Em…”

“Hey, you said yourself that a starfighter is useless without the hyperdrive. And it is. If he can figure it out then isn’t it one less x-wing to scrap for parts?”

“Maker…fine! Kid, put that down and get back here!” Ashe called across the hanger to Ben.

Rey stood up and removed her goggles upon hearing the commotion. She watched as Ben made his way over to Ashe, hoping he wasn’t getting in trouble for something.

“What were you saying about the…what was it?” Ashe gave him a look.

“The hyperdrive motivator?” Ben walked over to the x-wing as Em climbed down the ladder.

“It looked perfectly fine when I checked it.” Em shrugged. “But the whole thing just isn’t showing any indication that it’s working.”

“Can I take a look?” Ben glanced at Em, who then looked back at Ashe.

“Go on then.” Ashe sighed and waved him on.

Ben climbed up onto the starfighter and began fiddling around inside of the area being worked on.

“Ah…I see…” he spoke up as he continued looking at the starfighter’s inner workings.

“What? What is it?” Em anxiously looked up at him. “Did I miss something?”

Ben grunted as he pulled something from the fighter. He hopped back down and handed a part that was about the size of Ben’s hand to Em.

“There’s nothing wrong with the hyperdrive motivator itself. But it’s the wrong model, which is why it doesn’t work.”

“Are you serious?” Em stared at the part.

“You know, I think Aleena was working on this one yesterday…” Ashe spoke up. “She mentioned something about a damaged motivator now that I think about it…” Ashe tried to remember. “So much has been going on that I can’t keep track no more.” he sighed. “So much for doing my own job correctly…”

“You think she accidentally put the wrong model in?” Em asked while turning the part over in his hand.

“Probably.”

Ashe and Em glanced back over at Ben.

“So? What does it need, then?” Ashe asked.

“…Okay so this particular x-wing is a T-70 model, so it needs a GBn-682 hyperdrive motivator.”

“Hm…maybe we can search the parts bins again?” Em looked at Ashe.

“Well, get on it!” Ashe barked back.

“R-right!” Em quickly headed off the spare parts bins.

“And you.” Ashe glanced back at Ben. “You a pilot, then?”

“I was…I mean I am, I guess.”

“Either you are or you aren’t, grunt.”

“I am. I grew up around starfighters and ships my whole life.”

“Hm. And you flew a TIE in the First Order?”

“Yeah…” Ben made a face, not wanting to open up that wound right now.

“If I recall the TIE you flew was one of a kind.”

“Customized, yeah.”

“You are a hotshot flyboy, aren’t ya? Doing all those fancy fucking maneuvers out there. Crazy kids these days…like that Dameron kid.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m a flyboy…” Ben muttered, not liking that he was being compared to Poe Dameron.

“Either way, it was a pretty impressive fighter.”

“Well…”

“Shot down a lot of our starfighters.” Ashe glared at him.

Ben began to feel a little uncomfortable again. “Yeah…it did the job I guess.”

“Well…” Ashe reluctantly sighed. “The _least_ you can do is help fix the damage you and those First Order bastards have done. You’re on mechanic duty now. Work with Em and show him the ropes. He’s technically still training.”

“…Alright.” Ben was a little taken aback by the change in work, considering mechanics were higher up on the chain.

“Alright then.” The man turned and yelled loudly over the noise of the other volunteers. “Break time, everyone! Take a few minutes to recharge! You all are doing great!” he turned back to Ben. “You. Break. Twenty minutes.”

Rey pushed her goggles back over her head and picked up her satchel.

“I’ll be right back, okay Chewie?”

Chewie nodded and let out a growl of approval, and Rey headed outside to meet up Ben.

She found him sitting outside of the hanger, off to the side on the ground, taking a large swig of water. She headed over and sat next to him as he finished drinking.

“Here, give me that.” Rey took Ben’s empty water container and slipped it into her bag. She pulled out another freshly filled container and handed it to him. Ben took it from her and watched as she rummaged in her bag further, pulling out something that was wrapped in a paper cloth. It was a chunk of bread with what looked to be a fried egg on top. She gingerly handed it to Ben.

“I apologize if it’s cold.” Rey shrugged and gave him a look.

“It’s just fine.” Ben took it from her and smiled softly. “Thank you.”

“It’s fine…” she smiled shyly and went back to her bag to pull out her own lunch.

Ben watched her as she ate. She was so kind to bring him food and fresh water when she clearly didn’t have to. He wasn’t used to being taken care of like that. Or at least, it had been a long, long while.

“Well, eat up! You don’t have much time.” Rey gave him a nudge, snapping Ben out of it. He picked up the bread and began to eat.

The two sat in silence as they ate together. It was extremely warm and humid that day. The humidity was most likely caused by all of the rain. Ajan Kloss was a jungle moon, so it was prone to hot and sticky days, which haven’t been too awful up until recently. Rey wanted to make sure Ben was staying hydrated, for he already looked like he had been working very hard, and he was even beginning to sweat through his shirt. He was still wearing the white t-shirt from the night before, and Rey noticed his broad chest sticking out like a sight for sore eyes as he sat there drenched in sweat.

She looked away and took a quick swig of her drink. She mentally scolded herself for thinking about such things now of all times. Eventually, it was time to get back to work and the two stood up.

“Thank you.” Ben looked her, catching her gaze.

What he would do if he could just plant a little kiss on her forehead before heading back to work. But alas…

“I have to get back to my sentence now.” He gave her a playful grin. “I also want to mention that I am physically dying.”

“Don’t you dare…!” Rey gave him a swift punch in the shoulder.

“Agh!”

“…joke like that again.” She sighed.

“You pack a punch, Maker…!” Ben hissed. “Alright, I won’t.”

“Good…I won’t keep you then.” Rey sighed before looking back up at him. “Please keep drinking your water. I’ll see you soon.” She then smiled lovingly at him before heading back into the hanger.

Ben let out a soft sigh as he watched her leave. She wasn’t even trying to be cute, but she ended up looking it anyway. He wished he could have just stayed in bed holding her all day long, but that wasn’t realistic, at least not at the moment. As he headed back to his work station, he thought about everything that had happened in just a few days. He thought about Rey and his feelings of love he held for her. He thought about how he openly confessed to her yesterday, right before they were interrupted by nature. He couldn’t help but wonder what she would have said back to him. He saw her face when he told her. She seemed bewildered, nervous even. He reassured her that they didn’t have to talk about it, but he couldn’t help but feel just a slight bit of unease.

Was he being too forward? Rey had made a comment about it yesterday while they were just sitting and talking. He asked if he was her boyfriend, and she got flustered very quickly. He was joking of course; _mostly_. But he still wondered if he had said too much, too fast. For some reason, she was able to pull all of his raw emotions out of him in a matter of days. She had been the center of his attention since day one, and now that they were always together, it was much more constant. He began to worry about his issues with abandonment, and his continuous fear of it. And then he thought back to her, and how kind and supportive of him she had been up until this point. She kissed him again last night and slept soundly through the night in his arms. She still wanted to be close to him; he clearly felt it from her. Did he do it right? He couldn’t help but wonder, as he had never told a woman that he was in love with her before. He had never even been on love up until now.

Perhaps he was worrying far too much over nothing.

* * *

The rest of the day went by pretty swiftly. There as so much work to be done that it was enough to make time just seem to fly by. Ben left the hanger and wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. The sun was low in the sky, but not quite dusk yet. He looked about for Rey but didn’t catch any sight of her, which was fine. Ben knew she was probably off doing other kinds of work, considering she did not stay in the hanger all day as he did. As he looked about, he noticed a few eyes falling on him. Some were out of curiosity, and some were out of disapproval and disgust. He sighed to himself. He knew things would be like this, but it still felt shitty.

He made his way back to the falcon, keeping his eyes forward from everyone else. The door was opened and the ramp let down, as they seemed to keep it most of the day since people were coming in and out. He headed inside to find that he was alone.

“Hello…?” he called out anyway, just in case, but was greeted by silence.

Ben walked across the ship back to the room that he and Rey stayed in the night before. As much as he wanted to fall into bed, the day wasn't over yet. He looked around the room at all of the boxes and sighed. There was absolutely no reason why a perfectly good space couldn't be used. Rey deserved to sleep in an actual bed, not some cramped bunk.

He started moving the boxes across the floor, making more room for him to work. He didn't care to look in the boxes, as it wasn't really the time or place to go through his father's old things. Ben knew for a fact that some of these boxes were simply full of nothing but old junk and broken parts. However, some of them could have some of his parents' things, and he couldn't in good conscience just throw it all out.

With the proper rearrangement and condensing of things, Ben was able to fit many of the boxes into other storage spaces. There was a large walk-in closet in the room, where old clothes hung. Ben recognized some of Lando's capes that still hung in plastic coverings and questioned whether or not to ask if he wanted to take them. Ben spent some time rearranging the closet. He saw a few pieces of women's clothing hanging up in the back. He wondered if they were old pieces of his mother's, but couldn't really bring himself to deal with it at the moment. He sighed and finished organizing the closet and walked out, shutting the door behind him. That was baggage he needed to deal with, just at a later date.

Ben found an old mop and bucket in the utility closet. The mop was kind of dirty but it would have to do. As he closed the door, he felt a light bump against one of his legs. He looked down to see a round little orange and white BB astromech. It beeped a few times as its head looked up in Ben's direction. This was the little droid that was constantly following Rey around.

"Looks like I’m not alone after all. Hey there…" Ben glanced down at the droid, who rolled a few feet back as Ben approached him.

"You have every right to be suspicious I guess." Ben walked past the droid and headed back towards the captain's quarters. Even the little droid wasn’t sure about him.

BB-8 watched him for a moment before following closely behind him, stopping in the doorway of the captain's quarters. Ben noticed the droid observing him and crossed his arms over his chest, staring back at him.

"Are you spying on me?”

BB-8 stayed in the doorway, just looking at him.

“Trying to collect information on me, huh?"

BB-8 let out a few offended-sounding beeps, managing to get a small chuckle out of Ben. He wasn’t quite fond of most droids, but the little guy didn’t seem too annoying.

"I know I seem scary, but don't mind me. You can come in, but try to stay out my way while I do this, okay? I kind of want to hurry up and get this done so I can pass out for a few hours."

BB-8 beeped in response and rolled inside, observing the room that the droid had never seen before. Ben ran the mop up and down the floor as BB-8 followed closely behind him.

"You better not have rolled in dirt or anything." Ben glanced back at the droid as he kept mopping. BB-8 beeped in a sarcastic tone.

"Well, aren't you feisty. You and Rey are a perfect match."

BB-8 beeped excitedly in response.

Ben continued to work, mopping down the dirty floor and dusting off surfaces with an old rag. He looked around the room, proud of the progress he had made with it. He couldn't fit all of the boxes in storage, so some still had to stay stacked against the wall. Despite that, the room looked pretty good. It was no longer a dump used as a storage space. The air even seemed cleaner.

Ben was ready to call it a day when he heard BB-8 going wild again. He turned and sighed, wondering what the droid wanted now. BB-8 was rolling into a small-sized wooden box repeatedly, left in the corner of the room. Ben walked over, wondering how he missed a box. He touched the top of the old wooden box before immediately bringing his hand back. He looked at the box for a moment and hesitated before glancing at BB-8.

"I feel like I know what's in this box, and I really don't want to open it up." He sighed. "Should I?"

BB-8 beeped softly a few times as Ben picked it up.

“Yeah, fine then…” Ben carried the small box over to the bed as BB-8 followed after him.

Ben sat on the edge of the bed and put the box in his lap, staring at it for some moments. BB-8 beeped eagerly, bumping into his shin.

“Agh! I’m going to! Just give me a second! Damn…” he sighed again before sliding the lid to the box open. He removed the lid and looked inside. He was right. The items in the box had belonged to him at one point as a child.

Ben pulled out a stuffed Wookiee that was a little worse for wear. He held it in his hand, noting how small it looked to him now. Leia had made it for him when he was very small, and at one point it was hard to separate him from it. He brought it everywhere up until a certain age, and he couldn’t believe it had been stored here, of all places. Ben smiled, thinking of his mother as he set the stuffed animal beside him on the bed. He pulled out two hunks of fabric and unrolled both of them. They were old shirts that he used to wear as a teen, but had long grown out of. He set them aside. There was a toy in the box too; a starfighter that his dad had gotten him on one of their travels when he was a boy. Ben remembered it well. It was an x-wing T-65 model, and it was one of his most prized possessions as a child. He rarely even played with it because he thought it was just so cool, so he hung it from the ceiling in his room at home instead. He turned it over in his hands for a moment, feeling the cool metal on his skin before setting it next to him with the other items. There was one more thing in the box at the very bottom wrapped up in parchment. He gingerly removed it from the box and looked at it for a moment. The box in his lap fell to the floor suddenly, startling the droid.

“Sorry.” Ben apologetically looked at BB-8 before giving his attention back to the mystery item wrapped in parchment. He set it gingerly in his lap and unfurled the protective parchment. Inside was another small wooden box, but it was a very nice-looking one, not like the crate that his things had been in. It was made of a beautiful finished stained cherrywood, and there were small etchings of designs carved into the sides. A small latch sat in the middle at the very front of the box. He popped the latch and looked down at the different types of brushes, all arranged by size, as well as pens and different sized removable nibs. There was a small porcelain dish stored between two bottles of black ink, and some paper rolled up in the very back on the box.

“I…wow…” Ben stared at the box in disbelief.

The bastard actually stored his calligraphy set. He had one that he brought with him when he had gone off to train with Luke, but kept his much nicer set at home. The one he brought with had long been destroyed, and the one he was looking at had been left at his childhood home. Han must have taken it and stored it away in the Falcon himself at some point, for whatever reason. Ben wouldn’t say it aloud, but he was actually kind of grateful that he had kept it.

Ben had picked up calligraphy sometime in his teens. He caught in interest in the art of writing by hand after seeing old documents and letters while with his mother on one of her ambassador trips. He unrolled the paper, still blank and ready to be used. The paper was a little yellowed, but that was okay. He picked up one of the ink bottles and shook it a little before opening it. It was a little old, but the other bottle had been unopened and was still perfectly good.

It was very rare that anyone wrote by hand in pen and ink anymore, as everything was all digitized and done by computers and droids. But there was something about writing on paper with ink. The fluidity of the brush strokes, the smell of the ink on paper, the art of it all…it was something that Ben had learned to enjoy. It even helped him relax on particularly bad days.

It had been so long since Ben had written something by hand. Maybe he would try to start writing again, even though things like paper and ink were scarce and not cheap. It could be something to do during his downtime if he ever found any. He set it next to his collection of items. He looked at his things and couldn’t help but think of his childhood…his parents. It was all a distant memory to him now. He felt himself beginning to get choked up, which was not what he wanted at the end of a long day.

BB-8 made a few beeps, snapping Ben out of his thoughts. He quickly wiped his eye forcefully with the back of his hand before any tears could escape and looked down at the droid.

“Forgot you were here.” Ben chuckled softly. “Thank you…for making me go through this box, little droid.”

BB-8 made a few beeps in return before rolling off and out of the room. Ben laid back on the bed, feeling extremely exhausted. Between the nightmares and Rey, he had barely gotten any sleep the night prior. He had woken up early before the sun had risen so he could get to work. Rey had been sleeping soundly and looked really peaceful. He just didn’t have the heart to wake her, and really wanted her to get some proper rest anyway. He powered through the day, doing an immense amount of laborious work for most of the day. And then he came back to the ship and did even more work. He was ready to fall asleep right there, with no shower or food in his belly.

He turned his head and glanced back at the items beside him once more, his focus on the old Wookiee doll. He gingerly picked it up and held him up above him, closely examining it. Surprisingly, he actually remembered when he got the doll. It was for his 6th birthday, and Leia had surprised him with it. He fell in love with it and named it Waroo, after his friend Lumpawaroo, Chewie’s son. He took it everywhere with him, even slept with the thing. A little bit after he turned eight, however, he began to leave Waroo at home more and more; eventually just leaving him at home on a shelf altogether. He decided he was too old for stuffed toys.

Ben placed the doll on his chest. It was so small now. Everything seemed so small now; so far away. He began to think about the future, and what he had to do. He began to doubt himself again.

“How am I supposed to do this…can I even do this?” he sighed. “Am I even strong enough…?”

He felt his eyes get heavy as his lids began to droop. It had been a while since he was able to fall asleep so easily. Perhaps he should have been more grateful for being able to do so. He decided to just keep laying there. He was far too comfortable.

Ten minutes. Then he would shower. Just ten minutes.

* * *

The sky was painted a deep orange as the sun began to set. Rey wiped her brow as she headed back to the Falcon. It had been really hot and especially humid from the rain the night before. She thought back to last night; about the terrible nightmare she experienced. She was hoping that it wouldn’t happen again, but she knew that was too much to ask for. The events that befell her over the past week had indeed scarred her; so much so that she wasn’t quite sure how to deal with it. She tried to push it all to the back of her mind, but now it was as if she couldn’t even do that anymore. There was too much of it, overflowing back into her subconscious, and now into her conscious mind as well. She felt herself slipping. She tried her best not to show it, but she was still hurting from all that transpired. From the trauma of war to the truth about her parents and heritage, to her death that only lasted for a moment…it was all enough to mess anyone up. And it seemed like nobody even tried to console her over it. They just expected her to be back on her feet and move on as if none of it happened. The only person who had been there for her, the one who really understood and who seemed to be the most concerned about her…it was Ben.

Rey approached the Falcon. She had barely seen him all day. She really wanted to be with him for a while, because he was the only one who made her feel better about everything, as crazy as it sounded. With him she could talk about anything; nothing was taboo. She didn’t fear any repercussions from him. He sat there with an open mind and heart, free of judgment. She slept soundly next to him. It was peaceful for once.

To think that their relationship went from so complicated and unhealthy to this weird, but wonderful thing. Sometimes she thought that they had rushed too quickly into it all, but ultimately decided that it didn’t even matter if they had. She had died. It may have only been for a moment, but the fact still remained. Ben almost died as well. And maybe it was because of that, she realized, that life was so short. There was no time for second-guessing and waiting, even now.

She sighed to herself.

“I should tell him, right?” she spoke under her breath. “That I…at least I think I do…”

“Hey, Rey!”

Rey turned to see Rose walking in her direction, waving at her.

“Oh, hey!” Rey walked over and met up with her. “What’s up?”

“Just letting you know that it’s laundry day tomorrow. So, if you have anything to gather up, just get it ready tonight, okay?”

“Alright, sure.”

“Oh, and tell him too.”

Rey assumed that Rose was referring to Ben.

“Have you, um, seen Ben around?”

Rose raised her eyebrows and crossed her arms over her chest, giving Rey a look.

“…What?” Rey shifted, looking a little defensive.

“Nothing.” Rose rolled her eyes and smirked. “And no, I haven’t seen him. Maybe he’s back on the ship already?”

“Maybe…I’m just going to gather up that laundry then.” Rey turned and began to walk up the ramp to the Falcon.

“Rey…”

Rey turned around and looked at Rose again.

“I’m glad…that Ben was there last night.”

Rey didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t expecting Rose to say anything positive about Ben, considering she knew how she felt about him being there. 

“Finn and I were really worried,” Rose continued. “…And Ben just seemed to know exactly what to do. So, I’m grateful.”

“Rose…”

“But that doesn’t mean I trust him! Just making that clear.”

“Right...” Rey smiled. “I’m sorry that I worried you both. It was just a bad night I suppose. …Anyway, I’m going to head inside now. See you at dinner?”

“Yup. See you in a bit.”

Rose watched Rey enter the ship and sighed.

“I really hope you’re alright, Rey…”

* * *

Rey entered the ship and removed her shoes. They got muddy from the moist ground earlier. She rolled her eyes, thinking back to what Ben had said about saving her shoes from the mud last night, considering that shoes were very much bound to get dirty out here. She walked across the main area and nearly bumped onto BB-8, who was rolling around the corner.

“Oh! BB-8!”

BB-8 beeped excitedly in return, happy to see Rey. Rey knelt down and smiled at the droid, giving him a friendly pat on the head.

“I’ve missed you. Where have you been?”

BB-8 beeped again and rolled in a circle.

“Ah, with Poe? I can see that.” She sighed. “He’s still not talking to me I guess.”

BB-8 beeped again in response.

“I know…at least I’m hoping.” Rey sighed. “Though he’s kind of being a jerk.”

The droid made a low pitch noise as if he was agreeing with her, bringing a laugh out of her.

“So, what are you doing here all alone?”

BB-8 rolled around Rey and headed towards the corridor, wanting her to follow behind him.

“What in the galaxy are you up to?” Rey quickly hurried behind the droid as he rolled down the hall, heading towards the once-secret room that she and Ben had spent the night in.

The two doors were wide open, and BB-8 just casually rolled inside. Rey followed him in and was taken aback by how clean the room was. It was definitely not the same room as last night, anyway. The boxes had been moved to clear space, and everything was wiped down, as well as the floor. BB-8 rolled over to the bed, and Rey saw Ben laying on his back with his legs hanging off the side of the bed. She heard some very light breathing coming from him, and she assumed that he was asleep. She walked over to the bed, confirming it. He must have laid back at some point and fallen asleep that way. For what reason, she couldn’t say.

“His legs are going to be asleep…” she muttered as she glanced down at him.

He was still in his work clothes, which were extremely dirty. He had grease stains all over the once white shirt, with bits of dirt and grease smudge his hands and face. He had a sticky black substance covering his pants and part of his shirt, which Rey assumed was metal sealant. The rag he must have used to wipe down the room was hanging from his pants pocket, and it was just as filthy as the rest of his clothes. Still, he looked really peaceful. He must have been exhausted from working in the heat all day, and then he came back and cleaned down the room. He didn’t even have to do such a thing, but for some reason he did. Rey took a closer look. His arm was crossed over his chest, but it looked like something was bunched underneath it. It almost looked like…fur? She took a closer look and saw what looked to be a little head of a stuffed animal, with button eyes and an embroidered mouth with tiny sharp-looking teeth, curled up in a friendly grin. Rey cocked her head, wondering where he even got such a thing, and why he was sleeping with it for that matter. Was it something he found while cleaning? Either way, it was kind of cute…

She looked back at Ben and watched him for a moment as he slept.

“I really don’t want to wake him. But…” she glanced down at BB-8. “…But he needs to eat soon.”

BB-8 beeped a few times and rolled into Ben’s shin, a little too hard, waking him up immediately.

“Agh! For fuck’s sake!” Ben groaned aloud as he opened his eyes.

BB-8 beeped a few times and rolled around Rey and out the door.

“Oh! Thanks, BB-8!” Rey called before muttering, “Leave me to take the blame…”

“That annoying little…” Ben groaned as he sat up, still feeling a little hazy from being brought out of sleep so quickly.

“Good morning.” Rey put her hand to her hip and smirked.

Ben quickly lifted his head and froze. How long had she been standing there? Ben quickly sat up all the way, causing his furry little friend to tumble to the floor. Rey glanced down at it and went to pick it up, but Ben had already shot up and scooped it back up. He tossed it onto the bed atop a pile of other objects that Rey couldn’t help but notice.

How embarrassing. She saw his stupid stuffed doll that he had carelessly fallen asleep with. He must have looked like a complete child. Ben grabbed the small box that was sitting aside the bed and swiftly placed the items back inside.

Rey noticed he was carefully placing the items inside, not carelessly tossing them about. He slid the lid back on the box and closed it tightly.

“What’s all that…?” Rey asked out of genuine curiosity.

“Nothing.” Ben hurriedly shoved the boxed into an empty compartment near the bed. “Just some old junk…”

“Okay…?” Rey looked at him, noticing that he was a bit frazzled. He also looked extremely tired. “Are you alright…?”

“Yes. Of course.” Ben huffed before looking at her anxiously. “Why?”

“You just seem a little off.”

“Well, I’m not.” Ben responded sharply. “I said I’m fine.”

Rey felt her stomach drop. Why was he acting so on edge towards her? She tried her best to just ignore it.

“It’s laundry day tomorrow. You should gather up your dirty clothes.”

“Fine.” Ben responded flatly as he swiftly walked past her.

Rey was starting to feel a little on edge herself. Part of her wanted to ask what his problem was, but the other half just didn’t want to say anything at all. It was hard to admit because she was used to defending herself, but her feelings were actually hurt. All she wanted to do was see him, and he was being kind of mean spirited, the complete opposite from the past few days.

“You should go shower before it gets too late…” Rey muttered before quickly walking towards the door.

Ben mentally kicked himself. Fuck.

“Rey, wait!” he tried to grab her attention, but it was too late. Rey had already exited the room, not saying another word.

“You kriffing idiot…!” Ben scolded himself aloud, running his hand through his hair. “Why are you like this…”

* * *

Dusk had faded into night, and the busyness of the camp had died down significantly. The weather had cooled a little, and it was starting to feel a bit nicer out. The sky was clear, making the stars extremely bright and visible. It was quite beautiful, actually. Rey noticed that more and more people were leaving each day, and it was somewhat strange thinking that people would be going back to somewhat normal lives. Rey was walking back to the ship, carrying a small sack that held dinner for everyone. Rose had told her that she had already eaten, and Poe was still mad, so he wasn’t going to be there either. Jannah had been staying with some other girls who worked as mechanics, and Zorii had left Ajan Kloss yesterday apparently. That could be another reason why Poe was in a terrible mood; at least that was what Finn thought anyway when Rey spoke with him earlier in passing. With that being said, Rey only had to pick up dinner for Finn, Ben, and herself.

After Rey had stormed off, she gathered up her laundry. She heard Ben leave, probably to go shower. She saw he had gathered up his clothes and left them neatly in a burlap tote by the door. Rey sighed and grabbed it, taking it to the designated area after she showered. She headed straight to the mess hall afterward, since it was her turn to pick up dinner. She wasn’t feeling angry anymore, but she was still a little hurt. She knew it was a stressful time for both her and Ben, but still.

Maybe she was expecting too much out of this. She had been spoiled. She had stayed caught up in the rapturous feelings she and Ben shared towards each other, causing her head to stay up in the clouds. Or maybe that wasn’t even it…she wasn’t even sure anymore.

She sighed to herself as she approached the ship. She climbed up the ramp and sealed the door behind her. Nobody was in the main gathering area, which was strange.

“I’m back!” Rey called out, setting the bag onto the holo-gaming table.

Rose walked into the room as Rey unpacked three wrapped up trays.

“I’m sorry Rey. I guess Finn isn’t staying on the ship tonight.”

“What? Why?” Rey gave Rose a confused look.

“I don’t know.” Rose shrugged. “I think he went to see Poe?”

“…This isn’t because of Ben, is it?”

“Rey, I don’t think it has anything to do with that, seriously. Zorii left yesterday and I think Poe is a little torn up about it. I think they are just drinking together, to be honest.” Rose let out a small laugh. “You know how guys can be.”

“I guess…” Rey paused, not fully convinced of that particular story. Was Finn also mad at her? They hadn’t talked for very long earlier, but she assumed that was because everyone was so busy with work.

“What should I do with the extras then…?”

“You can divide it up between you and Ben if you’d like. It’s not too much extra.” Rose smiled. “I have to go meet up with Kaydel. I’ll be back in a little while, okay?”

“Oh! Okay…see you later then?” Rey smiled.

“Later!” Rose exited the room and Rey heard the door open back up and close again.

Rey sighed to herself as she began to divide the food up between two plates. Something didn’t feel right. It was almost as if people were avoiding her. She shook her head.

No…she wasn’t thinking clearly. Her friends weren’t those types of people. She had gotten way too soft, and it resulted in taking everything so personally, especially right now when she was at her most vulnerable.

Rey finished making the plates and covered them both before stacking one atop the other. She laid two bottled drinks on their side atop the plates, as well as two utensils. She kind of wanted to just eat in the room, and hopefully Ben would be in a better mood. She carried the items down the hall in her arms, careful not to spill anything. She walked through the first and second doors and closed them behind her. Ben was sitting on the side of the bed again, scrolling through some holo-book. He must have come back from the showers not too long ago, as his hair was still a little damp.

Rey sighed before speaking up, “You should dry your hair a little more…”

Ben quickly looked up and saw Rey standing at the doorway.

“You’ll catch a cold…”

Ben didn’t say anything; he only kept his eyes on her. She was wearing the same leggings that she wore to bed last night. They cut off at the calf and hugged her form perfectly. She had on a plain white cami top, and Ben tried his best not to focus on her skin. The top exposed more than she would usually reveal outside of sleep clothes, and it was hard to take his eyes off her. She let her hair down again after showering, and it fell down her back in waves. She looked really pretty. Ben then noticed the plates she held in her hands. There were two, one for each of them. She still brought him a plate even after he was so short with her.

“You should eat…” Rey looked at him and caught his gaze, but she quickly broke it.

Rey set the drinks and utensils down on the bedside table and held out the two plates, expecting Ben to grab the top one. Ben went to grab his plate, but Rey spoke up once more.

“Are you mad at me…?”

Ben looked back up at her and immediately felt his heart ache. She looked so worried. So troubled. He was fucking up with her again.

Ben quickly grabbed both plates and set them beside him on the bed. Before Rey could say anything, he swiftly stood up and pulled Rey into him, wrapping his arms around her back and holding her tightly. Rey froze for a second, not exactly expecting that particular reaction from him. He buried his face in her hair and kissed her tenderly on the top of her head.

“Never…” He whispered.

Rey slowly snaked her arms around his torso and hugged him tightly, resting her head against his chest. It was so hard to stay angry with him when he got like this. Rey kind of hated that she could turn to mush so quickly when he did these things, but another part of her just didn’t question it and basked in it regardless.

“I’m sorry…” He continued to hold her, adamant about not letting her go. “I’ve just…I’ve had a lot on my mind today.”

Rey stayed where she was, basking in the comfort of his hug. She had wanted this all day but was too embarrassed to fully admit it. Ben smelled really good after getting clean too. He always did. Today it was a mix of spiced soap and metal. It was nice.

“I realize it’s a shitty excuse…” Ben sighed into her hair. “But I really am sorry.”

“You know…you can tell me when something is wrong. I won’t get upset.”

Ben let out a shaky sigh, “I know. I’m still trying to get used to doing so. I’m not…I’m not very good at expressing my…” Ben struggled to get his words out. “Remember when I told you that I’m bad with words?” he sighed. “Expressing myself and all that crap…”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, neither am I.” Rey laughed softly into his chest.

Ben pulled back and looked down at her, catching her sweet smile directed at only him. How could he have been such a jerk to her earlier? He cupped her cheek in his hand endearingly and smiled softly back.

“You’re too good for me, you know that right?”

“Oh, shut it! I don’t want to hear that.” Rey laughed.

“I’m serious.”

“Well, it’s too late, because I like you too much now anyway.” Rey gave him a soft smile before heading back over to the bed.

Ben felt his chest lighten up as if a heavy load had been taken off of him. For some reason, he felt really good when he heard her say such things. It was almost a sort of reassurance; that she was by his side because she wanted to be and for no other reason. He looked back at her, watching her sit in the bed cross-legged with a plate in her lap, holding out the other plate to him.

“You really should eat.”

The two sat on the bed across from one another and ate dinner together while they talked. Ben talked about how he suddenly got thrown on mechanic duty and Rey lit up, saying that was a very good thing. Ben complained about it, saying it was more tedious work but still better than carrying things around all day.

“I didn’t know you could do that type of thing.” Rey took another bite of her food, eating sloppily as usual.

Ben didn’t mind it. He thought it was cute and quirky, which was funny because everyone else seemed to make fun of her for it. He took a swig of his drink.

“What? Fix things?”

“I guess?” Rey laughed.

“I wasn’t _that_ spoiled.” Ben laughed. “My dad made me learn that crap growing up…I guess it came in handy anyway after I learned how to fly.”

“How old were you?”

“Well…” Ben thought back. “…Twelve, I think?”

“That’s so young!”

“Yeah, my mother wasn’t too thrilled.” Ben shrugged before taking another bite of food. “She thought I was too young, and that flying was _‘too dangerous, Hannn!’_ ” Ben imitated Leia, bringing a laugh out of Rey.

“That just made me want to do it even more.” He smirked.

Rey smiled and shook her head before taking the last bite of her bread. She couldn’t help but think about Han teaching a young Ben how to fly and Leia disapproving.

“There’s a lot of food here tonight.” Ben changed the subject, Rey noticed.

“That’s because Rose already ate and Finn, well he’s not staying with us tonight I guess.”

“Ah, still pissed at me probably.”

“Well, are you still mad with him?”

“No.” Ben scoffed.

“Liar.”

“Not mad, just annoyed. I’ll get over it.”

“And you won’t tell me what it was all about?”

“Basically he just doesn’t like me. Short version, I don’t think he likes me hanging out with you so much.”

“Hm.” Rey felt a little irritated. Finn seemed a little overbearing lately, even before she had brought Ben back with her.

“Well, that’s a common reaction, I guess. At least towards me.” Ben took another bite of his food.

“So, what did he say exactly? He had to have said something to set you off.”

“Rey, I’m telling you the details aren’t important. I don’t want you to get all upset.”

“Who’s getting upset--!”

Ben gently pushed a piece of bread against Rey’s mouth, interrupting her.

“Eat this. I don’t want mine.”

“Fine…” Rey muttered as she bit into the bread.

“So how was your day? I’ve just been talking about myself this whole time.” Ben took her empty plate and stacked it on top of his. He leaned back on the bed and looked at her.

“It was fine…”

“Just fine?”

“Yes. Normal.” Rey took another aggressive bite out of the bread.

“Are you alright?”

“Why are you asking?”

“Well, first off you are aggressively ripping apart that poor piece of bread.” He smirked sarcastically.

“Kriff off...” Rey spoke through muffled words as she chewed her food.

Ben only laughed in response as she finished off the bread. He then looked at her with a more serious expression.

“I’m talking about last night.”

“Oh, that. Well…”

“You can tell me if you’re not, you know.”

“…I guess I’m still a little shaken up over it. I’ve been trying to push back everything that I--you and I just went through. And it’s been pretty easy to because of how hectic it’s been since we got back here. But now that the dust is starting to settle, I feel like my mind is trying to go back to it all and…” she sighed. “I just don’t _want_ to think about it, or even confront it. Not right now.”

“…You know that you have to eventually.”

“I know that.”

“But I also know that it isn’t easy either.”

“It’s not. And then I just feel…” Rey struggled to get her words out. “I feel so far away from everyone right now. I feel like everyone is upset with me. I feel like everyone is expecting me to go back to the way things were, and I can’t seem to get them to understand that I can’t. Things are different now. I’m different now, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not still the same in other ways. I just thought I’d get more support, but that’s clearly not the case. At least that’s how I feel. Am I horrible for thinking this way?” she looked at Ben, her eyes filled with concern and uncertainty.

“No…you’re not horrible at all. There’s just a lot going on, as you said. Give it time.”

“I know I should...but with how things have been in my head lately, I just wish I had that same comfort from my friends that I used to have.” She sighed. “That’s why I just wanted to get back here today and see you…” she stopped abruptly, embarrassed again. She looked back up at Ben, whose gaze stayed directly on her.

Ben kicked himself again. She wasn’t even having a good day, and all she wanted to do was see him. And he just acted so cold to her, just because he wasn’t doing so well mentally either. He was so kriffing dense sometimes, he had to admit.

Ben slid out of the bed and stood up, holding out a hand to her.

“Come on.”

“What are you doing?”

“We’re taking a little walk.”

“Where?” Rey gave him a look and laughed as she took his hand.

“You’ll see.” He grinned.

Ben had led her down the hall towards the crew quarters, eventually over to some circuit room across from it. He opened the door and led her inside, closing it behind him. It was cramped and hot in the small space from all of the electronics going at once, bringing power to the ship. Rey looked bewildered, wondering why he brought her to such a place.

“If you think you’re going to get some action in here, then you are dead wrong.” Rey joked.

“What?” Ben shook his head, feeling his cheeks flush. “What kind of guy do you think I am? And also, never use the phrase ‘ _get some action’_ ever again…”

Rey only laughed in response.

There was a ladder on the back wall of the small room. Ben began to climb up it, with Rey following closely behind. She was a little confused but didn’t question him. She didn’t even remember that ladder being there, but then again, it’s not like she spent much time in most of the circuit rooms anyway. They got to the ceiling and Ben reached up, pulling a handle on what looked to be a hatch. He pushed the hatch opened and climbed on up. He then held his hand out to her. Rey took Ben’s hand and he pulled her up onto her feet. She then realized that they were on the top of the Millennium Falcon. There were other ways to get up to the roof, of course; but Rey never had been up through any of the circuit rooms.

Ben sat down on the cool metal and patted a spot next to him, motioning for Rey to sit. She did, and the two sat in silence for a moment, listening to the sounds of crickets and bullfrogs, as well as other sounds of the night. They looked out over the camp, nearly empty with only a couple of people out and about. Everyone else was inside for the night. A few single lanterns were set around the camp in for quick use, and some torches were burning around the camp to keep the wild animals away. Other than that, it was pretty dark, nearly everything cast in the shadows of the night. The stars shone brightly above them, bringing a soft glow over the darkness. It was beautiful.

“…This used to be my favorite place.” Ben spoke up softly.

Rey looked over at him. Ben had leaned back on his elbows, his long legs sprawled out in front of him. He stared longingly up at the night sky, his eyes were distant, and his mind seemingly elsewhere.

“I would come to this spot to just sit, especially if I wanted to get away from my dad.” He laughed softly. “But it was quiet here, and I’d just lay back and look up at the stars and imagine myself flying off-world and being this cool pilot.” He smiled to himself before shaking his head. “It’s weird how life just takes an opposite turn I guess…”

Rey noticed the sadness in his eyes. She moved a little closer to him and rested her hand atop his. She looked up at the sky with him, admiring the beauty of the galaxy beyond it.

“You know…” Rey spoke up. “I always loved the night…”

Ben glanced back at her, and she was staring right at him. The soft glow of starlight softened her features and made her look somewhat radiant. Ben swallowed hard. The fact that she made his heart yearn for her like that just by looking at him was still a wonder to him, but he welcomed it nonetheless. 

“Nighttime was my favorite back on Jakku.” Rey continued. “Everything was so quiet and calm. It did get cold, but it was almost a relief from the heat, you know? And the stars were just so beautiful out there.” Rey looked back up at the sky. “They were so bright and clear…I constantly dreamed about the day I could leave, if ever. Just to fly away from all of it, up into that night sky and into the stars.” Rey laughed softly. “That sounded really cheesy, I know.”

“Not at all.” Ben laced his fingers around Rey’s as he continued to look at her.

“You look good in the dark anyway.” He whispered.

Rey felt her cheeks flush, and her chest began to feel like it was on fire.

“Oh…?” she looked back at him, giving him a shy smile.

“Yes...” Ben reached his hand out and gently stroked her hair. “The starlight.”

“What now?” Rey rolled her eyes and laughed.

“The starlight. It’s really bright out here. Did you notice?”

“Yes…”

“There’s like, no light pollution at all.”

“And what does that have to do with anything?” Rey smirked.

“The glow from it makes you look so beautiful.” Ben ran his hand down her cheek.

Rey felt a small quiver run down her back as Ben lightly stroked her skin.

“You’re…so full of it…” she turned away, slightly embarrassed.

Ben took her chin in his hand and turned her head to face him again. “I should start calling you starlight.” He smiled softly.

“Is that supposed to be a pet name or something?” Rey sighed, still heavily embarrassed by the whole conversation, but tried her best to play it cool.

“Maybe.” He grinned.

It was kind of nice. She had never been called anything endearing before. It was mostly just scavenger, which was whatever, considering she was one. But sometimes it was used in a condescending way. That or desert rat, by some of the junk bosses back on Jakku, which would make her angry.

Starlight, though?

“You’re ridiculous…” she laughed.

“Why is it so hard for you to accept my compliments?” Ben inched closer to her.

“It’s not…! I just…” Rey stuttered, trying to find her words. She didn’t want to tell him it was because she wasn’t used to it. She wasn’t used to anyone saying such nice things about her. She wasn’t used to a man whispering sweet nothings to her and calling her beautiful and…

“I just…” she looked at him, realizing how close the two were to each other yet again. “I’m not used to it…” she whispered. “There.”

“Ah, okay. Well, at least I can be relieved knowing that you have no idea how terrible I am at this.” He smirked.

“You’re so stupid…” Rey laughed, pushing him away.

Ben only pulled her back over to him and began to play with a few strands of her hair. “You really wanted to see me today…?”

“Yes…” Rey looked him again, feeling her stomach begin to twist up into knots.

“Missed me that much already?”

“Ugh!” felt her cheeks burn. It was hard enough to do this sort of thing as it was. “I’m going inside…excuse me while I go die of embarrassment.” Rey went to stand up before Ben grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him.

“Ben…!”

He had pulled her back down to him, and she found herself sitting between his outstretched legs facing away from him. He wrapped his arms around her body and nuzzled his head against the back of her neck lovingly. She felt his soft locks brush against her skin and the warmth of his embrace around her body.

“I know I poke fun at you a lot,” Ben whispered. “I don’t mean anything by it though.”

“…I don’t really mind it, honestly.” She whispered back. “You just know how to get under my skin sometimes.” Rey shook her head and smiled to herself, placing her hands over his. Ben kept his arms firmly around her. He was really warm and felt so nice. “And, yes I did. You know…want to see you.”

“You don’t know how good that makes me feel…” Ben whispered into her skin.

Rey felt the happiness radiating from him. Was what she thought of him really that important? Maybe it wasn’t so much of a shock; she could easily say that she felt the same way. She cared for him a lot. In more ways than she cared for most people. She couldn’t help but feel it again, that same feeling she caught in her chest whenever she was with him. She felt so light, so happy, so carefree. She felt genuinely cared for whenever he was near her.

The two sat for a while in the quiet stillness of the night. They were learning to treasure any alone time they could get at that point. Ben continued to hold her close to him, breathing softly into her shoulder, kissing her skin tenderly every so often. 

“So…what was in the box?” Rey spoke up once more.

“Oh, that…” Ben sighed. “Some of my old things my father held onto.”

“Really? Then why were you trying to hide…” Rey paused. “…Oh, Maker! There weren’t any dirty pictures in there, were there??”

“What? No!”

“Well, you were in such a huff to put it all away!”

“I know…” Ben sighed. “Look, I’d love to show you eventually, but going through the box sort of contributed to my weird moods today, if that made any sense…”

“How so?”

“It… made me feel happy because they all were linked to happy memories from childhood. But then it also made me feel not so good. Sad…”

“Oh…”

“I mean, both of my parents are dead now, and it’s mostly my fucking fault…” Ben trailed off.

“Ben…” Rey felt the pain and guilt coming from him yet again. “I can see how this is weighing heavy on you…”

“I didn’t want to do it, you know…” Ben whispered.

“Do what…?”

“Kill him…”

The two sat in silence again, but only for a brief moment. Ben spoke up again.

“My mind was just so jumbled…it was like I wasn’t even all there back then and now…” he swallowed hard. “I just thought…hell.” Ben ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what I thought anymore…”

“Ben…you know Han only wanted you to find your way back…everything else, as horrible as it was, it’s in the past now. You left it behind.” Rey paused, trying to find the right words to comfort him. “I know that it’s painful, and it’s something you have to live with probably for the rest of your life. But all you can do now is just move forward and try to mend your mistakes. Try to get better…” Rey trailed off.

She felt somewhat hypocritical, for she was dealing with her own thoughts that were trying to take her down as well. She didn’t want to deal with them but knew she had to confront them eventually. She then felt Ben’s embrace get tighter.

“…Thank you.” He whispered. “I’m not sure I could do any of this without you here with me…”

“I told you that we are in this together…”

“I know…but still.” Ben kissed her skin tenderly again, making Rey start to feel things that she probably shouldn’t.

Rey had to admit that she wasn’t sure what to expect after bringing Ben Solo back to Ajan Kloss with her. The intensity between them only seemed to grow, and all they ever wanted to be was at each other’s side. She had to remember though, that it had always been that way. Ever since Ahch-To, when they connected again, they had sat and talked for some time. It wasn’t like she was talking to an enemy, but a friend. A friend who understood her. He told her she wasn’t alone, and she told him that he wasn’t either. After that, she went to find him, and it just kept escalating from there. Maybe deep down she knew that this was a possibility, this intense, but wonderful thing they had together. She had always wanted to take his hand, to know him, to be with him.

Was this love? And if so, then maybe she finally had her answer for him.

“Are you tired…?” she spoke up.

“Kind of…” he murmured into her skin.

“We should probably head inside. It’s getting a little cool out. Plus, you should probably try to go to bed a little early tonight.”

“Alright, mom.” Ben joked.

“I should have expected that.” Rey laughed softly as she stood up.

“Payback from all of the times you’ve called me dad so far.”

“It was daddy, not dad.”

“You need to stop calling me that…”

The two made their way back to the open hatch and climbed back down. They headed back down the corridor and towards the captain’s quarters, where they collected their dishes and took them to the compact kitchen area. Ben washed them up as Rey dried them, and afterward, the duo headed back to the main guest area.

“Huh…Rose still hasn’t come back yet…” Rey glanced at the time. It was getting late. Maybe she was staying out late with another group. “Well, she normally tells me not to wait up. She knows how to get back inside.”

“So…” Ben shifted. “Are you going to bed too?”

“I…um…” she looked up at him. “Would you hate me if I wanted to sleep with you again…?”

Ben felt his face flush. Of course he couldn’t say no to her, but it was starting to get really hard to sleep in the same bed with her, especially when she was looking so good. There was also a huge possibility that they would be absolutely alone that night.

“You know that I don’t mind,” Ben spoke softly. “Are you ready now, or…?”

“Yes…I’m pretty tired too.” Rey smiled.

“Alright…”

The two made their way back to the room, closing both doors behind them. Ben walked up to the bed and pulled back the covers, getting the bed ready for the two of them. Rey knelt down and grabbed her bag that she left on the floor near the bedside table earlier when she came back. Ben glanced over to see her rummaging through it.

“What are you doing? Did you lose something?” Ben sat on the edge of the bed, watching her and smiling.

Rey had pulled out two items and held them close to her chest, taking great care with them. She walked up to Ben and handed him something that he was not expecting in the least.

The legacy saber.

Ben only stared at it for a moment before looking back up at her.

“I didn’t know it was salvaged…”

“Yes…”

“Why are you giving this to me?”

“It’s rightfully yours…and I think you should be carrying it rather than me.” Rey held it out to him.

Ben reluctantly reached out and took the lightsaber from her. He held it for a moment, turning the hilt over in his hands.

“I’ve been meaning to give it to you, but things have been so crazy since we got back, I guess I just kept forgetting…”

Ben wasn’t sure how he felt about having that particular lightsaber. Something he had sought after so much before; he had easily forgotten about after Exegol. It was the same lightsaber that his grandfather had apparently wielded before his fall. He still didn’t even know much about who his grandfather was before he became Darth Vader…who Anakin Skywalker was.

He sighed. The whole point of going on this journey was to learn about his heritage, and his grandfather was a huge part of it. The main part of it, actually. Even though Ben still wasn’t sure how he felt about it all; his heritage or associating himself with Jedi or sith, for some reason it felt right to hold it in his hand. Maybe he would hold onto it for a while. He set it on the bedside table and looked back at Rey.

“Thank you…” Ben saw she was holding something else. “And what’s that…?

Rey held out yet another lightsaber.

“I'm not sure what I'm looking at..." Ben gave it a close look before looking back up at Rey, slightly confused. "Who did this belong too?"

“It was your mother’s.”

“My mother’s…” Ben trailed off, reaching his hand out and running his fingers over the hilt. She mentioned in her message to him that she had briefly attempted the Jedi path, but it wasn’t meant for her. She had never mentioned it to him until the message, much less showed him a lightsaber.

“Where… did you get this?”

“Luke…”

“Oh…I see.” Ben cleared his throat before looking back down at the saber, and then back at Rey again. He gently closed Rey’s hand around the lightsaber and smiled gently at her.

“You hold onto it for me, alright?”

“Ben I…”

“She…seemed to really love you.” Ben gave her a tender smile as he kept his hand over hers. “She would have wanted you to keep it.”

Rey felt her heart overflow, feeling more loved than she had ever had in her life. She smiled sweetly at Ben.

“Thank you…” Rey set the saber next to Ben’s. “She loved you too, don’t forget that.”

Ben took in Rey’s kind words, trying his best not to get too wrapped up in his emotions again.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty tired,” Rey spoke up again.

“Me too…” Ben stood back up and took a brief stretch. “Go ahead, you get in first.”

Rey got in first and moved over, making room for Ben. She laid her head down as he slid in next to her and pulled the blanket over the both of them. Ben turned the light out and Rey moved in closer to him. The two assumed their positions from the night before, both of them tangled together and holding each other close.

“Good night, Ben.” Rey whispered softly.

“Good night, starlight.”

Rey blushed at his little nickname for her. She smiled to herself and closed her eyes, ready to drift off to sleep.

* * *

_Rey kept running, but it felt as if it didn’t do much good. A wave, almost like a tidal wave, was coming straight for her. The water was pitch-black, moving hot on her trail, and ready to consume her entirely. She ran with tears rolling down her face, feeling completely helpless as the darkness washed over her._

_She heard Palpatine’s voice echoing all around her._

_“You cannot escape your bloodline…you will fall to it eventually, my granddaughter.”_

_“Stop!! Leave me alone!” she screamed._

_She kept running, but it was no use. Everything was black all around her, and she felt as if she was moving absolutely nowhere. And then she saw herself, right there on the black ground beneath her. Her corpse, lying there, staring up at her with cold and lifeless eyes. Rey wanted to scream again, but nothing came out. She fell to her knees next to her own dead body and sobbed. It felt like an eternity before she felt a familiar presence. She quickly looked up and saw Ben, dirty and broken, dragging himself over to her lifeless body. He picked her up and held her in his arms. He desperately looked about, wanting to call for help, but knowing there was nobody around that would even hear his pleading cries. He held her close, looking completely helpless and lost. She saw tears in his eyes and his mouth was moving, but she couldn’t hear what he was saying. She looked closely as he laid her body back, his hand holding the back of her neck. He placed his hand on her abdomen, running his life force into her, and in a mere moment, bringing her back. And then in an instant, Ben fell back, his life completely drained from him. Suddenly the other Rey was gone, and it was just herself and a lifeless Ben laying right in front of her._

_“No…no no no!” Rey sank to the ground and grabbed Ben’s shoulders. She began to shake him, almost violently so. He only stared back with eyes half open and lifeless, his lips parted and no longer drawing in a breath._

_“Ben…Ben! Please talk to me! Wake up…please wake up…Ben!”_

* * *

“Ben!!”

Rey shot up, screaming Ben’s name so loudly that Ben couldn’t help but wake up immediately. He already knew what was happening. Rey was having another nightmare. He quickly took her in his arms and held her tightly.

“I’m right here. It was just a nightmare. I’m right here…”

“Ben…?” Rey finally snapped out of her trance, realizing where she was. She was back on the Falcon, in the bed with Ben. He had his arms around her, holding her firmly against his body. Rey pressed her face into his chest and held onto him as her shoulders shook, on the verge of hyperventilating.

Ben pulled her away from him for a moment and took her by the shoulders.

“Breathe…just breathe…remember what we talked about?”

Rey nodded as he started doing the motions for her to follow, taking a slow deep breath in, and a slow breath out.

“There you go…you got it…” He continued to do this with her until she got the hang of it and was able to do it on her own.

After a few moments of deep breathing, Rey finally felt herself calm down. She fell back into him, locking her arms around him tightly, not wanting to let go.

“Rey…?” Ben continued to hold her but noticed how she wasn’t letting go after a few minutes. She really was shaken up again.

“I’m sorry…” she muttered into his shirt before pulling back and looking directly into his eyes. “I’m just…I’m so happy that you are alive.”

“I…” Ben felt his chest knot up. Despite the situation, he still loved hearing her say those things to him. 

“What in the galaxy happened in your dream…?

“Ben I saw you…and me…” Rey tried to choke back a sob.

“Whoa, whoa…hey.” Ben held her close to him and stroked her back softly. “It was a shitty nightmare…nothing can hurt you now. And I’m fine, see? I’m right here.”

Rey pulled back and looked at him again.

“I know…I’m just glad it wasn’t real. I just love you so much and I don’t want--”

“What?” Ben cut her off suddenly.

“Ben…? What’s wrong?”

“What did…what did you just say?” He looked at her sincerely.

She then realized what had slipped out. Rey swallowed hard before bringing her gaze back to Ben. 

“…I love you, Ben.”

Ben couldn’t believe it. He felt warmth flooding his entire body, his whole being melting, losing complete control. He looked at her again, his eyes full of longing.

“Can you…say it again? Please?” he whispered as he cupped her cheek tenderly in his hand. “I just want…to hear it again.”

Rey felt his warmth, his immense love for her just radiating from his body; his soul. Once again, their bond seemed to magnify every single feeling and emotion they shared, making it almost too intense to bear, yet so addicting.

Rey smiled sincerely at him while looking directly into those never-ending dark eyes of his. She spoke again, without any hesitation.

“I love you.”

Ben exhaled sharply, his breath shaky, but he never took his eyes off of her, not for one moment. In an instant, Ben pulled her in and pressed his mouth against hers. Rey gripped a handful of his shirt as they kissed passionately. Ben leaned in further, deepening their kiss, with Rey welcoming every bit of his mouth on hers. His kisses were so tender, yet rough at the same time, and she only wanted more of him. He held her tightly, tilting her head gently back and kissing her hard, slipping his tongue inside of her warm and beautiful mouth. She tasted so sweet, constantly making him yearn to come back for more. 

They found themselves entangled with one another as they kept kissing, their hands grabbing all over each of their bodies between hot and heavy breaths. Rey tugged on his shirt as she fell back onto the bed. Ben swiftly climbed over her; his hands firmly planted into the mattress on both sides of Rey’s head. He was over top of her and had one knee firmly planted between her legs. He leaned down into her and kissed her hard again, grabbing her inner thigh and giving it a slight grope. Rey sighed aloud in response, making Ben deepen the kiss. They kept giving in to one another, with every exchange of sensual affection getting more intense by the second. It was as if neither of them could get enough to satiate them…enough to satisfy.

Rey ran her hands up the back of his shirt, dancing her fingers across his bare skin. Doing so sent chills down his spine. He loved it. He loved every single second of it. He lifted himself up and quickly yanked his shirt over his head followed by tossing it carelessly to the floor.

He glanced back down at Rey. He loved how she looked at the moment. Her hair was wavy and all over the place, laying wild over the pillows. She stared back at him with hungry eyes, wanting him to come back to her, almost demanding his mouth. It was so hard to deny her anything, if ever. He never wanted anything more in his life than at that moment.

“I should stop…” he panted.

“We both should…” Rey sighed.

“Fuck…” he cursed aloud and pushed his hair back with his hand. He leaned back down and pressed his mouth gently against Rey’s neck, giving her soft kisses.

“Ben…” Rey let out a sweet sigh as Ben continued to touch her body and kiss her neck. “This doesn’t look like stopping...”

“I’m tired of stopping…” Ben whispered into her skin. “And I know you don’t want me to…you’re a terrible little liar…”

“Am I now?” Rey laughed softly as Ben continued to press his lips to her skin. “So…don't stop then…”

He pulled back briefly and looked at her. She looked so beautiful, so wild. She didn’t want him to stop. He began to feel a burning in his body that he couldn’t quite contain anymore. He wanted all of her so badly. He had for so long, and it was getting harder and harder to hold back. He was seriously considering throwing all caution to the wind.

“You don’t want me to stop this time…?”

“No…” Rey only gazed back up at him as she stayed nestled underneath his massive and beautiful body.

“Really…” he continued to gaze back at her. “What about the agreement we made?”

“…That agreement doesn’t count when we’re alone, remember?” Rey reached up and ran her hand down his cheek, giving him an all too innocent smile.

Ben felt himself stir. She was so far from acting innocent…

She gently ran her hand down his neck, and then down his chest.

“Fuck…” Ben let out a sharp exhale, feeling his hard-on pushing against his pants once again. It took everything in him not to go crazy from her touch.

Rey only continued to stare back at him as he basked in her touch. It was true.

She loved Ben Solo.

She had loved him for a long time, even though she pushed back such thoughts up until recently. She loved the way he smiled and laughed. He loved his dumb jokes, sarcasm, and teasing nature towards her. She loved how soft he was, but also how intense he could be. She loved his strong will. His bravery. His willingness to open up to her. His protective nature. She loved everything about Ben Solo and was so happy she was able to start knowing who he really was. What she loved even more though, was how much he loved her. It was a feeling like she had never known before. She never felt such a strong longing to be near someone. She never had a type of connection that ran so deep…with anyone. Perhaps they really were meant to find one another.

Rey never took her gaze off of him. She stared intently at him, her eyes practically pleading him. Ben felt like he was about to go crazy, but he wouldn’t do it. Not until she said so. She truly had him wrapped around her finger, but he didn’t really care about that anymore. She loved him back. She loved him back and that was more than enough for his soul. He leaned down again and took Rey’s chin in his hand, his face inches from hers.

“Just tell me what you want, my starlight…” He whispered in an all too familiar sultry tone.

Rey kept staring back at him, getting lost in the endless darkness of his eyes. She saw the night in his eyes, and she loved the night. She loved the dark. Rey put a gentle hand to Ben’s face again and brushed her fingers lightly against his lips before whispering softly to him.

“You.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I hope everyone is doing great. I have been pretty chill for the most part, which is great honestly. I've had more time to write and do other things. I am also training for a potential job...so I guess that's cool! It would be great if I could start making some money again, haha. Anyway, about this chapter!
> 
> Slight content warning again because of depictions of death and trauma. Trigger warnings for depictions of anxiety/panic attacks as well. I know there is a lot happening, but again, there are things I wanted to stick in here so I can easily move onto the next chapter. I hope you guys don't mind the super-long chapters. That's just my way. 
> 
> Ben and Rey are still trying to cope with everything. Ben finds his old box of things and it stirs up feelings, both positive and negative. Rey and Ben are depicted as two halves of a whole, a dyad, kind of like yin and yang. So I think them being there for one another through their hardships has been very good for them because they can take comfort in one another and understand what the other is going through for the most part. Ben helps Rey through her nightmares and the trauma that has caused them, and Rey helps Ben get his mind back on track when it starts to wander too far off into dark places. One thing that has helped them so much thus far is the two believing in each other and loving each other. I truly believe they were meant to find one another, our wonderful and powerful dyad of a couple. <3
> 
> I wanted to focus more on Rey and Ben here, mostly because they haven't had too much time together without getting interrupted. I like the little moments they have, such as eating together and watching the stars, talking about life and stuff. And then I realized that this is chapter 8! When are they going to be able to be alone and well...you know. You all know, wink wink. ;)
> 
> So me, being an old-school hopeless romantic, I had to throw in all this lovey-dovey stuff, romantic stargazing, Ben giving Rey an endearing and cute little nickname; all that good stuff. I am one for fluff if you haven't realized by now! I just really wanted some more tender moments in there, even after the little squabble they had. Because that stuff will happen, no matter how in love you are. Because even after that, your loved one will still be there, will still love you, and won't want to see you hurting...like our boy Ben here, that overprotective and soft sweetheart. 
> 
> And I'll just put it out there...there will be no interruptions for our favorite space couple next chapter. ;) Enjoy!
> 
> -Blue


	9. Intertwined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally able to be alone, Rey and Ben share an intimate night together. Their bond overwhelms them, but in a positive way.

**-Content Warning-**

**This chapter contains sexual themes and adult situations, so be mindful and enjoy. :** )

* * *

“Tell me what you want…” Ben gently held Rey’s chin is his hand, tilting her face towards his.

Rey ran her hand down his cheek, brushing her fingers softly over his lips. She could feel every breath he took, warmly caressing her fingers and picking up quickly. He anticipated her will. She felt it. He wouldn’t try anything until she said so.

“You.” She gingerly slid her thumb across his bottom lip.

“I want you too…” he released another shaky exhale.

He seemed ready, but nervous at the same time; almost exactly how Rey felt.

“I want to look at you…” Ben whispered softly. “Is that alright?”

“Yes…” Rey nodded.

Ben reached above his head and switched on the light, setting it to a soft amber. It made the room glow, almost like a dimming fire was near. She stared back at him with anticipation, but there was something else also.

“What’s troubling you?” Ben caressed her cheek in his hand.

“I think you should know something before we…” Rey felt her cheeks flush. “Well, before we do this…”

“Alright…?” Ben removed himself from her and helped her sit up.

Rey looked at him and nervously pushed a few strands of hair behind her ear. “So, the truth is that…I’ve never done this before.”

“Oh…?” Ben stared back at her, feeling his own face begin to flush. “That’s all you wanted to tell me?”

“Yes…” she looked shyly away from him.

“Well, I…” Ben paused for a moment. He’d have to tell her eventually. “Listen…I haven’t either.”

Rey turned back to him, somewhat surprised. “Really?”

“I don’t know why you look so shocked…” It was Ben’s turn to turn away, slightly bashful now.

“No, no! I just thought--I mean, I know there is an age gap between us; so I thought…”

Ben looked back at her, and she could tell he was getting more embarrassed by the second. 

“I don’t know what I thought.” Rey let out an awkward sigh, wishing she hadn’t responded in the way that she did.

“You can say it. I know you’re thinking it.” Ben sighed as he looked off to the side.

“Hey…” Rey gently took Ben’s face in her hands, bringing his eyes back to hers. “I don’t care about any of that. I don’t think there’s an age limit on…” she paused.

“You can’t even say it.” Ben smirked.

“I’m nervous about this, okay?” Rey gave his cheek a swift pinch.

“Makerrr!” Ben grimaced at the pinch. “That fucking hurt…!”

“Good.” Rey huffed, mortified.

Ben rubbed his cheek once more before bringing his gaze back to her. “Listen…we don’t have to do this now. If you’re uncomfortable, I don’t want to feel like you have to do this... with me.”

Rey looked back up at him, her face now softened towards him once more.

“But I do. I want to…” Rey sighed softly, staring back at him with eyes full of longing. “…with you.”

“Rey…” Ben took in her words and soft expressions directed only towards him.

Rey shifted her position, her knees now pressing into the mattress as she nestled herself between Ben’s long legs, which stayed sprawled out over the bed. She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, giving him a soft and comforting embrace. She had her lips close to his ear, and he could hear her breathing softly. Ben snaked his arms around her back as she continued to hold him close, hugging him softly like she did when they were alone together the day before. He slid his hands gingerly down her back. She stayed on her knees to reach his height, as he was taller than her even while sitting down. She slid a hand up the back of his neck, running it through his soft, dark locks that ran down the back.

Ben let out a low sigh as Rey pulled back and kissed his cheek softly, followed by the corner of his mouth. Ben kept his hands on her as she continued to love on him, his eyes never leaving her. Rey kissed his lips tenderly, pulling him back in again. They continued to kiss, with each one tasting better than the last. Ben’s hands stayed firmly on Rey’s hips as they continued to exchange gentle, yet passionate kisses. They carried on for several moments until Ben felt Rey’s lips leave without much warning.

“Come back to me…” he whispered, not caring much for the sudden coldness that began to creep across his lips.

Rey hesitated, “I might be a little nervous; I’m sorry…”

“I couldn’t tell.” Ben gave her soft, but reassuring smile. “Just tell me what you want, starlight…”

“Will you…touch me?” she whispered softly.

He felt her apprehensiveness travel on her words, but he also sensed another feeling. It was a strong feeling of immense longing. She wanted him to put his hands on her. Ben swallowed hard as he struggled to find his words. She was the one being forward now.

“How…would you like me to do it?” He hoped he hadn’t sounded like a shaky, nervous mess in front of her.

“I want you to do wherever you’d like…” Rey whispered softly in his ear. “And take your time with me, please…?”

Ben felt himself stir again. She looked so ready, yet uncertain at the same time. At this point, he was about to lose all control of himself. Take his time…

He kept that at heart. He’d take all night with her if he had to.

“Come here…” Ben gently took Rey’s chin in his hand and brought her mouth to his, where they began to kiss softly once more.

Sweet and tender kisses quickly turned rough and passionate, and Ben placed his hands under Rey’s thighs, pulling her closer to him. She spread her legs out on each side of him, her knees pushing softly into his sides as he cupped her lower back. She lightly wrapped her legs around his hips, fitting perfectly against him with her arms still locked around his neck. Their mouths kept colliding, with an all too familiar sensation arising that the two have learned to love so much. Ben could never tire of kissing her.

As they kept going, Rey began to feel less timid, and it all felt so right being with him. Every time they were together they had been interrupted. Her friends looked at them with skepticism, and it was clear what was going on between the two, even though Rey tried to deny it in front of them. Ever since they came back from Exegol together they’d have at each other whenever they had a chance to be alone, regardless of the risk they were taking. Every time had felt like some forbidden sin, which made it even more enticing, yet left them both unsatisfied when they had to suddenly stop. But now they were alone, just the two of them. Nobody could interrupt them. Nobody could hear the shifting on the bed, or the rustling of clothes, or the heavy breaths and soft sighs.

They were finally alone, and they could just be.

Ben slipped his hands up the back of Rey’s shirt, feeling the warmth and softness of her skin as he slid slowly upward. He heard a soft sigh come from Rey as she continued to take in his mouth. Ben slid his hand up the little dip in her back and realized that she was wearing nothing underneath her shirt. How had he not noticed earlier?

He let out a soft sigh and pulled back to look at her, both of their lips raw and wet from ravaging one another. He still had his hands on her bare skin, and before he could say a word to her, she nods at him, giving him a silent permission to do whatever he wanted. Ben grabbed the hem of her shirt and began to pull it up, helping Rey pull it over her head and off completely. Ben felt Rey’s warm skin against his own as she clung to him, straddling his lap and burying her face in his shoulder.

“Can I see…?” he ran his fingers gingerly down her back.

“…Yes. Just give me a moment…”

Ben smiled softly as he held Rey, feeling her warm skin pressed against his. She was his little wildfire, yet could become so soft when with him. To him, it was a special thing. She gave everything to him, and now her heart was his too. He couldn’t hurt her again. He knew he only wanted to protect her and love her like she truly deserved. Never would he hurt her as bad as he did in the past; not ever again. 

Rey finally pulled back slowly, letting Ben set his gaze on her body, taking in all of her features; all of her curves; every freckle and scar on her porcelain skin that stayed unexposed from the harsh Jakku sun. Toned now from so much training and battle, she had strong arms, but some softness to her torso. She was strong, but still a tiny thing when compared to his own large stature. His eyes spotted more freckles on her skin; even a few sprinkled across her chest, though less dominant than the ones on the parts of her body that had been exposed to the desert sun. Her chest heaved softly as she felt Ben’s eyes on her the entire time. Ben continued to keep his eyes on her, loving every part of her body. His eyes traveled to her breasts, lush and lovely, perched upon her chest. Ben looked at her once more for approval before gently placing his hands on her once more.

Rey kept her eyes on him as she felt his warm and slightly calloused hands rest on her hips. His hands were big. In fact, everything about him seemed large in proportion. He was tall and broad; and as he slid his large hands up her body, she was sure he could fit them around her waist if he tried. She wasn’t sure why, but it felt really good having such large hands on her body. One of his hands had drifted over her abdomen, where he rested his hand for a brief moment. Rey caught his gaze. His hand rested over the spot where Ben had put his life force into her. Had it not been for his selfless act, neither of them would be where they were at that very moment.

Rey gently took his face in her hands and pulled him in again, kissing him tenderly as he explored her body with his hands. She let out a soft moan as he took her breasts in each hand, groping her softly and brushing his fingers over her delicate buds. She sighed softly as he continued to keep his hands on her, touching her wherever he pleased. He pulled away for a moment and gazed softly back at her.

“…What’s wrong?” she asked; for a moment fearing that she had done something wrong.

“You’re so perfect…” Ben whispered as he kept his tender gaze on her. He gave her a loving smile as he gently slid his index finger down her abdomen to her naval.

Rey felt her cheeks flush and her body shiver softly as Ben lightly touched her.

“And you’re so full of it…” she murmured as he came back to her.

She held him close as he gingerly kissed her neck and traveled back down to her chest. This was new territory for her, and though she liked all of it so far, she was still a little shy when it came to certain things. She had never shown herself like this to anyone before, much less a man.

She felt him breathing softly against her chest as he held her close, with both of his hands now resting on her back. The way they held one another was enough to get them both worked up all over again. Rey held onto Ben tightly, attempting to stifle her moans that tried so hard to get past her lips. He was holding a breast in his hand again, now gingerly putting his mouth to it and taking a taste.

Rey let out a sharp sigh as Ben continued to play with her, keeping his mouth on her for a good while. Ben felt her squirming in his lap as she pressed her fingertips firmly into the base of his neck, lightly gripping a bit of his hair. Every so often she would moan softly, bashfully, while lightly tugging on his dark locks. Rey could act so untamed, but there, alone with him, she seemed to be a different person. She was soft, vulnerable, and even somewhat submissive. She always seemed to soften towards him when they were alone.

He thought of their many encounters before this. When he sat and talked with her through their force bond on Ahch-To before she hesitantly reached her hand out to his. When she went to see him before he confronted Snoke. He remembered it all so well because he promised himself that he would never forget. She had come to see him and tried to bring him back with her. He stood in the elevator with her as she tried to convince him to leave all of it behind. She called him by his real name, a name that nobody had called him by in so long. Even after Ben took out Snoke, and after he and Rey fought side by side in the throne room, she looked upon him with soft and teary eyes. She practically pleaded with him; trying one final time to get him to come back with her before they were tragically torn away from one another once more. 

Ben held her close to him, his lips softly pushed against the soft skin of her chest between her breasts. He heard her panting softly as she kept her hands on him, caressing his head gently as he held her. He felt her run a hand through his hair, gently pressing her face into his soft locks.

Ben closed his eyes as she continued to stay nestled in his curls, kissing his head softly as she gingerly ran her hand through his hair. He felt so much love coming from her at that moment that it was almost too much for him to bear. He continued to bask in it, keeping himself hugged up against her. She was a relief. She was like a drink of ice-cold water in the middle of a hot desert. Like salve to a wound, or a comforting fire on a snowy evening.

He remembered her face lighting up as she looked upon him back on Exegol, right after he put his life force into her. The way she took his face in her hands and kissed him tenderly. Even when she brought him back to Ajan Kloss with her, she stayed at his side. Rey had a soft heart, and one that was especially tender towards him, which was why he was learning to appreciate it more and more every day. She was also very fragile. Perhaps not on the outside where everyone could see, but her heart most definitely was. It was why he felt his heart ache when she thought he was angry with her, or whenever she cried. Even still, she didn’t hold his sour attitude against him, much like many of his other past mistakes.

Despite her softness and submission to him, she was the one who told him what to do to her, and he was the only one allowed to do those things. He was the only one who had her permission to see her like this, and he loved it. He felt special being the only man able to have her like this, and all to himself. Maker, he loved it so much.

Rey kissed him softly on his temple, trailing kisses down the side of his face, prompting him to slowly pull away so he could get another look at her.

“You’re spoiling me.” he smiled softly at her, catching her amber eyes.

“Do you not like it?” Rey gave him a playful, but gentle smile as she gazed back at him.

“No, no…I love it…” he whispered, putting a hand to her cheek.

“…Ben?”

“Yes…?”

“I want to touch you…”

Ben swallowed hard, followed by another shaky breath. It was a wonder how she could make him feel both extremely confident and nerve-rackingly terrified at the same time. It had always been that way.

“…Alright.” He nodded as Rey gently rested her hands on his broad shoulders.

Rey had seen him without a shirt multiple times now, yet she still felt herself getting flustered every time she saw him. He had the type of body that she just didn’t see on most men. Something about his large stature made her feel slightly intimidated, yet attracted to him. He had a powerful stance and worked it well. That alone had always stood out to her, though she would never fully admit it back then. He was nice to look at too. Dark and wild hair, eyes that could be dark as the night, yet also glow like soft embers in the sunlight. Moles and freckles were sprinkled across his face, something most would see as a flaw. Though he could be considered unconventionally attractive in a sense, she preferred it that way. She thought flaws were beautiful and real, much like Ben himself. Flawed, but real and not afraid to show himself to her. Beautiful; like his soul, his heart, and his body. Powerful; like his stance. The way he held a lightsaber in his hands. The way he got ready for battle. He was powerful, yet graceful when he fought, almost like she was watching a dance. He fascinated her, even now. He pulled at her, like metal to a magnet. She had resisted him for so long, and now she clung to him, wanting to know him more, wanting to always be in his presence, wanting more of him only to herself. Was it selfish of her? Sure. But these days she didn’t mind being a little selfish with some things.

Rey hesitated for a moment before touching his chest. His skin was warm under her fingers. She gently ran her hand over him, tracing his collarbone with her fingertips, and then brushing down his shoulder. Ben sighed softly, enjoying her gentle touch. He kept letting her hands touch him as she explored his body, something he had never let anyone do before. Rey looked back up at him and put a hand softly to his face, tracing the fresh little scar on his cheek, right below his left eye.

“This one didn’t fade.” She whispered.

“It’s alright. I’m fine with that one.” Ben smiled. “It was just a little scrape.”

Rey brushed her thumb under his eye, still a little bruised from their last battle.

“Does it hurt…?”

“Not so much anymore. It’s healing.”

Rey couldn’t help but feel a small ache in her chest as she looked at him, his scars and wounds from war clear as day; the ones acquired after he came back for her. Ben had fought and defeated all of the Knights of Ren himself before joining her in the battle with Palpatine. He had been thrown into a pit and left to die, yet somehow had managed to climb out and drag himself over to her, broken bones and all, just to save her life. He had come back for her, giving up everything to make sure that she was safe and alive, despite whatever fate might befall him. It was an act of selflessness that she had never truly experienced, and she would never forget it. It still hurt her heart just a little bit though; knowing the pain he endured, and what almost happened to him.

“Hey…” Ben spoke up, bringing Rey back to him. “You look so somber all of a sudden…” Ben put a gentle hand to her cheek.

“Do I…?” Rey quickly raised a hand to her face, stopping any stray tears from escaping her eyes. “I’m sorry about that…” Rey laughed awkwardly and looked back up at Ben. It was too late, for he had already known what she was feeling.

“You know, not many people have cried for me…” Ben whispered as he kept his soft eyes on her. “Is it wrong that it makes me somewhat happy?”

They silently kept their eyes on one another for a brief moment before Ben spoke up again.

“I’m not happy that you’re sad, of course. You know I hate it when you cry...”

“You really do.” Rey gave him a warm, yet somber smile.

“Yes, you know that.” Ben laughed softly. “But it’s the feeling I get. Like…”

“Like I care about you?” Rey kept her eyes on him; her expression was unwavering.

“Yes…”

“Because I do, and I always have.”

“Always…?”

“I think you know when it started happening…” Rey paused and gently ran her hand through Ben’s hair again. “And then…well, I couldn’t very well force you to come back with me, as much as I wish that I could have…”

“I know.” Ben kept his eyes on her as she continued to run her fingers through his hair. “…And you still came back for me at the end of it all.”

“Because…” Rey brought her eyes back to his. “You came back for _me_.”

Ben felt as if his chest would bust open at any moment. The things she made him feel were nothing short of sublime; things that any other normal person could not even fathom. Maybe he glorified her too much, but all he knew was that he felt so happy whenever she was with him. He felt safe. He felt wanted. Loved.

“That’s not something that most people would do.” Ben laughed softly. “…Especially for me. I spent a very long time in the dark... locking things away, and now we’re here together like this. Sometimes I feel like I’m dreaming.”

“…So do I.” Rey whispered. “It’s real, though…” Rey ran her hand softly down his face, brushing her fingertips over his lips again. “You’re here with me now, and I think that’s all that matters. We both are _alive_ , Ben.”

Ben gently took her hand in his and kissed her fingers tenderly while keeping his gaze on her. Rey smiled softly as he did, feeling her stomach start to tumble around once more. Everything he did seemed so attractive lately, and she was beginning to truly realize how deep she was in with Ben Solo.

“Alive…” Ben whispered, his gaze still on her.

“Yes…”

Rey leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, once again catching the corner of his mouth. It was her little way of showing him affection, he was beginning to realize. Ben turned his head, catching her lips and initiating a deeper kiss. She had her hands to his chest now, pressing her fingertips into his skin as they both began to get heated once more. Ben slid a hand up her back to the base of her neck, firmly bringing her closer to him. His other hand had wandered down to her thigh, where he had a firm hold on her. Rey clung to him as he held her, her legs wrapped around his body again. She felt him pressing against her inner thigh as she straddled his hips. She had felt him like this more than once, and it was still something she was getting used to.

There was a lot of him too.

Rey sighed into his lips between kisses.

“Ben…”

“What…?” he responded breathlessly before meeting her mouth with another sensual kiss.

“Maybe…we should get more comfortable?” she murmured into his lips again, causing him to pull back for a moment and look at her.

It had taken Ben a couple of seconds to mentally process what she was asking him, before realizing that she wanted them both to take more clothing off.

“Ah…yeah that would be the way to go, wouldn’t it?”

Rey only giggled softly at his response, embarrassing him just a little.

He really was a kriffing dingus, wasn’t he?

She had her eyes on him, soft and full of anticipation. She wanted his full attention, and for him to move first. He wanted her so badly, but he would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that he was still just a little nervous. He exhaled slowly, trying to find his bearings again, which was really hard to do when Rey looked at him in such a titillating way.

He nodded and quickly climbed out of the bed. Rey glanced over at him. He had his back turned to her as he undid the drawstring on his joggers. He pulled them off, leaving him only in his underwear; black boxer briefs that hugged every part of him perfectly, it seemed. She felt her face flush again. Her stomach began to squirm. How was this man able to make her start quivering just from taking his god-damned clothes off? His back muscles flexed as he moved about. He had legs that seemed to go on forever but stood solid as Endorian oak trees. He had thighs that were thicker than the average man’s, but they could probably incapacitate someone swiftly…that is if he ever somehow got into that sort of situation (highly unlikely). She wouldn’t even get started on his perfectly toned ass. She had never fawned over anyone as she had with Ben. Once again, how he was able to reduce her to this mess was still beyond her means of understanding.

Rey swallowed hard as he turned back towards her, towering over the bed and over her, his eyes falling on her body. Her eyes wandered even further, making her feel slightly overheated yet again. She could clearly see his bulge pushing against the fabric of his undergarments, between two powerful legs. Her eyes traveled up his built body, broad chest, and solid shoulders until she caught his gaze. Dark and hungry eyes fell on her. She recognized that expression of his, and Maker, it was truly a look that could incapacitate.

He leaned down and put a knee to the bed and reached out, grabbing Rey firmly by the hips and pulling her towards the edge of the bed. Rey felt her chest heave as Ben pulled her almost desperately to him, in a desperate attempt to get to her quicker. She let out a soft gasp as she felt his hands travel up her hips and around her waist, where he decided to rest his hands. She felt his soft, dark waves brush over her skin. She glanced down and saw him there, his hands on her waist and his head laying upon her abdomen, inches from her chest. He lifted his head and rested his chin lightly on her abdomen as he kept his hands on her waist.

“What are you doing?” Rey laughed softly but noticed that Ben’s ravenous look had not gone away.

He only continued to gaze up at her with a sultry smile. He planted a gentle kiss on her belly, before sliding his hands softly back down her body. Rey let out a soft sigh as he did. Ben hooked his fingers under the waistband of Rey’s leggings and lightly tugged on them. He looked back at Rey with anticipation, still looking hungry as ever. Despite his feelings of passion, he was still hesitant, still a little nervous, and still wouldn’t do anything without her saying so.

Rey was a little relieved to know that she was not the only one feeling a bit timid. She gazed back at Ben, who had his hands on her hips, ready to yank off her leggings. She drank in his dark eyes, his hungry gaze, his slightly shaken nerves…

“Yes.” She whispered.

Ben pulled Rey’s leggings down, yanking them off of her legs and tossing them to the floor. Rey felt her face heat up. She was about to show Ben the intimate parts of her; but she was sure of it now, albeit a bit timid; who wouldn’t be? She had never had a sexual experience with anyone, as Ben had been the first man allowed under her clothing. She glanced down at Ben, who had just pulled her leggings off, going back for the last item of clothing on her body.

Ben felt himself overflowing with passion. He had wanted her for so long, and now that he had her, the last thing he wanted to do was rush through any of it. He knelt over her again, his massive body covering her like a protective blanket.

Rey’s eyes widened as Ben slipped his hand beneath her delicates without warning. She didn’t have much time to protest, as Ben had already gently pulled one of her legs to the side and slid two fingers inside of her. He hadn’t gone too far in, just enough to feel her out. He indulged himself as he slid his fingers in, getting a surprising jolt from Rey, as well as an unexpected, but hungry sigh. He looked down at her as he continued to feel her slick warmth on his fingers. Her face twisted as she writhed beneath him, his fingers now tracing her little pearl. Her body shuddered softly as he did; she seemed to enjoy getting touched there the most. He felt her essence almost seeping into his skin, making him push his fingers in just a little further. He felt the softness that was her, her insides clenching up around his two fingers.

_“Fucking Maker…”_

She felt amazing.

Rey felt herself squirm as Ben continued to touch her. She had never let a man see her there, much less feel her with his fingers. She didn’t even realize that fingers could feel so good. She felt her chest heave and gripped the sheets tightly below her as she let Ben continue to play with her, feeling more dizzied up by the second.

It took everything in him not to just plunge his fingers further in. She was a tiny thing, and it already seemed like his two massive fingers alone were too much. He wasn’t sure what constituted a normal size for a man, but either way, he was still much bigger than her in every conceivable way. If anything, he was mostly afraid of hurting her when it was time. He let out a sharp exhale before gently removing his fingers from her, her essence laying sweet and sticky on his fingertips.

He gazed down at her as she looked back at him, her chest heaving, every panting breath hanging onto what was to come next. Her cheeks were flush, her eyes looking back at him with anticipation. She had unknowingly left him in control of it all, despite both of them being new to all of it. Ben was starting to think that she also liked the dominant side of him, a side that had him constantly clashing with her for power in the past. She was letting him display his dominance without putting up a fight this time. Despite that, she was still the one who called the shots. She was the one in control, whether she realized it or not. Ben did everything she had asked of him since coming back with her. He did everything to appease her, knowing he never wanted to be apart from her again; never wanting to even risk it.

And then, in the midst of all of the chaos, they were finally alone together. He had her all to himself in the privacy of their newfound private room, away from all of the noise, people, and drama. She told him that she loved him, something he wasn’t expecting to ever hear back not too long ago. He had her now, and all he wanted to do was love her the way she deserved.

He swallowed hard as he gazed back down at her. She was perfect, at least to him, in every conceivable way. He leaned down, getting close to her again. She didn’t hesitate to take his face in her hands as he kissed her tenderly. They stayed latched onto one another for some moments, going from kissing softly to passionate desperation. The night was pretty quiet, and all that could be heard in the room was the quiet hum of electricity from the dim lighting and the soft, ragged breaths coming from both of them whenever they broke apart.

Rey closed her eyes as Ben gently pressed his forehead against hers, both of them panting softly. Rey ran her hand gently up his neck and through his soft and now tangled hair. Ben sighed softly as she did; he seemed to like it whenever she touched him like that. He sighed with almost a bit of relief, like putting ice on a burn. It was something she noticed more with him, and for some reason, it made her heart happy knowing that she could bring him that kind of emotional relief. Neither of them had gotten it for so long, to the point where a gentle touch from one or the other was the best feeling in the galaxy. They also hadn’t forgotten their bond, and how it seemed to magnify each and every emotion. They stayed open to it more now, letting their thoughts and feelings flow more freely between them whenever they felt like it. Rey kissed him softly on the lips again, with Ben loving the sweet and soft tendencies that she held for him. They kept their eyes on each other, waiting for the other to lead the way. They both were so caught up in this dream, something they wanted to hold onto for as long as possible.

“Ben…” Rey whispered his name softly.

He loved it when she spoke his real name aloud. It always seemed to bring him back to himself, even now.

“Starlight…?” he whispered back.

Rey blushed at his soft nickname for her. “You said that…you’ve never done this before?”

“I haven’t. Why…?”

“You just…seem to know what to do…” Rey muttered, slightly embarrassed by her own naivety.

“I just…” Ben paused. “I just do what feels natural. You told me I could touch you anywhere…”

“You’re right…” Rey whispered as she ran another gentle hand through his hair.

“…Did you like it?” Ben put a hand to her cheek, gazing tenderly back at her. He brushed his thumb softly over Rey’s lips, which stayed slightly parted. He saw her cheeks softly flushed in the dim light, thinking about how she looked so cute, yet immensely enticing at the same time.

Rey felt Ben’s thumb brush over her bottom lip, almost sensually. He kept staring back at her, his broad and beautiful body hovering over her, his rigid manhood still pressing against her thigh with no relief. He kept his hungry eyes on her, appeasing all of her needs that she didn’t even know she had. She hadn’t anticipated his fingers alone would feel so good inside of her, and she couldn’t help but crave more of him. She had told him to take his time, which they had been doing; but she couldn’t help but feel like he enjoyed teasing her just a little bit. It seemed to make him even hungrier.

Without warning, a crack of lightning followed by an immense roar of thunder shook the ship. Ben looked off to the side, hearing the rain begin to pour outside.

More rain?

Ben felt a gentle hand on his cheek, and his attention was drawn back to Rey, who kept her eyes on him.

“Not afraid, are you?” she teased.

Ben only scoffed but shifted as Rey ran her hand down his chest once more.

“I want to feel you,” she whispered as the rain began to fall heavily outside.

Ben felt his muscles tense up. With a hitch in his chest, he felt his blood begin to rush even quicker to one particular place. He watched as she kept her eyes intently on him, practically pleading with him. Ben leaned in and pressed his mouth against Rey’s, sharing one steamy kiss after another. Ben didn’t waste any time gingerly pulling the last of Rey’s clothing down her legs and tossing them to the floor. He stood up hastily and looked down at her. As usual, she looked beautifully enticing.

“One second…just let me make sure of some things.” Ben let out a shaky breath, but Rey could feel the excitement and anticipation coming from him.

Rey watched as Ben wiggled back into his joggers and headed for the door. Rey sat up and pulled the covers over her body as Ben headed out the first door, automatically closing behind him. Rey listened as the rain pounded heavily against the metal of the ship, with a sharp clap of thunder rocking overhead every couple of minutes. It was that time of year for a moon with such a climate. It rained almost every evening and was extremely hot and humid in the day.

Rey thought back to what was about to unfold and felt her body heat up and her heart race. They were really about to do this. She clutched the blanket a little tighter, thinking about everything they had done so far, and how amazingly steamy it all had been. Ben wasn’t lying when he said he had never been with anyone; she could tell he wasn’t. But it was hard to believe his words when he would touch her in such a tantalizing manner. He just seemed to know what to do; though to his credit, he did hesitate a few times. Rey had to reassure him that it was okay to touch her. He seemed to be so careful with her, especially now.

Rey turned as Ben came back through the door, locking it behind him.

“So, is everything okay?” Rey kept her eyes on him as he made his way back to the bed.

“Yes…!” Ben cleared his throat, still in slight disbelief that he had Rey in his bed, sans clothing. “I was just checking to make sure that we were still alone…we are.”

“Well, come back to me, then…” Rey whispered as she kept her eyes only on him. She gently pushed back the covers, revealing her body to him again.

Ben only kept his gaze on her for a moment, trying to register it all, and taking in her body. He began to fumble with the drawstring on his pants before yanking them out of the knot, and hastily pulling them off. His desires clashed with his nervous thoughts as he went to take off his own undergarments, knowing that she would be the only one to have seen him like that; completely naked and vulnerable.

Rey watched as Ben removed his last article of clothing, baring his whole self to her. Rey felt her stomach twist and her face flush as she looked down at Ben’s virility, quickly noting his length.

He was big, much like everything else on his body. Granted, she had never seen a man’s ‘piece’ before, but it still looked pretty intimidating. 

Ben noticed her eyes on him.

“You’re staring…” he let out an awkward laugh.

“Huh? Oh!” Rey felt her cheeks burning again. She _had_ been staring, how mortifying. “I’m sorry I just…I’ve never…!”

“It’s fine, no need to freak out…” Ben laughed softly as he approached the bed. “But why are we talking about me when you’re here looking so sublime?” Ben whispered as he leaned down and cupped Rey’s cheek in his hand, moving in for another kiss.

Maker, he was so smooth when he wanted to be. He had a way with words, and the way he spoke at times could be extremely beautiful.

Rey fell into his deep kiss. Her hand began to wander, her curiosity getting the better of her. She wanted to touch him. Ben noticed her curiosity and decided to let her do what she wanted. She hesitated for a moment before lightly wrapping her hand around him, groping him softly. She heard a soft groan come from him, followed by another trembling sigh. She looked up at him and saw he was glancing off to the side with a hand to his face. Underneath his fingers, she could see his nervousness manifesting into something else. He liked it when she put her hands on him.

She leaned forward, still holding him in her hand, and kissed his tip softly. She felt a quiet jolt from Ben as his manhood twitched, followed by a sharp exhale. She then felt his fingers on her chin, and her eyes followed him as he tilted her head back up to meet his gaze.

“…You don’t have to worry about all of that right now; alright, starlight?”

“Ben---!”

Ben had knelt onto the bed and gently pressed his mouth to hers, engaging in another session of tender and steamy kissing. Rey had locked her arms around his neck as he placed his own hands on the middle of her back for support. They kept kissing as he laid her down gently against the soft bed, rustling the sheets below them. Rey let out a hazy sigh against his mouth as he pulled back. He pressed his forehead against hers again, his breathing now hot and unsteady.

“Do you still…?” he whispered softly to her.

“Yes…do you?”

“Yes. Yes, yes….”

“Then what’s wrong…?”

“I just…I don’t want to hurt you or anything.”

“Oh, come now. You’re more graceful than I am.” Rey laughed softly.

“That may be,” Ben smirked before kissing her forehead softly. “…But you’re also much smaller than I am.”

“…I don’t think you’ll hurt me.” Rey put a gentle and reassuring hand to his cheek, causing him to bring his gaze back to hers.

He kept looking at her, stranded in place at that exact moment in time. She looked upon him with nothing but love in her eyes, and he felt the same constant reassurance that she had been giving him since arriving on Ajan Kloss with her. She, without any obligation, took the liberty of taking care of him in so many ways; even if he felt he didn’t deserve it all. It made him wonder why he hadn’t just gone away with her sooner. It didn’t matter anymore; not at the moment. They were together. They were alive.

“…If I do start hurting you, will you tell me?”

“Yes.” Rey gave him a playful smile. “I think I’ll be alright though…”

“…Alright.” Ben let out a soft, semi-nervous sigh.

His hands traveled down her hips and to her thighs, where he gently opened her legs enough to where he could fit. He was still hard, still ready to go despite some of his timid thoughts. He got himself ready, adjusting himself accordingly before feeling a light tug on his arm. He looked back down at Rey, feeling both nervousness and anticipation from her; the same as him.

“Yes…?”

“Go slow at first…please?”

“I will...”

Ben began to push himself into her, his body suddenly feeling sensations that he had never felt before. He planted his hands firmly on either side of Rey and let out a sharp exhale as he kept making his way in.

She was so tiny.

Rey let out a stifled groan. Ben quickly looked back down at her and saw the discomfort on her face.

Shit.

“I’m not hurting you am I…?” Ben let out another unsteady breath as he put a gentle hand to her cheek.

“It hurts a little…” Rey flinched again as Ben kept pushing in slowly.

“Fuck, let me stop…”

Rey slid her hand up the back of his neck and quickly grabbed a handful of his hair. He felt her tug on him, making him look back at her. Her eyes were still full of longing, hunger, and now, determination.

“No; don’t stop. I’m alright.”

“Rey…”

“I promise you I’m alright, love. Just keep going.”

Ben swallowed hard before nodding. “Alright…”

Ben shifted again, hoping he wouldn’t hurt her too much as he slowly continued to push himself inside of her. He slid his hands underneath her thighs and pulled her in closer, her legs now wrapped around his hips. He felt her fingernails digging into his back as he pushed himself all the way inside of her, feeling a type of ecstasy that he had never known before. She felt warm and soft, his entire being nestled in her essence. It was snug, but full of immense comfort; a feeling he could only describe as incredible. Ben gripped the sheets beneath them as he let out a soft hiss.

“Fuck…” Ben felt his body writhe again. How was it possible for something to feel so incredibly good? 

“Ben…” Rey sighed softly as he continued to break into her.

“Fucking Maker, Rey…you feel so good…”

Rey felt her face flush and her stomach tumble around yet again as she listened to Ben gush over how good she felt to him.

“Good…” Rey whispered as she continued to hold onto him. “Don’t stop now…”

Ben swallowed hard and pulled himself back slowly, taking his time before pushing back into her again. Rey let out a sharp breath, still feeling some slight pain, but it wasn’t terrible the second time he went in. He did it a couple of times before he got to a slow and steady pace with her, shifting his position every so often to see if it would help lessen her discomfort. His hips moved in a fluid motion, rocking against her body as he continued to make love to her. Before long the two had gotten into a comfortable enough spot, and Rey had stopped feeling so much discomfort. 

Rey felt her stomach begin to stir again. After she had gotten past the initial pain, she began to experience different feelings; feelings she hadn’t quite felt as strongly before. She felt Ben inside of her, filling up her being. He was hitting spots that felt incredible when he did so, in places she wasn’t even sure that she had up until now. She kept her arms around him as he continued to thrust softly into her, listening to his heavy breaths and soft moaning. Every time he thrust into her, she felt herself yearning for even more. She moaned softly, making him direct his gaze back on her once more, this time not wanting to take his eyes off of her.

“B…en…” Rey moaned his name softly. Her words were broken as he kept grinding into her. “You can go faster if you want…”

“Do _you_ want that…?” Ben huffed as he continued to love her.

“…Yes. Please.”

Ben leaned in further and kissed her forehead softly as he began to pick up his pace. Rey held onto him as he began to hit a little faster, both of them finding an increased amount of pleasure as he did so. Ben felt his muscles tense up as Rey continued to grab at his back. She continued to bask in Ben’s lovemaking as the rain continued to fall heavily outside. He felt so good inside of her.

She ran her hands up his neck to the back of his head, feeling his soft and thick curls under her fingers. He had one hand on the bed, keeping his weight off of her, and the other placed on her hip, firmly grabbing onto her as he continued to softly fuck her. Ben felt her fingers in his hair, sending a slight chill down his back as she did. He loved it when she touched him; it didn’t even matter where. Her touch was just an amazing feeling in general, and something he never wanted to lose. Ben heard another soft, but muffled moan barely escape Rey’s lips as he looked at her. She was definitely enjoying him, but she was constantly trying to stifle her voice.

Ben leaned in further and began to kiss her lips again, with Rey completely open to it as she pulled his face in closer. She aggressively began to tongue him, much to his surprise, but he didn’t complain. She was a really good kisser in her own right, and it felt amazing. Ben picked up his pace further, rocking his solid hips smoothly as he thrust in and out of her. Rey moaned against his mouth, this time a little louder than she’d normally allow herself. She opened her eyes and glanced back up at him, looking slightly mortified.

“Oh no, no. Don’t you dare stop that.” Ben commanded as he continued to take her. “That was hot...”

“Really…?” Rey blushed.

“ _Fuck_ _yes_.”

“I’m too loud, Ben--!” Rey threw her head back as Ben kept up, not slowing down for a second.

“Nobody else is on this ship, and it’s storming outside. You can let yourself go; I promise it will be okay…” Ben took her chin in his hand, giving her a sultry look. “It’s just you and me, starlight.”

“Okay…!” she gasped loudly. Ben had taken the liberty of pushing even deeper into her, catching her off guard. He dropped to his elbows, grinding a little faster with shorter thrusts as he continued to plunge into her. He nestled his face into the spot on her neck that met her shoulder and began to nuzzle her softly, continuously giving her more of him.

“You f..ucker…!” Rey gasped again as she clung tightly to Ben. “Warn me next time…!” she moaned aloud.

Ben only laughed softly into her skin between hot and heavy breaths. He felt himself start to give way, nearly losing himself to the ravenous beast that he became when she got him worked up. He felt her fingernails scrape against the skin on his back, the pain being next to nothing compared to other injuries inflicted on him in the past. The minor pain actually felt good, along with the fact that he was able to make her body writhe to such a degree.

Rey felt his hot breath on her skin, eventually feeling his mouth latch onto her neck again. He began to suckle her skin less than gently, but it didn’t hurt enough to make her want to tell him to stop. She liked it when he did it, even though she knew it would leave an ugly mark. At least he had the consideration of marking her in a less noticeable spot that could be easily covered this time. She felt him nibble on her slightly, the sharp and sultry string of his bites making her body tremble beneath him once again.

Rey dug her fingertips into his back, grabbing on for dear life as he marked her again. He kept moving his hips, thrusting into her, making every moment hotter than the last. The next moment she was left with thinking that she wasn’t sure if she could hold back anymore, or even if she was capable of it. She grabbed a handful of Ben’s hair with one hand and tugged as her back arched, loudly moaning expletives as a crack of thunder shook the ship yet again. She felt Ben throb inside of her as she did.

“Ah, that’s my good girl…” Ben whispered into her skin.

His words were more than enough to keep her going, thirsting for more.

“B…en…!” she gasped aloud as he slid his tongue over the fresh bite, and lifted his head to her.

“Tell me…” his breathing was hot and ragged. He continued to have his way with her as they locked eyes.

“Not fair…”

“What?”

“Come here…”

Ben leaned in as Rey wrapped both of her arms around his neck, pulling him straight down to her. Her move was so sudden and dominating that Ben had to catch himself, fearing that he would fall right on top of her.

“Easy now, darling…”

Rey put her lips to his neck and began to trail tender kisses down his skin. Ben let her love upon him as he continued to go at her. He let out a sharp breath as he felt her kisses start to get rough, eventually feeling her latch onto him in the same manner as he had done to her. He had gotten so lost in the rapturous feelings that had been engulfing him that he didn’t realize what she was doing until he felt her sharply nipping away at his skin.

Rey heard a sharp hitch in his breath as she went at him. She clung to him as he fucked her, aggressively biting away at his neck with every solid thrust into her. He kept his pace as he let her dissolve him, drinking in every sharp nip to his skin; every mark she was making on him. She was doing this on purpose, he knew. As payback. She was going to mark him up good and not even be sorry about it. He grinned to himself as she continued to gnaw at him. It felt amazing. He had tried his best to contain it all, but it was a fruitless effort at that point.

“You can bite down harder you know…” Ben sighed sharply against her shoulder. “Mark me up; I’m yours.”

He felt a sharp sting in his skin as Rey obliged to his request, her entire self now only dedicated to pleasuring him.

Ben let out a sharp gasp as she did. His hands gripped the sheets beneath them as a desperate moan escaped his lips. He couldn’t help but grin from pure satisfaction and ecstasy as Rey softly slid her tongue over her mark.

“What was that I heard…?” she whispered playfully into his skin. “Did someone enjoy that?”

“You’re a little minx, aren’t you…?” Ben laughed softly while trying to catch his breath.

“No. I’m your good girl, remember?” there was a playful sarcasm in her voice, and it was completely titillating to him.

“Fucking Maker…” Ben sighed into her shoulder before lifting his head back up to meet her gaze.

She looked back at him; her thirst still not quenched, and he neither. 

Ben leaned down and pressed his mouth desperately against hers again, leading in a series of hot and sloppy kisses as Ben continued to grind away at her. The two held onto one another, kissing, and moaning, and gasping for air as pleasure overtook both of their bodies. They continued to make love as if it were their last night together; hopelessly desperate and completely devoid of any consequence at this point. Their minds stayed open to each other as they continued, their force bond more powerful than ever as they let their emotions freely flow.

A dyad. Two that are one.

Tonight, they were no longer two separate beings. 

They were one powerful element that could not be stopped unless they made it so.

“Ben. Ben…B…en…!” Rey kept repeating her lover’s name softly into his ear as he continued to take her.

It sounded soothing every single time it came from her. She was the first person to call him by his real name in so long. Every time he rocked against her, she whispered it lovingly, or it slipped out in a moan of desperation. His name always stayed on her lips, and he loved it. The storm continued to rage outside as the two lovers continued to fornicate secretly, with no care in the galaxy about anything else or anyone else. As far as they were concerned, there was nobody else, only Ben and Rey.

Rey continued to moan dreamily into his lips as he kissed her, feeling her core squeezing him softly. She felt so fucking good. Ben wasn’t sure how much more he could take, but Rey was the one with her knees pressing into his ribs, her soft and dreamy moans sounding louder and more desperate by the second.

“I love you…” she breathlessly whispered into his ear.

Ben’s muscles tensed as he kept going. The little hairs on his arms stood up as he felt her words shake him to his core.

“Tell me again…” he whispered softly back. 

“I love you,”

Ben let out another sharp and desperate sigh. He loved hearing her say it. Fucking Maker, he loved it more than anything in the galaxy. Ben picked up his speed and began to pound into her, a little harder than before. He wasn’t sure how much more he could hold on, but he refused to come before she did. He was surprised at how long they were able to hold out, Rey especially. Still, he had already decided that he would make her come first, no matter what he had to do.

Ben slid his hand between them and slid two fingers into her, searching again for the spot he had found earlier; the spot that made her squirm so wildly against him. It took a moment, but he found it. It was small, like a pebble, hard and slick. He continued to fuck her, rubbing his fingers over it as he did. Rey responded almost immediately, latching herself onto him even further, writhing as he continued to touch her. He had definitely found it.

Rey suddenly found herself lost in sensory overload. Their bond amplified all of their emotions and the sensations that came with them. She had not expected him to make the move that he just did, but he had, and she was left feeling like her soul was leaving her body. She couldn’t grasp what such an intense feeling was, but her control was lost now anyway. She sank her fingernails into Ben’s skin, her other hand gripping another handful of his hair. Her body shook as she transcended into another realm, her back arching up from the bed as she cried out her lover’s name once more. She lost all sense of anything else as the storm waged outside. The only presence she could feel was him.

Just Ben.

Ben felt himself lose control. He had barely made it until Rey had desperately called out his name, sending him over the top as her core latched onto him. He felt her throb against him, making her already snug center feel much tighter as he thrust into her one final time. She had let herself go, practically screaming his name as she yanked on his hair. It was enough for him to completely let go, his only focus being on her. He pushed all the way in, grunting loudly as he released himself inside of her. His shoulders shook as he tried to catch his breath, his hands planted firmly into the bed, his whitened knuckles clenched as he gripped the sheets beneath them.

_“Fuck….!”_

The two stayed suspended in the moment for just a second, before nearly collapsing back into real-time. Back to where they were, back to the rest of the galaxy, back to real life. Ben rested his head in the crook of Rey’s neck for a moment as his back heaved, trying to catch his breath. Rey held him close, running her fingers softly down his back as she tried to steady her breathing. They laid in silence together for a while, not entirely sure how much time had gone by. They were both sweaty and ragged; with tangled hair, bite marks, and unintentional scrapes to the back. What started out as slow and gentle had quickly escalated into something far more intense. The tension hanging between them for so long had finally been addressed, and their bond always intensified things, so it was no surprise to either of them of how the night ended up panning out.

“Hey…” Rey spoke up, barely above a whisper.

Ben raised his head, his eyes meeting hers.

“Are you alright?”

Ben responded by leaning in, locking her into a soft and tender kiss that seemed to get her lost in his energy all over again. He pulled away slowly, their eyes locking again. He looked upon her with tender eyes as she gazed back with nothing but love for him. They kept their minds open to each other as Rey gently caressed his cheek with her hand. He kept his eyes on her, his lips moving silently every so often as he looked into her eyes; almost as if he was reading something. He stopped and pulled back slightly, breaking eye contact with her. He carefully removed himself from her and sat up in the bed.

“I’m sorry…” he cleared his throat, as he turned his face away from hers.

“Ben…?” Rey slowly sat up, her eyes still on him.

He had his back turned to her as he raised a hand to his face, and Rey put a gentle hand to his shoulder.

“Hey…” she spoke softly, her hand moving from his shoulder to his chin. She had him turn to face her again, and he hastily wiped one of his eyes with the back on his hand.

“Ben…? Are you crying?”

“What? No...I’m alright…” Ben shook his head, but a stray tear had already escaped, rolling softly down his cheek.

Rey gently brushed her thumb against his skin, wiping the tear away in the same manner he had done for her many times before. She kept her eyes on him.

“It’s okay if you are, you know...”

“I saw what you were thinking…” Ben whispered as Rey held his face in her hands.

“I know…” Rey smiled softly as she kept her gaze on him. “I wanted you to see.”

Ben laughed, smiling just like he did back on Exegol after Rey had kissed him for the first time. Another tear rolled down his cheek as he continued to laugh softly. He pressed his forehead against Rey’s, and she joined in his laughter. Relief washed over both of them, leaving them laughing softly as they let their tears flow. Despite everything that had happened to them over the course of their lives; the struggles, the pain, the aftermath of war and everything else; they were able to look upon each other with open eyes, minds, and hearts; knowing that no matter what was to come next, that they would always have each other. Rey knew for certain that she would never be alone again, and Ben was able to open himself up and find his identity once more. As long as they were together, neither of them would go without. Neither of them would feel alone. Leia had told them to trust in love, and that was exactly what they had done, and would continue to do.

“I love you…” Rey whispered.

Ben held Rey’s face in his hands, feeling her tears rolling down his hand.

“I know." he smiled softly. "My Rey…my starlight…”

“Ben…” Rey laughed softly, feeling flustered all over again.

“My life, my love…”

Rey let him keep going. He had a way of expressing himself that he didn’t show too often, and she wanted him to keep doing it. She wanted him to eventually be able to express himself outside of their alone time. She so desperately wanted others to see him for who he really was; for her friends to see what she saw in him every day. She knew he would get there, it would just take a little time and a lot of tending to.

The two shared one last tender kiss before laying back down together, wrapping their arms softly around one another. Rey had her face buried in Ben’s chest, holding him close as he kept his arms locked around her. He kissed the top of her head as they laid in silence for a few minutes until half an hour had passed. The rain had died down, and the storm had passed, leaving a peaceful energy over them, the ship, and the entire camp. They held each other for a good while but didn’t fall asleep. They found comfort in just being in each other’s company, even after the sexual tension had been broken. Finally, Rey shifted and pulled back, finding Ben’s eyes again.

“Hey.” Ben gave her a gentle smile.

He looked so good when he smiled. 

“You can’t fall asleep either?” Rey reached out and started fiddling with a stray curl that fell over Ben’s face.

“No.” he kept smiling as he kept his eyes on her. “I’m actually really thirsty after all of that though.”

“Me too…” Rey twirled the curl softly around her finger. “…Is it weird that I’m hungry also?”

“You’re always hungry.” Ben laughed, and Rey lightly nudged him. “No, I’m actually starving too. We don’t have anything to eat anywhere on this bucket of bolts, do we?”

“I don’t think so…” Rey sighed. “…Maybe we can find something in the mess hall?”

“Uh, isn’t it closed up for the night?”

“I know how to get in. But we have to be quiet, or we’ll get caught and probably reprimanded.”

“Sneaking into a closed-off area to steal? My, my how the tides have changed.” Ben gave her a playfully condescending look.

“What does that even mean?” Rey sighed. “Some of the things you say…”

“It means you’re the troublemaker now, not me.”

“First of all, no. Second, a lot of that food has to go anyway now that this base is emptying out. If it doesn’t get eaten, it will go to waste.” Rey sat up as Ben rested his chin in his hand, his eyes still on her. “And I don’t waste food.”

“I know you don’t.”

Rey turned and climbed out of the bed and grabbed her leggings that had been tossed to the floor earlier. Ben leaned to the side a little, catching an all too generous glimpse of Rey’s plump little ass as she bent down and pulled up her leggings. She pulled on her shirt and grabbed a hair tie from the bedside table, flipping her hair and tying it into a bun. Ben watched as she did, for no real particular reason other than that he just loved looking at her.

“You should let it grow.” He spoke up, thinking back to a previous conversation from days ago.

“What?” Rey gave him a look as she finished tying her hair up.

“Your hair. You should let it grow. It looks good long.”

“You think so?”

“Yes…It’s really pretty.”

“Hm, maybe I will then.” Rey gave him a playful smirk. “Now.”

Rey tossed Ben his shirt and pair of pants she had picked up from the floor.

“Are you coming with me on this mission or not, Solo?” Rey shot him a mischievous grin.

“I’m definitely coming with,” Ben smirked as he pulled his shirt on. “Breaking and entering. It’s about time things got interesting around here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I hope everyone is doing well. :)
> 
> I apologize for the delay in updating, but I'll tell you this chapter had me doing so many revisions! I just wasn't satisfied, but now I am, so woohoo! We finally get to the sexy chapter after all of this time, and there will be more to come, so I really hope you enjoyed it. Once again I got extremely fluffy because I really feel like these two would constantly be that way without each other, just soft and lovey-dovey. I also sort of feel like they both would be each other's firsts, just because of the situations that they came from. They are clumsily awkward in a lovable way. We'll cringe through their awkwardness together, right? LOL
> 
> Again, they deserve all of the gentle loving in the galaxy imo. I initially wasn't going to throw in the Han and Leia quote, but god damn it just ended up flowing nicely and worked so well, so I ended up doing it, haha.
> 
> Normally my notes are longer, but I don't have much to say about this chapter except that I worked really hard on it, and I hope you all enjoy it. 
> 
> One more note, I am thinking about changing the title of this work before I get too far into it. When I first started it, I wasn't sure how far it would get, and I certainly wasn't expecting it to get as much attention as it has gotten (I am super grateful for that too! Thank you all!), so I think I may change the title from Tender is the Night to Love Alone is Worth the Fight (rhyme much?? haha). I feel the title better suits this work, but let me know what you guys think. :)
> 
> Thank you again for all of your support and sweet comments. I promise I will respond to them this weekend! I will keep pushing along with the story because I get so many new ideas for it coming to my head each day, and have loved every second I've worked on it. It's also helped me work through the sadness I felt after the last film and helped with my depression. Writing can be a soothing medicine, especially when you write about something you love. 
> 
> Take care, everyone! And thanks you again. <3


	10. Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben become closer than ever, and both begin to experience a kind of happiness that neither has felt for a long time. Ben works off his sentence and continues to make amends with certain people...and Rey prepares to tell her friends the full story of her and Ben Solo. 
> 
> End of Act One. :)

**-Content Warning-**

**This chapter contains sexual themes and adult situations, so be mindful and enjoy. :** )

* * *

The night was quiet as the two stealthily snuck through the camp. It had just rain, so the ground was still damp and muddy. The duo had to maneuver around the muddy puddles so as not to risk slipping and causing a commotion. They were able to sneak around the scheduled look-outs; two that were up in the makeshift watchtower, making sure nothing came in from the wilderness. The war was over, but it was still wise to keep watch over the base until everyone departed, just to be safe. A couple of others remained on the ground to make sure everything was all clear within the camp. Rey and Ben reached the galley, and sure enough, the main door was locked up. Rey glanced up at Ben and pointed around the corner, coincidentally just as another person came around the corner with a lantern. They went around to the back where another door sat, but it too was locked.

“Now what?” Ben whispered.

“There’s a window, see?” Rey pointed up.

Ben glanced up and saw a small, rectangular window that was still slightly open. He looked back down at Rey.

“It’s so the air doesn’t get too humid inside,” Rey whispered. “Because there is no central airflow in these makeshift places.”

“Oh...got it.” Ben glanced back up at the window, trying to understand what Rey’s plan was. There was no way in hell that his massive body could fit through there. He wasn’t even sure if Rey could fit.

Rey motioned for Ben to come over. “Well come on. Boost me up.”

“Ah, so we’re actually doing this.” Ben crouched down and held his arms out, lacing his fingers together so that Rey could step up onto the palms of his hands.

“Are you going to bail on me now, Solo?” Rey gave him a playfully smug grin as she stepped up into his hands, grabbing his large shoulders for support.

“Never,” Ben smirked as she climbed up his body, her chest in his face for a brief moment. “The view is nice anyway.”

“I’m going to kick you,” Rey whispered sharply, her face flushing. “Okay, now lift me up!”

Ben pushed up, and Rey climbed onto his shoulders, now able to reach the window. She pushed the window open further, careful not to make too much noise and began to climb through. Ben felt her feet leave his shoulders and looked up. She was actually able to climb through the window with ease, despite Ben’s doubts. There were a few light sounds coming from inside as she climbed in, and after just a few moments, Ben heard the automatic lock hum, followed by a click before it slid open with ease. Rey stood there with her arms crossed over her chest, smirking proudly.

“Hey, look at you.” Ben stepped inside as Rey carefully closed the door behind them. “Not bad, but I’m starting to wonder why we didn’t just use the force to unlock the door."

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Rey smiled mischievously.

Ben smiled at her as she began to rummage through the pantry. He sometimes forgot that they came from two completely different worlds. She was definitely a breath of fresh air.

“Come over here; we don’t have a lot of time,” Rey whispered, motioning for Ben to join her. “Now we obviously can’t be greedy. So, no meats...”

“Got it...hey is that koja nut butter?”

“What is that?”

“What? Grab that, because you _will_ have some.”

“Okay.” Rey laughed softly as she placed the small jar into her satchel. “Bread or crackers for it?”

“Let’s go with the bread.”

“Alright, bread it is. What else?”

“Dried jogan fruit...?”

“They have it!” Rey grabbed a small bag of the sweet fruit they had shared days ago while Ben was still recovering. “Is that good? Or should we---!” Rey stopped mid-sentence with a gasp.

“What?” Ben glanced over her shoulder, trying to see what she was staring at.

Rey picked up a small jar, filled with what looked to be a dark-orange gelatin substance.

“Starfruit preserves...?” Ben cocked his head.

“Yes!” Rey examined it the jar. “Starfruit-ginger jam. I tried it once on my travels last year with the gang.”

Ben chuckled softly, finding it cute that she got so excited over things like food. “I didn’t peg you as the type. That’s what they would serve at fancy tea parties back on Chandrilla.”

“Chandrilla?”

“My homeworld.”

“Oh! Right!” Rey looked at the jar again before glancing back over to Ben, her eyes narrowed. “So what? I’m not fancy enough for this?”

Ben gingerly took the jar and placed it into her bag.

“You eat it to your heart’s content.” He spoke softly, giving her that same gentle smile that made her melt if she looked at him for too long. She shook it off and stood up.

“Okay then...! Drinks?” she hurried over to an open area that had multiple bottled drinks shelved neatly. “Red, blue, or purple?”

“Blue.”

“I’m going to try purple...” Rey grabbed the two bottles and placed them into her bag. “Okay, let’s split.”

The two quietly exited through the back again, with the door shutting quietly behind them. Rey reached her hand out, doing a quick maneuver with her fingers. The door could be heard locking behind them with a soft click.

“There. The force has been used.”

“Smart.” Ben smirked.

The two snuck around the corner, carefully evading those on watch duty, and quietly made their way back to the ship. Rey sealed the door behind them, both being quiet in case anyone had returned while they were out. Nobody was in the main area, and the only sound that could be heard was the low hum of the ship’s electricity and the soft sounds of the night from outside. It was still very peaceful over the camp, which was nice, considering how hectic things have been as of late.

"Come on..." Rey took Ben's hand and led him back to the room they had been staying in.

Ben smiled as she took his hand. He never, in his wildest dreams thought that things could turn out like this for him. That he could be with the one he loved, safe and sound and doing normal little things like eating snacks together and talking about basic things...and enjoying it. It had been so long since he had felt legitimately happy, and that was far before adulthood. It was a warm, indescribable feeling; pure even. He had felt dirty for a long time, but with her, it was as if the darkness of his past was washed away. The broken pieces of his life were made whole again. This was a completely new road that he, and even fate itself, had never envisioned for his life.

The two returned to the room and sat together on the floor, partaking in the food that they just ‘borrowed’. Rey sat across from Ben, happily snacking while telling him stories about the antics she would get into with her friends over the last year. Ben sat in silence as she talked on, watching her with a soft smile and listening intently, noting the happiness in her voice as she talked of her adventures with her friends.

Ben didn't really know what it was like to have friends. He was tutored at home a lot as a child, and whenever he did get to meet other children, they didn't seem interested in inviting him in to join their games. He was a quiet, awkward child with a special ability that could not be understood by most. He was strange.

In his teen years, he had a rebellious phase that led him to hanging out with a few less than reputable kids, and it normally landed him in deep trouble with his mother. He was later sent away to Jedi training with his uncle, the renowned Luke Skywalker, to try and learn how to control his force-sensitive abilities. He bonded with some of his fellow classmates, though most of them seemed to only fear the intensity of his power. After his turn to the dark, he was alone yet again.

Ben was beginning to experience how wonderful it was to be with a person who brought brightness into his life. He was able to start healing and slowly beginning to find his identity; and it was mostly because he was able to feel happiness again. He saw the same thing in Rey when she talked about her friends. He was beginning to truly realize how important they were to her, and why it hurt her so much for not being able to mend things properly with them.

He had to try harder. He was going to start engaging more, even if they all looked down on him. Even if they hated him, he still wanted to try. He wanted to try for Rey...because she deserved everything that was good in this universe.

The two finished eating and cleaned up the mess. It was getting late, and the two decided that it was best to head back to bed. Rey pulled back the covers and cringed at the evidence of their lovemaking that spread across the sheets.

Rey felt her face flush, for she hadn’t realized how messy sex could be. She spotted small bloodstains where she had been laying earlier. She looked up and saw that Ben had already begun to strip the bed. He looked somewhat flustered as he looked back at her.

"I _did_ hurt you, didn't I?" He looked worried, and even slightly guilty.

"What? No, Ben!" Rey smiled, still a little flustered herself. "It was only initially, and it wasn’t awful."

"But you bled..."

"I think I read somewhere that it's normal for some to bleed during their first time..."

"You _read_ somewhere? What have you been reading??"

"I'm only telling you not to worry about it!" Rey blushed.

She knew in her heart that Ben would never try to intentionally hurt her. He never had lied to her, even when they were still on opposite sides. He did things to try to spare her feelings, yes; but that was also unusual since they were, again, on opposing sides of war at the time. She thought back to the times where they had physically battled each other, fighting it out with lightsabers. She hadn’t realized it then, but Ben had never intentionally attacked her, as all of his movements were on the defense. She was normally the one who went at him full force in her feral state, even slashing his face and nearly killing him before she came back to her senses. If anything, she had hurt him.

"I really am okay,” Rey spoke up again. “...I know you would never hurt me." She gave him a gentle smile, thinking of how truly soft he actually was.

Ben set his gaze softly on her for a brief moment. She had put her full trust in him. Their relationship really had gone to the next level, and so quickly. She said she knew he'd never hurt her, even though he knew he had in the past. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. He never wanted to hurt her again.

"Here... I’ll find something else for us to lay on..." he bundled up the sheets and tossed them aside before heading to the closet.

While Ben was rummaging around, Rey leaned over the bed, attempting to straighten it out a little. She turned around and knelt down to grab her bag when her knee accidentally knocked one of the bedside compartments open. As Rey went to close it, she realized that it held the box that Ben had hidden from her earlier. She heard something stir behind her and she turned to find Ben, who was setting a blanket down onto the bed as he glanced down at her.

"I'm sorry...!" Rey stood up quickly. "The compartment just opened when I bumped into it. I promise I wasn't snooping..."

Ben sighed and bent down, pulling the box from its safe compartment.

"It’s alright." He took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Are you really that curious...?"

Rey couldn’t help but be curious. She had grown up scavenging junk, and couldn’t help but find joy in some of the things she managed to find. It wasn’t all junk she found; some things held more than just monetary value.

"A little." She shrugged. "But you really don't have to show me if you are uncomfortable."

Ben patted the spot beside him on the bed. Rey sat close to him as he removed the lid from the box. She peered inside, seeing a variety of items, including the stuffed doll she had caught him with earlier. He pulled that out first. It was a fuzzy little thing; a Wookiee with button eyes and his mouth turned up in a sharp-toothed grin. It looked worn and extremely old.

“What is that?” Rey laughed softly as Ben handed it to her.

“It’s uh, mine. My mother made him for me a long time ago.”

Rey turned the doll over in her hands. She could tell it was indeed handmade, and though old, very much cared for.

“Leia made this for you...?”

Ben nodded. “For my sixth birthday.”

“Wow...” Rey continued to look at the doll and smiled. “I honestly didn’t see her as the sewing type.”

“She wasn’t.” Ben let out a short laugh. “But she made this for me because...well, I guess she just wanted to do one of those motherly things. He helped when...whenever I felt alone.”

Rey ran a finger down the doll’s face, feeling the soft fur under her fingertips. Ben had held this probably a thousand times as a child, hugging it as he slept to bring him comfort. She couldn’t help but feel the sentiment radiating from it.

“Well, does he have a name?” Rey smiled, side glancing Ben.

Ben looked off to the side, looking slightly embarrassed before muttering, “Waroo...”

“That’s so cute, Ben!”

“Yeah okay...” Ben muttered before reaching into the box again. “Hold onto him if you want.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“I know you’ll take care of it.” Ben gently nudged her knee with his before going back to the box.

Rey was unsure of taking something that was so sentimental from Ben, but also a little touched that he wanted her to hold onto it. It was not only a part of Ben but Leia too. He knew how much Leia meant to Rey and wanted to share that part of his mother with her. Rey gave the doll a gentle squeeze and smiled warmly at it, before setting it gingerly beside her on the bed. Ben had pulled out two rolled up bunches of fabric, of which he was about to set off to the side.

“Wait, what are those?” Rey eyed the fabric with more curiosity.

“So curious about every little thing, aren’t you?”

“You said you’d show me!”

Ben rolled his eyes. “They’re just old shirts from when I was a teenager. I don’t even fit them anymore.”

“Let me see!”

Ben tossed the two rolled-up shirts her way before rummaging back through the box. Rey unrolled one shirt, a black, long-sleeved thermal with two buttons below the neckline. It still looked a little big, even if it was something he had worn as a teen. She unfurled the other shirt, a white one that had seen better days. It was slightly tattered at the bottom, with a few smudges of dirt, or grease in a few places. The shirt had four sad looking boys on it, all dressed in black with edgy haircuts. Some even wore dark makeup around their eyes. ‘The Echoes of Alderaan’ was sprawled across the shirt in big, sharp lettering.

“What is _this_?” Rey’s eyes widened; her mouth agape in an unbelievable grin as she observed the shirt.

“Give me that...!!” Ben tried to swipe it away. “I forgot that was in there!”

“Oh no, no!” Rey smiled mischievously as she continued to gaze at the tattered shirt. “Who are The Echoes of Alderaan??”

“They were...” Ben cringed before muttering, “...This band I used to listen to...”

“Wow.” 

“Just give it to me...”

“Oh no. I’m keeping it.”

“Rey, come on!”

“I’m going to find their music and listen to it.”

“Please don’t.”

“I will.”

“It’s not even your thing!”

“How do you know what my thing is?” Rey laughed.

“Fine, whatever...” Ben sighed heavily, defeated.

“They look so sad...oh Ben...”

“Drop it already.”

He was clearly embarrassed.

“...I can keep them, right?”

Ben glanced back at Rey, who held the shirts close to her chest.

“You really want those old things? I was just gonna toss them.”

“Why? They are perfectly good! The thermal is a little big but I can work with it. And I’ll wear the sad band shirt to bed.” She laughed softly, followed by a warm smile. “If you truly don’t want them, that is.”

“...I don’t see why you would want those old things...but if you really want to keep them so badly then they’re yours.”

Rey smiled excitedly before folding the shirts nicely and placing them beside her.

Ben wouldn’t say it aloud, but despite the embarrassment he just suffered due to a memory from his angsty teen years, Rey wanted to keep, and even wear, his old shirts. It felt kind of good, not to mention she was being unapologetically cute about it, even if she didn’t realize that she was. She wanted a piece of him, even if it was just old junk from his past. Perhaps it truly wasn’t just junk after all, considering that his father had saved those particular items, even after all of these years. Even Ben still handled them with care. 

Ben shared the rest of his things with her, including his toy x-wing, of which she thought was really cool. He showed her his calligraphy set and told her about his old hobby as she examined one of his pens in awe. She had never even thought about Ben having actual hobbies at one point, much less something as unusual and interesting as calligraphy. Very rarely did anyone use pen and ink anymore, so the set really was one of kind. It was nice seeing this side of Ben that she never knew. Every day she learned more about who he was before his fall to the dark, and in a way, going through his old things seemed to flip a switch in him. Maybe some of the memories were painful, but others seemed to make him happily reminisce.

“Are you going to pick it back up again? Calligraphy, I mean.” Rey asked as Ben wrapped his set back up and placed it gently back into the box.

“I don’t know...maybe.”

“You should!”

Ben looked back at Rey; her face full of enthusiasm. 

“I don’t know...I don’t think I’d be very good at it anymore. I know that I'm probably really rusty.”

“So? It was something you loved to do long ago; something that brought you happiness, right?”

Ben looked back down at his lap; the set wrapped in parchment. It did bring him happiness and usually helped him relax whenever he dealt with anxiety, which was quite often. Rey slipped her hand over his, causing him to look back up at her. She smiled, silently encouraging him to at least try.

“I could...probably try and see how it feels. When there’s downtime of course.” Ben replied softly.

There was a warmth that spread throughout Ben’s chest as Rey smiled brightly at him, glad that he had shared his old things with her. It was taking a little bit of time, but she was slowly helping him regain his identity again. He was remembering what things were like when he truly was happy, and he couldn’t have asked for more in that single moment.

It was past midnight now, and the two had decided it was time to try and get some actual sleep. Rey was concerned about Ben, for he hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep over the past couple of days due to her own issues, but Ben immediately dismissed it and reassured her that he was fine. He said that, despite being a little moody after the little BB droid decided to rudely wake him up, that he had a pretty good nap after cleaning earlier.

It had gotten a little muggy after the rain, so Rey slipped into some shorts that she only wore to bed or when she exercised alone. Ben went to bed in a t-shirt and his underwear. Rey let Ben climb into bed first. He slid over, making room for her as she slid in next to him. She cuddled up to him as he put his arms around her, pulling her in closer. She pressed her forehead softly to his chest as he rested his face in her hair, kissing her softly as he did. The two drifted off to sleep, both feeling calm and safe as they softly embraced one another.

* * *

Rey’s eyes fluttered open. It was quiet and calm, and the room was still somewhat dark. She let out a soft yawn and glanced to her side, seeing that Ben was still next to her, and actually sleeping pretty soundly. He must have taken his shirt off at some point in the middle of the night, which wasn’t a surprise. It had gotten a little warm and muggy after the rain, and it wasn’t like the Falcon could constantly handle running air throughout the ship, as old as it was. Rey could tell it was going to be another hot and sticky day on Ajan Kloss.

Ben had his arm over her, his hand unconsciously resting on her belly, the spot where he put his life-force into her back on Exegol. Rey put a gentle hand over his and held it there for a few silent moments. She then gently lifted his arm off of her, careful not to wake him. She sat up and quietly swung her legs over the side of the bed and glanced back at Ben. He was still sound asleep; she hadn’t disturbed him. Good. He needed to sleep for as long as possible before starting the workday. She quietly got up out of bed and slipped into her shoes. She gathered up the trash from the night before and quietly exited the room. She tip-toed around the Falcon, being mindful and looking about to see if anyone had come back last night. There was still no sign of anyone, so she headed back to the crew quarters/kitchen area and disposed of the trash, noting that the bunks were also empty there as well. She poured herself a glass of water and drank it down, rinsed the cup and dried it before putting it back in its designated area. She headed to the refresher for a few minutes, still trying to be mindful and quiet, even though she was sure that it was only the two of them on the ship for the time being. She walked down the corridor to the cockpit and glanced inside, just enough to see out the window. The windows were a little foggy, with morning dew dripping down the glass outside. Rey could tell it was a little before dawn, and she decided to head back to the captain’s quarters. Normally she would stay up, but she kind of wanted to lay back down with Ben for a little while longer, at least until he got up to get ready for the workday.

She quietly entered the room and closed both doors behind her. Ben was still snoozing away in the same position when she left him--on his side, but with his arm sprawled back out, now taking up part of Rey’s side of the bed. She sat back down on the edge of the bed and began to remove her shoes when she felt a light tug on the hem of her shirt. She turned and saw Ben staring back at her with sleepy eyes; his fingers gently tugging her shirt. Rey had to contain her comments, but he looked really cute when he was just waking up.

“Hey...” he spoke softly.

“Good morning.” Rey smiled at him.

“Are you alright...?”

“Yes...” Rey inched her way back into the bed, moving in closer to him once more. “I just needed a drink.”

Ben took a strand of her hair between his finger and began to lightly twist it. “No nightmares though...?”

“No...no nightmares.” Rey gave him a sweet smile. “Did you sleep well?”

“I actually did...” Ben yawned. “What time is it...?”

“It’s still early...not quite time to get up yet.”

“I’m surprised you came back to bed, being an early riser and all.” He smiled.

“Well...I wanted to get more rest since we were up late and all...” She felt herself get just slightly flustered. “...At least until you get up anyway.”

Ben smiled again. She couldn’t fool him. He knew she had only wanted to lay with him a little longer. He continued to twirl the strand of hair between his fingertips. It was a beautiful sight waking up to her in the morning, and it was something he knew he would never tire of.

“Is that so?” Ben smirked softly before gently taking Rey’s chin in his hand.

Rey felt a small hitch in her chest when he touched her. His voice had a soft and sultry tone to it, and the way he touched her skin just felt so nice. Ben softly brushed his thumb over her bottom lip, and she felt the pit of her stomach stir. She knew her face was starting to flush. What was he trying to do to her this early in the morning?

She stared back at him silently as he lifted his head, propping up on one elbow as he kept his sultry gaze on her.

Hunger.

Before another moment could pass, he had already leaned in, bringing her mouth to his. The next thing she knew, they were fervently kissing each other, desperately grabbing at one another as their bodies tangled together. Ben began to shift his weight, climbing over the top of her body once again. Normally Rey would try to object; to try to cool it down. Especially in the delicate situation that they were in recently. After last night, her demeanor had shifted entirely. Her body yearned for her lover again. She wanted to feel just as good as she felt the night before. It was still very early, and there was still no sign of anyone. Even if someone had decided to enter the ship, nobody knew about this place but her and Ben.

Eventually, she’d have to reveal the secret room, but for now, she just wanted to bask in this sacred alone time she had found with Ben. She didn’t object as he climbed over top of her, placing his hands gingerly on her body and feeling her up wherever he felt like. He had his large hands on her waist, his fingers spread over her belly. She rested her hands atop of his and slowly guided him up her stomach. Ben exhaled sharply as she did, feeling the softness of her skin underneath his fingertips. As he reached her chest, she gave him silent permission to lift her shirt, folding it back just enough to see her breasts. He slid his hands up further, cupping each breast into his hands. He gently pressed his thumbs into her buds, causing a soft sigh to escape her lips. He looked down at her, and couldn’t help but stir at the sight of her. Her shirt was up, exposing herself to him. She looked so flustered, but at the same time, he felt her intense desire for him. She had a silent, yet desperate look of anticipation on her face.

She wanted more.

He leaned down, took her into his mouth, and began to suckle her hardened bud softly while brushing his thumb softly over the other. She sighed aloud, feeling her stomach flutter from sexual bliss. She let him do this to her for a while, and he silently drank her in, tasting all of the sweetness her body was giving him. She felt his firm hard-on through his underwear, once again pushing against her thigh, desperate to get to her again. She slipped her hand between them and gently groped him, his virility pulsating as she did. He let out a soft groan, followed by a shaky exhale. Maker, he wanted her all over again.

Ben pulled back slightly, their faces only inches away from one another. The air in the room was still muggy and was made even hotter by their heavy breaths and desperate sighs. Beads of sweat already sat upon their skin, with both of them feeling hot, sticky, and horny. Ben took Rey’s chin in his hand and stared back at her with dark eyes.

“Tell me...” He whispered with an all-too-familiar sultry sweetness dripping from his words.

Rey stared back at him, and he felt an intense amount of longing coming from her; more powerful than the night before. She looked upon him with hungry eyes, a look that nearly brought him to his knees. 

She didn’t have to say anything.

Ben didn’t hesitate. He quickly pulled Rey’s shorts off, tossing them carelessly to the floor. He pulled his shorts down just enough to release his aching hard-on. He thrust himself into her, almost desperately as Rey firmly gripped the blanket beneath them. She gasped softly as she felt him fill her completely. He was most certainly more confident than the night before. He pushed deep into her, exhaling sharply as he did. He felt dizzy from the sweetness of her warmth, as she had already been more than ready to receive him. She surrendered herself to him as he continued to desperately plunge into her, feeling him throb and writhe as he took her. He let out soft little moans as he claimed her, feeling her fingertips press firmly into the base of his neck. Her other arm remained sprawled out on the bed with her hand being held down by Ben’s. Their fingers were woven together tightly, both adamant on not letting go of one another. Rey felt herself squirm as Ben went from rubbing against her most sensitive places to thrusting himself back into her. Both felt incredible, and she wondered if he actually knew what he was doing or if he was still just winging it. She loved it all and thirsted for more.

Rey let out a loud moan, despite her efforts to try and be more mindful. Ben gently placed his massive hand over her mouth as he continued to take her, sweetly shushing her.

“Easy now, beautiful...”

Rey nodded obediently, finding that she liked his hand over her, for whatever reason. Ben was a mix of power and softness in bed, she was realizing. It made a lot of sense when she thought about it, and in all honesty, only made her feel even more turned on by him. She moaned softly against his palm as he pushed deeper into her, feeling her writhe beneath him.

“That’s my good girl....” Ben whispered as he placed a gentle kiss on her temple.

She shook again at his words, moaning softly again. She went crazy whenever he talked to her like that. Ben noticed this and bit his bottom lip, feeling his hardness throb yet again. He loved making her squirm and moan. Every single time was exhilarating.

“Rey...” he whispered as he continued to grind softly into her. “My Rey...beautiful, lovely Rey...”

“Ben...” she sighed as she took in his sweet words.

“Maker, you feel so fucking amazing...”

Rey sighed dreamily again as Ben continued to whisper sweet nothings to her. She kissed his fingertips gingerly as he brushed them against her lips.

“You’re so soft...” he laughed softly. “My sweet little Rey...”

“My Ben...” Rey whispered back, looking up at him with honey-colored eyes, her lips softly pressed against his fingertips.

She was about to drive him over the edge. The hold she had on him was immense, something he could never break free of if he ever even cared to try.

_My Ben._

Ben tightened his grip on her hip and held her hand tighter as he picked up his pace, diving deeper into her. He continued to fuck her as she writhed beneath him, feeling lightheaded as he stayed dizzied up in his sweet desires. He felt like he was losing his mind whenever he was with her like this, but in a good way. She knew exactly how to rock him to his core, whether she realized it or not. She embodied everything that was currently good in his world right now. She was his tree of life, and though he was careful at first, he didn’t hesitate to bite into her sweet fruit, taking what he wanted, so long as she let him.

Rey writhed beneath the body of her lover, her voice quivering as she desperately gasped his name aloud. She couldn’t go any further.

_“Ben...!”_

Ben placed his hand gently over her mouth once more as she moaned sharply into his skin. He felt her pulsate against him, driving him over the edge.

“Fu..ck...!” Ben gasped aloud as he came forcefully inside of her.

Before he could even pull out, he felt her pulsate against him again, pushing back against him vigorously. It was completely unexpected. Rey arched up and gasped aloud, getting off one more time. Ben felt her lock up around him, enveloping him within her core, feeling her essence splash against his inner thighs.

Holy fucking Maker.

His shoulders shook again; his entire body nearly trembling as he thrust into her one final time, releasing even more of himself inside of her. Rey drove her fingertips sharply into his shoulder as she felt his warmth fill her. After another brief moment of bliss, Ben pulled out and exhaled sharply. His chest heaved almost violently as he attempted to recover from the absolutely sublime love-making that he had just experienced with his lover. He glanced down at Rey, who was also trying to steady her breathing, her eyes wide from the intense feelings she had just experienced, and from Ben’s unexpected surprise at the end.

“Maker, Ben...” Rey teased.

“I know, it was a lot...” Ben felt his face flush. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s alright!” Rey laughed. “I just didn’t know you, well...had it in you.”

“I didn’t either, to be honest.” Ben smiled meekly as he removed himself from her.

Rey shifted to her side as Ben laid back down next to her. They didn’t say much for a while; they only wanted to bask in each other’s warmth, gazing happily back at one another.

Ben sighed heavily as he wrapped his arms around Rey and pulled her close to him.

“What’s wrong?” Rey whispered.

“I don’t want to do any work today...” he groaned.

“Ben, it’s only your second day.” Rey laughed softly into his chest.

“I know...but I want to stay here with you. Can we just stay like this all day?”

“...Can we have snacks?”

“You can have all the snacks you want, starlight.” Ben tenderly kissed her forehead.

“Ah, that sounds nice...I wish.” Rey snuggled close to him. “But we have to get up and do things.”

Ben let out another groan. “I hate things.”

“You’re a big baby, Ben Solo.”

“I know, I know.” Ben sighed. “Okay, you’re right. Work time. Getting my head in the game...”

“That’s the spirit!” Rey lifted her head and planted a kiss on Ben’s cheek.

The two began to sit up, as hard as it was to budge after such an intense session. Ben lifted his arms up in a big stretch as he watched Rey stand up; her perfect little backside facing him again.

“Where did you even toss my shorts?” Rey scouted around the room.

Ben only chuckled in response. “Sorry.”

* * *

Dawn was beginning set in as Rey and Ben exited the Falcon. The indigo sky was fading into a light orange, with the stars fading along with it. There were a few people up and about, but not many. The duo headed towards the showers, carrying their things as they walked closely together side by side. Every so often they would brush their fingertips against each other affectionately, wanting to hold hands but knowing that it probably wouldn’t be the best idea for now. The two went their separate ways to the designated showers and met back up in the spot where they split. Rey saw Ben had already been waiting for her, as she spotted him while coming out of the women’s shower area. He pulled the neckline of his shirt back and made a face before pulling his shirt off again and turning it around. Rey laughed quietly to herself. He had put his shirt on backwards.

A couple of younger female pilots were walking by, who looked a few years older than Rey, spotted the shirtless Ben fiddling with his shirt. The two looked at him, eyeing him for a brief moment, before quickly turning back to each other and giggling as they walked by. Ben didn’t seem to notice and only made a face as he pulled his shirt back on.

Rey approached him as he was pulling his shirt down over his stomach.

“Looks like you have fangirls.” She laughed.

“What are you even talking about?” Ben scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Are you hungry or not?”

“Yes!” Rey smiled brightly, and the two went to take the other’s hand before remembering to keep it cool; which was really hard to do, since holding hands was a force of habit at this point.

The two stopped by the galley to get something for breakfast, able to spend a little more time together before the workday started. Eventually, they had to part ways; reluctantly so. Ben headed off to one of the hangers to work, and Rey stayed and helped out in the galley. Ben worked smoothly through most of the day, staying focused on his work, and helping the less experienced mechanics with more advanced problems. His superiors noticed this, as work was getting done much more quickly and efficiently since Ben had joined the team; though nobody would openly admit it.

Ben was in an extremely good mood that morning, knowing that there was literally nothing that could dampen his day. Even the shitty mechanics that still hated him, or his superiors barking orders; even the terrible weather couldn’t get him down. All he kept thinking about was Rey, and how truly amazing she was. Despite his upcoming journey, things were looking brighter. He felt happy and more confident than he had ever felt in his entire life. He had Rey to heavily thank for that.

Rey spent most of the day in the same mindset. She was cheerful and happy, and was quick to help out anyone who needed it around the camp. She even crossed paths with Poe and Finn during the day, greeting them both cheerfully with a hug, hoping to catch up soon. The two noted her drastic change in mood compared to the past few days and were a little thrown off because of it. Finn, however, was relieved that she was starting to get back to her old self; better even. This was probably the happiest that he had ever seen her since knowing her, and he briefly wondered if Ben truly was the one behind her change.

Rey went to pick up the clean laundry from the designated area and ran into Rose, who was picking up her own items. She greeted her cheerfully and also wished to catch up soon. Rose happily agreed and watched as Rey headed back to the Falcon with her and Ben’s laundry. She almost looked like she had a spring in her step. She smiled, happy that Rey was feeling better since that night where she was plagued with night terrors. She also wondered where the sudden positive change had come from.

Was it from him...?

The days seemed to pass quickly. Rey and Ben spent their days working and their nights together. Sometimes they would just go to sleep, and sometimes they would hang out, making minor repairs on the ship together, or do their own respective things, but still wanted to be near each other. Rey would tinker with something she found on the ship, while Ben tried to revive his passion for calligraphy. They would eat together, sometimes play games on the holo-gamer, or sit atop the Falcon and talk about things while gazing at the night sky. They would hold each other close at night, and sometimes Rey did have night terrors, but Ben was quick to wake her and help her find her footing, bringing her back to reality. Sometimes Ben would even stir in his sleep because of nightmares, though not as severely as Rey. She was able to help calm his mind by way of their force bond, bringing him back to a peaceful rest. Sometimes they would kiss and love on each other, but held off on any more intimacy for the time being. It was a hard thing to do, considering Ben didn’t have any concept of keeping his hands to himself.

Eventually, Rey had decided to tell Rose about the captain’s quarters, and how Ben had cleaned it himself and made it up nice for her. She only asked that Rose didn’t say anything to Finn or Poe about them sharing a room. Rey conveniently left out the part about her and Ben sleeping together for obvious reasons. Rose gave her word about not saying anything and didn’t really ask questions about the two sharing a room. Rey still tried to be considerate, offering to sleep in one of the bunks again. Ben wouldn’t have it and he would sleep in the booth in the common area on nights where Finn and Rose slept on the ship since he was way too tall and broad for the bunk above it. Rey didn’t like it when he wasn’t with her at night, but she did her best to grit and bear it. Ben’s selfless acts did not go unnoticed, especially by Rose. He seemed to always make sure that Rey’s needs came before his, which was endearing, to say the least.

Rey began to reconnect with her friends over the course of the week as well. Poe had apologized for his harsh words towards her but made it clear that he still didn’t trust, or even care for Ben. Rey accepted that it was enough for now. It was a shock that she even got that much of an apology out of Poe to begin with. Finn and Rose began to stay with Rey and Ben on the Falcon more frequently. The four of them would eat together, though Ben normally kept to himself while the three talked and joked about things. Rey was happy that she was able to reconnect with her friends, but couldn’t help but notice that Ben was very quiet around them. She knew the reason, of course. He didn’t want to upset or make her friends uncomfortable, since they were still uneasy about him being there. He also did it out of kindness towards her. Despite this, she didn’t like that Ben was technically being left out; she also couldn’t very well force him to talk either. And though Ben and Finn never really made amends from the other day, Ben sucked it up and tolerated being around him, all for Rey’s sake. This only made her love and appreciate him even more, and she would often slip her hand into his under the table as everyone chatted and ate.

Rey began to notice that Rose was seemingly warming up to Ben the most. She began to talk to him more, even if it was just regular small talk. He appreciated the acknowledgment nonetheless. When he wasn’t on mechanic duty, he often helped Rose with odd jobs around the camp. People found it funny; this huge beast of a man following behind Rose, who was more than half his size, obediently following any command she gave him.

“Here, carry this.”

“Okay.”

“Pick those up!”

“Got it.”

“Move those crates, please.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Rey thought it was cute but also appreciated that Rose took him under her wing. They seemed to get along quite well, which made Rey happy. She was still a little unsure of Finn, but Rey hoped that the two could work it out eventually.

* * *

Before long, the week had already flown by, and the camp had emptied out significantly over the course of that week. Ben’s final day of hard labor was over, and it was almost time to start the real tasks at hand.

There was a quiet peacefulness that fell over the camp since many of the rebels and allies departed. The sky had faded into a deep orange as the sun began to set over the trees. Ben was one of the last to leave his hanger. As he was putting up his tools, Ashe, his typically grumpy superior who had called him out on his second day there, had approached him.

“Worked hard this week, didn’t you?”

Ben stood up and faced him. “There was a lot that needed to be done. We managed to get most of it done, and we salvaged what we could but...”

“Some?” Ashe scoffed before letting out a hearty laugh. “Boy, you alone managed to get more work done here than most of my advanced mechanics! Stop bein’ so god-damned modest!” he gave Ben a swift slap on the back, causing him to jolt forward just a little. “You did good, kid.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Ben and Ashe exited the hanger together, greeted by the beautiful orange sky.

“What’s next for you, Solo?” Ashe stretched, looking up at the sky.

“I’m not sure...a lot of things I guess.”

“More things to fix, huh?”

“...Yeah. More things to fix.”

“Well...keep grindin’ away at it. You’ll find what you’re lookin’ for eventually.”

“I... thank you.”

“You did good here, boy. You really proved yourself. But it doesn’t end here, you know that don’t’cha?”

“I know.”

“You keep going and don’t look back. Don’t turn back either...you got it?”

Ben managed to crack a small, thankful smile. “Got it, boss.”

“It was a pleasure working with you, Ben Solo. Good luck.” Ashe smiled and gave him one final swift punch in the arm before walking off in the opposite direction.

Ben stared after him for a brief moment and then turned to the direction of the Millennium Falcon.

It was time. He could do this.

* * *

Ben entered the Falcon and removed his shoes. They were really dirty from working all week, and he didn’t really want to track in dirt; or worse--metal shavings. Sometimes Rey galivanted around that dirty ship barefooted for reasons unknown, and he didn’t want to be digging metal shards out of her feet. Ben carried his boots in hand as he made his way down the corridor. He really needed a new pair of boots anyway. They were the ones he had since Exegol; since the First Order even. They were already pretty worn in, and even more so after a long week of hard labor all around the camp. He wanted less flashy ones anyway. Ben was lost in thought over boots and didn’t pay much attention as he turned the corner that headed into the common area. This resulted in him nearly smacking right into Finn.

“Shit...!” Ben cursed aloud. “Sorry about that---”

He paused when he realized that it was Finn who nearly walked into him. The two stood nearly toe to toe, with neither of them wanting to speak first, or even speak to each other at all for that matter. Despite his feelings, Ben had to remember his silent obligation to Rey. Do better. Engage. Be nice.

Be. Nice.

Ben groaned to himself, careful not to do it aloud, and looked back at Finn. “Sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“No problem...” Finn muttered as the two continued to walk past each other.

Ben halted again, grimacing to himself before turning back towards Finn.

“Hey...” he spoke up, catching Finn’s attention again. “About the other day...I’m uh...sorry...”

Finn raised his brows at him, not really expecting an apology from Ben Solo.

“When I feel backed into a corner like that, I just react and say things. It’s just how I am so...” Ben shrugged. “Sorry.”

Finn wasn’t sure what to say. He still wasn’t too fond of Ben, but despite his feelings, he knew he was important to Rey. He had thought on it for days, and he figured that maybe it was time to at least try to engage with the guy.

“Hey man, it’s cool,” Finn responded. “I was in a mood that day too. There was a lot going on and everything.” He paused. “Hell, I’ll just say it.”

Ben didn’t like the sound of that. He knew he was probably about to get bombarded, getting told how terrible of a person he was. If it was what had to be done, then so be it.

“Okay...”

Finn sighed. “When you first got here, it was weird. I mean, technically you were one of my old bosses. A really aggressive one that a lot of us feared.”

“...I remember.”

_Awkward._

“Yeah...and you and I don’t have a very good history. You almost sliced my back open.”

Silence fell over the two for a brief moment before Ben spoke up again.

“...Sorry?” Ben kicked himself.

_What kind of apology was that?_

“Okay...” Finn decided to overlook that sad attempt at an apology for now. “Look, when Rey first brought you back here, I was very much against it, but I also figured there was a good reason why she did it. I honestly didn’t even hold a lot of resentment, despite what you may think.”

_Really?_

“But then...rumors started flying around quickly. And then we saw you both together and I...” Finn put a hand to his forehead, letting out a nervous laugh. “I really didn’t know what to think except...who the hell does this guy think he is?”

_That was fair..._

“This guy, who was feared by many, and known as nothing but a ruthless leader comes waltzing up in here with no real explanation, and is suddenly expected to be accepted as one of us? Not only that, but he's suddenly the object of Rey’s affections?”

_There it was._

“I didn’t know the situation, or what your angle was. Hell, I still don’t know the whole situation, but Rey keeps emphasizing the importance of you being here and says that she’ll eventually share the story. So, being her friend, I have to trust her judgment. I have to trust that she would never put us in harm’s way.”

“She wouldn’t...” Ben spoke softly.

“...So, you know that too. Good.” Finn sighed, struggling to get more of his words out. “Anyway, I’ll apologize for being an ass the other day, but...I’m not going to apologize for being suspicious of you, or really not liking you. You caused a lot of problems for us over the past couple of years, you know that, right?”

Ben was about to speak but felt it best to just stay quiet and let Finn finish talking.

“And Rey...when she brought you back here...it took me a minute for it to fully hit me. But when it did...I was angry. No, I was fucking _furious_. I hated you for what you did to her.”

“What I did to her...?” Ben wasn’t sure what Finn was talking about but didn’t need to ask, as Finn just kept on going.

“You don’t even realize how much you hurt her, do you?”

“I... I don’t understand...”

“Kriffing hell...” Finn scoffed. “She was a broken mess after Crait.”

Ben felt a sharp ache in his chest. What was he talking about? Wait...

_Shit._

“I know she won’t tell you, because knowing her she won’t want you to feel guilty or whatever. That’s just her way. But I was one of the very few people she told about her journey with Luke Skywalker...and her attempt to bring you back. It was me and only one other person.”

“...Who was the other person?”

“Take a wild guess.”

_Mom..._

Finn continued, “But after you chose not to come back with her, she was a fucking mess. You broke her heart into pieces and didn’t even seem to give a shit.”

Ben swallowed hard, feeling his mouth go dry. His chest ached, and he felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack. That was one thing they never fully talked about. It was almost like it was a forbidden topic. They had never talked about the aftermath following Snoke’s defeat, aside from Rey telling him that she did want to take his hand. That was right before Exegol.

It was a sore topic for both of them; and after they had started to heal, they both must have thought it wasn’t important enough to speak of anymore. Ben mentally kicked himself again, now feeling extremely foolish.

_Idiot._

_Idiot, idiot, idiot!!_

“She tried her best not to show it and put on a brave face. She was good at hiding it too until I caught her crying alone one night. So, can you blame me for not trusting you? My first thought was that you’ll smash that girl’s fragile heart into pieces again. Do you even realize how hard she is fighting for you right now? For your life? Well, do you?!”

“Don’t you think I know that?!” Ben blurted out, his chest heaving, trying to keep himself steady. “I... I know that...”

“...She loves you. For reasons that I don’t really understand...or I guess really isn't any my business...the fact remains that Rey loves you. And only you. So... if you break her heart again, I’ll...I’ll break your fucking neck.”

Silence filled the ship again, and Ben didn’t say a word. He wasn’t expecting that kind of response from the ex-stormtrooper. Normally Ben would have responded negatively to threats and try to fight back, but in this case, he actually respected Finn for saying it. It meant that he truly cared about Rey, just as much as she did for him. Ben could still sense some jealousy there, but he also knew that most of Finn’s feelings were justified.

“I don’t...I won’t.” Ben spoke up once more. “I won’t break her heart again...I swear on my own life I won’t.” He locked eyes with Finn, neither of them backing down or breaking eye contact.

“Good.” Finn nodded. “Another thing...”

“...Yes?”

“I don’t know the whole story with you and Rey. I don’t know what all happened on Exegol. And though I don’t like you very much I... I know what it’s like to want to leave something that you were groomed for.”

Ben’s face softened. He knew exactly what Finn was talking about. The recent generation of stormtroopers was abducted as children and groomed to serve the First Order. They had no freedom or will of their own. Finn was once nameless and only known by his number, FN-2187. He had no idea who his parents were and spent his entire life being trained to serve a terrible regime. It was actually pretty awful, and even Ben didn’t agree with it, but what could he have done? It had already been in place for so long, and at the time, it wasn’t his problem. Ben’s childhood may not have been the best, but at least he had a family to grow up with, unlike Finn and the many soldiers who were taken away from theirs.

“So... I get what it means to want to leave the life you were groomed for. To leave and be a better person and do the right things. I’m not the one to tell you that you’re not allowed to do that. But you have a lot to make up for, you know. So, if you really are serious about this, then fine. Anyone can change, but it’s hard. You have to work hard at it.”

“I know....”

“Alright then.” Finn shrugged. “I guess that’s all I really wanted to say to you. And... remember, if you break her heart again...” Finn closed his eyes for a moment and sighed before looking back at Ben. “I won’t hesitate.”

“That’s fair.”

Finn crossed his arms over his chest, once again not expecting that kind of response.

“But also know this.” Ben continued. “I love her...more than anything in this galaxy. You have no idea how much. I can’t promise that I’ll be perfect. I’m kind of an asshole if you haven’t noticed. I will make mistakes. I might even fall. But I will fucking die before I let any harm come to her. From anyone or anything. So...” Ben let out a sharp exhale. “Take that as you will.”

Finn cocked his head at Ben, his arms still crossed over his chest. “Hm. I’ll hold you to that, Solo.”

Finn had not expected to run into Ben, much less have such a serious talk with him. His chest hurt. He truly didn’t want Rey to get hurt again, but there was power behind Ben Solo's words. For some reason, Finn could just tell that he wasn’t lying. He sort of felt it from him, even if it didn't fully make sense.

“You really care about her,” Ben spoke up again, snapping Finn out of his thoughts.

“I do... she’s my best friend.”

“...You are force sensitive.”

Finn blinked, as that statement had come straight out of left field. “H-How do you know that?”

“I can sense it. When did you find out?”

“Not too long ago, actually...I’m honestly still trying to figure it out. I’m not sure what to do with it.” Finn shrugged, seemingly bothered by the thought.

“I won’t lie to you, it’s a very difficult decision to make. You should...” Ben paused. “...You should talk to Rey about it sometime. She’ll understand.”

Finn wasn’t sure how Ben knew that he hadn’t told Rey about his force sensitivity. Finn was still trying to figure it out himself, so he wasn’t even sure if he should even bring it up to Rey.

“Maybe I will. We’ll see...”

At that moment, Rey had entered the room, followed by Poe and Rose.

“Oh good. You’re all here.” Rey smiled softly.

“Rey?” Finn and Ben spoke in unison, before briefing glancing at each other, only slightly creeped out. 

Rose glanced over at Ben, whose face immediately softened the moment Rey entered the room.

“What’s wrong?” Ben asked, slightly concerned as Rey walked up to him.

“Nothing at all.” Rey smiled warmly at him before taking his hand gently in hers.

Ben looked at her, surprised that she so casually took his hand in front of her friends like that. With her hand in his, she turned back to her friends, who looked back at her eagerly.

“Let’s all sit down, okay?” Rey led Ben over to the table.

Rose was quick to follow. Poe and Finn hesitated for a moment, but Finn was the next to slide into the booth next to Rose. Finn, Rose, and Rey all looked at Poe, who had his arms crossed over his chest, contemplating on what to do. He glanced over at Ben, who looked back at him with a neutral expression this time. Poe sighed heavily and eventually took a seat next to Finn, though a little reluctant at first.

“Thank you...” Rey smiled warmly at her friends. “First, thank you all for coming here. I truly appreciate it...I think it’s time I tell you everything. From beginning to end.” She glanced back up at Ben and smiled softly, squeezing his hand with reassurance. “No holding back this time.”

“Yes...” Ben barely spoke above a whisper, not taking his eyes off of her for a moment.

“This might take a while, so please bear with me, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all. How is everyone doing? I can't believe it's already August, good god. So I know I told you that I have an erratic update schedule, but I am going to try my best to update at least once a month since that has been the most doable for me so far. Sometimes I may release two a month if I'm feeling good, but I can't promise more than that right now, sorry! *cries* I know I have kept you all waiting, hell, even my bf pushed me to get this chapter done over the weekend going, "Stop keeping your readers waiting so long!!" LOOOOL
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is kind of the starting point for the next part of the story. Their time on Ajan Kloss is coming to a close, and Ben is already off to a good start. It's time for Rey to sit down with her friends and tell them her and Ben's story. Fair warning, the next chapter may be a bit emotional. <3 
> 
> It has been difficult for him, but Rey has really been a positive influence on him. I wanted him to slowly step back into the real world, to find his identity as Ben Solo again. He had been under Snoke and The F.O for years, and I can see how it could be hard to find himself again. Little things like being on the Falcon, finding his old things, and opening up to Rey has helped him move, even just a little. Even working has helped keep his mind on track, so he's getting there. <3 
> 
> Rey and Ben bring the best out of each other, and both help the other to become better people, which is what I think they need right now. They are closer than ever now...in pretty much all ways, heh heh. ;) But the next step is coming, and it's going to be tough, but I know they can get through it together. <3 Ben is still working on mending himself and making things right with certain people, so we'll see more of that later. I may have gotten a little emotional in this chapter...I just feel like Ben and Rey deserve to be happy, and being able to write them that way just made me want to cry happy tears!
> 
> Anyway, I'm really excited to begin the next part of this story. Also, a BIG thank you to all of you who are consistent readers, every one of you who leave comments (I will reply soon, I promise!) and everyone who has left kudos. I have passed the 10,000 hits mark, which is the most I have EVER gotten on a story and something I never expected to see. Thank you all so much for this. 
> 
> **I am also thinking about doing a little giveaway for this, but only if I can reach a certain amount of followers on Twitter, just let me know what you guys think! My twitter tag is @cosmicbluue if you want to give it a follow. You can watch me rant about star wars and anime and Ben Solo lol. Anyway, I am working on the next part now, so I'm hoping to get another one out by the end of the month at the latest. Thank you all again for your consistent patience.**
> 
> -Blue <3


	11. Worth The Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben both tell their story to Finn, Poe, and Rose. Ben gains a new kind of confidence that he's never known before.

My journey started off as a very unhappy one. For as long as I could remember, I had a hard life. I grew up on an unbearably hot desert planet in the middle of nowhere, and I had to scrape by to survive. I learned very quickly how to play the game. Scavenge what you could, turn them in, earn credits, eat.

I eventually learned the ways of the trade; what was considered more valuable and what was considered useless scraps. Sometimes the junk bosses weren’t fair and still cheated you out of some credits, but it’s not like anyone could fight them. We were all there, doing the exact same thing, which was trying our best to survive.

I grew up mostly alone, scraping by to keep myself alive, hoping...praying...that one day my parents...someone...would come back for me. I started keeping track of the days when I was five. Fourteen years passed, well...you get it.

I was used to being alone, of course. I didn’t live in a place where it was possible to form healthy relationships like friends or lovers. I learned very quickly not to trust others, as they are always looking for ways to lie and steal, maybe even hurt you. This became my life. I held out hope that maybe somehow my parents would come back for me...though honestly, I knew deep down that it wasn’t going to happen. I pushed this to the back of mind, and I just wanted to hold out for something, even if I never left Jakku, I just wanted someone to come back for me. Someone to care.

...I’m sorry...I don’t talk about this very often with people...

And then...it was as if my life was completely shaken up. In a day I found myself thrown into this new adventure. I met BB-8 and Finn... Han Solo and Chewie and Kylo Ren. I found out about my abilities...that I was force sensitive. I was also thrust into an ongoing war without any real knowledge of this power, or how to control it.

I felt so lost. I just wanted to find someone who could show me my place. I thought I could find that place in Luke Skywalker. I saw an opportunity when I went on a mission to locate him so that he could help the resistance fight the First Order. That was when I found him on Ahch-To...but my experience was far from what I expected.

* * *

Where do I start? Well...I could get into the complexities of my childhood and all of that garbage, but I feel like most of that is irrelevant right now. So, I’ll start off much later in my life, far past my childhood and even my fall to the dark.

...I’m sorry. This goes a lot deeper than I expected. I told Rey this from the very beginning, so I’ll let you know also. I’m not...great at expressing my emotions properly. When I feel threatened, I act on it and try to assert my dominance. It’s a defense mechanism I picked up shortly after my fall. When I’m upset, I break things. When I’m angry...I break things. When I’m anxious or afraid, sometimes I run. Sometimes I freeze. Sometimes I act with so much unnecessary force I sometimes lose myself.

Everything I do is over the top, erratic, and unstable. It had been that way for a long time. I sometimes feel like my mind can’t fully process certain things, so I tend to act on things before my mind can fully assess the situation. This doesn’t happen every single time, but it happens too much, and I’m still trying to work on it.

So... let’s go back to when I first met Rey.

Takodana. Before that, I had never seen her or even heard of her before, yet she was this powerful force to be reckoned with...I just didn’t fully know it yet. And though I was sure I had never seen her before, I kept feeling like I had.

Who is she?

I kept mulling that question over in my head the whole time... like I was trying to unlock some repressed memory.

Who is she...?

I had sworn that I had felt her presence somewhere else before. Was it from a dream? A nightmare? I asked myself these questions constantly, even mulling over the possibility of it being a force vision.

No. The force wouldn’t manifest itself in such a way to me...not after falling so far. But for some reason, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I wanted to see...to know...

The question kept plaguing my mind, and eventually, she began to seep further into my thoughts over time. But, let me backtrack just a little bit.

* * *

When I met Ben, it was under strange circumstances. Well, we were on opposing sides, obviously. I was afraid, yet at the same time, I felt something else. Some sort of connection to him that confused me. It was as if I had met him before...a distant memory almost? I still can’t fully explain it.

And then everything seemed to take a turn for the worst.

At first, I hated him.

I hated who he was. I hated the things that he had done...things that had hurt me not only directly, but indirectly as well.

I didn’t say it at the time, but...I was also afraid. I was still new to all of this---my newfound ability, using a lightsaber; and my world just turned upside down in a matter of just a couple of days. It was a lot to take in, and before I knew it, I was forced to fight him.

Looking back on it now, I don’t think either of us really wanted to fight each other, but what else could we have done at the time? Again, I was afraid. I had barely used a lightsaber at the point, and my friend was laying in the snow unconscious. I had to fight. I had to protect both of us.

After that, I was tasked to seek out Luke so he could help the resistance, but I’ll be honest, I did have other motives. I wanted so badly to understand, to find my place; and I thought Luke had all of the answers. But unfortunately, I didn’t get the answers I was hoping for.

And... that’s when I saw him through the force---Ben, I mean. At first, I was terrified and then angry. I wanted him to pay for what he did, but he didn’t seem to have the same reaction. He kept trying to just talk to me, for whatever reason. I wasn’t sure at the moment. And then finally, when I wasn’t getting anywhere with Luke...I did turn to someone else.

Well, you can guess who that ended up being if you haven’t by now.

* * *

I was angry at first, but not necessarily at her. More at my failures and myself. I wasn’t exactly sure what the so-called right decision was to make anymore. I had killed my father, and yet I still felt that pain...though it was now worse than ever.

But I powered through the pain like I always had. You learn to tune it out...lock it away.

I didn’t hold as much resentment towards her as you might think, if any at all, actually.

She was so angry and ready to kill me right on the spot if she could. There it was, her dark-sided tendencies slowly manifesting, trickling into her mind like a leaky faucet. That was how it started out with me, at a much younger age, of course. That was all it took. Like I said, kind of like a leaky faucet, or a pipe honestly. You know, sort of like when the sink pipe is leaking, nobody actually sees what is happening, as the pipe itself is hidden underneath the sink...

I know, it sounds like I’m rambling, but I have a point here, I promise.

Okay so...the pipe is hidden beneath the sink, in the dark. The leak goes unnoticed for a while, and by the time somebody opens up that cabinet, the damage has already been done.

That was the thing that people didn’t quite understand about turning to the dark. It isn’t some impulsive decision that someone decides to make. It is a manifestation, a slow leak that eventually causes more damage. By that time, so much water damage has been done; and it seems as though trying to repair it would be more trouble than it’s worth. So... you try to cover it up, seal away the damage. It’s not a fix, by the way; more like a bandage you constantly have to change.

We were sick. That was the word I kept thinking of anyway...

The dark side is unrelenting, and once you succumb to its power, get a taste...it’s difficult to get away from.

I was consumed by darkness. I was slowly poisoning my soul until there was almost nothing left. I was supposed to keep going. My training wasn’t over yet. No matter how much stronger I had gotten, I still...felt things.

It wasn’t enough. I wanted to smother that fire and rid those feelings from my life forever. I didn’t want to feel any more pain or fear. I didn’t want my old emotions for my family to hinder me anymore. I didn’t want to hesitate anymore.

I wanted nothing but to be consumed by the dark, taking every last bit of me as I became the cold and ruthless monster I was always destined to be. I just didn’t want to feel anymore. I wanted to be rid of the pain that had manifested within me for so long.

And then...I could shed blood with no remorse. I could become a powerful being that people trembled before. Everyone would fear the name Kylo Ren. I could be an unstoppable force and everyone would be forced to acknowledge my power...my existence.

I was determined though, possibly more than you might think. I wanted to cut out anything that made me feel even just a slight pull to the light...I wanted those bright images out of my head. Those memories that didn’t matter anymore...none of them belonged. I didn’t want even the smallest beacon of light to get through to me anymore.

Looking back now, I can’t even begin to describe how immensely wrong I was.

She, a mere scavenger, someone who was so new to her ability, someone who hadn’t had even an ounce of training, managed to burrow even further into me. There was something I had felt that night that I hadn’t been expecting...

But it changed me forever.

* * *

I still don’t know how it happened, but the next thing I knew I was talking to him.

Just talking, like normal people do. I needed so desperately for anyone to understand. I had already been alone for so long, and even though I’ve found friends and a place in the resistance, I felt more alone than ever. Please don’t take offense to this. I don’t mean it in an ill way, it’s just how I felt.

I thought I could find meaning in Luke. He was a good mentor for the short time I knew him, but even he was so unsure about the ways of the force and left me still searching for an answer.

Ben...understood. As strange as it sounds, he seemed to understand what I was going through better than anyone. I talked to him through the force, and even though we were on different sides of the galaxy, I could see him sitting right in front of. I could hear him clearly. I could even reach out and touch him. It was very surreal, to say the least...but it was also completely incredible.

* * *

I felt that darkness in her. She was trying so hard to suppress it, and going off to find Luke was something that she had to do. I have a bad history with my uncle. There are things that I can’t really get into right now, but I digress. When Rey first ran off to find him, I criticized her for it. I felt she wouldn’t be able to control that darkness in her, much like I couldn’t.

But...she somehow managed to ward it off. Fight it. Confront it, even. In a way, I somewhat envied her. She didn’t even know the type of power she held, didn’t even realize, and she still fought hard to keep her head above water.

...I didn’t truly realize how much she struggled until I actually talked to her.

This girl who had previously attempted to off me twice now was letting me into her innermost thoughts. I’m still not completely sure how it happened. Maybe we were so desperate for some sort of comfort at the time, is what I thought. She just opened up to me, expressing her thoughts, her fears, her confusion...it made me see some of myself in her. I thought, for the briefest of moments, that she possibly understood me as well. For the first time in a long while, I felt challenged, yet vulnerable.

We found this strange comfort in each other, despite being from completely different worlds. We were the same.

For the first time in a long while, I felt like I wasn’t alone.

...And then she went further. She held out her hand to me.

I know, I wondered the same thing. Again, this girl was ruthless on the battlefield and tried to end me twice now.

Oh...? I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t be laughing about something so serious. I just think it’s funny, looking back on it now, and how far we have actually come. But back to the point...

She was reaching out to me. I wasn’t sure what she expected to gain out of this, but despite that, I threw every ounce of caution to the wind. I blatantly ignored my master’s warning about this girl. I was hesitant, yes. But I can tell you that I was also eager...desperate.

Questions began to race through my mind at an alarming rate as I pulled my glove off with a little too much ease. What were we expecting to happen? Why was I doing this? How was she doing this? Why did I desperately want to reach out to her so badly? Would this even work?

And then I touched her...just barely. And I felt this insane rush all throughout my body. It was like some sort of adrenaline, just for a brief moment. Like a steady shock of electricity almost...

...I’m sorry, it’s impossible to even try to explain, and I’m pretty sure that Rey would end up giving you the same response.

But...that was the moment when we both realized how different we were from everyone else in this entire galaxy. In that moment, we were both overwhelmed by it all, but for some reason, we stayed, our fingers still tightly collapsed together, as if we were holding onto each other for dear life; as if one of us were to let go, or break eye contact, that one of us would get consumed, taken away by it.

In real-time, this was merely a few seconds. The bond, however, seemed to warp the concept of time itself, giving us time to process these visions.

How do I know this? That’s a good question...because I’m certain that I hadn’t figured it out at that point. But I’ll get there in a second, so just bear with me. Anyway, after that encounter, Luke showed up.

I know he saw me, and I won’t forget that look on his face either...

But after that...I remember feeling something else.

I didn’t want to let go of her.

* * *

This sounds so crazy now that I look back on it, but after that encounter, I went to find him. I thought I could bring him back with me...that I could reverse all of this.

But as usual, I had other motives that ended up being more selfish. It wasn’t just about the war between the First Order and the resistance. It wasn’t even about light and dark. It was about me...and not wanting to be alone anymore. I thought that if I could somehow bring Ben back with me that...I could finally find a place where I belong.

That Ben could be that place.

* * *

She actually did come to me. She literally came to find me despite not knowing what she was getting into. I kept wondering why she’d go so far for me, but by then I had already made up my own mind anyway.

Long story short, I cared more about Rey than my master’s orders. I had been under his control for so long, and somehow Rey had managed to get to me in such a short amount of time. In a way, she gave me the strength I needed to overcome my fears and fight back. I had already planned to destroy Snoke before we even entered that throne room. I was terrified, but also felt the most powerful I've felt in a long time. It's hard to explain...

I never told you that, Rey, I know.

So...I killed Snoke, and then Rey and I were left to face off with the guards who witnessed this.

* * *

We fought them all off together, side by side. It was incredible. I felt this insane rush of adrenaline while doing so too. It was unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. We were an unstoppable force, Ben and me. But after all of that...when the dust finally began to settle...

Well, things didn’t go as either of us had hoped.

* * *

Despite everything that had happened between us, I was still so conflicted. I still wasn’t sure where my place was. The fear I felt from even _thinking_ about going back to my mother after everything I had done...it was too much to bear.

The power-hungry feelings suddenly came back. All of my anger and hatred for everyone and everything came back full force...

Except for Rey.

I wasn’t ready to let her go. I wanted her to stay...and I...

* * *

He...asked me to rule the galaxy with him. I had gone unnoticed by everyone my entire life, and now this man was basically asking me to leave everything behind and stay with him...to rule with him. I honestly wasn’t sure how to respond at first.

I wanted...I wanted us to stay together because it was what we both needed so desperately at the time, but we obviously had different views on the matter. And suddenly we were fighting each other again.

* * *

I was stupid...also stubborn. I didn’t want to admit that I was wrong, but again, I didn’t want to let her go either. I basically wanted to have my cake and eat it too...however that expression goes. I only wanted to have her my way or not at all.

...If I could go back, I would have definitely done it differently.

* * *

I didn’t talk to him for a couple of months, even though he had tried to reach out.

* * *

Eventually, she began to let me in again; little by little. But things were different now, and I found myself facing off with her again. Her trust in me was gone, but looking back on it now, I couldn’t blame her.

* * *

It became this weird love-hate relationship almost...but deep down I still...

_I still..._

I still wanted him back.

_I wanted to be with her._

* * *

And then, he was there. When I wanted to just give up when I felt more alone than ever...Ben was there, clear as day. He came to find me this time, and we fought beside one another for...what I didn’t know would be one last time.

* * *

It all happened so fast...sometimes it’s hard to process. These last couple of weeks have been chaotic...even that is an understatement. When everything was said and done, she...

I’m sorry...this is really hard to talk about. Just...please bear with me for a moment...

...Okay.

So...she had managed to bring him, Palpatine, down while I tried my best to get back to her. But by the time I was able to reach her...she was gone. And I just...I don’t know. I can’t describe the feeling that came over me. I lost my father. My uncle. My mother. Yet, somehow this pain was one thousand times worse. Losing Rey was devastating, and when she died, I felt like I was dying too.

I wasn’t sure what to do. I looked around, desperately trying to find someone...anyone...who could help me. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t. All I could do was hold her in my arms as she started to grow cold.

This wasn’t what I wanted.

I didn’t want it.

What was the point of living if I lost the one person I had a connection with? On top of all of that...I felt she wasn’t the one who was supposed to die.

It was me.

I knew in my heart, even in the depths of my soul, that I should have been the one.

I had done so many regrettable things in my life, and I felt that Rey didn’t deserve a death like this...she also didn’t deserve the life that she grew up with. She was special. She deserved so much more than I did...and I...

* * *

Dying is a strange feeling. I’m not sure if I was ready for it, really. Who is? Unless you’re old, or sick...but even then, it’s hard to accept. I thought for just a moment, that I was even going to die alone. I know that sounds really sad but...it’s just how I felt.

And then...suddenly I’m awake again. And Ben is there, holding me, looking at me with relief and... something else entirely...

* * *

I needed her to live. I realized at that moment what this raging feeling was. This feeling made me both happy and furious. Confused. Mesmerized...

I realized how much I actually loved her.

I needed her to live.

I needed...her to go back to her friends. I needed her to smile. I needed her to be happy and get away from all of the shit my family had dragged her into.

I just needed her to live.

* * *

He had put nearly all of his life force into me...somehow bringing me back from the dead itself. I didn’t know how much of himself he had put into me at the time...until he collapsed.

And I panicked.

I needed him to stay with me.

I didn’t understand this desperate feeling, even though it wasn’t even that long ago. All I knew was that I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t...want him to leave me.

* * *

I should have died on Exegol that day, but by the grace of the force...and because of Rey...my life was spared. She never gave up on me, even then. Even when I told her to run. When I told her to let me go, she just refused...and now...

* * *

Here we are.

_Here we are..._

* * *

“...So that’s everything.” Rey spoke up after a moment of silence had fallen among the group.

Ben glanced over at her. On the outside, her demeanor was calm, but she was nearly bursting at the seams inside of her head. He felt anxiety, fear, and anticipation. It took a lot for her to come out and say all of this, and she was so afraid of her friends rejecting her at this point. He felt her little hand tremble slightly as he held it, their fingers laced firmly together as they displayed their affection openly.

She was doing all of this for him.

“So... you died?” Finn spoke up. “For real...?”

“For a moment or two...yes.” Rey nodded.

“And you...” Rose looked at Ben with a softness he had never seen directed at him. “You gave your life for her?”

“That was the plan anyway...” Ben swallowed hard. It was difficult for him to talk about that incident. It had scarred him up pretty good.

“Why did you do it...?”

Ben blinked. He wasn’t expecting that kind of question. He glanced over at Rey, who looked upon him with tender eyes as she continued to hold his hand. Ben looked back and Rose and paused for a moment, wondering if it was the right thing to say or not.

“Because...” Ben let out a shaky exhale.

Rey felt Ben squeeze her hand softly. She looked up to see Ben looking softly at her.

“I love her.”

Ben sighed. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of his chest. He was finally able to say it aloud, hold her hand in front of others, and just feel free to express his feelings about everything. It was difficult to do still, but he was slowly getting better at it.

Rey had to try her best not to get lost in his gaze in front of the others. It was hard to do, and Rey wondered how in the galaxy she had gotten so lovesick; the both of them really. Regardless she just decided to go with it. She was happy, and it had been a long time since she had felt such an abundance of it. They had told the group everything; from the very beginning to where they were now. Obviously, they left out certain things that were more intimate, but everything else was out on the table for everyone to see.

Finn put a hand to his forehead and sighed softly. “I can’t believe you both went through so much. I had no idea...”

“And it was just the two of you?” Poe finally spoke up, actually showing some sort of interest. “You know, that fought Palpatine?”

“Yes.” Rey nodded.

“And you used the force to hand each other lightsabers...?”

“It’s a thing we can do, apparently.” Ben shrugged, bringing a playful smile out of Rey.

“That’s...” Poe leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest before muttering, “That’s pretty badass actually...”

“ _Pretty_ badass??” Finn slammed both of his hands onto the table, startling Poe just a little bit. “That was totally kriffing awesome! Man, I wish we could see that.”

“Okay...it might have been a little badass...” Rey laughed. “But really, it was an experience that has...let’s just say it’s something that has kind of damaged us a little...”

“Damaged...?” Rose asked.

“It was just a really traumatizing experience I guess...” Rey spoke softly while still holding Ben’s hand. “It’s why I’ve been having so many night terrors lately.”

“That makes sense.”

“Anyway...do you all see why we have to go now? We could very well ignore it but...well, we both feel that it’s something we have to do. It’s something that I believe will make us better people in the long run. It’s a way to deal with our trauma, not just from the war or battle with Palpatine, but the pain from our own pasts as well.” Rey looked at Ben.

“It’s my penance,” Ben spoke up. “I have to do this so I can make up for the damage I inflicted. And... like Rey, I’ve always struggled to find my place. I think that if I do this, then maybe I can find that place.” He glanced at Rey. “But one thing I do know is that part of my place is with Rey.”

“The dyad...” Rose softly spoke up again. “You were meant to find each other.”

Ben glanced down at his hand as he kept his fingers still woven with Rey’s.

Meant to find each other...

That was exactly what it meant.

They sat around the table a little while longer, before Rose noticed the time and got up to fetch dinner. Rey wasn’t exactly sure of what her friends thought about everything, especially since she had literally spilled nearly everything to them. She did hold out hope though, considering that the three seemed to have taken it much better than she thought they would.

Finn and Poe mentioned that they had to do a few more things around the camp, as well as see some other comrades off that evening, so they were most likely going to be eating with them. They all walked outside together as night began to set in. The sky was fading into that familiar indigo they would get at dusk, and the camp was much quieter after clearing out for the most part.

Ben still couldn’t believe a whole week and a half had gone by. He and Rey were going to plan out their route that night and get an early start the next day. Things were moving quickly, but he felt surprisingly confident about all of it, at least for the time being. He glanced over at Rey, who was talking to Finn and Poe.

“I still can’t get over it...wow.” Finn looked at Rey. “You did have a lot to say, didn’t you?”

“I told you!” Rey gave him a playful nudge in the shoulder. “How was I supposed to explain all of that on the first day?”

“I get it now, I get it!” Finn laughed before softening his expression. He couldn’t help but notice it. He saw it in her face, even.

Rey was glowing. He had never seen her like that before. She was so calm and so sure of everything. She even seemed happy. Finn glanced over at Ben, who caught his eyes. He thought about Ben’s statement to him from earlier, about how much he loved Rey and how he would die before he would let any harm come to her.

He wasn’t joking, as he had already done so before, apparently.

Finn sighed and motioned for Ben to come over.

Ben looked around, making sure he wasn’t addressing someone else.

“Yes, you.” Finn rolled his eyes.

After Ben approached him, he got something that he wasn’t expecting. Finn had put a firm hand on his shoulder and looked at him with sincerity.

“Thank you...for saving her.”

Ben blinked. He was thanking him?

“Don’t thank me...please...” Ben paused. “I just wanted her safe, that’s all.”

“And you did just that...so thank you.” Finn removed his hand.

Finn had actually acknowledged him. Not as a criminal, but as just a man trying to make things right.

Finn glanced behind him, watching Poe as he looked out over the camp. He turned back to Rey and Ben.

“We’ve gotta go right now, but I’ll be here to see you guys off tomorrow...”

“Finn...” Rey threw her arms around Finn’s shoulders in a tight embrace. “Thank you...thank you so much. For everything...”

“...You’re welcome...” Finn whispered as he hugged her. “It’s been a wild ride.”

“It has!” Rey laughed, trying not to tear up again as they broke apart. “And what about Poe? Is he okay?”

“Oh yeah...I think he’s just mulling things over in his head.” Finn rolled his eyes and smiled. “It’s normally a good sign when he’s quiet like this, though.”

“You’re right.” Rey laughed.

“But don’t worry, he’ll be here to see you off too.”

“I’m glad...” Rey smiled and glanced over at Rose, who had been a little quieter than usual.

“You alright in there?” Finn gave the girl a gentle nudge in the shoulder which seemed to snap her out of her trance.

“I’m sorry,” Rose smiled softly. “That was just a lot to take in. I guess I’m just mulling it all over too...” She looked at Rey again before throwing her hands around her neck and embracing her tightly.

“You’re so brave. I wish you the best on this journey, okay?”

“Rose...thank you.”

The two stayed locked in a tight embrace for a few moments before pulling apart. Rose quickly went to wipe a few stray tears from her cheeks with her sleeve. Rey had to do the same.

“You’ll be here to see us off tomorrow right...?”

“Of course I will...” Rose smiled. “Oh...! The time! I need to pick up dinner before the galley closes up...”

“Can I help?” Ben spoke up. He had been so used to being at Rose’s side for most of the week that it was beginning to become a routine thing.

Rose looked at him, not saying anything for a moment. Ben quickly glanced at Rey, a little confused for a moment. Before he could say anything else, Rose had thrown herself at Ben, wrapping her arms tightly around his torso in a tight embrace.

Ben tensed up for a moment. He wasn’t used to people touching him, especially giving him random hugs. He looked down at Rose, who was so much shorter than him that she barely reached his chest. She stayed there for a brief moment, and Ben could feel her weeping softly into his shirt. He let her stay there for a while until she finally let go and looked up at him.

“I’m sorry...” she whispered. “But what you did for Rey...that was so beautiful. Thank you so much, Ben...”

He almost forgot his name once, and now everyone was calling him by it again. He couldn’t help but feel happy, almost relieved, because of it. It was Rey who started it all...

He glanced over at Rey. She was watching and smiling brightly, all while trying not to shed tears of her own. This truly made her happy, having her friends accept him.

“I...um...” Ben struggled with his words. He was still trying to get used to interacting with others properly.

“It’s fine.” Rose laughed softly as she let go of him and stepped back. “I know I just totally bombarded you so it’s fine.”

“Rose is...really affectionate.” Finn laughed. “You get used to it.”

“Shut up, you.” Rose nudged Finn in the ribs.

“Agh! What did I do??”

Rose smiled. “As for dinner plans, well I’ll be eating with Kaydel and some others tonight. I’m sorry, it was just a plan we already set. But let me grab yours too while I’m out!”

“No need to be sorry at all.” Rey smiled. “We got it.”

“Are you sure?”

“We’ll manage.” Ben smiled softly.

Rose laughed. “Look at you! Be careful, that smile can be dangerous!”

Ben blushed as Rey let out a laugh.

“Don’t embarrass the guy, Rose.” Finn shook his head.

“Well if I don’t see you two later, I will be there to see you off tomorrow.” Rose smiled as she began to walk off into the camp. “Finn! Poe! Later!”

Finn waved before glancing back at Poe, who silently held up his hand in a casual wave.

“Well, we have to get going too.” Finn sighed. “But we’ll be here tomorrow.” He glanced over at Ben. “I’m trusting you with her.”

“Then she’s in good hands.” Ben smiled softly before taking Rey’s hand in his.

“Don’t forget our talk, Solo.”

“You also.”

Finn shook his head and smirked as he ran ahead to meet up with Poe.

Rey quickly turned to Ben and cocked her head. “What talk?”

“Just a little man-to-man chat we had earlier.”

Rey crossed her arms over her chest. “Are you even going to tell me what it was about?”

“Someday.”

“You are so cryptic sometimes, I swear.” Rey shook her head. “And what was up with Finn? Acting like he’s giving away a bride...”

Ben gently cupped Rey’s cheek in his hand, bringing her gaze back to his. He smiled softly before giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

“He might someday.” Ben planted a soft kiss on her forehead as his words left Rey feeling flustered as ever.

“You...what are you even...??” Rey stuttered. He made her lose track of her words yet again with his crazy talk.

“Are you hungry or not, you bottomless pit?” Ben joked as he took her by the hand again. “Let’s go already.”

“I’m coming...! Stop dragging me!” Rey huffed, still feeling the warmth in her cheeks.

_He might someday._

What was he even saying? That he would want to actually want to...

She glanced up at him as they walked together through the camp. It was almost like their second day there, when Rey had taken his hand and lead him through the crowd. It was stressful then, but Rey couldn’t help but realize how much things have seemed to change in just a week. Now it seemed like Ben was leading her, walking confidently with his head held high and a smile on his face.

This was Ben Solo; who he truly was.

Rey couldn’t help but feel an immense amount of joy fill her heart in that very moment. She loved seeing him thrive. She loved how happy they both had been, even if the last two weeks had been rough. She was even happier that her friends were taking it much better than she had hoped.

Rey looked back up at Ben and saw him looking back, smiling brightly back at her while holding her hand tightly. He looked so good in that one moment that she felt like her heart would somehow overflow.

Maker, he never looked so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> I know it's been a while since I gave you guys an update, and for that, I apologize! It's been a crazy few months, well, year in general. My mental health has been up and down, and I'm getting referred back to the psych for something else now so yay lol. I also got an internship writing articles about fandom and other nerdy shit so that's been preoccupying some of my time as well. 
> 
> To be honest, I was thinking about putting this story on hiatus until further notice, but a friend of mine sort of inspired me to keep writing, and I just got a burst of inspiration. So I'm going to keep going with it hopefully until the end. Thank you all for being so patient with me. <3 It's been a big year for my writing. I mean with all of my personal works and my internship and junk. I'm hoping to land some sort of paid job eventually, but until then it's just for fun/experience. 
> 
> This chapter was a little emotional for me to write since I've been so sensitive lately lol. But honestly, I've been waiting so long for this chapter involving Rey's circle and them finally warming up to Ben. Rey and Ben have both come a long way in such a short amount of time, and though they have a ways to go, I'm confident that they can make it through. :) I have a lot planned for this story still, and I thank you all for continuously hanging in there with me! I appreciate it so much. Every like, view, comment, I am so grateful for all of it. <3 I promise I will respond to comments soon! They have not gone unnoticed. <3
> 
> Now I split this chapter up into 2 parts because it was going pretty long, so expect another update hopefully by the end of the week. Thank you all again for your support and as always, happy reading! :)
> 
> Also if anyone wants to keep up with the things I'm working on (I also do art!) or just listen to me bitch or fan about things, you can find me mostly on Instagram and Twitter (same handle name). :)
> 
> Thanks again, everyone! <3


	12. Missed You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey plan their route for the next day, but get distracted several times. Ben's night terrors return.

**-Content Warning-**

**This chapter contains heavy sexual themes and adult content, as well as depictions of major panic attacks and trauma from abuse that can be triggering to some readers. So please be mindful and enjoy.**

* * *

“You can start unpacking it if you want.” Ben closed the doors behind him and set the bag of food onto the bed. “I have to get out of this god-awful work shirt.”

“Alright.” Rey laughed. “Showering later?”

“After we eat.”

“Sounds good...” Rey went to unpack the food but quickly remembered something. “Hey, Ben I think we forgot to grab clean utensils....”

She had turned around to face him, but he had already taken his shirt off. It had caught her off guard for some reason, as it always seemed to. It didn’t matter how many times she saw him shirtless, it just seemed to always make her react the same. It was embarrassing sometimes, but it couldn’t be helped.

She had actually been feeling that way since earlier; somewhat flustered. Ben seemed more confident lately, especially after they had talked to Rey’s friends. His face was brighter, he smiled more, and he held his head higher. Rey also caught herself looking at him a little too much that day. For some reason, he just looked really attractive, despite still being dirty from work.

His body looked good, as he had worked very hard that week and still put the time in for a regular workout in the mornings to stay in shape. Sometimes they would do a quick workout together if they had gotten up at the same time, depending on the day.

Maybe flustered wasn’t the right choice of words. No... it was more like hot and bothered.

She felt ridiculous for getting so worked up over him when he was just casually changing, still dirty from work with his hair messy and grungy looking. It had been a few days since Rey had felt such a way towards him, mostly because of how busy they had been, and the fact that they hadn’t been able to share the same room most nights like in the beginning. But now she felt herself getting heated again, and it was true, once it happened it sort of became addicting.

“We might have some in the kitchen back there...” Ben was in the middle of unfolding a clean shirt when he looked up to see Rey standing directly in front of him.

Before he could say anything more, Rey had gingerly wrapped her arms around his neck and nestled herself into his lap on the edge of the bed. She pressed her forehead softly against his as he felt her fingers slide up the back of his neck and through his tangled mess of hair.

“Hey...” he whispered, not expecting such a sudden move. “What is it, starlight?”

“I don’t feel like eating right now...”

“Oh no?” Ben smiled softly as he locked his gaze onto her. “What then? You’re not sick, are you?”

Rey leaned in and pressed her mouth softly to his, which quickly turned into a deep kiss that could have lasted an eternity. It didn’t take long for the two to get lost in another hazy make out session. Ben’s hands had already traveled up her back as he continued to kiss her, now lost in a fit of passion. He was getting lost in that hazy feeling again; that feeling he only got when he was alone with her. It was something he treasured dearly, which was why every moment alone with Rey was never wasted, no matter what they were doing together.

In a swift movement, Rey had managed to push Ben back onto the bed. She climbed over him, taking a seat right below his naval, which dangerously close to other things. She leaned down and kissed him hotly on the mouth over and over, almost desperately. Ben wrapped his arms around her body, wanting more of her, but also realized what they were getting into.

“Hey...” Ben murmured against her lips. “Slow down, starlight...”

“No.” Rey replied stubbornly.

“Ah, you’re so eager...” Ben chuckled. “What’s gotten into you tonight? You’re so affectionate...”

“I’m always affectionate!” Rey laughed softly. “I don’t know...you just look really good today.”

“I do? I’m all dirty and kind of sweaty. Are you sure?” Ben laughed.

“You look so good when you smile you know...” Rey smiled softly at him as she played with the stray hairs that fell over his eyes.

“...You like that, huh?”

“I do.”

Rey smiled and ran her hands over his broad chest, making his skin tingle from her touch.

It always felt nice to be touched by her.

“Your energy is different lately...it’s been calm and confident...and—”

“Happy?”

“...Yes.”

“I guess I have been, despite the rough couple of weeks...and it’s really because of you.” Ben raised a hand to her face and affectionally stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I know things have been lax with us lately...and things are about to start up again, so I’m trying not to get too comfortable but...I just want you to know that I really appreciate everything you’ve done. You’ve really stood by me when you didn’t have too.”

“Stop that. I knew you would be okay. You’ve helped me too, you know...well, more than you probably know.”

“Well, I’m glad for that.” Ben smiled softly. “Hey...”

“What?”

“I love you.”

Rey smiled as her heart filled with warmth. If someone had told her a year ago that this was how the two of them would end up, she probably would have never believed it. Despite everything they had gone through, they managed to find comfort and healing in one another.

Love.

“I love you too.” Rey whispered.

“So,” Ben smirked. “Are you just going to keep me pinned here?”

“Maybe...” Rey smiled mischievously. “It will be a while until someone comes back; if anyone does at all.”

“You’re being a little daring tonight, aren’t you?” Ben kept his gaze on her as he continued to enjoy her body on top of his.

“Not at all.”

Rey sat up and pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it to the side. Ben had trouble finding his words as she exposed herself to him without warning. She unwrapped her hair-ties, loosening her buns, and let her hair fell wildly down her back, flooding over her shoulders. Without taking her eyes off of him, she made a swift motion towards the door with her fingers, using the force to lock it. Ben felt his body heat up.

She was really doing this.

“What’s with that look?” Rey gave him a sultry smirk.

“W-what look?” Ben stuttered, embarrassed that he lost his cool in front of her again.

“You’re blushing, Ben Solo.”

“I’m not blushing.”

“You don’t want me right now?”

Ben let out a soft sigh as Rey began to softly grind her perfect little ass against his hard-on. She already managed to get him like this.

“Because it feels like you do.”

Ben exhaled softly. She was just too enticing.

“You know that I always want you...” Ben rested his hands on her legs and pressed his thumbs softly into the creases in her thighs.

Rey leaned in and kissed him sensually, and it didn’t take him long to pull her in and aggressively kiss her back. His hands began to wander up her body, yearning to feel every single inch of her once more. Their kissing got messy as they began to explore each other’s mouths, with Rey softly grinding against him as they did. Rey pulled back for a moment, and the two stopped to catch their breath. She slid her hands down to Ben’s waist and began to undo his belt.

“Take them off.” Rey whispered.

Ben’s chest heaved as she sensually gave him commands. He loved the soft side of her that he had gotten to know, and he loved taking her the past couple of times. But he always loved this wild side of her; this feral, intense, and untamed woman who nearly ended him several times, yet still managed to turn him on with her ferocity.

The two quickly shifted, practically tearing each other’s clothes off while locking into more aggressive kissing. Rey climbed back over Ben again and gave him another sultry smiled before sliding down his body. Ben exhaled sharply as he watched Rey carefully lift herself over him.

He wanted to be surprised by this side of her, and he kind of was. But he always knew about her tendencies. He loved it. He loved her ferocity, her need to take control of any situation, her intense nature. It was a side that others didn’t really see too much, mostly because she tried her best to keep up with appearances all this time.

And she was sweet and kind, yes; but she also had a little bit of darkness in her. Ben believed that everyone had a bit of darkness in them by nature, and formal jedi training often taught padawans to suppress anything that could bring it out. Regardless of ancient teachings, Ben personally never thought that suppressing what ended up being natural feelings was right.

Ben felt his body heat up as every emotion intensified yet again. Rey slid down, taking him inside of her slowly. He let out a sharp exhale as she began to slowly ride him. He was quick to put his hands on her body again, sliding them up her stomach and to her chest. She continued to move continuously, grinding harder with every passing moment. She moaned softly as Ben began to touch her chest, pressing his fingers into her tender buds. He groped her breasts, grabbing at her just a little harder than normal. Rey continued to please him, making it feel so good that he had to stifle his own voice. His chest heaved as she continued to work him, with a fear that she would make him come too early. 

He kept his eyes on Rey as she took him in, still a little in awe that she made such a bold move. She really had been wanting him all day. He couldn’t help but bask in her compliments, her open admission of wanting him that night, completely opposite of her somewhat cautious and submissive nature the past couple of times. He still believed that she had always been the one in control, she just decided what she wanted depending on her mood, which was completely fine by him.

She was trying so hard not to be noisy, and it was kind of cute to watch. Ben wrapped his large hands around her waist and slid them down her hips. He softly pressed his fingers into her skin, right below her navel. She squirmed a little, sighing softly.

“Ah...you like being touched there, I see...” Ben whispered as he proceeded to do it again.

Rey only sighed aloud once more as Ben’s hands traveled around her waist, copping a good feel of her ass as she continued to move up and down his pulsating hard-on. He kept on hand firmly on her hip as he moved the other down her stomach. He took two fingers and slid them inside, where he began to rub the spot she loved most. She jolted slightly as he continued to work her, faltering a bit as she tried to keep her pace. She tossed her head back and moaned aloud, sliding down to his base. Ben began to pant sharply, feeling himself plunge deep inside of her. She felt so ridiculously good that he was afraid he would come at any moment. He smirked as he felt himself throb inside of her. He had caused her to lose control.

He loved it when she took over, but she forgot that he had a passionate side too. A side that raged a wildfire until he got what he wanted.

He wrapped his arms around Rey’s body and sat up quickly while staying inside of her. Rey jolted as he grabbed her, moving them to the edge of the bed, where he proceeded to lift her off the bed. He was a massive man, and very strong. Rey closed her eyes and took him in as he began to grind into her as he held her off the ground, just briefly, before he laid her down on the bed and climbed on top of her. He dipped down, holding his weight by propping up on his elbows, and began to thrust into her slowly, going in as deep as he could each time. Rey let out a sharp gasp every time he thrust into her, as he seemed to go in deeper every time. She grabbed at his back, digging her nails into his skin as he took over, displaying his dominance and power. She began to moan aloud again, losing all sense of self as she took him in. Ben gently put a hand to her mouth again, stifling her moaning as he himself tried not to be too loud.

“R..ey...” he spoke is breathy whispers as he continued to take her, still not satiated.

He leaned in further and put his mouth on her skin, trailing rough nibbles down her neck to her collarbone.

“I love the way you taste...” he murmured heavily into her skin.

“Ben...my Ben...”

Rey felt him thrust into her again. She tossed her head back as she felt her body shake, with her insides pulsating against Ben’s virility. Everything felt so good. Maker...

Ben felt her lock up around him as he thrust into her a final time, feeling her essence all over him yet again. He let out a loud grunt as he pushed into her, releasing himself hotly inside of her. She felt his warmth seep into her, making her squirm yet again.

Ben panted heavily as she latched onto him again, smirking as she did. He couldn’t help but love the fact that she liked him coming inside of her.

Ben rolled off of Rey and laid beside her as both of them tried to find their bearings again.

“Maker, Rey...” Ben spoke up, still breathless.

Rey only let out a small chuckle. “You have so much kriffing stamina...!”

“I know.” He chuckled. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it with you.”

Rey blushed and looked back up at the ceiling, shaking her head. “Well, should we be using some sort of protection or something...?”

Ben blushed. “Oh...I guess I never thought about that.”

“Hm, of course, you didn’t, pervert.”

“Hey, hey.” Ben rolled onto his side and locked his gaze onto her. “You didn’t seem to mind the past few times, darling. Also, who was the real pervert tonight? Who started this chain of events? Hm?”

“Stop that...!” Rey blushed, now feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Oh _Bennnn_ , I want you and your grungy, dirty body so bad...!”

“Oh, shut it you sleemo.” Rey blushed and turned away.

“Oh, what?” Ben wrapped his arms around Rey and pulled her close to him. “Do I really deserve to be called something so derogatory?”

“Yes.” Rey snaked her arms around Ben’s torso and pressed her forehead into his chest.

“Ouch, you hurt me, Rey. Truly.”

“You’re such an ass.” Rey pinched the back of his arm sharply.

“Agh...!! Okay, that hurt.”

“Good.”

“You’re so cute when you’re embarrassed...” Ben only held her tighter as he buried his face into her hair.

“Yeah, eat it up...” Rey sighed into his chest. “...I love you.”

“I love you too, my hungry little starlight.”

Rey only shook her head and sighed into his chest.

“I missed you...” Ben whispered. “Having you to myself, I mean.”

“I missed you too...” Rey closed her eyes and basked in the warmth of Ben’s body heat for a moment. “We should probably shower, huh?”

“Probably.” Ben glanced over Rey’s body at the still wrapped plates of food that sat on the bedside table. “And we may need to reheat dinner.”

* * *

The rest of the night was spent preparing for the next day. After the two had eaten and showered, they continued to map out their route, as well as make sure that they were stocked up on essentials and fueled up. Ben had been studying the maps and coordinates that Leia had left them in silence as Rey watched him. He looked so focused, almost to the point where she thought he was wandering off somewhere else.

“What are you thinking about?” Rey spoke up, bringing Ben out of his concentrated trance.

“Oh...” he looked back up at her. “I was just trying to figure out where to start. I’m honestly not sure, and there weren’t any real instructions left. I just...” he sighed. “All of this, just to learn about my ancestry? I don’t get it...I feel like there was something that she wasn’t telling us...me...”

“What do you mean...?”

“I don’t know, honestly.” Ben leaned his head back against the bed. “Over the last day or two I’ve felt like...I don’t know. Like something is off.”

“...In the force?”

“Yes," Ben sat up quickly and looked at Rey. “...You felt it too?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure was it was. It’s a very small tug, barely noticeable.”

“Ah, so I’m not going crazy...” Ben sighed.

“...Is it something that we should worry about?”

Ben glanced at Rey. She had that look on her face that stayed strong, but he could see the worry in her eyes. What should he say? He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling. The last thing Ben wanted was for Rey to worry. She was finally able to smile. She was finally able to take some control of her night terrors, and he didn’t want her to be afraid again. Not this soon, anyway. 

Ben looked back down at one of the holo-maps he had left open. “I think it’s a shift in our energies right now. A lot is about to happen...big changes can alter how we feel and all. Are you okay...?”

“Well, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I was a bit nervous considering what we had just gone through...”

“I know how you feel...”

“But...” Rey inched closer to Ben and gently rested her hand atop his. “I know that this is what we’re supposed to do. I trust Leia and her words.”

“There’s a lot of unrest in the galaxy right now...” Ben spoke softly. “The First Order fell, and governments are trying to piece things back together. It might be tougher out there than we initially thought, Rey. In a way, we have kind of been off the grid for nearly two weeks, so getting back out there might be a little intimidating at first.”

“Intimidating?” Rey gave him a haughty grin. “Nonsense.”

Ben smirked, followed by a soft laugh. “Alright, so long as you’re still up for this.”

Ben paused for a moment before wrapping his arms around Rey’s body, pulling her close to him again. Rey felt her cheeks flush as she felt the warmth of his body against hers.

“You don’t have to come with me, you know...” Ben whispered softly. “You could go wherever your heart pleases. You can live an easy life somewhere lush and green. My family’s past is not your burden to bear.”

Rey stayed in Ben’s arms for a silent moment before speaking up again.

“...Do you really want that, Ben?”

“You know what my answer will be,” Ben whispered softly before placing a tender kiss on her temple. “But I also realize that I’ve been really selfish with you...”

“Ben...”

“I want...I want you to choose. Not because of what I want, or what Luke wanted, or even what my mother wanted. I want you to choose what you want for your life, Rey.” He sighed softly into her hair. “This isn’t going to be an easy journey. I feel like...like something hasn’t quite settled. I didn’t want to worry you or anything but...I feel like the galaxy is in a vulnerable state right now. There are a lot of negative emotions, disagreements...even governments are falling apart. I don’t know what we’re walking into, and if I can’t...” Ben let out a shaky exhale. “If I can’t protect you from it all...I don’t...”

“Stop,” Rey softly pushed back from Ben, enough to where she could meet his gaze. “I told you already...over and over...”

“I know...”

“We’ll never be apart again...”

“Rey...”

“No...” Rey softly took Ben’s face in her hands and Ben pressed his forehead against hers lovingly, basking in her warmth once more.

“I realize that I fell into all of this out of nowhere,” Rey spoke softly. “My involvement with the war, your family, and my force-sensitive abilities...but it wasn’t an accident, Ben. You and I are...” Rey took Ben’s hands, immediately lacing her fingers with his. “...a dyad in the force, as you said.”

Rey smiled softly as Ben laced his fingers tightly through hers.

“I’m not just doing this because it’s destiny, or whatever...I’m doing it because I want to be at your side. We were meant to be with each other...always.” She whispered. “I love you, you big idiot...”

Ben laughed softly, trying not to overwhelm both of them with his tender emotions.

“Rey...my starlight...” Ben pressed his lips softly against her forehead. “My moon, my stars...”

“Ben...” Rey laughed softly, feeling her face flush again.

“My sun...”

“I’m not leaving you alone again...” Rey whispered. “This is not up for argument.”

Rey’s words echoed in Ben’s head—the words she had told him back on Exegol when he told her to leave him behind. She refused. She really was amazing and wonderful and she deserved everything that was good in the galaxy.

“Starlight...” Ben continued to whisper. He kissed her face tenderly, trailing soft kisses down her cheek.

“When this is all over...” Rey closed her eyes as Ben continued to kiss her face. “We both will live somewhere green, and we’ll live easy lives. We’ll watch the stars together...”

“Together...” Ben whispered tenderly before pressing his lips against Rey’s.

His lips were soft and warm. His energy was so tender, yet raw with emotion yet again. Rey gave into his mouth, as it was so easy to get lost with him, caught up in their own emotions. They were more than just a comfort to one another. They were lifelines. They were bound by the force, by destiny, but also by love. They had been star-crossed this entire time, and nothing was going to come between them ever again.

Ben deepened their kiss, and Rey pulled him in further. It had been such a wonderful day. She felt so light after getting everything off of her chest to her friends. Ben’s smile and reassurance made her even happier. Even now he was only wanting what was best for her, but she also knew that he couldn’t hide his true feelings for her.

“Tell me...” she whispered softly against his lips before he came in for another kiss.

“Tell you what, starlight...?” he murmured.

“Where do you really want me...?”

“...With me. Only with me. Always.”

“There it is...” Rey smiled softly as he kissed her again. “Tell me...”

“I love you...”

“Again...”

“I love you.”

“Ben..."

“We’ll never be apart again,” Ben whispered softly, his mouth lingering over hers. “Because you are mine.”

Their mouths collided, roughly taking in each hot and sultry kiss. It didn’t take long for clothes to start coming off again as they desperately continued to take in each kiss. Ben began to touch every part of her, kissing and loving on her, wanting only to feel her body against his. He gently scooped her up and laid her down on the bed before climbing carefully over her. She pulled him back in, hungry for his lips again. He wanted to keep touching her body. He wanted to feel every part of her. His body ached for her, his entire being wanted more.

He kept kissing her as he slid his hand below her belly. Rey gasped softly as Ben pushed two fingers into her, stroking her insides as she squirmed beneath him.

Ben felt him getting harder by the second. She felt so good on his fingers.

He pushed his fingers in further, feeling her clench up around him as she let out another soft sigh.

“Starlight...” Ben whispered softly. “I want to taste you...”

“What...?” Rey trembled softly as Ben began to trail kisses down her cheek.

Ben continued to trail kisses down her neck, and then her chest, even down her stomach. Rey watched him as he moved lower, her body trembling as he kept his lips on her skin.

“Just a little taste, alright starlight?” Ben gently pulled Rey’s legs open wider as he dipped down.

“Be..n..." Rey slid her hands over her mouth to stifle a gasp. Ben was helping himself to her, tasting her essence as she writhed.

She had never expected something like this to be done to her, but it felt amazing. She was extremely sensitive to his tongue, however, and found it very difficult to remain quiet. Rey squirmed as he continued to feed on her, but he held her still as he kept his massive hands firmly planted on her thighs. She put her hands to her mouth as she felt Ben’s tongue enter inside of her, trying not to moan aloud. They were already being far too risky, but it had all been so worth it.

Ben pulled back, and Rey watched as he softly wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His lips still glistened with her essence, and he looked even hungrier than before.

One look at him and Rey felt this fierce, yet attractive energy. She wanted him so badly. It was as if she couldn’t get enough of him lately. She wanted more of him. She wanted to drink him down.

“Ben...” Rey sighed aloud as Ben quickly made his way back on top of her.

She latched onto him, grabbing at his back as he roughly thrust into her. Rey bit her bottom lip as he continued to mercilessly claim her. She smirked as she took in all of his hot and desperate little moans and heavy breaths. She knew how good she felt to him. How badly he always wanted her...

He felt her nails scraping down his skin again, but with much more ferocity behind it than before. It stung slightly, but it felt too good to ask her to quit. He knew he was pleasing her the way she wanted, and he felt good doing it. He continued to fuck her at a steady pace as she let out soft sighs while desperately holding onto his back. She pulled him in as he continued to love her, and latched her mouth roughly onto his neck. He groaned softly as Rey began to bite him less than gently.

He started to realize that he liked it when she started biting him and scratching him up; maybe more than he would like to admit, but still. He loved her sweet and tender side. It was so beautiful that sometimes his heart couldn’t take it. But he was always brought back to her feral side. Her commanding nature and ferocity always seemed to send him over the edge. Her dark side...

He knew he probably shouldn’t think of it in that way, but it was the only best way he could describe it.

He loved it...

He craved it.

Rey shifted, biting down on a different part of Ben’s neck as he continued to roughly take her.

“Feral little thing...” he whispered sharply as he basked in another moment of bliss when she bit down on his skin. “You’re going to eat me whole...”

“Maybe...” Rey murmured into his skin. “Your skin just tastes so good...”

“Fu...ck...” Ben hissed aloud as Rey planted another love bite onto him.

Ben began to pick up his pace, thrusting faster as Rey held onto him, her fingernails digging into Ben’s skin again, desperately scraping against him as he took her. He began to throb as he hit her deep. She felt so good when she began to tense up around him. He continued to grind into her as she let out little moans that were now not so quiet.

His little wildfire.

She was too much for his body to handle.

He watched as she let out a silent gasp, feeling her insides pulsating against him, and he couldn’t hang on any longer. He pushed into her one last time and released himself hotly inside of her, draining any energy he had left from that day.

He rolled off of her and collapsed beside her as they both attempted to catch their breath.

Rey turned her head to him and gave him a playful look.

“What?” Ben huffed, still trying to find his bearings.

“Someone likes biting.” Rey giggled softly. "Are you a masochist or something?"

Ben felt his face heat up once again at her comment. “How do you even know what that means?”

“I looked it up.”

“You’ve been doing a lot of dirty reading I see...”

“It’s not dirty reading! It’s helpful information.”

“Helpful information, huh?”

“You seem to like the pain though.”

“...Maybe a little from you. Like when you stabbed me on Exegol.” Ben smirked.

“Oh, shut-up!” Rey gave him a swift punch in the shoulder. “That’s not a nice memory...”

“I know, I’m sorry.” Ben laughed softly. “But up until then, it was pretty fucking hot...I kind of like seeing you act all fierce and kind of crazy.”

“Now you’re just teasing me...”

“Not at all,” Ben whispered as he wrapped his arms around Rey’s body and pulled her in closer. “My little burning sun...”

“Stop...” Rey tried to stifle a laugh as Ben gently kissed her cheek.

“Burning ferocity...setting my heart ablaze....”

“...Did you just come up with that?”

“I did.”

"Cheesy."

"Oh?" Ben laughed softly and pulled her in closer, putting his lips to her ear. "Hey, if you like that I can come up with some more...” Ben whispered as he kissed the corner of her mouth. 

Rey felt her skin heat up as Ben began to run his hands down her back again. He was so warm. 

“Okay...!" Rey blushed. "We still have a lot to do and need to fit in some actual sleep time.” she gently pushed back from Ben.

“But what’s another quick one?” Ben pulled Rey back into him.

“That stamina...how??”

“Well, maybe not an entire round. A quick one maybe...”

“That _was_ a quick one! And again, how?”

“You just make me crazy...” he whispered in a sultry manner, making Rey blush.

“You...!” she put a hand to his face and pushed him away. “You’re going to end up fathering a child if we keep this up, you know.”

“Okay, you’re right.” Ben rolled over and groaned as he sat up. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been starved of my starlight for most of the week.” He glanced back at her as she sat up.

“Oh, come off it. It’s only been a few days...” Rey laughed, though she felt she wasn’t one to talk, as she had felt the same way about his absence over the past few nights.

“You can’t fool me,” Ben smirked. “You were very quick to jump me tonight. Even before dinner!”

“Okay, you know what...?” Rey stumbled over her words.

“Hey, no need to get defensive. I honestly feel very special. The fact that I was put before food speaks volumes.” He playfully winked at her before climbing out of the bed.

Rey watched as he grabbed their clothes that were strewn about. His back muscles looked so good. His backside too...hell, his entire body looked amazing.

Rey had to scold herself again.

They couldn’t just lay around screwing all night when there were other matters to tend to before they left Ajan Kloss the following day.

“Hey...”

Rey blinked, snapping out of her thoughts as she stared back at Ben, who had been holding her clothes out to her.

“Are you alright?” Ben smiled smugly.

“You...!” Rey snatched her clothes out of his hands and pushed him away, embarrassed as ever. “S-stay out of my head!”

Ben only laughed as he pulled his shirt over his head.

* * *

The rest of the night wasn’t too taxing. The final preparations were done, and it was just a matter of double-checking everything on the falcon. Ben was still amazed that his father’s old ship still managed to get around the galaxy the way it did, and sometimes wondered how much longer it had to go. A new ship would be costly, but probably worth it in the long run--but that was something that would need to be discussed at a later date.

They did a final walk-through and made sure nobody else was set to stop in before closing up. They got into bed for the night and cuddled up to one another.

“Okay, so BB-8?”

“If that’s the droid you want to take along.”

“What about 3-PO?”

“Ugh...”

“What? Ben, he really could be useful!”

“He’s just so...3-PO...”

“I know. Believe me...” Rey rested her head gently on Ben’s chest as he held her close to him. “But he really is good to have around.”

“I honestly think the little BB astromech is enough...” Ben ran a hand gently through Rey’s hair. “You’re worried about them, aren’t you?”

“What?”

“You’re so sweet...” Ben chuckled softly.

Rey only blushed. “You tease me a lot, you know.”

“Only out of love.” Ben grinned.

“Alright then.” Rey chuckled and closed her eyes. “I’m tired...”

“Get some sleep, starlight...”

* * *

_“We’ll never be apart again...”_

_You cannot run from this._

_“This is not up for argument.”_

_You can run all over the galaxy, but I will always find you, Ben Solo._

_“We’ll watch the stars together...”_

_You will spend your life constantly running from me; all of those voices in your head._

_"I-I can't see! It's so dark...! Help! Help me, uncle Luke! Please!! Mom! Dad! Please!! I can't...I can't...!"_

_You still have darkness in you, Ben Solo. Do you really think you can escape your past? Your misdeeds? The Skywalker blood still rages throughout your body. The blood of a cursed family name. You can never run from who you really are, Ben Solo._

_Or should I say..._

_Kylo Ren._

* * *

Ben gasped sharply for air as his eyes shot open. He immediately sat up as he felt his heart pounding wildly, his skin clammy as he broke out into a cold sweat. He glanced down at his hands. The tremors were back full force.

“Fuck....fuck!!” Ben swore under his breath.

He felt his chest heaving rapidly. He desperately needed to get his mind under control and quickly. He closed his eyes and tried to focus. He would be lying to himself if he said he wasn’t completely terrified. His mind was just so full of darkness in his dream, and he could hear Snoke’s voice loud and clear as it echoed throughout his head. He couldn’t hear him anymore, thank the Maker, but that nightmare was far too realistic, even for him.

Ben attempted to steady his breathing, taking the same measures he taught Rey. He centered himself and took short breaths through his nose and out his mouth. Short breaths were the only thing he could manage at the moment, as he was still technically on the verge of a major panic attack, but it was better than the alternative. Ben gripped the blanket tightly as his breathing began to space out a little better.

“Don’t think about him...don’t think about him...find your center...” Ben whispered to himself. “It’s not real...”

Ben quickly glanced over at Rey. She was still lying next to him, sleeping soundly as ever. Ben exhaled slowly.

Rey was safe. She was still next to him. They were okay.

He was okay.

Ben took another deep breath in and slowly let it out. His hands were calming down a little bit. It was working.

After a few moments of his repetitive exercise, he was able to finally come down from his panic attack enough to at least think straight. He glanced back over at Rey, who remained fast asleep. He was glad. The last thing he wanted was for her to witness him freaking out like that. He had finally got her to stop worrying about him, and he had felt the best he had ever felt in a long time, and then tonight of all nights Snoke shows up in his dreams.... his nightmares.

It was a triggered reaction. Ben had constantly heard Snoke lingering in his head since childhood, whispering horrible things, and taking control of his thoughts. When Snoke was finally killed, it took a while for Ben to get used to the silence in his head, but sometimes he swore that he still heard it, especially when he slept.

He kept his gaze on Rey.

At least she was safe. That was all he cared about. He just wanted her to be happy, healthy, and safe. He reached out and touched her, stroking her cheek softly with his thumb. She still didn’t stir—she really had been tired.

Ben leaned down and kissed her on her softly on the temple.

He sighed before getting up out of the bed and pulling on his shirt and boots. He exited the room as quietly as possible. There was no way he could go back to sleep after a night-terror like that. He needed some air.

Ben made his way down the corridor to the door, where he hit the button to open the door and let down the ramp. As he walked down the ramp he jolted, nearly jumping back a few feet. Someone had been standing right outside the ship.

“Oh crap! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you!”

Ben put a hand to his chest and exhaled sharply, trying to find his bearings. Of course, he would be jumpy after that damn nightmare. He glanced down the ramp as he regained his cool. Rose was standing there all by herself; and in the dark no less. 

“It’s fine....” he sighed.

“I’m sorry...!” Rose winced.

“What are you doing out here? And at this time of night?” Ben walked down the ramp to meet her, towering over her as usual.

“Uh, I could be asking you the same question.” Rose poked Ben in the chest with her finger.

“That’s fair...” Ben sighed. “If you really are interested in that sort of thing...I, um...couldn’t sleep...”

“Well, that makes two of us.” Rose let out a soft laugh.

“Oh...?”

“Yeah...just thinking about too many things, I guess. I was going to try and be sneaky play a few games on the holo-gaming table while you two, er...slept.” Rose gave him a look, causing Ben to blush.

“I-I don’t know what you’re implying but—”

Rose only rolled her eyes. “I’m not stupid. But it’s also none of my business so...” she shrugged.

“Well, feel free to game away.” Ben looked back towards Falcon’s entrance. “If you need to take your mind off of something, that thing usually helps.”

“So why aren’t you playing on it then?”

“Because I’ve mastered every single game on there as a kid so it’s pointless now.” Ben let out a soft laugh, which was nice to see.

“Ah, I see.” Rose grinned. “...So... what’s really wrong with you then?”

“What do you mean...?

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost a few moments ago. And I swear you jumped back like five feet when you saw me...everything okay?”

“Yeah...” Ben glanced off to the side for a moment before bringing his attention back to Rose. “...No.”

“Hm, thought so. Do you...wanna talk about it?” Rose looked up at him with sincerity in her voice.

“I... you don’t want to hear about any of that....” Ben muttered.

“Try me.” Rose crossed her arms over her chest. “Though I won’t force you either.”

“...Don't take this the wrong way or anything...but remember when I said it's hard to talk about my problems...or express myself properly? I don’t normally talk about my problems with people. It was hard enough spilling myself to Rey...no offense.”

“Hey, none taken. I get it.” Rose put her hands up and nodded. “But if you can’t sleep, do you want to play a few holo-games with me...? I need a distraction.” She sighed.

Ben paused for a moment. Was someone else actually requesting his company?

He wasn’t used to this, but even so...it was a nice feeling.

“...Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Not a whole lot of notes for this chapter. Been a busy week for me, and I am worn the hell out. My agoraphobia has been bad lately, so going on has been an even bigger chore than usual and leaves my tired af...plus I've been in and out of the doctor's office for additional health crap, but I'm working with it. Despite the hectic week, I'm glad I got out bc it's good for me and all that jazz lol.
> 
> Twelve chapters in and we are finally getting off of Ajan Kloss (FINALLY) and about to move the plot along further. I struggled so hard to finish this chapter and actually ended it on a way different note than initially planned, but I like it so much better. :) I know the spicy scenes were in abundance this chapter, but that was purely self-indulgent so yeah, enjoy that haha. I actually upped the rating from M to E just because I realized that I have been writing more smut content and it's been slightly more descriptive, so I just wanted to be safe I guess, haha. 
> 
> I can't believe it's already been almost a year since I started this story...almost a year since that abomination of an ending (RIP)...I kind of feel like I should have had way more chapters out by now, but it really has been a shit year, not just for me, but for a lot of people. I'm hoping this coming year is better, and my goal is to write more! So I'm hoping I can do just that. <3
> 
> As always, a huge thank you to all of you guys who continue to read this story and support it! From all of you who have been here since the very beginning to you newcomers--thank you, from the bottom of my heart! <3
> 
> If you want to drop me a tip (not obligated obviously), my ko-fi is cosmicblue! :) I hope you continue to enjoy my work. <3


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